by Lauren Wood
“Are you just going to sit there or are you going to come for a walk with me?”
“Why are we here again?”
“Because this forest is special and I have wanted to see it for some time since I read about it. I just could never get anyone to come with me.”
I just shook my head. I didn’t know why it was so special, but I was sure that she knew. Gemma had some of the most interesting little anecdotes for everything and there was no wonder how she remembered it all. I had a feeling that she knew more about the forest than I ever would. I never worried too much about the sights of the world, but now I was wondering why that was.
“This forest is known as the suicide forest. Or Aokigahara.”
My brow went up. “Huh?”
Gemma shrugged and laughed at the expression on my face. “I am serious. For some reason a bunch of people hang themselves here every year and it has become a thing here in Japan.”
“Why would you know that?”
“Why wouldn’t you?”
I could think of many reasons, but I did have to say for a place she had only been once, Gemma knew a lot about the country and we had gone to some peculiar places, though this one topped it. The forest was creepy and the last thing I wanted to do was go in it. But I couldn’t tell her that it was because it had an eerie feel to it. She wouldn’t understand and I didn’t want her to see me as less. Gemma didn’t need to know how superstitious I could be sometimes, even when I knew that there was no reason to worry.
So I followed her to the forest that was notorious for such a strange thing and I had to admit that I was not all that excited about it. The place had a weird vibe to it, but all Gemma could see was beauty and all I could see was her.
“This place is beautiful. I guess they come here because it is so peaceful. This wouldn’t be a bad place to be if this was your last moments on earth.”
A shiver went through me and I was ready to go.
“Let’s get out of here. Aren’t you hungry yet?”
She nodded her head that she was, though Gemma gave me a smile that told me she knew I just wanted to get out of there for other reasons. I would have thanked her for that, but then I would have meant that I had to admit that I didn’t want to be there.
“I could go for some sushi.”
I wasn’t going to make a face, but I wasn’t into raw fish, even here. We were so different and though I could have let it be the reason that we couldn’t be together, I wanted to make it work.
So when we got out of that creepy forest and Qing had everything loaded up in the car from her art supplies, I took her to a place that he recommended. Gemma ordered for both of us and by the end of it I stopped asking what it was that I was eating. Half of it I never wanted to try again, but she had won me over on a few things.
We went and walked the streets for a while on her request. She wanted to get out and be with the people. I wasn’t sure what that meant to her, but to me it was rather pointless. Again my pleasure stemmed from her and there was a moment when she was looking up one street, trying to claim that she wasn’t lost and I just had to kiss her.
I don’t know if it was the way the light was reflecting from her eyes or what it was, but I couldn’t help it. Gemma was timid at first with her response and I almost pulled away, but then she made a sound low in her throat that turned it up a notch. She was so beautifully sexy when she wanted to be. I couldn’t help but be entranced by her charm.
She pulled away and smiled up at me shyly before turning away to look out at the view we now found ourselves looking at. I don’t think I could have planned a better moment.
I’d had all these great ideas of how I was going to impress her, but it had all went away and we had done it all on a whim. It wasn’t something that I was used to, but there was a sense of freedom in it that I hadn’t realized before. I wouldn’t want to do that sort of thing all of the time, but at the end of the day, I really enjoyed myself. However it could have been the girl that made everything more manageable and pleasant.
“You are really quiet today Keenan. Is there something that you want to do? I have just been dragging you around and you haven’t really suggested anything.”
“No, I am fine. You know more about what is here than I do. I have liked spending time with you here.”
“So what else did you plan to do here? Is there business or a meeting you have to get to?”
She was waiting for me to take off for work and it was then that I realized how much I must do that. We hadn’t been married that long at all and she already sounded like every single person that was close to me in my life. They all said the same thing, that I was married to my work.
“No work. I told you that I took the weekend off.”
“You also said that you never take weekends off last week.”
“Yeah I did. Things have changed. I told you that you changed me Gemma. I don’t want to work all weekend. I wanted to see you and spend time with you. There is still so much that we need to learn about each other.”
Gemma looked confused and I stopped myself from getting so passionate about it. She wanted to take things slow, pretend that there wasn’t something real between us. I had moved past the how we had met. It didn’t matter, we met, we were married and now I would like to get on with our life. As it is.
“I don’t know what this is Keenan. I really don’t. When you kiss me, it feels like this is all meant to be, but then I remember why we are married. I can’t be okay with it all of a sudden. I don’t know how you are.”
She hadn’t really said much since our painting earlier. I wanted to pull her to me every chance we got that we were alone, but I knew better. She was being standoffish and I didn’t know what it was that I was supposed to do. I wanted her to see that I wanted her in all ways. She knew though. She knew and she wasn’t ready for it.
But I was. I was ready for more from here. I yearned for her and I felt like I was going to lose all control if I didn’t have her soon. I couldn’t wait any longer. I wanted my wife, now.
Gemma moved back from the side of the concrete bridge that we were on. It looked out into the ocean and for a moment I wanted to pull her to me. All she had to see and realize was how good we could be together and then she wouldn’t deny us anymore. She wouldn’t deny me and then we would both get what it was that we both needed.
“I know we are meant to be Gemma, that’s how I don’t let it bother me. I feel lucky to have found you and even though I don’t like how this all came about, I am just happy to have you. I can wait for you to come around. We are together till death do us part, so I have all the time in the world to wait.”
I was dying inside to say that, but she seemed to perk up a little bit. I think it was the idea that I was going to give her some time that she liked the most. I meant every word of it. I was willing to wait, even if it was going to kill me in the process.
Chapter 17
Gemma
“Are you sure that there aren’t any more rooms? I mean, there has to be a room somewhere?”
“No, I want us to stay together. It isn’t like we haven’t shared a bed before.”
Yeah but that was not something I had planned then or now. He was supposed to back out before we had gotten that far, but he had stuck it out anyways. I remembered how I felt lying next to him long after he had gone to sleep. I didn’t want to do that again. And that was before we had been so close to intimacy. My body still shivered with thoughts of sunrise with Keenan.
“Okay, you are right. I was just not ready for that I guess. I know that you wanted this to be special and it has been. It’s just…” It’s just that I was afraid of what would happen. I was afraid that somehow I wasn’t going to make it out the same woman that went to bed next to him. He was going to touch me and taste me, change me for better or for worse.
Like him I was ready for something more, but there was another side of me that was louder and told me that if I got in bed with him, I would regret it. I was
already regretting so many things. I didn’t want him to be one of them.
“It will be fine Gemma. I don’t bite.”
As soon as he said that I looked up into his eyes and he had this grin on his face that made me smile back. “Not too hard anyways.”
I looked away and felt my face getting red. He wasn’t helping matters at all and I had a feeling that he wasn’t trying to. Keenan liked me on edge and he did a very good job of it.
“Well no biting and no…”
“I know. No funny business. I was hoping that you would see this as a late honeymoon, like we talked about before.”
I shook my head. That was before I had let him touch me and felt the torrent of emotions that it caused. Now I knew his power and it scared me that he had so much over me in such a short amount of time.
“It’s okay Gemma. I am a patient man.”
He didn’t look very patient and I doubted that he had to wait for much in his life, if anything of real consequence. He was the type that got everything handed to him. I wasn’t going to be one of those things, even though I wanted to be in his arms.
“As long as you know where we stand.”
“I know where we stand Gemma. Now can we get some sleep?”
I shook my head and tried not to look at him too much as he pulled his shirt off in front of me. I remembered his hard chest and I was at a loss of words. He looked so good that I knew I was doomed.
I was doomed from the moment I said ‘I do’.
***
“I can sleep on the couch in there if you want me to Gemma.”
“No, it’s fine.”
“Well you keep tossing and turning. Are you sure you are okay?”
“Yes, I am fine.”
“You have said fine like three times. This can’t be your final answer. What is the matter?”
I was ready to explode if he wanted to know the truth. I wanted him to touch me and ever since we had gotten in bed together, he was burning me up with him permeating heat and I was ready to lose my mind. What was he doing to me?
“Nothing.”
“You are fine.”
I started to give a rebuttal, but I figured I was better off not saying anything at all. I was miserable, I felt miserable and I knew that he could make me feel better. All I had to do was ask. But asking felt like it might physically hurt me.
He turned towards me and made me look at him. ‘I don’t like this between us. I want to know you Gemma. You need to let me in.”
I knew that he wasn’t talking about sex, but that was all I could think about. His hard chest was so close to mine and my eyes followed the low light to where the sheets started to cover him up at the waist. Why did I want to know so badly what he looked like underneath it all?
“Keenan.” I stopped, not sure what to say. He was looking at me, his eyes were steady on my lips and I licked them slightly because they suddenly felt so dry. It was dark but still I could see the need in his eyes and I knew what he wanted. It was what I would have given him without a second thought earlier if that man hadn’t showed up. He had stopped me in my tracks, but it was almost impossible to try to deny it. How could I when I knew myself so well. He had felt so good and there was no way that I would have stopped him if the driver hadn’t showed up and stopped us.
“Gemma, why don’t you give us a chance?”
“We are already married.”
“I mean give us a real chance. Forget about your father and the reasons that we got married. Just think about this between us. It was meant to be and if that was how we were to meet, then I am okay with it.”
What he was saying was sweet in a way, but he didn’t seem to get it. I was the one that was railroaded into this. He chose this, while I had it thrust upon me. But he was right about one thing, whatever way we had met it did feel so right between us. It felt like this was what was supposed to happen the whole time. Why couldn’t I just give into it one time? If not now, then when?
“I have never done anything with another man Keenan, not really. You know what you know, but that was it. I have never been with a man.”
“And you don’t think I am good enough?” His face was getting screwed up in anger or jealousy, but I tried to calm him.
“No it’s not that, it’s just, I am scared. I know that I am older than most women when they lose their virginity, but even now I am scared to death of it.”
His face softened. “You didn’t seem to worried about it earlier when we were in the grove with all of the cherry blossoms.”
“No, that was different. I wasn’t thinking about anything. When you touch me, it is hard to think of anything else. I don’t know what that means, but I know that you worry me.”
He moved closer and propped his head up on his hand. “Why do you have to think so much? Maybe that is part of the problem. You think too much.”
Keenan was moving closer and he was so close that I could smell the peppermint from after dinner still on his breath. He was smothering me in his heat and it was hard to not want to go towards it.
“Keenan, what happens later?”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, what happens when you are done doing business with my father?”
Keenan just shook his head and smiled at me. “See there you go again thinking too much. There is a lot that can happen, Gemma, but tonight I just want to think about us and right now. You are here and so am I. You feel good in my arms Gemma. Why do we have to keep on fighting it?”
I didn’t have an answer and the truth was that I didn’t want to fight it anymore. It was tearing me apart, pulling me one way and then another. Instead of trying to think of reasons why I shouldn’t, I started to think of reasons why I should.
Lifting my head up slightly, I pressed my lips against his and waited for a reaction. It didn’t take but a second for him to see the kiss as my answer and to let my head fall back down to the pillow. Keenan was on top of me so quickly that it took my breath away. I went from making a decision to being overwhelmed with his hard body on top of mine, pressing me into the soft mattress.
His lips were still on mine and then his tongue was pushing my lips open so that he could delve inside. His hands held me down, while his hips rubbed up against me over and over again. I could feel his hardness and with every pass, it pressed against my sensitive nub ever so slightly. It drove me nuts and I was soon lifting my hips up to meet his. It was just natural to do so and the pleasure increased as he ground against me even more.
Keenan moved his mouth down to my throat and then my shoulders as his hand pressed against me. I jumped the first couple of times he made a pass, then it was like I couldn’t get enough and my hips were off of the bed completely, trying to get more intimate of a touch from him.
“Yes, please don’t stop. Right there.”
He had found a place so sensitive that I didn’t even know it existed. It made me jump every time he passed over that particular spot, but I didn’t want him to stop. Something wonderful was about to happen, I just knew it.
Keenan didn’t answer me, but he did listen. He wasn’t going to stop, which was a godsend for me because a few moments later I burst with pleasure under his ministrations. It was impossible not to feel every muscle in my body tighten up and then release. I felt like I had imploded inside and I was now full of jelly. It was the only way that I could describe the feeling.
His hand was insistent and he wouldn’t stop. The sensitive spot was now so much more than that and even a little slight touch of his fingers was enough to send me over the edge again. I called out his name and Keenan told me that it was music to his ears.
“God, I love it when you come, Gemma. You sound so damn sweet. I never want you to stop.”
I wanted him to stop though. I couldn’t take any more pleasure for a moment and I pushed his hands away. He didn’t move it back, but he pushed his knee in between my legs and started to add pressure and crudely rub on me that way.
I wish I could say th
at it didn’t work and I was able to pull it together. But somehow the knee seemed to do more for me than anything else and I cried out again, my body racked with tension.
“Please Keenan.”
He smiled down at me and asked me what it was that I wanted. I didn’t have an answer, just a hand pushing back against him. I needed to breathe and I couldn’t so that when he was touching me in such a way. “No more.”
“But baby, I am just getting started.”
I was already there and back, so I wasn’t happy to hear that he was just getting started. Wasn’t he here with me? Didn’t he see that my body couldn’t take anymore? That I couldn’t take anymore?
“Keenan I can’t.”
He was getting up and taking the boxers off that he had slid into bed with. My eyes darted away, not wanting to see him in that way. I didn’t want him to see my fear and the nerves that ran through me.
“Look at me Gemma.” When I didn’t, he repeated himself, but added husband at the end. It was a reminder who he was to me, but I didn’t need a reminder.
When I could finally pull my gaze to him, he was smiling at me. I wasn’t though. My eyes flitted down between his legs and what I saw there made me shake inside. I was trembling in anticipation and with other emotions that I couldn’t stop no matter how badly I wanted to.
“Come here.”
He put his hand out to mine and pulled me up out of the bed. I covered my shoulders to ward myself from the cold, but it was doing nothing for the shaking inside of me.
As I got closer, he shortened the gap in between us with a few long strides and I tried not to move back. “I want to see you.”
“Again?”
Keenan nodded and I felt my cheeks getting red. He was thinking about the other day when he had woken me up and I had gotten up not thinking, flashing him everything before I realized what I was doing. As my clothes came off again, his eyes were dark and lustful in the same way as before.
“You are perfect Gemma. How did I get so lucky?”
There was no way that I could respond when he was looking at me like that. He looked like he wanted to scarf me down for dinner and so help me I wanted him to. I was already weak from before and I knew that there was more to come, lots more.