by Gary Ruffin
Penny took my arm, and said, “Coop is an excellent cook, Cherry. It’s one of the good things about long-time bachelors. They learn to cook out of self-defense.”
I said, “I’m better than excellent. I’m nothin’ short of fantastic. Especially when it comes to the grill. And on top of all that, I’m quite humble, too. Whatcha got in the fridge, Chief Prevost?”
“Well, I was gonna have a salad, but now I’m in the mood for somethin’ a little more substantial. Hmmm, lemme think. Oh, I know! There are two big sirloins in the freezer. Cherry and I will thaw ’em in the microwave, and you fire up the grill.”
“Done,” I said. “You two amateurs make the salad, and I’ll take care of the rest.”
Penny asked, “By the way, how were you two able to get away and come down here?”
Cherry and I smiled at each other, and I said, “I guess you haven’t been listening to the news today.”
“No, as a matter of fact, I haven’t, not since this mornin’,” Penny replied. “I spent a lot of the afternoon cruising the highway because—well. Anyway, what news are you talkin’ about?”
I said, “All will be revealed in time, all will be revealed. For now, let’s get supper started.”
“Okay with me,” Penny said, and we all went in the kitchen to start fixing the meal.
I was slightly amazed at how Cherry was handling the events of the past hour. Not to mention how Penny was already up and about, since only a short time ago she was about to become the next victim of a serial killer. But I didn’t want to discuss the attack at that moment, either, so I went along with their denial. Besides, grilled sirloin sounded like a really great idea.
I was lighting the charcoal in the bottom of the grill when Penny and Cherry came out to bring me a beer.
Penny said to me, “You think we should eat inside?”
I looked at Cherry, and before I could answer, she said, “You know, if this madman really wants to kill me so badly, he could do it at literally any time. He could get one of those high-powered rifles and shoot me from half a mile away, if that’s what he wanted to do. Or strap a bomb to himself and run at me. I can’t possibly be made safe from every nutter out there, twenty-four seven. No one can be totally secure at all times, not even a queen or a president. When I was in danger last year—you may have heard about that, Penny?”
Penny nodded. I hadn’t heard, but wasn’t surprised.
Cherry went on, “Well, as scary as that situation was, and this situation is, I’ve been thinking about it all. While I was on the porch alone, watching someone dressed in black—who had just attacked Penny—run down the beach, it hit me: I can only try and live my life as best as I can, without cowering in fear. I mean, I can’t be looking over my shoulder every minute of every day.”
“That’s what I’m here for,” I said.
“Me, too,” Penny said, and took Cherry’s hands in hers.
Cherry grinned, and said, “Enough of all this for now. Let’s just be on our toes, and go on with our lives, shall we?”
I wanted more than anything to tell Cherry she was wrong, and that there was no way she could get hurt—or killed—while under my protection, but she was right. If a whack job is willing to die to kill you, well—good luck with that. All I could do was do my best to keep her safe. And I was definitely going to do my best.
An hour or so later, we were all sitting at the picnic table beside the cottage, Cherry on one side, and Penny and I on the other. Candles on the table lit up the evening, and the girls looked gorgeous in the soft light. We were stuffed to the gills with meat, salad, bread, beer, and Penny’s favorite dessert, chocolate-mint ice cream. And, to top it all off, not once during the entire meal had a killer tried to kill any one of us, which was pleasant.
So, since we were all fat and happy, I decided it was time to bring up the matter of how we were going to handle the attack on Penny, but she beat me to it.
“Coop,” she said. “I’ve been thinkin’. Whatta ya say we keep the attack under wraps? At least for now, I mean. This goon is long gone by now, and I doubt that anybody saw anything, or they would’ve called to check up on me. Now, I know what I’m suggesting goes against everything you believe, and everything you’ve been taught, and everything you’ve taught me, but—can’t we bend the rules a little just this once?”
Cherry and I grinned widely at each other, and Penny asked, “What’s so funny?”
I replied, “You basically said exactly the same things I said to Cherry while you were asleep.” To Cherry: “See? Did I tell ya?”
Cherry said, “Yes, you surely did. Penny, you’re even braver than I thought. You’re my new hero, no doubt about it. You astonish me.”
Penny beamed, and said, “Well, I just think, as chief of police, that Gulf doesn’t need to get involved in all this crazy stuff. We’re such a small town, I don’t know how the locals would react if suddenly Gulf became a news hotspot again, even after last year. And besides—I want you two all to myself.”
I said, “Exactly what I said. Then it’s a deal. We’ll keep it secret for now. I know damn well the creep won’t hang around. Any stranger in town would stick out like a sore thumb.”
“That’s for sure,” Penny agreed. “I’ll discreetly ask around town tomorrow and see if anyone has seen a stranger or two.”
I said, “Good idea. Especially the discreet part.”
“I’ll be very sneaky.” Pause. “Okay, that’s settled. Now. What brings you two down here?”
Looking at Cherry, who nodded her approval, I said, “The producer of Cherry’s movie cooked up a publicity stunt. He wants to make it look like she’s disappeared. As far as the world knows, Cherry’s left the movie, and is in the wind.”
Penny stared openmouthed, and before she could speak, I said, “We know it’s ridiculous, but Cherry could use a break from all the craziness, and this way, we both get to come down here and relax for a while.”
Penny said, “I don’t claim to understand, I’m just happy you’re both here. How long are y’all stayin’?”
Cherry said, “We’re expected back on Monday morning, ready to go to work and face the media. Can you stand us for that long?”
“I’m not so sure about this guy, but you can stay as long as you want, Cherry Page,” Penny said with a smile.
There was silence among us for a few moments before Cherry said, “The sound of the waves is so soothing. I could sit out here all night, just taking in the natural beauty. There’s no place on Earth I’d rather be tonight.”
Penny and I concurred, and we all sat and enjoyed the evening. The sound of the surf took the place of conversation.
After a few minutes, Cherry stood and said, “You two sit still while I take the dishes in and give them a good washing.”
Penny was on her feet in a flash, then woozily sat back down, and said, “Cherry, you will not be washin’ any dishes while you’re my guest. I won’t hear of it. Now just gimme a minute, and I’ll be—”
“No, you won’t be anything,” Cherry said. “Except tranquil. I’m going to earn my keep around here, so you might as well just do as I say. I’m a big star, remember? I always get my way.”
“She’s right, Chief Prevost,” I said. “You better do what she tells you. It can get pretty ugly if you don’t.”
Penny started to object, but Cherry shushed her, and began gathering most of the plates and glasses onto the tray for her trip to the kitchen.
When she walked away and entered the cottage, an idea came into my fevered brain. Having been so close to Cherry for the past few days, I felt the need to—I was beginning to want—I was beginning to sprout horns is what I was beginning to do. I turned to Penny, gave her my best come-hither look, and said, “Little girl, why don’t you sit on my lap. I have somethin’ I want to show you.”
She looked at me as if I came from another planet, and asked, “Are you out of your mind? I can barely stand up, I was just attacked, I’m stuffed to the gills, and
you actually think—whatta ya want me to do—strip off my shorts and lay back on the table so you can have your idiot way with me? Is that what you want?”
“Well …”
Laughing, she showed yet again that she knows me inside and out when she said, “Being in such close quarters with Miss Cherry Page has put a little lead in your pencil, am I right?”
Actually, it was a lot of lead.
I lied, “No, it’s not that at all. I’ve just been missin’ you, and I was hopin’ that—”
“I think I know what you were hopin’,” she said, moving closer to me on the bench. She put her head on my shoulder, and her hand on my pencil.
“Coop, if you be a good boy tonight, I promise you that when Cherry takes her shower in the mornin’, I’ll do anything you want.”
“Anything?”
“Anything.”
I thought about her offer for a moment, which wasn’t easy, considering the location of her hand.
I sighed, and said, “Okay, Chief. I guess I can wait.”
“Good boy. And it’ll be worth the wait, I promise. When I get you alone tomorrow mornin’, I’m gonna ride you like a—like a—bicycle.”
I laughed, and asked, “A bicycle?”
She frowned, and said, “Hey, now. It’s all I could come up with on such short notice. Gimme me a break here, I just got hit with about fifty thousand volts of electricity, remember?”
“Yeah, I remember, but—you really think of me as a bicycle? Can’t I be a wild stallion, or a buckin’ bronco, somethin’ like that?”
“Nope.”
“Okay, then, acting chief Prevost. I just hope I’m a good bicycle.”
Penny said, “You’re a mighty fine bicycle,” then leaned over slowly, put her mouth on mine, and kissed me for about thirty seconds, her right hand moving slowly over my deprived area.
She pulled her lips away, her face an inch from mine, and said, “You know, it’s not exactly easy for me right now, either. You saving my life has put me in the mood, too. Way in the mood.”
Her hand was proof of that.
I said, “Then how ’bout you and me sneak off and—”
Her mouth found mine again, with even more enthusiasm.
It was my turn to pull away. I tried a different approach, “If you don’t mind me askin’, what are the sleeping arrangements for tonight? I was thinkin’ you and me in your bed, and Cherry on the sofa.”
Giggling in my ear, she said, “Now, no, Coop. You and me will not be sharin’ my bed. Me and Cherry will be sharin’ my bed. You’ll be on the sofa. You hafta stay up and guard the place in case the deranged killer man comes back.”
“I thought we agreed that the deranged killer man wasn’t comin’ back,” I griped.
She removed her hand, and said, “We did—and he won’t—but we better be prepared and act like the creep might come back. And—I can’t stand guard, because I hafta go to work tomorrow so nobody gets suspicious and comes out here lookin’ for me. Now that that’s settled, let’s take the rest of the dishes in and help our movie star finish up.”
Again, her mouth was on mine, kissing me even deeper than before, literally taking my breath away for a moment.
When she finally stopped, I said, “Maybe you better go inside. I can no longer guarantee your safety.”
43
I LINGERED OUTSIDE FOR TWENTY MINUTES OR SO, LISTENING TO THE surf and the sound of two beautiful women becoming fast friends. The kitchen window was open, and I could hear Penny and Cherry talking like old buddies, though I couldn’t make out much of what they were saying.
The conversation ebbed and flowed, with laughter breaking out every few minutes. They seemed to be having a good time, so I just sat at the weather-beaten picnic table and watched the waves and the moonlight on the water. I had my cell on me, so I called Neal to see what was what.
When he answered, I asked, “Hey, P.I.–type guy. Did you get beat up by any cheatin’ husbands today?”
“No, bud, I didn’t,” he replied. “I’ve just been sittin’ around the house most of the day, watching news reports about you and her on television. You in you-know-where?”
“Yep, I’m in you-know-where with you-know-who. Did Carver or any other law-enforcement types try and get information from you?”
“Carver called with some pretty funny news. Some whack-job woman in Buckhead made a false report, claimin’ that the killer had attacked her. She’s in jail now, but I seriously doubt that hers will be the last phony report. Carver didn’t ask if I knew where y’all are, he just thought I’d get a kick outta hearin’ about the false report. I think he knows better than to ask me about what’s goin’ on. In case he calls again, and does ask, is there anything you want me to say in particular?”
“No, just use the old ‘privileged information’ line and dummy up—which should be easy for the likes of you.”
Neal said, “Just for that, I’m tellin’. And not just the law—I’m callin’ the news creeps, buddy boy. Like I said, you two are all over the TV news. You know that, right?”
“I’ve purposely avoided all types of media so far, but I can imagine what’s goin’ on. So after all I’ve done for you, you’d go and turn us in. And here I am, takin’ care of Cherry, and living in the same luxurious Ritz-Carlton suite with her, and drivin’ her around town in a Bentley, and goin’ out on the town to big charity balls with her, and—”
“Okay, okay. You’ve made some incredible sacrifices, and I consider myself lucky just to know you. You’re a credit to your race and gender, and so forth and whatnot.”
“This is what I’m sayin’.”
Neal snorted, and said, “That English guy—the producer—what’s his name? Little Bo Peep?”
“Lawrence Lyndon-Bowen.”
“That’s him. He was all over the news today, talkin’ this disappearance thing up. He can really spread it, and deep, too. And—he came up with a catchy name for your stalker.”
“Oh, boy. What is it?” I asked.
“The Computer Killer. Not too bad, I say. Whatcha think?”
“I’ve heard worse. It’s better than the Cherry Pitter, or somethin’ like that.”
Neal agreed, “That’s for sure. Oh, he’s also offering five hundred thousand bucks for information leading to the capture of the killer. You may end up a rich guy like me, you know it?”
“I may end up a rich guy like your wife, you mean. Damn, that kinda money should bring all the fruits and nuts outta the woodwork. It’s probably why that woman filed a false report.”
“You’re right about the fruits comin’ out, but the woman in question was more interested in getting her ex-husband arrested for murder. Anyway, how are you guys doin’?”
I said, “Oh well, we’re safe and sound for the moment.” I thought of the attack on Penny, and realized the unintentional irony in my statement.
Neal said, “Glad to hear it, bud. Has anything interesting happened to you since you left? Was the trip largely uneventful and relaxing for Cherry? You didn’t have any car trouble, didja? My Lexus still in one piece? Oh—and the burning question of questions—did Penny beat your ass for you not callin’? C’mon, come clean. You’re makin’ this call from the emergency room, am I right?”
That got a small chuckle from me, and as I was chortling, the thought of telling Neal about the killer attacking Penny flashed into my head. I decided to keep the secret from him, knowing he’d understand. “I did have a little car trouble. A flat tire, but I got you a new one in Montgomery. Actually, I’m callin’ from the picnic table while the babes are in the kitchen, cleanin’ up after one of my famous steak dinners. From the sound of it, they’re gonna be best pals before the night’s over.”
Neal said, “Well, anybody in their right mind would love Penny, and from what I’ve seen and heard, ol’ Cherry ain’t so bad her damn self.”
“You’re right on both counts. Speaking of great women, how’s my darlin’ Susan doing?”
“
She’s fantastic, as usual, and sends you and Penny her love. She took the girls out tonight to see the latest movie with that guy they all love so much.”
“Good for them. Tell ’em all hello, and that Penny sends her love right back. Me, too.”
“Will do, bud. Keep in touch.”
After we hung up, I noticed that the voices from the cottage had become quiet, and the laughter had stopped. In fact, I couldn’t hear anything. Curious, I dragged my stuffed stomach into the cottage’s kitchen, and saw Penny holding what appeared to be a supermarket tabloid in Cherry’s face, shaking it violently. She was speaking in what I can only describe as a screaming whisper, and Cherry had the look of a terrified child.
Whatever Penny was saying, it wasn’t: “I’ll be your best friend.”
44
A MINUTE AFTER NEAL HUNG UP WITH COOP, HIS WIFE, SUSAN, AND their three daughters came noisily into the living room where he was sitting on the sofa. They were all talking a mile a minute about how great the movie was, and how many Oscars it would win. Each of them leaned down and gave Neal a hug, and then stood in front of him in a line. Susan started the interrogation, “Have you heard from Coop?”
This got all three girls in on the cross-examination, and the questions were flying faster than Neal could think, much less answer.
Laughing, he said, “Whoa, hold on a minute. All I know is what you guys know. The last report I saw an hour or so ago said there was nothing new to report, which basically made it not so much a report, but more a waste of my valuable time.”
Susan gave him the once-over that always made him glad she had no jurisdiction. Because if she did, he’d be in jail for lying to his wife six months out of any given year.
“Neal Feagin, are you gonna sit right there, and tell me that you have no idea where Coop took Cherry, and that you’re not involved in any way with their disappearance?”
Neal gave his best “I can’t believe you said that” look, then asked, “Why do you find it so hard to believe that your lovin’ husband is not privy to everything that goes on in Coop’s life? Not to mention a famous movie star, who, by the way, I haven’t even met yet. How would I know what some crazy actress would do, or where she would go? All I know is that Coop’s not here, and I suppose, like everybody else, that he’s with the famous Miss Page.” He leaned down and massaged the area above his cast to stall for time, and hopefully, get a little compassion.