Straight to Heaven

by Michelle Scott

  No, he thought I was a harpy.

  “I refinanced the house,” I said. When Ted mulled this over, I launched my counterattack. “How come I’m getting overdue notices from the credit card company about your bills?” I picked up the invoice that had been lying on the counter and shook it at him. “They’re threatening to send me to a collection agency.” Although I’d tried several times to cancel the card, it was in both our names and I couldn’t get rid of it without Ted’s consent. Plus, my address was the one on record, and I was being saddled with the debt.

  He looked offended. “That’s our old joint account, Lilith. I haven’t used it since the divorce.”

  “Like hell you haven’t.” I read off one of the charges. “Look at this – eleven-thousand dollars for a place called ‘Exotic Locales’? What was that for?”

  Ted’s face reddened and he looked away. “I must have used that old credit card by mistake. Give me the bill, and I’ll pay it.”

  “Exotic Locales, Ted?” I asked, goading him. “What is that? A strip club?”

  He didn’t even flinch. “No. It’s personal.” He held out his hand for the bill. “I said I’d pay it, so end of discussion.”

  Whatever he was trying to cover up had to be juicy, so I took a stab in the dark: “You’re dating a stripper, aren’t you?”

  “What? No! Lilith, what is wrong with you?” The vein above his eyebrows began to pulse.

  “What’s wrong with you?” I asked. “What are you hiding from me?”

  My demon could have helped with this, of course. All I had to do was start her up and put her to work. Within minutes, Ted would be putty in my hands and willingly tell me his secrets. It had worked before. But right then, I was too angry to bat my eyelashes and act coy. I wanted to boot Ted in the butt with a steel-toed shoe, not caress him with kid gloves.

  I must have looked scary because when Grace walked in carrying her pink duffle bag, Ted grabbed her and kept his hands on her shoulders, using her as a human shield. “Ready to go, kid?” he asked desperately.

  Reluctantly, I told my demon to back off. There was something going on with my ex. I could smell it on him like another woman’s perfume. With Grace in the room, however, I’d never find out what it was.

  Ted was halfway out the door. “Okay. I’ll have her back on Sunday night.” Then, just before leaving, he stopped in the doorway. His lips quirked like he was about to throw up. “Grace, I have a really big surprise for you. I’m taking you to France for the month of July.”

  Grace’s eyes lit up. There was no place in the world she wanted to visit more than France. But as her eyes were glowing with anticipation, mine were glowing with rage. France?! My ex-husband thought he was taking my baby to Europe? So ‘Exotic Locales’ had been a travel agency.

  As Grace hugged him tightly, Ted looked over her shoulder with an expression of triumph. I clenched my fists, seething. It was bad enough that he was entitled to an entire month with her during the summer, but to drag her out of the country? And what a cowardly trick to deliver the news in front of me knowing that I wouldn’t yell at him. Not only that, he had the entire weekend to pump her up about the trip. She’d come back to me on Sunday night with a head full of pictures of Paris and the Eiffel Tower, and I’d end up looking like the bad guy when I told her that she couldn’t go.

  It was the final stroke in our dueling match. A painful thrust delivered with such mastery and cunning that I could only stand and gape.

  Ariel had sidled back into the room, and before Ted whisked Grace away, she said, “Guess what, Ari? I’m going to France with my dad!”

  Usually, Ari was an expert at hiding her feelings, but right then I could read her like a book. She was thinking that her Uncle Ted completely ignored her, she’d never met her biological father, and her own mother wouldn’t take her to Burger King much less France.

  Ariel’s eyes narrowed. “France is disgusting, you know. They only eat frogs and snails there.” But, by that time, Grace had already left the house.

  Ariel looked up at me, her eyes flat as the backside of a mirror. She was hardening herself so that she wouldn’t dissolve into tears. I didn’t need my demon to tell me this, either, since it was exactly how I felt myself.

  Chapter Three

  To boost our spirits, I told Ariel she could pick out whatever she wanted for dinner. Ordinarily, I did all the cooking, making everything from scratch using nothing but fresh, organic produce and whole grains. I was a wonderful cook, and could teach Martha Stewart a thing or two. That night, however, I was too disheartened to fire up the grill let alone bully Ariel into eating the salad niçoise that I had been planning to make.

  “I know what I want,” Ariel said, “but we have to go to the grocery store to get it.”

  “How about pizza?” I asked. I didn’t care much for it, but my succubus had an addiction to meat-lovers’ pizza with extra bacon.

  Ariel folded her arms over her chest. “I want to go to the grocery store. You promised.”

  I groaned inwardly. I hated being out in public with Ariel when she was in a bad mood. Even when she’s in a good mood, she draws uneasy looks. It’s the severely-cut, dyed-black hair, the ghoulish makeup, and the heavy silver necklaces. Not to mention the expression that says, “I’d kill you, but you’re not worth the trouble.” These things scare people. Tommy Lefevre, my stepsister’s ex-boyfriend, once said that my niece’s appearance was a reflection of how broken she was on the inside. While I valued Tommy’s opinion above that of anyone else, there were still times when I wanted to wear a T-shirt that read: I swear this is not my kid.

  “I think the Chinese place down the road delivers,” I said.

  “You promised. And a promise is a promise.” Ariel fetched my purse from the kitchen table and offered it to me. “Besides, it’s not like I’m asking to go to France or anything.”

  She was right. She deserved something, even if it was only a trip to the grocery store. “Okay,” I said, taking my purse, “but I get to pick out my own dinner. Deal?”

  She smiled slightly. “Deal.”

  When we got to the store, Ariel moved like a guided missile while I lagged behind with the shopping cart. I was disgusted, but not surprised, by what she chose: a blue box of mac ‘n’ cheese, Banquet frozen chicken, two liters of Mountain Dew, and a package of Oreos. On the other hand, my succubus’s mouth was watering. Especially over the Mountain Dew and Oreos. I wondered which of my predecessors had gotten her addicted to those wretched foods.

  People were staring at us just as I feared they would. The skull-and-crossbones Ari had drawn on her face didn’t help. Neither did the way she loudly cracked her knuckles whenever we got close to someone. I was about to tell her to knock it off when I realized that we were being followed.

  Lagging about a dozen steps behind us was a thin boy about Ari’s age with colorless hair, and skin so pale it nearly glowed. His unblinking eyes were startlingly blue, and his gaze was fixed on Ariel. Something about him seemed vaguely familiar; although, I was certain I’d never seen him before.

  “You have an admirer,” I said.

  “Where?!” Ari whirled around, ready to strike. When she saw the boy, she relaxed. “Oh, him.”

  “You know that kid?” I’d never seen Ari make a friend much less a boyfriend. “Does he go to your school?”

  She shrugged. “I don’t think so. I just see him around sometimes.” She picked a jar of sweet pickles from the shelf and put it into the cart. “I want these, too.”

  Her nonchalance stunned me. I’d expected her to wave her arms and shout to chase the boy away. I felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe my niece wasn’t a sociopath after all. “So he’s a friend of yours?”

  “Don’t get carried away,” she muttered.

  I wanted to keep pestering her with questions, but as we rounded a corner, my cart collided with another shopper’s. Both of us opened our mouths to begin swearing, but then we recognized each other. It was Casey Scarsdale. The very same
Casey that Vickie had been gossiping about a few hours before. The one with the new boy toy.

  I smiled through gritted teeth as we air kissed. Yes, I know how stupid that is, but it was Casey’s habit, not mine.

  “Lilith! And this must be your niece. Andrea, right? The one who started the fire?”

  Ariel glared at her and turned towards the magazines.

  “Such an angry child,” Casey stage-whispered. “She’s so lucky to have an aunt like you. Speaking of which…you’re back in the neighborhood? I had no idea your house was livable again!”

  Yeah, right. More than once, I’d spied Ms. I-Had-No-Idea-Your-House-Was-Livable at her window with a phone in one hand and a pair of binoculars in the other. Casey is the kind of person who thinks ‘neighborhood watch’ is an Olympic sport.

  My smile tightened even more. “You didn’t see the builders working? Or the moving vans? Or notice Grace riding her bike down the sidewalk?”

  She laughed and tucked a peroxided lock of hair behind her ear. “You know I don’t have time to keep track of every little detail. But look at you. You’re amazing!” She took me in, top to bottom, missing nothing. “I bet Ted’s so jealous. The silly boy should have never divorced you.”

  I wanted to strangle her with her own diamond pendant. “I divorced him remember?”

  “That’s not what he says.” Then she lightly tapped my arm. “Just kidding, of course. How is the ex, by the way? Mooning over you, I hope.” She increased the wattage on her smile. “And what about you? Any new boyfriends?”

  I was about to answer when Ariel shrieked, “Hey! Watch out!” Then she toppled headlong into a large display of carefully-stacked cereal boxes, sending it crashing to the ground. The boxes skidded across the center aisle of the store, causing an instant shopping cart pile-up.

  The boy who’d been following Ariel ran past me, his wake kicking up an otherworldly tingle. It was another angel! No wonder he’d seemed familiar.

  The manager charged over, his hands fisted at his sides. He had hated Ariel ever since he’d caught her hiding packages of steak behind the canisters of coffee. I’d offered to pay for the damage, but it hadn’t cooled his temper.

  Ari picked herself up from a pile of crushed cereal boxes. “It was an accident. I was pushed.” She glared at the manager, but at the same time, I detected an undercurrent of fear. It was a look that I recognized. It meant that my niece had been doing something wrong and was worried she’d be caught.

  I scanned the accident site for clues, and sure enough, I spotted nearly a half-a-dozen things that didn’t belong in that aisle. A can of spray cheese, three candy bars, a bag of marshmallows, and a box of fruit snacks.

  I cursed myself for not watching my niece more carefully. That’s because Ariel was a really good thief. The girl could steal the underwear off a sales clerk. Don’t believe me? Well, consider the lacy bra I found one afternoon after we’d been school shopping at the mall. Victoria’s Secret, size 32B, lavender. Definitely not mine and definitely used.

  The manager was smart. It was only a matter of time before he also realized that Ariel had been shoplifting. If I wanted to rescue my niece, I had to put my succubus to work. Quickly.

  I walked over to him, pulverizing bits of cereal under the heels of my sandals. “I am so sorry,” I said.

  He thrust his jaw out. “You’ll have to pay for this, and I don’t want the two of you back in my store, either.”

  My succubus was in overdrive, working out the best way to win this man over. He was young, only a few years out of college, and his look said junior executive wannabe. He wore khaki pants, a white short-sleeved shirt that had been carefully pressed, and a striped tie complete with a University of Michigan tie pin. His hair had been clipped so short that it was practically army regulation.

  My demon self spoke up before I had a chance. “Go Wolverines!” I pointed to the tie pin.

  He was too angry to be taken in by such a simple ruse. My demon had to do better than that. Luckily for me, she had more tricks up her sleeve. “When you were in college, I’ll bet your professors never told you that running a business would be this hard.”

  His jaw tightened. “No,” he admitted.

  I helped him pick up the cereal boxes. “Those professors are so lame. They’d never survive in the real business world. Am I right?”

  He nodded. “Completely.”

  I moved in closer and brushed against his shoulder. The glamour in my touch made him relax. “I’ll bet that you’ve learned more in your first year on the job than they taught you in four years of college.”

  He placed several boxes back on the display. “Definitely.”

  “And those classmates of yours? The ones who graduated and went to Wall Street to work in finance?”

  His eyes hardened. Finally, I’d struck gold. “Losers,” he said bitterly. “A bunch of a-holes who used their parents’ money to go to college, then got jobs in investment firms because their daddies worked there.”

  “They can laugh at you all they want, but what do they know about a real day’s work?” I asked.

  “Nothing!” The manager was furious now, but no longer at me and Ariel. “They don’t have to worry about student loans or finding a real job.” His fists clenched.

  “You’re better than they are,” I assured him.

  “Damn right!” he agreed.

  I would have continued, but Ariel’s wide-eyed stare stopped me. So instead, I patted the manager’s shoulder. “Sorry,” I said again.

  He glared at the wreckage, no doubt seeing the faces of his fellow college graduates. “No problem.” He kicked at a box of cereal, sending it skidding across the floor. “No problem at all.”

  As we wheeled our cart away, I realized that Casey had disappeared like smoke, bless her evil little heart.

  “How’d you do that?” Ari asked.

  I played innocent. “What?”

  “Get the manager to stop being mad at us. He was ready to throw us out.”

  “Yes, he was,” I said, “and for good reason, considering what you did.”

  “Like I said, it was an accident,” she protested.

  “I don’t mean the cereal display,” I said. “I’m talking about the fruit rollups and the candy bars. Or were those accidents, too?”

  She looked away.

  We wheeled the cart into a checkout line. “You’re lucky he didn’t catch you,” I told her, “but since I did, you are in so much trouble.”

  Ari glared at the floor as if her own fate was spelled out there.

  When we got back home, I was ready to dish out my punishment, but Ariel sprinted to her room the moment I opened the front door.

  I set the groceries in the kitchen, went upstairs, and knocked. “Ariel?” When she didn’t answer, I tried to open the door, but she’d jammed it shut. I pounded harder. “Ari! Open up right now.”

  It was times like this that I missed Tommy the most. Now that he was overseas on his spiritual pilgrimage, I realized how much I’d relied on his advice. He was endlessly patient, and always serene. The night before he left, Ariel had grown desperate to keep him home. She’d hidden my car keys and his passport so well that, even after hours of searching, we couldn’t find them. I was ready to strangle her, but Tommy had taken Ariel outside and calmly talked with her. When they’d come back inside nearly half an hour later, one of the large, metal gauges was missing from Tommy’s earlobe, and Ariel was wearing it around her thumb. “It’s my promise to her that I won’t be gone forever,” he told me when I asked about it. I hadn’t thought that the trick would work, but to my amazement, Ariel quietly fetched the missing keys and passport from the inside of the toilet tank lid where she’d secured them with duct tape.

  Now that Tommy was gone, however, I was on my own. And with no otherworld doorways in Ariel’s room, I couldn’t sneak in that way, either. After counting to ten, I said, “Fine. Stay up here if you want to, but you can’t escape your punishment. Sooner or later, you’
ll have to come out, and when you do, I’ll be waiting.”

  The door opened. Ari glowered up at me. “Is that a threat?”

  “It’s a promise.”

  “But I didn’t do anything!”

  “You stole half the store,” I argued. Which was a stupid thing to do. Arguing, I mean. Since, like Ted, Ariel knew how to fight.

  Immediately, she turned the accusations back on me. “It’s not like you ever give me anything.”

  “I do give you things,” I argued. “Swimming lessons, a cell phone – ”

  “Yeah, but Grace gets whatever she wants because she’s your daughter, and you love her. Not like me.” She dropped her head.

  “That’s not true!” Her arrow struck right where she knew it would, piercing my heart. I had tried and tried to make Ariel understand that I loved her, but no matter what I did, she refused to believe it.

  “I wish Tommy was here,” she said miserably. “At least he loved me. But then you chased him off, and I’ll probably never see him again.”

  I wanted to argue that she was wrong and that I hadn’t chased him off, but unfortunately, she was right. “Well,” I said. I picked up a dirty T-shirt from the floor. “Well.” Now, I was the one who felt like a heel. How had that happened?

  The doorbell rang. Before I could stop her, Ariel dashed down the stairs to answer it. Thinking it was Vickie or Casey or some other neighbor, I took my time gathering more dirty laundry and composing myself into the happy, suburban housewife I was supposed to be. Halfway down the stairs, I paused, listening to the conversation. It wasn’t a neighbor that Ariel was talking to.

  It was her mother.

  I dropped everything I’d been carrying and hurried to the door, wanting to cut Tanya off before she made it inside my house. Ariel was a good thief, but Tanya was a professional. I’d lose everything from the espresso machine to the plasma TV if I didn’t hurry.

  Luckily for me, Tanya was still on the porch, but to my surprise, she looked better than the last time I’d seen her. She’d put on a little weight. Her hair was freshly washed and neatly combed. Although her T-shirt was old and the decal was starting to flake away, it too was clean. Her teeth were still that bottom-of-the-ashtray brown from her meth use, but her eyes were clear, and she no longer jittered. In fact, she was very calm.