“Indi,” he says. At least he’s trying to be cheerful.
Dora moves behind me quietly.
“I spoke to the doctor, broken ribs and a concussion. How are you feeling?” I ask.
He tries to laugh it off, but the pain passes through his face. “Chill out, I’m fine. Maybe a little bruised, that’s all,” he adds like it’s not a big deal at all.
Dora moves a chair in front of his bed.
“You’re not just bruised. This is really serious, Oliver. The doctor wants to keep you here for a few days.”
“I should be out tomorrow. I’ll take it easy and then kick Russell’s arse. He was out of line.”
“He was, but Russell can wait. There is no way you’ll be out tomorrow,” I insist.
We argue about this for several minutes before the nurse walks in to check on him. Oliver looks completely exhausted, so Dora and I leave to let him rest a little.
“I can’t believe it. You’re in love with him,” states Dora as we wait outside for Jacob to give us a lift home.
“I was always in love with him, but I didn’t want to admit it, even when he was doing all those horrible things to me.” I sigh and get to the car before she can start this discussion. Fortunately for me, Dora doesn’t dwell on this subject. Maybe she is aware that Jacob can hear everything. We’ve never talked about our feelings and I want to keep it that way, and after all, Jacob is his best friend.
When we get home, I wonder if I should speak to Oliver’s mother. She deserves to know what’s happened, but I know how he would react if I mention it.
“Do you want a hot chocolate?” asks Dora, sitting by me on the sofa. Jacob is in the kitchen, probably trying to make supper from what we have left in the fridge.
A few hours later, Jacob serves us a tuna pasta salad and we all eat in silence. No one seems to be in the mood to do anything, so after supper, we all go to bed early, exhausted from the events of the day. I think it’s after one in the morning when I finally drift off to sleep. The nightmares from the party are back.
The next day, after a long morning of classes, I finally feel that I’ve done something productive. Dora agrees to meet me for lunch later on. I run to the canteen. Russell is sitting at his usual spot, alone, with a double portion of lunch.
I slam my bag to the floor and sit opposite him, eyeing him angrily.
“I can’t believe you’re such an arsehole. Oliver has broken ribs and a concussion!” I yell, not caring for the world that the whole canteen stopped eating and now everyone is staring at us.
Russell continues to chew his food, staring at me with his usual smirk. “I don’t know what you’re talking about, Gretel.”
I try to contain myself. Russell is still a friend—who betrayed me—and he obviously isn’t sorry about what happened to Oliver.
“You attacked him to make sure he wouldn’t get up. You weren’t only blocking him. Everyone saw it. Are you out of your mind?”
Russell gives me an angry look and pushes away his plate. His face moves closer to mine and for the first time, I really see his deep-green eyes.
“You will thank me later.”
My jaw drops. People start whispering around me. I can’t believe he just said that.
“Hey, India, it’s okay. Coach has already given him the talk. He’s been suspended and he won’t play through the whole semester,” says a voice behind me. It’s Jacob, and I can feel his hand on my arm.
My mind goes blank all of a sudden. Russell continues to eat his food, ignoring me.
“I hate you, Russell. I can’t believe you did this just because I chose him,” I say loudly and leave his table, following Jacob. My muscles feel numb and this whole situation feels like a surreal dream. I don’t understand what Russell meant when he said I should thank him. Oliver ended up in the hospital because of him, and I should be happy about that? I don’t think so.
I storm out of the canteen, feeling hopeless and drained. The rest of my day moves in slow motion. When I’m done with all my lectures, Dora gives me a lift to the hospital.
After seeing Oliver, my mood lifts. The colour on his cheeks came back, but he’s still in bed, looking bored and a little pissed off.
“Hey, how are you feeling today?”
“Fine, but that doc doesn’t want me out. He keeps saying they have to keep me in for observation.”
“I’m glad. They are right. You have a concussion,” I say, handing him his favourite tuna sandwich. That brings a smile to his face. I let him eat for a moment, not saying anything. Then we talk about my uneventful day, but I keep my confrontation with Russell to myself.
“Oliver, I know you already said no, but I think we should call your mother,” I say quietly. One look at his face tells me he isn’t happy I brought this up.
“India, why are you so adamant about making me talk to the woman? She never cared before, so how are you so sure she would care now?”
I hate lying to him. I hate that I can’t just go ahead and explain what’s gone on in the past. This whole plan of getting him and his mother together keeps failing.
“That part of our lives is over. If you fix your relationship with her, then our relationship will be stronger.”
Oliver looks at me intensely, like he can read everything on my mind.
“Don’t call her. I don’t think I can deal with her before I deal with Russell.”
“Maybe you don’t have to worry about Russell. Your coach gave him a talk and apparently he isn’t allowed to play for the whole semester.”
“Son of a bitch, good old Brown.” Oliver laughs.
I spend the rest of my evening trying to convince Oliver he has to stay in the hospital and follow doctor’s orders. Russell’s words are still in my mind when I leave later on. He hurt Oliver for me. Maybe Russell wanted to show me he was willing to risk his rugby career for me.
However, after a while, I realise this theory doesn’t make much sense. Russell was transferred and he had no idea what went on between Oliver and me back in the beginning of the first semester. Either way, he can’t possibly think I would leave Oliver for him.
Couple of days later, Oliver is discharged from the hospital. Dora moves in with Jacob for a couple of days, whereas I take charge of looking after Oliver.
“We’re finally alone,” he mutters, kissing me gently, when Dora shuts the door. Heat blazes through me.
“Yes, we are, but the doctor’s orders are clear. You are supposed to be resting,” I say, pushing him away. Since our date to the cinema, we haven’t had a chance to be together, and now he needs to be looked after, which means I have to keep my hands to myself.
“Come on, Indi, we have a lot of time to catch up. You drive me crazy and I don’t think I can wait any longer,” he says, wrapping his hands around my waist and pulling my body to his. My breath becomes shallow when I stare at Oliver’s bright-blue eyes. I’m lost as he kisses me for a long time, not caring about the fact that he was lying in a hospital bed a few hours earlier. Oliver doesn’t kiss like any other guy I’ve been with. His touch is like a heat wave, and I always want more. The air around us cracks with desire, and before we know it, we’re moving down to my bedroom, but by the door, Oliver makes a growling sound of pain, and I release him where I pressed my hands to his stomach, probably crushing his ribs.
“Maybe this isn’t such a good idea. You’re in pain,” I say, breathing heavily.
“I can deal with a little pain. Just keep your hands away from my stomach if you can help it.” He smirks.
“Oliver, this is silly. Okay, we both want this, but I think we should wait until you heal. We both want this to be special.”
Oliver curses under his breath. “You’re right. We should just chill. We’ll have plenty of sex once I’m back in form.”
He sounds annoyed, but once we both settle to watch a movie, we quickly forget about our heated moment. We’re both aware of the tension between us, but we try our best to ignore it.
Presen
t
Next week, Oliver feels better, and I’m used to having him in my apartment. He is banned from any exercise, so we spend most days watching films and trying to keep our hands off each other. People talk about us; there are rumours we moved in together. Russell gives me odd looks when I pass him in the corridor. I’m still angry over what happened.
When I check my phone, walking back from the library, I have several missed calls from an unknown number. I put my mobile back in my pocket, but then it vibrates again as I’m just about to walk into my apartment. Hesitating a moment. I answer.
“Hello? India speaking.”
“India, thank God I got through to you,” says Mrs. Morgan. I recognise her voice instantly. “I wasn’t sure if you saved my number.”
“Mrs. Morgan, hi, nice to hear from you,” I say, wondering if there is a reason she is calling now.
“Listen. India, I need to speak to my son. This is important.”
She sounds tense and on the verge of tears. My pulse starts racing. Mrs. Morgan can’t expect me to just make Oliver talk to her.
“Mrs. Morgan. I’m sorry, but I don’t think this is such a good idea. Oliver needs a little—”
“India, listen to me.” She cuts me off before I can finish my thought. “Oliver’s father is dead. He had a heart attack. He died last night in the hospital.”
Long silence stretches for several minutes. At first, I don’t really get what she just told me. Then her words slowly come back to me. Death… heart attack. I stop in front of my own door, holding the frame as the dizziness heats me.
“Oliver’s father? He is dead?” I repeat, just to make sure I heard her correctly.
“He visited someone here. I didn’t even know he was in town. Then I get this phone call from the hospital. Apparently, I was still listed as his next-of-kin. He died before I got there.”
Breath caches in my throat. Oliver is still in my apartment. I can hear him laughing with Dora. I’m the one that has to deliver the news to him. His relationship with his father has been even worse than with his mother, but I can’t imagine him not reacting over this terrible news.
“Oh my God, Mrs. Morgan, that’s terrible.”
“I’m organising the funeral in a couple of days. I know things have been difficult between me and my son, but I have to talk to him.”
“Mrs. Morgan… Caroline,” I say, taking a deep breath, “let me talk to Oliver. I’ll explain everything to him and we’ll be in Gargle as soon as we can.”
There is silence on the line. Mrs. Morgan knows she should leave this to me. Oliver made it clear he doesn’t want to talk to her.
“So my son hasn’t changed his mind?”
“I’m afraid, no, he didn’t, but I’ll convince him to come. It will be okay. I promise.”
I shouldn’t make promises like that, but Oliver now has to choose. He is part of the family and he has to at least pretend he is affected. He has forgiven me, so maybe he will be willing to forgive his own mother.
“Thank you, India. Let me know when you’ll be in Gargle,” says Mrs. Morgan, and we both hang up.
I lick my bottom lip, contemplating how Oliver will take this news. He was upset about Christian, and I was celebrating. This situation with his father, well, this is a different story. I never understood the reason both his parents favoured Christian. Oliver isolated himself out of his family, and as far back as I could remember, his father was always away from home.
I look at the door for more than a minute, playing the scenario over in my head. Oliver will know straightaway that something is wrong. I’m so rubbish with hiding my emotions.
When I enter the apartment, Dora is sitting with Jacob on the sofa, laughing about a comedy show. Oliver is sitting at my laptop. He smiles when he sees me. I don’t know what to do. Dora and Jacob are our friends, so I don’t think I can keep this away from them.
“Hey, India, come on. You gotta watch this. It’s hilarious!” says Dora, throwing her popcorn everywhere.
“Dora, can you switch off the TV? I have some news.”
She looks at me like I’m joking.
“Please, Dora.”
Jacob takes the remote control and the TV goes black. Three pairs of eyes turn to me now. God, I feel like a traitor. Oliver’s mother should have talked to him. It’s not my place to tell him, but I can’t get out of here now.
“I just had a phone call from your mum.”
He reacts like I expected.
“What? She called you? I can’t believe this!”
“Come on, bro, she is your mother. What’s wrong, India?” asks Jacob. He obviously has no idea what went on between Oliver and his mum.
“Listen to me, Oliver. She called to say that your father had a heart attack and he died in the hospital yesterday.”
Oliver sits back in the chair, looking at me blankly. Dora lets go of a small gasp and my heart starts pounding dangerously fast. This wasn’t how I was planning to do this, but now it’s too late. I have to support Oliver through this tragedy.
I walk over and sit by him. His eyes are wide, filled with confusion. I don’t know if I should say anything or not. Long, uncomfortable silence stretches for a few minutes.
“We will be in my room,” says Dora after a moment. I’m glad she leaves us alone. I still don’t know how he feels about this news. Is he glad, like I used to be, that his father is dead?
“I know you hated him, but I think we should go to the funeral. It will be easier for you to close that chapter in your life.” My voice is gentle.
Oliver gets up abruptly and paces around the room, running his hand through his hair.
“I’ve imagined this moment for so long, and I wondered how I’d feel hearing that I don’t have to think about my father anymore,” he says. “I should be relieved and glad, but I feel nothing, absolutely fucking nothing, just pure emptiness.”
I walk up to him, wanting to tell him that I get why he feels so empty. After the news about Christian’s death, I thought I was happy, but after some time, I felt empty, like he had taken away all my emotions and I was forced to grieve.
“We will get through this together. I promise I will be with you,” I whisper into his ear.
He cups my face in his palms and looks at me. “I don’t want to go back to Gargle, India.”
“I know it’s hard, but he was your father, despite how badly he treated you. It’s time for both of us to face the past.”
He probably wants to tell me he isn’t ready and that his mother doesn’t deserve to see him, but this isn’t the time for that. He has to say good-bye to his father, let go of the feelings. The Morgan family has been broken for so long, but this is the opportunity to fix everything. When I lost my Dad, I couldn’t function. Then Mum started drinking, and I felt so hopeless and lost. Maybe things could have been different between Christian and me if my father were alive. I probably would never have gone out with him in the first place.
Oliver shares some memories of his father with me. He feels anxious about going back to Gargle. It’s not like he can avoid his family after what’s happened.
Back in high school, Oliver was weak and in the shadow of his popular brother. In Braxton, he transformed, became a new, independent man with goals and aspirations. He doesn’t want to go back because people might recognise him. They might compare him to Christian.
That night, I fall asleep in Oliver’s arms. Later, in the middle of the night, he whispers into my ear that he will go back to Gargle. That trip will be a test of our relationship. That place will bring up everything Oliver escaped. He will have to make peace with his mother and accept his father’s death. Everything else can wait.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Funeral
Present
Next day, the four of us pack everything into Dora’s car and make the journey back to our hometown. Over two years ago, Oliver had sworn he would never come back to Gargle. Then he showed up unexpectedly during that New Year’s Eve party. He wan
ted to know why I came to visit his mother. Then we made peace, his bullying stopped, and now we are getting back together, as if the past no longer matters.
Last time, no one knew Oliver was back, but now it’s official. Other people will recognise him, judge him. Then they will spot me. The person that was the cause of all the drama and pain.
Oliver is quiet throughout the journey. Last night I called Mum to let her know that I was on my way back. She had heard the news, and after a lot of difficult conversation, she agreed for Oliver to stay with us. But she wants an explanation of why he isn’t staying with his own mother.
Mum knows only bits and bobs about the conflict in the Morgans’ household, but she has no idea what happened between Christian and me.
Three hours later, we drive through the town centre. I feel Oliver tensing next to me without saying a word. Dora drops us outside my house and asks me to let her know if any date has been set for the funeral.
“Are you sure your mother doesn’t mind? I can stay in the hotel,” he says, looking around.
“I spoke to her. She’s fine with this, but you have to go and see your mum. There is no point in waiting until tomorrow.”
“I told you I will as long as you’re with me.”
Mum runs across the path and hugs me. She is the spitting image of me, the same long, caramel hair and fair skin. When she finally notices Oliver, her eyes widen with amazement.
“My God, what a transformation. India was right when she said you changed,” she says.
“Good to see you too, Mrs. Gretel.”
My mother says she is really sorry for his loss. Oliver nods and we all go into the house. My little sister Josephine keeps staring at Oliver for several minutes before she realises that’s him.
Mum takes me away to the kitchen to talk a little. I feel sick that I haven’t told her that Oliver and I started dating.
“Are you going to tell me what’s going on here?” she asks, folding her arms together. I bite my lip, contemplating where to start. There is so much I have been meaning to tell her.
“Oliver left Gargle because his relationship with his mother broke down. He wasn’t planning to come back.”
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