by Lauren Wood
Kendra: ‘Good to hear that you are doing so well.’
Dennis: ‘And you. You always said that you were going to help people.’
Kendra: ‘I try.’
Kendra: ‘It’s not like I thought it would be, but nothing ever is.’
I was thinking about Dennis when I said this. I couldn’t believe that he had come to my job, but I should have known that he wasn’t going to let it go. He kept sending those requests, over and over again. Some things never changed and it seemed that his need to get his way was still just as strong as when I had known him before.
Hiding in the bathroom, I was perched on the toilet seat, my heart racing, staring at my screen and waiting for an answer. I don’t know what had gotten into me, but it was clear that I was going to have to figure something out. If I hadn’t contacted him, he would just come back to my job and I would have to explain myself again to Craig. He didn’t like that a rich man was outside waiting for me and the look on his face was priceless. I didn’t want to see that again.
Dennis: ‘Things with us didn’t quite work out the way I thought they would. When we were together, I thought that this would never end.’
Kendra: ‘Yes, it went a lot differently than I thought it would as well. I thought that we really had something going.’
Dennis: ‘We did. You will always be the one that got away. I still think about all of those times summer nights that we spent together riding around in my car. Do you remember going up to the overlook and making love on my Mustang? I remember everything about you Kendra. I still remember what you taste like and how you would call out my name as you came. I miss that Kendra. I miss us.’
I stopped and my heart stopped as well. Someone was in the bathroom and it was time for me to go anyways. I didn’t want to think about the moments in his car. They were some of the best of my life and I could still remember how he made me feel, how he made my body explode. I knew even then that I would never find it again. Well I had been right because out of ten years, I still hadn’t met another man that could please me in the way that Dennis did.
I stared at the phone a while longer, even though there were others in the restroom with me. I had to pull myself together before I could speak to him more. He had my body wet and in need with just a few words. Yeah, I remembered Dennis too well.
KENDRA : ‘Work calls, got to go.’
I moved out of the stall and smiled at the girls that had walked in. No one went to the bathroom alone, they were in a pack.
“I will see you guys outside for free time, right?”
Jessica nodded and Ashlea did the same. It was the time of day that we could all get out of the building and go for a walk to a park, get out and get some sunshine. It was just as important as everything else. I was feeling cooped up as well. I needed some time to think and some fresh air to make my brain work a little better.
***
The air didn’t help to clear my mind, but it did give me time to think about all of the what-ifs that I had circulating in there. What if this was meant to be? I had thought about him after several years of only a sideways glance, but now he was always on my mind again. Then he starts popping up online and at my job. This wasn’t going to go away until Dennis got what he came for. It was best that I found out what it was that he wanted.
Kendra: ‘So why are you looking me up now Dennis? I have lived in Miami for years.’
Dennis: ‘I didn’t know that. I would have thought you were married and living somewhere else. You never did like Florida too much. I just miss you Kendra, I miss us.’
Dennis: ‘I ran into Bobby. Do you remember Bobby Seagul? We got to talking about the old days and you were the first person that came to mind. I realized how long it had been since we talked and I wanted to see how you were doing.’
Dennis: ‘I am not going to lie. I started thinking about all of the good times and how we were together. I just miss you Kendra. I miss the way things used to be with us. Then I looked you up and couldn’t believe you were still single. I have been looking at your pictures for days. You haven’t changed a bit.’
Kendra: ‘I am doing well Dennis. Thanks for the concern.’
Dennis: ‘I want to see you. I want to be with you again. You can’t tell me that you don’t miss what we had, the way I made you feel. The way I made you scream my name as you came all over me.’
I tapped my finger on the phone and turned it off, sliding it back in my pocket. He wanted to meet face to face and I didn’t know if that was a good idea. It was quite clear what was on his mind. Dennis knew me too well and at one point he had known my body better than I had known it myself. It was a hard thing to forget about. Even my heart remembered as it slammed in my chest with just the idea of seeing him again. Why did he have to bring up the way things were in the bedroom? I missed the physical aspects with him the most. It wasn’t the safety that I felt in his arms that made me yearn for him. It was the way I had begged for more at night that kept me up.
It was almost time to get off of work and I was eager to get home where I could think of Dennis and what to do next. Work kept my mind busy, but I needed some quiet to really think this through. If I denied his request, Dennis was liable to continue asking until he wore me down. He was just that kind of man. I had to meet him, if only just once to appease him.
Kendra: ‘Tonight?’
I almost hoped that he was busy, so that I could prolong the inevitable, but I really didn’t have a choice. He responded back with a place and time. I stared at the phone for a while, not sure what I was supposed to do next. Had I really just agreed to see the one man that had been able to break my heart?
***
I got to the restaurant a little late. It wasn’t because I had done it on purpose, but because I didn’t know what to wear. What does a person wear to see a man she hasn’t seen in ten years? I had done myself no favor by looking him up online. He was richer than I could have imagined and he still looked good, really good. Dennis didn’t look like he had aged a bit. He was a bit bigger than before, but that was the only difference that I could see. He was wider around the chest and shoulders. His arms were still huge, even in a business suit. I didn’t see not one picture of him that he was wearing anything besides a tailored suit, he always looked so professional. He looked powerful and just the idea of seeing him again had my knees going weak. I had spent far too much time staring in the mirror, pointing out to myself all of the different changes that I could see from before.
So now I was here and I was even more nervous than when I left the house. The drive was only ten minutes, but it felt like an hour. I didn’t know what to expect and the more I thought about it, the more worried I got. What did he want to see me for? It was so long ago. It’s not like he felt the way about me anymore. It’s not like I still felt that way about him. There is just no way.
The hostess brought me to a back table where Dennis was already waiting. His back was to me and I didn’t have to see his face to know it was him. I would have recognized his shoulders from anywhere. Those strong arms used to wrap around me and I would feel like I was safe. I needed them now, but I knew that all of that and the healing effects were most likely gone.
“Dennis?”
He turned around and those green eyes made me stop where I was. He was happy to see me, I could see it in the crinkles of his eyes, but then there was more and I looked away. Dennis always did have the most expressive face. I never had to ask what he wanted because I always knew. Now though, I needed to ignore what it was that he wanted. Those eyes told me everything and there was nothing that I could do to stop the skipping of my heart. He wanted me, underneath him and for just a moment, I could envision myself right where he wanted me.
He stood up and towered over me. I stuck my hand out like I was going to shake his and he pushed it away. “I think we go too far back to worry about being proper Kendra. I want a hug. I haven’t seen you in a long time.”
I let him hug me and I regretted it the
instant he had his arms around me. He felt so good and I felt the same safe feeling that I had before. I couldn’t ignore it and I closed my eyes for a moment to exhale deeply before pulling away and putting some distance in between us.
“You look good Dennis. You still look like a football star.”
“And you look the same. You were always pretty, but now you are a gorgeous woman. I shouldn’t have let you go.”
It was the second time that he had said something like that and talk like that made me nervous. That was talk about regrets and I know that I had some of my own. I didn’t regret ever being with Dennis, I learned a lot, but I regretted how it ended and how devastated I was for years to come. He had changed me and I wasn’t ready to be molded like dough again.
“No, you shouldn’t have. I told you that back then. Now look at you though. It doesn’t look like you are any worse for wear. I can’t believe that you aren’t married with a little team of your own right now. Ten years is a longtime. I am surprised that you even remember me.”
“How could I forget you Kendra?”
I shrugged and didn’t have an answer. I wish I knew it because I would have used it to get over him a long time ago. It was hard enough just the few moments that I would think of him, having him here in front of me was akin to torture.
“Well now that we both know we remember, what are we doing here?”
“I want you back.”
I scoffed. “You don’t know me anymore Dennis and my heart still hurts from the last time that you crushed it.”
He leaned closer to me, “I know that I hurt you, but I hurt myself as well. I never found anyone to compare to you Kendra and you should believe me when I say I have looked. I have tried to find a woman that made me feel the way that you did, that was as compatible as we were, but there is no one but you. I know that now. What we had together cannot be replicated.”
“I have read about you Dennis, I think I can believe it. It doesn’t seem like you are short on love affairs, so I find it hard that you couldn’t find one that would get you off like me.”
Dennis sighed and sat back. “You know you are still the only woman that gives me shit. It isn’t how you got me off Kendra, but how I got you off. The way you would come, never have I seen that again. You made me feel like more of a man because of it. God, do you know how long I have looked, trying to find a squirter like you?”
“You always needed someone to give you shit. Too bad you don’t have that in your life to keep you straight.” I failed to mention the rest. He was constantly talking about our sex-life from before, making me miss it more than I already did. He made me realize that I have been looking for him as well. I have been looking for the connection and chemistry that we had together once before. I had given up at some point, knowing that it was never going to be that good again.
“I need you in my life and I want you back in my bed Kendra.”
It was the words that everyone woman wanted to hear, but at the same time I didn’t. I had already gone down this rabbit hole before and I wasn’t sure if I wanted to go down it again. I barely made it out alive the last time.
Chapter 8
Dennis
I could hear the desperation in my own voice and I hated the sound of it. How had it all gone so wrong? I felt like I did when we were together before, like I was young and still not able to handle my emotions. I had spent years perfecting it, to feel nothing or at the very least to show nothing, but I never could with her. I didn’t want to.
“I know that this is all of a sudden Kendra, but I know you feel the same way as I do. Ten years or fifty years won’t change that. What we had, the pleasure we shared, that doesn’t go away with time.”
She smiled at me and looked away. “Well I am glad you didn’t take fifty years. I would have hated to not see you like this. You have really grown up Dennis. You are bigger now and a man.”
I felt the same way and I liked the feel of her eyes appraising me. I was equally glad that she liked what she saw. I certainly did. Kendra really hadn’t changed but in subtle ways that seemed to make her more womanly. Her hips were a bit rounder, as well as her top. Everything about her now was curves and valleys. It would take all day to get to the bottom of every change and I was eager to start such an assignment.
Her eyes flitted from mine and away. They were still the color of the sky on a perfect day. It made me remember all of the times I was inside of her, getting lost in those eyes of hers.
“Well like I said before, you look the same. I can’t get over it. I thought you would have changed, but now you are even more beautiful. You should be a model, not working in the inner city.”
Kendra bristled at my comment and I could tell that she wasn’t flattered by it. She had always been hard headed and a woman that had her mind made up with what she was going to do. She wanted to help people and she was doing just that. If nothing else, I was happy that she had followed her heart. I just didn’t like the idea of her working there, or anywhere for that matter.
“It’s not as bad as it looks and I wouldn’t trade it for any other job in the world. I love those girls and since I don’t have any of my own, it is nice to be around kids.”
I wanted to ask her why she hadn’t been married and why she didn’t have kids. I thought even back then when we dated that she was going to be a good mother and it seemed like a waste for her not to be one.
“So why are you single?”
Kendra shrugged. “I don’t know. Why are you single? Still picky as ever, huh? Or you just can’t get enough women? You always did have an insatiable need.”
“Of course, but it wasn’t about being picky. I just didn’t find any one that I could truly love. Not really and you are right, I have tried. So what about you? I am sure you were asked by many men. You were a wildcat in and out of the bedroom. You were wife material.”
“A couple of times, or maybe a few more than that, but it never was what I wanted either I guess. I never felt the spark that you always hear about and if I was going to get married, I want that spark.”
I sat back and smiled at her. I had forgotten how much of a hopeless romantic she was. I was glad to see that side of her still existed. It meant that there was some hope for me and her yet. I hadn’t even taken the time to realize when everything had changed. I was thinking about her in the long term and I am not sure when that happened. How did I get here when a couple of weeks ago she wasn’t even on my radar? I don’t know what changed, but seeing her again changed everything.
“So you haven’t found the spark yet? You haven’t found someone else to make you scream and come like I did?”
Her face turned bright red and I was wondering when she was going to respond to my comments. I had been baiting her for a while to see how much she was thinking about the past. I know that all I could think about was what we had been together, alone in the bedroom and everywhere else we could manage when the need had struck, which was quite often back then. I wanted to see if that naughty girl was still in there.
“Not really.”
“Not even with me Kendra?”
“Ours was young love Dennis. We were both too young to really know what love was. I don’t think that is what I am looking for anymore. What we had was intense, but at the end of the day it couldn’t have been that strong or we would still be together. It was a mistake or just fun will it lasted. I will always have fond memories of us.”
“Is that how you look at us now? That we are a mistake.”
Kendra was finding it hard to meet my gaze again. “Well I am certainly not as young and stupid as I used to be. Neither one of us are and at least we can see it for what it is now.”
“I know now what I missed out on Kendra. I don’t think of us that way. I still think of us as the one thing that I messed up. I would do anything to get back in those panties.”
She sighed and took a drink of her tea. “This is a lot to take on Dennis. I thought we were catching up? it seems like you have someth
ing on your mind.”
“We are. I want to catch up and get back to how things used to be. You have to know that this is what is supposed to happen. If it wasn’t supposed to find you, why are you here?”
“I’m not so sure that is a good idea. I know what kind of guy you are Dennis. I have read a lot about you since we talked. I don’t think we are looking for the same things. We never were. Besides, we don’t even know each other anymore Dennis. We live in two different worlds. Back then it wasn’t so bad because we didn’t care, but things are different now, aren’t they? I mean look at you. How could this be anything?”
All of what she said was true and if I wasn’t under her spell, I might have seen it that way, because that’s the way it was. There was something holding me back from that thinking, some small voice in my head that told me this was the girl I was supposed to be with.
“We all different and you are right about that, but it was always that way. We can’t help how we were raised and who are parents are. What does that have to do with us now though?”
Kendra sighed. “And you still don’t like no as an answer I see.” She smiled and looked away. At least she wasn’t annoyed when she used to say the same thing back then.
I chuckled a little and nodded my head in agreement. “I never have liked it one bit. You were the only one that ever told me no Kendra. I don’t want to take that as an answer this time. Maybe I came on too strong, but damn it’s been a while and I can still feel you underneath me. Seeing you like this brings back all of the old feelings. Do you not feel it as well?”
Her cheeks got pink and I could tell that she was thinking of the very same thing that I was. “While you paint a rosy picture Dennis, I seem to remember it a little bit better. That was a long time ago. I can’t say that I haven’t thought about it. You were my first love, but like I said, it was a long time ago and a lot has changed.”
“So you won’t even give me a chance?”