by S. J. McGran
We don’t shout. We don’t yell. We don’t even vocalize our releases. We simply hold each other tighter. Move a little closer. Tell the other with our eyes how damn good that felt.
Collapsing backward, Riley pulls me with her, crushing my body to hers.
“Don’t ever leave me again, Kit. I can’t do again. I need you so fucking much,” I murmur against her damp skin.
“I only left because I was afraid it was too much for you. Too much stress, too much pressure. You deserve someone with less baggage, Rico. I bring so much chaos to your life.”
Sliding out of her I move to her side pulling her with me. I need to see her. I need to know where her head is, and I need her see me. I need her to know that I can handle whatever life throws at us—as long as I have her.
“Baby, you are worth it. All of it. I’d fight anything for you. Always.”
She smiles at me reverently and I know at that moment we’re going to be okay. She tucks her head against my shoulder and places soft kisses on my bare skin. With my arms wrapped around her, holding her to me, tightly I whisper the lyrics to an At Anchor song for her. Knowing if my words aren’t enough, aren’t clear enough or strong enough these will be.
“You shield these stones thrown against me. You shield these stones. You make the best of me.”
“I love you so much, Rico Jones. You’re the best part of me, too.”
Epilogue, Part 1
Rico
February 2015
“Hello, my name is Rico Jones.” Standing from my chair I start the typical salutation, one I’ve become familiar with after so many years of attending meetings. “I am an addict, and this will be my last meeting. At least from these seats. Next time you see me I’ll be leading your meeting.” The room lets out a soft laugh.
I’ve finally followed through, finally done what Riley always believed I could do. I’m going to be a leader. I’m going to start running AA and NA meetings. Me. Riley kept pushing me to believe in myself, and now I finally do. I finally see what she’s always seen in me.
“You see I’ve finally found a drug that trumps all other drugs. This drug gives me the highest high. It takes away the pain and allows me to finally feel instead of being numb.”
Smiling I pause my well thought out speech. Taking a moment to look around at the people in the room. I recognize several of the faces in the room—I might even call a few of them friends. But, there are many new faces here, as well. I can only hope every person in this room can find strength in someone like Riley. Can find a reason to keep living. To stay sober.
“Her name is Riley and she’s the only drug I’ll ever need. I love her more than any drug I’ve ever had or could ever have. So, tonight I want to thank you for your help and your support, but I’ve got to go. My girl is waiting for me out there,” I nod toward the front door. “And, the ring in my pocket is damn near burning a hole in it.”
The room erupts in cheers and I can’t help but laugh. I’ve never felt this much. I’ve never been this happy. Sometimes I have a hard time reminding myself that I deserve this, but that’s what I have Riley for. She grounds me. Completes me.
With a final wave to the group that has helped get me where I am today, I make my way down the aisle, knowing I’ll always carry this part of my life with me, but I’m finally ready to move on.
The cold winter air hits me in the face as I push my way through the church doors and for a second I panic. What if I’m not ready to stop going to meetings? What if I’m not totally ready to move on?
“You ready, babe?” Looking up I get lost in those damn greenish-brown eyes of hers and I know right then and there that I’m going to be okay. As long as I have this girl, I’m going to be okay.
A smile crawls across my face uninhibited. Happiness is still not a feeling I’m completely comfortable with, but it’s growing on me. Wrapping my arm around Riley’s shoulders, I guide her towards the car. “More than ready, Kit. Let’s go watch our friends get married.”
She smiles at me again and I swear there is nothing that smile couldn’t fix. Opening her door for her I lean down and snatch her lips in a quick kiss. “Thank you.”
Her brow crinkles in the most adorable way, but her smile is still firmly on her lips. “For what?”
“For believing in me.”
“I’ll never stop.” Pushing up on her high-heeled covered toes she seals her lips over mine in a much deeper kiss than the one I just planted on her, and again I’m overwhelmed with the feeling that everything is going to be okay. “I love you, Rico Jones.”
“Love you, too, Kit.”
***
Angelica and Ryan’s wedding is exactly what I expected it to be. Elegant. Extravagant. Angelica may have changed since meeting Ryan, she might be more real, more down to earth, more humble, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t the same old Ang.
Walking into the historic church I hear Riley gasp. The church is old and beautiful. The floors, walls, and pillars are all marble. Stained glass windows let in the perfect amount of light. The altar is situated several steps up and is decorated with white and purple flowers. The same flowers are strategically placed on the edge of each pew.
“Oh my gosh, it’s so beautiful.”
Gripping Riley’s hand in mine tightly I pull her towards our seats in the front row. Ryan and Angelica opted to have just their best man and maid of honor stand next to them today, so Jared, Riley, and I are sitting in the front row with the rest of Angelica’s family.
Looking over at the right side of the church I notice its front row is filled with a bunch of guys I recognize as some of Ryan’s former fraternity brothers. It bothers me a little that he has such an estranged relationship with his father. I know Ang has been bugging him to invite his dad but if he did he didn’t show.
But, when I look up to the front of the church Ryan is standing there with his long time best friend Drew and he looks like the happiest man I’ve ever seen. His father may not have shown up today, but to him it doesn’t matter because he gets to marry the girl of his dreams.
The chatter quiets as soon as the music starts and collectively the entire congregation turns to watch Angelica’s mom walk down the aisle carrying a sleeping Chase in her arms. She’s followed by Zhoe, who looks stunning in a dark purple, floor length dress that accentuates her growing stomach.
“Fuck,” Jared breathes out next to me.
“Dude, you can’t cuss in church,” I whisper back with a smile on my face.
He looks at me like I’m absolutely insane before telling me exactly what I expected him to say, “I haven’t seen her all day, man. She’s looks… damn, she looks beautiful.”
I just pat him on the arm before turning my back to him to watch his girl make her way down the rest of the aisle. Zhoe always looks beautiful, but he’s right she looks stunning tonight. Pregnancy looks good on her.
Just then the music changes and we all stand-up. Angelica and her father come around the corner and I swear every female in the crowd gasps. She looks amazing. Her big white dress flows around her body perfectly, her long blonde hair is piled on top of her head elegantly, and she carries a large bouquet of matching white and purple flowers. At least I’m sure those are the things the rest of the congregation is paying attention to.
What I see is my beautiful friend, the girl who helped me when no one else did. The girl with the smile so huge and tears running down her face as she makes her way to the man she was destined to be with. Giving Angelica up was easier than I ever imagined it would be. Once I found the girl standing next to me, that is.
Riley is my Ryan. My Zhoe. She’s the one. The only one.
I’m so damn happy for my friends—Angelica and Jared—but I’m slightly jealous, too. I can’t wait to marry my girl. I can’t wait to be the guy watching his girl walk down the aisle in her white dress, the guy that gets to promise forever to the woman he loves.
When Angelica’s father gives her away, we all take our seats. Riley looks
over at me with love in her eyes and tears on cheeks, but it’s the smile on her face and the way she leans her head onto my shoulder that really does me in. Sticking my hand in my pocket I grip the small, black box I’ve been carrying around for the last week like it’s my lifeline, and in some ways it is.
Tonight’s the night. Tonight Riley will finally, officially become mine.
***
Epilogue, Part 2
Riley
The wedding ceremony was gorgeous. The church was packed with friends and family there to support Angelica and Ryan as they made promises of forever. I was slightly surprised when they opted for traditional wedding vows instead of writing their own, but then I realized they’ve already said everything they needed to say to each other. Today was about the future, about love, about life and the traditional wedding vows promised all of that for them.
The reception is even more beautiful. The country club her father belongs to is decorated so elegantly. The tables have coordinating centerpieces full of flowers and candles in different shades of whites and purples. The lighting is turned low and with the help of the sunset peeking through the floor-to-ceiling windows the mood is romantic.
Rico grabs my hand and leads us to our table. All day he’s been attentive and sweet. I don’t think he’s gone more than a minute or two without touching me, or kissing me. And they say wedding’s only affect women. Pssh, this man is totally feeling the love today.
Pulling out my chair for me, I take a seat as he pushes me in. He places a sweet kiss in my hair before taking his seat on my right. “Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight, Kit?”
He has about a hundred times, but I never tire of hearing it. “No, I don’t think you have.”
He mock gasps looking appalled. “What kind of boyfriend am I?”
Leaning over I give him a kiss. “You’re the best boyfriend, babe, don’t worry.”
After dinner, the lovely bride and groom take their place on the dance floor. Both of them looking happy and lovesick, and fucking beautiful. Seriously, is there a more perfect looking couple than Ryan and Angelica? They look like they just walked off the pages of a magazine.
The waterworks really start when Angelica’s mom carries Chase out to the happy couple. Ryan takes his son in one arm before wrapping his free hand around his wife and I swear the love is a tangible thing. Envy and jealousy and happiness course through me.
I want that. I want someone to love me as much as Ryan loves Angelica. I want a family.
“Come with me, Kit.” Rico’s warm breath teases my ear giving me goose bumps. Turning in my seat I see him standing there with his jacket already on and holding mine open for me. Without a second of hesitation, I stand and allow Rico to wrap me in my coat.
With his arm around my waist, he leads me from the hall to the back patio. A sense of peace washes over me as the music from the reception quiets once we’re outside. He guides me over to a gazebo wrapped in white lights and gauze. I should be cold from the February weather, and the light snow falling around us, but I’m finding it impossible to feel anything but contentment. Especially when Rico’s strong arms curl around me, tucking me into his side as we sit side by side on the cold wooden bench.
With my head tucked into Rico’s chest and his arms holding me tightly I let out a dreamy sigh. “This is nice.”
Soft lips graze my forehead “I love you so much.” He kisses his way down my cheek and jaw, placing a few gentle caresses on my lips before getting down on his knees in front of me. Grabbing my hands in his he looks into my eyes for a long moment and time completely stops for me.
I feel the wet, cold snow land on my nose. I can hear the faint noises of the music and laughter from inside. But, all of those things pale in comparison to the beautiful man that holds my heart, kneeling before me. His warm chocolate eyes are telling me without words how much I mean to him.
“Before I met you I was afraid to feel. I sought out ways to be numb, to block it all out, to forget. But, since I’ve met you all I’ve wanted to do is feel. You make me feel higher than any drug ever has. You make me feel free, invincible. But, more importantly you make me feel loved and worthy.”
Tears fall freely from my eyes as I watch him pull a small, black box from his pocket. He looks down at it for a moment but doesn’t open it. Bringing his gaze back up to mine I suck in a sharp breath at the tears in his eyes threatening to spill over.
Leaning into my lips he whispers against them, “Don’t you see, Kit? You’re the best part of me. You’re my everything. And all I want to do for the rest of my life is make you feel as loved and as happy as you make me feel.”
“You do. You make me feel that way every single day.” I manage to choke out a few words around the emotion fighting to pull me under. The emotions he seeks to bring out in me are already there, in abundance. I don’t know that I could ever be happier than in this moment. I don’t know that anyone could ever make me feel more loved, more appreciated, more cherished than this man.
Opening the box he looks me deep in my eyes, and I swear it takes absolutely no effort to keep my gaze focused on him and not the diamond ring sparkling in his palm. He is the only thing I want. The only thing I see. The only thing I need.
Except the next words he speaks, I need those. Want them more than I’ve ever wanted anything in my life.
“Marry me, Kit baby? Let me love you and protect you and cherish you until the end of time?”
“Yes.” One word. That’s all that’s needed to prove to him how much he’s loved.
He drops the black box with the ring to the ground when he reaches up to cup my face. He holds me there for a moment, his eyes locked onto mine. Then he leans forward and kisses me so completely, so deeply, so passionately even I forget about the ring lying on the snowy ground.
The love of my life walked into my office one day a year ago and flipped my world upside down. It’s been the best ride of my life, and it’s only just beginning.
The End
Be sure to turn the page for a bonus scene.
Bonus Scene
Rico
Three Years Later, June 2018
“Well, boys. I’d say we’ve done pretty damn good for ourselves,” Jared announces as we survey the wreckage in Ryan’s backyard. Ryan and I laugh at his remark, but we’d be hard pressed to argue with him.
We’re all gathered at Ang and Ryan’s house to celebrate Chase’s fourth birthday. It’s hard to believe the first of three kids in our small group is already four. He’s the oldest of the clan with Jared and Zhoe’s twins–Cole and Allie–not too far behind; they’ll be three in September.
I laugh to myself remembering how shocked Jared was to find out they were having twins. Apparently, Baby B was hiding behind Baby A in the first ultrasound. They went to find out the sex and at the same time found out they weren’t only having a baby girl, but a baby boy, too. They’ve since decided two babies is enough and aren’t planning on having anymore.
Watching Cole run through the backyard screaming as their dog, Votto—yep, the same dog Jared bought Zhoe after she refused to sleep with him—chases him down and I don’t really blame them. That kid’s crazy. Adorable, but crazy.
The guys and I are finally done manning the grill, our growing clan fed and content, for the time being anyway. Kicking my feet up on the railing in front of me I take a long pull of my cold beer and glance around appreciatively, searching out my wife.
My wife. Even after nearly three years I never tire of calling her my wife. Riley and I married quickly after I proposed, both of us ready to start our life together. We had a small wedding with just our closest friends and family present.
I can still picture just how fucking beautiful she looked walking down that aisle. Her expressive eyes pinning me in place the second she rounded the corner. I didn’t need the pastor to tie us together, I didn’t need the vows we wrote for the other. Her eyes told me everything I’d ever need to know.
I’m a lucky,
lucky man.
“Chase Allen,” Angelica’s voice echoes through the yard, “You better not even think of putting that in your mouth.” We watch on as Chase does exactly what he was told not to and puts one of the dog’s toys in his mouth.
Ryan simply shakes his head and says, “He is his mother’s child. Never does what he’s told.”
Angelica is halfway across the yard but in true motherly fashion she hears everything. Removing her glare from her son, she pins Ryan with it. “I heard that.”
“You know I love you and your stubborn attitude, Duchess,” Ryan says before taking a long pull of his beer. He’s well aware he’ll pay for that comment later, but this is what they do—they goad until they fight. I have to wonder just how good—and how often—the makeup sex is for those two.
“Uncie Rico,” a high-pitched squeal sounds from across the yard. Looking up I find a blur of dark-haired pigtails barreling in my direction. When Allie gets close enough, I scoop her into the air, loving the giggle she lets out before placing her on my lap.
“How’s my favorite girl?” I ask with my face buried in her hair.
I never thought a girl could wrap me around her finger more than Riley already had, but damn was I wrong. The second that sweet little girl smiled at me for the first time I was done. I try not to play favorites with my surrogate nieces and nephews, but it’s impossible not to when it comes to Allie.
Riley saunters up behind her and places her hands on her hips. “Hey, I thought I was your favorite girl?”
“Sowwy, Aunt Kit,” Allie starts, and I smile at the use of her nickname. Chase heard me call her that one day and it’s stuck ever since. All three of the kids call her Aunt Kit, and it makes me smile every time they do. Especially when I think of her having to explain to them when they get older exactly why I call her that. I can already picture her cute blush.