by Lauren Wood
“Close the door behind you Meri.”
Doing as I asked, I offered her the seat across from my desk and Meri sat down, crossing her legs in a modest way.
“So this is your first week over. How did everything go?”
“Pretty well I think Sir. Thank you for the opportunity.”
I sighed at Meri. “Please don’t call me Sir. I think we know each other a bit too much to be so formal.”
“Yes.”
“I got some paperwork in from Thailand that I have been meaning to give you. It is releasing you from all of the charges officially. It has been hard to find you lately. Have you been avoiding me?”
“No, not at all Sam. I have just been busy and want to make sure I am doing a good job. This job means a lot to me.”
She was trying to steer the conversation away from what I wanted to talk about. I tried to think through it while I went through a stack of papers on the desk for the ones for her. It wasn’t that important, not really, but it kept her here and gave me a little more time to think about all of it.
“Here it is.”
“Thank you for everything Sam.”
Again she was reminding me of how she owed me and it was ruining where I wanted this conversation to go with this. It made me feel like I was taking advantage of her and I wasn’t. Damn she made this so much harder than it had to be.
“Was there anything else Sir?”
Back to Sir, again. I shook my head and told her that there wasn’t anything else. I was at a loss of words and the more I thought about it, the more it drove me crazy. Why couldn’t she be like every other woman? I could barely shake them, but the one woman I wanted, wouldn’t give me the time of day. It really just didn’t make any sense at all.
“I will see you Monday Sir. I hope you have a good weekend.”
“It would be better if you would go out with me on Saturday. We could do whatever you want to do. Go wherever you wanted to go.”
Meri told me thanks, but she wouldn’t be available. She had plans with Ashlyn and I watched her leave. This was becoming too complicated and I didn’t like complications. If Meri wouldn’t have me, someone would. I had never had trouble before. I just needed to get the vixen out of my mind.
***
Meri wasn’t getting out of my head like I needed her to. She was stuck there and when I decided that I was going to find someone else to push her out, I knew that I was going to call an old friend that I hadn’t seen in a few months. Angie wasn’t what I was looking for, but she would have to do.
I called her up and Angie was always ready to see me. I knew that she was just as sexual as I was and unlike other women, she wasn’t afraid to show that side of her. It was one of the things that I liked best about her, though I had never said it out loud. I don’t know if she would have been offended if I had.
We met at the Castrov bar and she was waiting for me at a table when I got there. Angie stood up and I took her slim body into my arms. She was beautiful, her long brown hair swept back in a ponytail and a tight dress that showed off how trim and petite she was. The feel of her body was so different than Meri. I immediately felt the difference and wished that they were built alike more. It would have been easier for my brain to pass her off as Meri that way.
“It has been a long time Sam. I thought you had forgotten about little old me.”
“How could I forget about you Angela? I have just been too busy to partake in the better part of life.”
Angie chuckled and took a sip of her wine. She had a grin on her face that I had loved to see. It was full of mischief and I knew what she was thinking about. Angie moved closer to me and I felt her hand go on my thigh.
“What are we doing here?”
“We are having a drink.”
“Why here? Don’t you want to go somewhere where we can be alone and we can act on the urgings that we are feeling right now?”
It was exactly what I wanted, but I wasn’t as ready to leave with her as I would have thought I was. I needed this, my body needed this and even though she wasn’t Meri, that didn’t mean that it wasn’t going to be enough. My body was working on the invitation of privacy, even if my brain hadn’t caught up yet. It was hung up on a woman that I couldn’t have, so there seemed to be no real reason to deny myself.
I finished the drink in front of me and took her hand, leading her out of the bar and into the waiting car that was out front.
“You had me worried there Sam. I missed this side of you.”
The door was opened and she kissed me on my lips, her tongue pushing through to mine and I could tell that she was ready, most likely wet. That was something that I remembered very fondly about Angie, that and her willingness to please.
When we got into the car, she sat so close to me, her hand back on my thigh as I told the driver to take me to the hotel. There was a part of me that knew this was wrong, but I tried to push back the thoughts that were haunting me. How was I ever going to get anywhere this way?
It didn’t take long for Angie to do what she does best. She was pulling my pants down and before long I was in her hands. The palm was soft and small, though not as small as they should have seemed. I wanted to take her, make her mine, but the rest of me now wasn’t so sure. I had been hard for weeks it felt like, but now there was nothing tenting my pants.
“Are you sure you are okay? Did you drink too much?”
Her hand rubbed on my shaft, but nothing happened. This had never been a problem before and I didn’t know what to do. After a few minutes, we were at the hotel and I was no closer to being with Angie than I was before. She even tried to use her mouth to get me going, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to.
“What is going on here Sam? This has never happened before. Do you not like me anymore?”
The driver was opening the door as I was sitting up to get my pants back where they belonged. I was embarrassed to no end, but it wasn’t as surprising as it should have been. Angie wasn’t what I wanted, no matter how talented she was. I wanted Meri, the innocent one that had no experience. My pleasure from her was derived from the reaction to her own. I didn’t need to know anymore. It was clear that my body wasn’t going to go with it.
“I am sorry Angie. I am really tired and I thought that I would be able to muster through it.”
“Do you want to come up and see if we can get you back on track?”
If I thought that it would actually work, I would have went upstairs with her and tried. But I knew that it wasn’t going to work because I just didn’t want it to. I didn’t want to try when it was like banging my head against a wall anyways.
“I’m sorry to have called you out and then left you wanting.”
“It’s okay Sam. I have missed you and it was good to see you. Are you sure you won’t come up?”
Her tone was confused and I felt like I should second that notion. I was confused too. How could Meri be affecting me so much? She made it clear that she didn’t want to pursue anything further. I should back off and give her space, but what if I wasn’t able to ever move on? Was I really supposed to wait for her to come around, or worse, what if she doesn’t come around ever?
Chapter 17
Meri
Things were getting easier at the office, though I couldn’t say if that was a good thing or a bad thing. Sam didn’t pursue me as much anymore. I did check him looking at me from time to time when he thought I wasn’t paying attention. I didn’t like what happened between us, but I felt like it was all for the best.
It was almost the holidays and since I was staying in the city and didn’t have any family anymore, I volunteered to stay around and get the work done while most of the accounting department took the week off. I needed the extra money and with nothing else to do, it seemed like the natural course of things. I hadn’t even put one decoration up, so it wasn’t feeling very festive at my apartment anyways.
“Meri. You are still here?”
I shrugged and didn’t even lo
ok up. I had learned that if I didn’t really look at Sam, I wasn’t pushed into that strange place where I could barely utter a word around him.
“Just finishing up some reports so I don’t have to come in tomorrow.”
“Why aren’t you with your family, gone like everyone else?”
“I don’t have much family, so it is better to work and keep my mind off of everything. Why are you still here Sir?”
He growled at me under his breath and I had a feeling that it was because I still didn’t feel comfortable calling him by his real name, no matter what we had gone through together. Here everything was different and I had to forget how it was in Thailand.
“I have a party to attend tonight. I am just staying around until it is time to go. No sense in going all the way home if I don’t need to.”
I nodded my head like I understood and went back to my work. I could see that he was still in front of me and he wasn’t budging. What more did he want?
Finally I looked up and our eyes met for a moment. I shouldn’t have done that. I really shouldn’t have because I felt a wave of pleasure when I did. He was hungry for me and I looked away before I saw more there than I was supposed to. My body was already responding, my nipples getting harder by the minute.
“Why don’t you come with me? I believe that you will know some of the people there. Ashlyn will most likely be there.”
His mention of Ashlyn made me straighten up. I didn’t like being around him and Ashlyn at the same time. It made me feel like I was crossing a line somewhere. She had warned me about Sam and I hadn’t listened. Once I got the warning, it was too late. It felt like it was too late now.
“I don’t think that is a good idea Sam. Not with everything between us.”
He waved me off and said that he wasn’t going to take no for an answer. I remembered a time when I couldn’t tell him no, though now it was a little different. Now I knew that I could, but I was to the point that I didn’t want to tell him no. I really missed him and what he could to do my body. I swear it was the extra hormones or something, but I couldn’t get this man out of my head.
“Fine, but only for a few moments. I don’t want to stay out too long.”
Sam got this look on his face as if he had won and that made me far more nervous than anything else. It felt like he had something up his sleeve and I wasn’t sure what it was. I had a feeling that I could guess though. It didn’t look like he was going to be good, so I was going to have to be for the both of us.
I finished up my work and met Sam down by the elevators. It wasn’t like the first ride that we had taken, this time it was much more awkward and I think both of us were at a loss of words of what to say. I didn’t say anything and Sam was quiet for once as well. He was so close to me though that it bothered me, I could feel his presence so clearly. I started talking to fill in the dead space.
“Was there something on your mind Sam? I don’t think I have ever seen you this quiet.”
“I miss you.”
I wasn’t ready to go back there again, so I ignored the sentiment. “I am sure you have moved on Sam. I know how it is for men like you in the city. I bet tons of women are trying to get into your bed. You are rather good looking.”
He surprised me with a chuckle and then he sat closer. “You know that you are the only one that I want Meri. When are we going to stop this charade and see where this all goes?”
I knew what he was talking about, what he wanted, but there was too much at stake. I couldn’t agree to it, not when I knew that he would drown me again and I would have no help getting back to the surface.
“We both know where it will go Sam. That is why we are going to be professional. I don’t want you to think that me coming with you means anything more than it sounded better than sitting at home all night by myself.”
“You really know how to kill my hope.”
“Someone needs to. We both need to stop pretending that this is something more than it is.”
He didn’t answer me, but by the way his teeth gritted together, making his jaw twitched, I knew he was upset with me. “I don’t feel that way at all. I think you need to stop pretending like you don’t feel something for me. I know you do and all I have to do is touch you and you will turn to jelly in my hands. Have you found someone else to do that for you?”
Sam was really upset and I wasn’t sure how to respond. Was he jealous? If I didn’t know any better, if it wasn’t Sam, I would have thought that he was being jealous, but for him it just didn’t make sense.
“I don’t think that is any of your business Sam. You are getting out of line.”
“Maybe so. But I have seen you and Grant running around the building. You two are attached at the hip. What does he say that has you giggling in such a way?”
He was definitely jealous and I really liked the way it looked and the way he felt about all of it. I know that I wasn’t supposed to. I was supposed to be getting over him after all, but it was nice to know that he couldn’t just get over us as easily as he had tried to make me believe when I was leaving Thailand. It was good to know that I wasn’t the only one hurting because of all of this. I missed him, as he told me he missed me, but I didn’t see a resolution coming out of this. How was this even supposed to happen with the way things were going right now?
“You are not being very nice Sam. You are my boss, nothing else that would give you the right to say such things to me. You can just let me out right here.” For wanting to be with him one minute, the next I was ready to knock his head off of his shoulders. That was how frustrated he made me about everything.
“We are here. No reason to get so dramatic. We are just talking.”
I tried to keep my temper in check. My emotions were all over the place lately and I just didn’t feel like myself. It was all because of Sam.
I got out before the door could be opened for me and I didn’t even once look back. I didn’t even know where I was, but all in all I was worried about what happened next. I needed to work something out and get out of here before I was pulled back in under his spell.
My thoughts of escape were silenced when he took my arm in his and pulled me close to his side. “You are just too damn beautiful tonight Meri. I am not going to be able to let you leave my sight.”
His words made me blush and I didn’t look at him. I didn’t want him to know what he did to me.
“I thought you said you were going to be good Sam?” I was still upset about the conversation minutes before in the car. Just because we were at a party for charity, it didn’t make me less apt to forget about it.
“I promise that I will be good Meri, just give me another chance.” He didn’t mean that he would act responsibly. It meant that he would pleasure me well. That I had no doubt of. Sam was always good for that, if nothing else. But what I didn’t get was why he was being so pushy all of a sudden. It had been a couple of months since that lunch we had in that restaurant, but now he was giving me far too much of his time and attention. I didn’t know what I was supposed to do with it.
“Like I said, I am only staying for a little bit Sam, but thank you for the invitation. It can feel lonely around the holidays.”
“That it can, especially when you are not with the one you love.”
His eyes met mine and I looked away quickly. Here I was reading into everything he said and it was just screwing with my brain. Was this what he did on purpose or was it me, reaching for what I wanted to hear?
“Yes, that can be hard. Are you staying in the city tomorrow?”
“I don’t have anywhere else I would rather be. I know of a person I would like to spend it with, spend all day unwrapping her like a present, but I will have to keep my thoughts to myself.”
Now I knew that he was talking about me and us. I was uncomfortable to say the least, but we were walking into a large mansion and I didn’t have any more time to think about it. He had failed to tell me that it was the Kennedy Christmas Party that we were going to. It
was a charity event, but it was also one of the biggest to-do parties of the year. If I would have known we were coming here, I would have insisted that I get to go home to change. I felt frumpy and I pulled the scarf off of my neck and put it around my waist.
“Why didn’t you tell me this is where we were going?”
“I don’t know. I thought you might now want to come.”
He was right. I might not have wanted to, but now it was too late. I had been so busy talking to him when we got out of the car that I didn’t notice where I was. “I am not dressed for this.”
“You look stunning and every woman here is going to be looking at you with envy.”
If they did, I knew that it would be the man on my arm and nothing to do with the fifty dollar dress that I was wearing. There was more money in this room then in the rest of the world and here I was in the middle of it all. It didn’t make sense to me and again I felt this feeling that I was in a dream, about to wake up. How was I back here in this world, with Sam?
Chapter 18
Meri
“I think it is time to go home Sam. Is your driver still out front?”
“I am not leaving until you meet me in the other room. We have unfinished business since the restaurant.”
I couldn’t believe that he was saying those sorts of things to me. I knew what he wanted and when I checked his face, I could see that he was not going to be put off so easily.
“We are at a party. There is nowhere to do that sort of thing here, besides that, it wouldn’t be right.”
“I don’t worry about what is right or wrong Meri. That is wasted on people that care to be proper. I don’t have that problem at all.”
“I do, though I have never considered it a problem before.”
“What will it take for you to come with me? Just for a few moments.”
“Nothing Sam. This isn’t meant to be.”
He pulled me to him so fast that it took my breath away and in front of everyone that was around us at the party, Sam pulled me in for a kiss. It was a devastating touch and I wasn’t sure what to do. I could feel my body molding against his, I couldn’t stop it. I wanted him so badly and I finally couldn’t surrender my thoughts anymore. I was his, always had been and the more he touched me, the more I was lost in the moment.