by Adele Abbott
“He is and he’s just as upset as you are. You’re sure that neither of them was feeling ‘off it’ before they were struck down?”
“Positive,” Shirley said. “The only problem Jasmine had recently was when she got that really bad toothache. Do you remember?”
Lules and Shelley nodded.
“It was Carmen who recommended her dentist to Jasmine,” Lules said.
“How long ago was that?”
“Not long. Just a few days before she went off ill.”
“I don’t suppose you remember the name of the dentist, do you?”
“I have it.” Shirley took out her phone. “I’m a bit fed up with my dentist, so I made a note of it, just in case I decide to swap. Here it is: Mr Dennis Tist.”
A few minutes later, the three of them had to go into work, although none of them seemed particularly enthusiastic about doing so. I’d learned little of significance except perhaps for the dentist connection. Even that was very much a longshot, but before I dismissed it out of hand, I called Sarah Teller.
“It’s Jill Gooder. How is Andrea?”
“Much the same I’m afraid. Have you made any progress with your enquiries?”
“Not really. Look, there’s something I wanted to ask you. Had Andrea been to the dentist recently?”
“Yes, actually. She needed a filling. Why?”
“Which dentist does she go to?”
“She recently swapped dentists, so she could go to one closer to where she works. I’ve got a card somewhere. Can you hold on a moment while I find it?”
“Sure.”
“Here it is. His name is Tist.”
“Thanks.”
This was suddenly looking much more promising. I called Carmen’s flatmate, Melissa Jones.
“Melissa, it’s Jill Gooder.”
“Is there any news on Carmen?”
“No, sorry. Do you remember if Carmen had been to the dentist recently?”
“Yes. She went for a check-up. It was the day before she became ill. Why?”
“No reason. Thanks, Melissa.”
Eureka. I had my connection!
***
I really wasn’t looking forward to seeing the outer office. The locusts should be gone, but what of all the devastation left behind? The plants had all been stripped, but what was left of them would still take some clearing away. This was what came of being such a kind and considerate employer. I should have told Mrs V that I didn’t want any plants in the office—that way, I would never have had any of these problems. I’m just too considerate and selfless; that’s my problem.
What? Why are you laughing?
I braced myself, closed my eyes, and pushed open the door.
“Morning, Jill.” Mrs V sounded much too chirpy, given the situation.
“Morning.” I opened my eyes. And wow! There wasn’t a plant or plant pot to be seen. The office was spotless. “Did you do this? It must have taken you ages.”
“Do what, dear?”
“Tidy away all the dead plants and plant pots?”
“It was like this when I got here. I assumed that Rodney must have sent someone to collect them. Why did you say ‘dead’ plants?”
“Haven’t you heard about the locusts?”
“What locusts?” She looked warily around the room. “I don’t like creepy crawlies.”
“Don’t worry. They’ve all gone now. I do still have a couple of plants in my office. I’ll bring them through in a few minutes.”
“Alright, dear, and I’ll make us a nice cup of tea. It sounds like you could do with one. Locusts?” She laughed.
“Oh, and Mrs V, would you make me an appointment at the dentist?”
“Toothache? I can’t say I’m surprised, with all the muffins and custard creams that you eat. I did warn you.”
“I don’t have toothache; there’s nothing wrong with my teeth. And anyway, I don’t eat that many muffins or custard creams.”
“Hmm? If you say so. I’ll give him a call and book a check-up for you after I’ve made the tea.”
“Don’t call my regular dentist. I want you to make me an appointment with a Mr Tist.”
“I thought you liked your current dentist?”
“I do. This is in relation to a case I’m working on. When you book the appointment, tell them I’ve just moved to the area, would you?”
“Okay, dear. I’ll get straight on it.”
“You’re very welcome,” Winky said. He looked very pleased with himself.
“What are you talking about? It’s too early for cryptic conversations.”
“Is that all the thanks I get for clearing up that mess out there?”
“You did that?”
“I had a little help, but yes.”
“You got rid of all the dead plants?”
“And the dead locusts, and all the other mess that was left behind. You’d never know the jungle had been there.”
“I don’t know what to say.”
“How about: Thank you, Winky?”
“Err—thank you, Winky.” I walked over to my desk, and then it struck me. “Hold on. I suppose you’re going to bill me for all of this, aren’t you? How much is it going to cost me?”
“That is so very hurtful.” He clutched his heart. “Why would you say something like that? I was happy to do it for my good friend.”
“So, there’s no charge?”
“None.”
“In that case, I’m sorry for what I said. That’s very kind of you. Thank you.”
Maybe I’d misjudged him? Maybe underneath that brash exterior, he really was a kind-hearted soul.
What are you lot laughing at?
***
According to the wicked witch-wannabe who worked in Shiny Shiny, the lowlife who was peddling the starlight fairy wings was scheduled to pay the shop a visit at eleven o’clock. I’d taken cover in the doorway of a vacant shop that was more or less straight across the road from Shiny Shiny.
When he arrived, the salesman was wearing an ill-fitting suit. The trousers were an inch too short; the sleeves were an inch too long. I wasn’t sure if he was going for the ‘hipster’ look, or if he’d bought the mismatched jacket and trousers from a fire sale. My money was on the latter. For reasons known only to him, he had the back of his collar turned up. But it was his battered briefcase that really gave him away.
To make absolutely sure I had my man, I made my way across to Shiny Shiny, and peeped through the window. The man had his suitcase open, and was pointing to the display of fairy wings on the counter. That confirmed it—this was my man.
Twenty minutes later, when he re-emerged, I followed him back to the multi-storey car park. His car was as classy as his suit. For some reason, he’d felt the need to add wide wheels, and a dual exhaust system. Nothing wrong with that you might think, but he was driving a Reliant Robin. Seriously?
“Excuse me, sir?”
He almost dropped the briefcase.
“You scared me to death, lady.”
“Sorry. Look, I’ll be honest. I’ve just followed you in here.”
“Really?” His face lit up, and his smile revealed a number of gold teeth. “And what’s your name, gorgeous?”
“I wouldn’t want you to get the wrong idea. My interest in you is purely on a business basis.”
“Oh?”
“I’ll be opening a small shop soon: Jewellery, trinkets, that kind of thing. I’ve seen the fairy wings that Shiny Shiny stock. They’re beautiful, and I believe you supply them?”
“What’s the name of this shop of yours?”
“Like I said, it isn’t open yet, but it’ll be called—err—Pretty, Pretty, Pretty.”
“That’s a lot of pretties.”
“Do you like it?”
“It’s okay.” He shrugged.
“I’d like to make sure I have the fairy wings in stock when I open. I’m willing to place a big order. Can you help?”
“Sure. Why not?” He placed the b
riefcase onto the roof of the car, and flicked open the catches. “Beautiful, aren’t they?”
“They really are, but they were a lot more beautiful when they were attached to the fairies you killed to get them.”
He slammed the case closed. “Who are you?”
“Your worst nightmare.”
I used the ‘tie up’ spell to bind him hand and foot, then I pushed him and his case into the back seat of the car.
“Daze, it’s Jill. There’s someone here I think you’d like to meet.”
Chapter 22
“I’ve booked you an appointment with the new dentist, Jill. It’s this afternoon. I hope that’s okay?”
“That’s fine. Thanks, Mrs V. The plants look nice.”
“They do, don’t they? They cheer the place up no end. Would you like a drink?”
“No, thanks. I’m not going to be here for long. I’m meeting the colonel, shortly.”
“The colonel?” She looked confused. “But isn’t he—err—I thought he was dead?”
Oh bum!
“Sorry. Slip of the tongue. I meant to say that I’m going to the colonel’s old house. I have a meeting with the new owner.”
“That pop star man? The one with the silly name?”
“Murray Murray? Yes, that’s the guy.”
“I imagine seeing the old house again will bring back memories of the colonel. You must still miss him?”
“Yes, but then in a funny way, it feels like he’s still around.”
“It’s curious you should say that because ever since we visited the old sock factory, I’ve felt a—err—” She glanced around. “I suppose you’d call it a presence.”
“Like a ghost, you mean?”
“Yes. I wonder if it’s that long-lost ancestor of mine, trying to get in touch?”
“Socky?”
“What did you call him?”
“I—err—I meant Tobias. From ye oldie sockie factory.”
Winky was fast asleep under the sofa. Bless his little cotton socks. He was such a kind, considerate cat, and obviously loved me dearly.
Mrs V appeared in the doorway. “Jill, there’s a man out here. He says he has something for a Mr W. Inky. I told him there’s no one of that name here. Do you want me to tell him to go away?”
“No, it’s okay. Send him through.”
“Package for Mr Inky.” The young man had his index finger stuck up one of his nostrils.
So classy.
“I’ll give it to him.”
“I don’t know about that. I was told to hand it to Mr Inky.”
“Mr Inky is my—err—partner. You can leave it with me.”
“Okay, then.” He thrust it into my hand, and then left—finger still firmly up his nostril.
It’s not that I was nosy. Because you know me—I have never been, and will never be nosy. I am, however, very security conscious. The small package wrapped in brown paper looked rather suspicious to me, so it behoved me (Behove? Good word, eh?) to ensure it didn’t represent a threat to my darling cat.
For that reason and that reason only, I took a quick look inside.
What the—?
It was full of ten-pound notes. Three hundred pounds in total. With them was a scribbled note: £300 for the plant pots, as agreed. Phil the Plant.
“Winky!”
“Where? Who? What?” He came stumbling out from under the sofa.
“Who is Phil the Plant?”
“Oh.”
“You might well say ‘oh’. I thought you had cleaned up the outer office out of the goodness of your heart?”
“I did.”
“Not to sell the plant pots, then?”
“Throwing them away seemed a waste.”
“They should have been returned to Rodney.”
“The old bag lady’s bit on the side?”
“Mr Greenfinger is not Mrs V’s bit on the side.”
“So she says. Anyway, what’s done is done. Hand over the cash.”
“No chance. I’m going to give this to Rodney.”
“Wait! Don’t do that. What about the costs you incurred getting rid of the locusts?”
“That’s true.”
“And the cost you would have incurred if I hadn’t handled the clean-up operation?”
“Also true.”
“In that case, let’s split the cash fifty, fifty?”
“Why shouldn’t I just keep it all?”
“Because I may have information from my people regarding a certain Detective Riley.”
“Do you?”
“I think so, but my memory is a little hazy.”
“Would half of this cash help to clear your mind?”
“I think it might.”
I counted out half of the money, and handed it to my cold, calculating cat.
“So? What did your guys find out about Leo Riley?”
“He’s met with several people over the last few days, but there’s one in particular who will interest you, I believe.”
“Who is it?”
He fished out his phone, and held it up for me to see.
“Martin Macabre!”
I should have known. That scumbag Riley had to be on the take. It was the only thing that made any sense. Why else would he care whether or not I had an animal in here?
“Did I do good or what?” Winky tweaked his whiskers.
“You did. Thanks.”
“You could show me your gratitude by handing over the rest of the cash.”
“I’m not that grateful.”
So, Riley was taking backhanders from my landlord. I’d never liked him, but I hadn’t realised just how low he was prepared to stoop. What should I do about it? If I told Jack, he’d want to get involved, and I couldn’t have that. Riley was my problem, and I intended to deal with him, but it would have to wait because I was due at the colonel’s house.
I was just on my way out when my office door burst open. It was Ma Chivers, and she was blue.
By that, I don’t mean she was sad; I mean she was the colour blue—as far as I could tell, from her head to her toes.
“Sorry, Jill.” Mrs V appeared behind her. “This lady just pushed her way in.”
“That’s okay, Mrs V. I’m never too busy to see a Smurf.”
Mrs V backed out, and left us alone. Winky shot for cover under the sofa.
“This is your doing!” she yelled. “You and your grandmother.”
“I have no idea what you’re talking about. Would you like me to turn up the heating? You seem to have turned blue from the cold.” With that, I dissolved into laughter.
“Laugh while you can. I’ll make sure you and Mirabel pay for this. You see if I don’t.” And with that, she turned around and stomped out, slamming the door behind her.
Grandma had said that I’d know when the ‘bounce-back’ spell had kicked in. She hadn’t been kidding.
***
The colonel’s old house was looking as good as ever. There were no other cars parked on the forecourt; hopefully, that meant the colonel had been right about Murray Murray being out for the afternoon.
As I approached the door, it swung open.
“Hello?” I called from the doorstep.
“Come in, Jill. We’re over here.”
I stepped inside and found the colonel and Priscilla standing at the bottom of the staircase.
“Hi, Priscilla. Long time, no see.”
“Hello, Jill. Come with me. We’d better hurry.”
“Sorry? What are we doing?”
“You’re supposed to be the Lady of the Manor. You can’t greet your visitors dressed like that.”
“What’s wrong with these clothes?”
“You look like the hired help,” the colonel said. “Hurry up. Cilla knows what she’s doing.”
It was pointless arguing, so I followed Priscilla upstairs, into one of the bedrooms.
“There you are.” She pointed to the elegant dress that was lying on the bed. “I think I’ve
got the size right, but you’d better try it on.”
I did, and it was a perfect fit. I’d never worn anything quite so posh.
“You look great,” Priscilla said. “The shoes are over there.”
As we made our way back downstairs, the colonel nodded his approval. “Simply top notch! Now, what will you call yourself?”
“Jill?”
“No, that won’t do at all. Let me think. I know—you should introduce yourself as Lady Raybourn. And don’t slouch. A lady never slouches.”
“Don’t slouch? Okay, got it.”
And not a moment too soon because just then there was a loud knock at the door.
“It’s a pity we couldn’t have organised a butler for you,” the colonel said.
“I’ll be fine. Wish me luck.”
The colonel and Priscilla made themselves scarce. I took a deep breath, and opened the door.
“Hi, we’re from Hauntings Unlimited. You’re expecting us, I believe?”
“Indeed I am.” I was doing my best to speak with the proverbial plum in my mouth. “Do come in.”
The two vampires were younger than I’d expected: one very tall, the other no taller than me.
“I’m Alexander, and this is Maurice. I hadn’t realised you were a sup.”
“Is that a problem?”
“Not at all. We have several clients who are sups. I’m very sorry, but the message you left didn’t mention your name?”
“Lady Raybourn.”
“Pleased to make your acquaintance, your ladyship.” Alex bowed.
“How did you come to hear of our service?” Maurice asked.
“A friend. I don’t recall who, now. I attend so many functions and parties, they all blur into one another.”
“Of course. And what exactly is it you’re looking for?”
“This magnificent house costs a small fortune to maintain, and we rely entirely on the revenue generated by visitors. The problem is that the numbers have dropped off over recent years. I’m looking for ways to rekindle the interest, and get more visitors through the door.”
“You’ve come to the right place. Nothing is guaranteed to stimulate interest more than the news that the house is haunted.”
“I’m still a little sceptical. Don’t ghosts scare people away?”