Hank slapped the heel of his hand on his forehead. He hadn’t used anything last night, hadn’t even crossed his mind. His cock had done all the thinking. This was what had gotten them into trouble the last time. Alyssa had been pregnant when they’d married.
“Is it a dangerous time of the month?” He had to consciously take deep breaths to keep from hyperventilating. His marriage was in shambles and he might have made things worse by bringing another innocent into the middle of it.
His wife shrugged as if she didn’t have a care in the world. “It’s hard to tell. You know I’m very irregular. I’ll just make sure I don’t drink until we know for sure. I wouldn’t be upset though. I’d love to have another child. I don’t want too many years between our kids.” She looked around the cabin and smiled. “We might need a bigger place if I am. Two bedrooms is going to feel very small when the next one comes.”
It was like he’d woken up in a strange house. Nothing was as he thought it should be. “Since when do you want more babies? You always seemed so overwhelmed with Luke.”
Alyssa tut-tutted and sipped her coffee. “I was a first time mom, Hank, and my husband worked a lot of hours. I’m not blaming you,” she added hastily. “As I said last night, I needed to learn to stand on my own two feet. But yes, there were times I felt overwhelmed. Potty training almost kicked my ass. But now that I’ve been through it, well, I miss having a baby. I’ll be more confident this time.”
“Alyssa,” he said carefully, not wanting his words to sound cruel or harsh. “Let’s hope there isn’t a this time. We’ve got enough problems without adding another baby to the mix. I meant what I said, last night doesn’t change things. I’m not ready to let you back into my life.”
“It’s good to be cautious.” She nodded as if she understood but her next words blew that out of the water. “But we’re a family and I won’t give up. I told you I’m in this for the long haul.”
“What can I do to convince you that it’s too late?” Hank groaned and stood to put his cup in the sink. He needed to get to the station. At least he would have the distraction of work there.
“You can’t,” she said simply. “I love you, Hank. Looks like you’ll need to learn to live with being the center of mine and Luke’s world.”
“I’m not going to argue with you anymore.” At least not this morning. She was wearing him out and starting to make sense. The sound of Tom’s truck in the driveway saved him from any more discussion. “I’ll be home by seven. What are you and Luke going to do today?”
“I thought I would take him by your mother’s house.”
Hank groaned as he rinsed out his cup. “Shit. Mom expects Luke to spend his days with her while I’m at work. I need to call her and somehow explain this. Hell, I don’t even understand it.”
Alyssa waved away his worry. “I’ll call your mother and explain everything. Relax, I’ll take all the blame.”
“She already blames you.” Not really. Alice Dixon had blamed Alyssa at the beginning but now blamed Hank. Every time he saw his mother she asked him when he was going to go after his wife and bring her home. She was going to be thrilled at the turn of events.
“So…you’ll be here when I get off work?”
He didn’t know why the hell he needed to be sure but he did.
“I’ll be here.” She caught his hand in hers and the skin tingled were they touched. “After awhile I hope you can trust that. I’ll always be here.”
He didn’t answer, instead picking up his keys and moving toward the front door. He needed time and space away from Alyssa to think about what had happened. Mostly he needed two aspirin. Last night’s beer and this morning’s revelations had given him a wicked headache. Hopefully there wouldn’t be any calls from the Perry ranch today.
“I love you! Have a good day!” she called after him.
He headed down the driveway to where Tom waited to take Hank to his truck. He wasn’t ready to answer back, and he might not ever be.
“Do you have everything packed for your trip? You’ve only got a few more days to go, right?” Seth asked as he refilled his coffee. It was a rare quiet moment at the station house as their shifts wound down. It had been just busy enough for the time to pass quickly but not so crazy they were exhausted. If only every day could be this good.
“Holy hell, I forgot about that.” With everything going on with Alyssa, the fishing trip had flown from straight out of Hank’s mind.
Seth frowned as he settled into the chair next to Hank’s desk. “You’ve been talking about the trip for weeks. How could you have forgotten?”
“Alyssa.”
“She always did have a way of messing with you.” Seth smiled over his coffee cup. “What has she done now?”
Hank wasn’t one to talk about his problems but he felt the need to make an exception today. His mother would only tell him that he was being a fool and to reconcile before Alyssa changed her mind.
“She’s moved back in.” Seth’s jaw went slack and Hank nodded at his boss’s look of disbelief. “That’s right. She’s come back. Apologized. Pretty much took the blame for everything. Said she loved me and wants to make our marriage work. She said she’ll never put her parents before me ever again. Oh, and she bought Luke a puppy. Partially housebroken.”
“That’s good, right?” Seth asked. “I mean, she said she was sorry and absolved you of any wrongdoing. You really can’t ask for more than that.”
“You’d think that would be enough, wouldn’t you?” Hank replied in frustration. “I’m pissed off at her, Seth, and I’m not sure I can trust this. What if she pulls the rug out from under me again?”
“What if she doesn’t?” Seth countered. “What if she’s really sincere and you pass up this chance to make your family whole again? How will you feel then?”
Hank jumped up from his desk, too much energy to sit still. “Shit, Seth, I want this to work but I’m having trouble believing in it.”
“So what did you say to her?”
“I told her that I couldn’t trust in it yet. That I couldn’t believe in this change in her.”
Seth’s eyebrows shot up. “Ouch. How did she take it?”
Hank let his breath out slowly. “That’s the thing. She was sweet and understanding, hell, almost matter of fact. She took it like a…”
“Grown-up?” Seth offered helpfully. “It had to happen sometime. She couldn’t stay under her parents’ thumb forever. You always knew this day would come.”
“I thought it would come right after we got married, not years later.”
“Could have been worse,” Seth smirked. “Someone could have been trying to kill her and you could have had to protect her with your life.”
Hank snorted with laughter. “You’ve got a damn point, buddy. My in-law issues seem pretty minor when I think about how your relationship with Presley started.”
An old Army buddy of Seth’s who was now a Federal Marshal had asked Seth to protect a woman in witness protection. That woman was Presley and someone had indeed wanted her dead. She’d had more than one attempt on her life before they put the guilty party behind bars.
“The one sure thing that I know is that time will tell,” Seth said. “Is Alyssa going on the trip with you and Luke or is she staying home?”
“No way Alyssa will want to go.” Hank shook his head. “Her idea of roughing it is sleeping with the windows open. I don’t see her getting up at the crack of dawn to fish either. Just one more difference between us. I really have no clue how we ended up together.”
“Then you should definitely take her with you,” Seth cracked. “See how serious she is about making things up.”
Hank’s smile widened. “That’s not a bad idea. A dose of the great outdoors will send her running back to the estate and mommy and daddy’s money. Then I won’t have to push her away. She’ll leave of her own accord.”
Seth leaned forward in his chair. “Now listen, I was just kidding. Torturing your wife is not a so
und decision. If I pulled that shit on Presley she’d have my balls in a jar on the mantel.”
Hank had no doubt of that. Seth had a tiger by the tail when it came to his pretty wife.
“I would never torture Alyssa. But a trip to the great outdoors complete with bugs and a cabin is just the thing to underline how different we are.”
Seth stood and gave Hank a level look. “And that’s what you want? You’ll be happy when Alyssa leaves?”
He ignored the tightening in his chest. It was too late to repair their broken marriage. Maybe six months ago they might have done something, but now? Too much hurt, too much resentment. So many regrets.
“Eventually I will be happy.” Hank hooked his thumbs in his gun belt. “Alyssa will always be an important part of my life. She’s Luke’s mother, after all.”
But he couldn’t trust her with his heart.
“If that’s what you want. I assume you know what you’re doing.” Seth got up and poured himself another cup of coffee.
“You don’t sound very convinced,” Hank replied.
“Maybe because I think you’re full of shit.” Seth leaned back on the counter and stretched out his legs. “I think, deep down, you’re glad Alyssa has come home. You just want a guarantee. Life doesn’t work like that, my friend. I only wish it did.”
“I–” Hank began to protest but Seth held up his hand.
“I’m not the one you need to convince. You are. I think Alyssa has you so twisted into knots you don’t know if you’re coming or going. Relax and take your time. You don’t have to make a decision this minute. Go on vacation and enjoy yourself. Everything will come clear in time.”
That’s what Hank was afraid of. It was like waiting for the other shoe to drop. Right on top of him.
Chapter Five
The cabin didn’t look near as rustic and remote as Hank had made it out to be. He’d acted as if the structure was only one rung above a leaky tent. Instead it was a darling log cabin that while small appeared to be warm and comfortable.
They had woken up early this morning and driven to the Missoula area near the Blackfoot River only stopping once for groceries. Hank had seemed awfully cheerful but then he was on vacation for the next two weeks, so that might explain it.
More likely he was happy that Alyssa wasn’t the biggest fan of fishing, hiking, and roughing it in general. He thought she was going to bitch and whine the entire time but she would never give him that satisfaction even if she was attacked by a bear or chased by a mountain lion. If her husband liked to be outside, then by God she would learn to share this with him.
“It looks darling. Why don’t I unlock the door why you unload our bags?”
“This is awesome, Mom!” Luke ran up the three steps on the front porch and peeked in the windows, Hershey barking at his heels. “It has its own fire pit over there too!”
Her son was now pointing to a small circle area in the side yard. Most of the cabin was surrounded by trees and their nearest neighbor was about five miles away as the crow flies. It would certainly be quiet here.
“It’s a good thing I brought the fixings for s’mores then, isn’t it?” she teased as Hank tossed her the key. “I guess you get to stay up past your bedtime since we’re on vacation.”
“Yes!” Luke hissed and did a cute fist pump at that bit of news. “You’re the coolest, Mom.”
She grabbed a few bags of groceries before unlocking the door and stepping into the cabin. It was simply furnished with a couch and chair in front of the fireplace and a small attached kitchen that was clean and functional.
“Yeah, Mom, you’re the coolest.” Hank teased, suddenly right behind her with their suitcases.
“What can I say? Bribery works.” Alyssa shrugged as Luke and Hershey tore around the small room investigating every nook and cranny of the space.
She and Hank had managed a truce of sorts. He insisted they weren’t back together and stubbornly refused to discuss the future. But each night this week he’d turned his back on her when it was time to sleep only to reach for her in the middle of the night as if he’d lost some fierce internal battle with himself. It had to mean something to him. He wasn’t a man to use her like that if he didn’t feel something.
“I’ll have to remember that,” Hank said and nodded toward the door. “I’ll get the rest of your stuff. I think you packed the entire house.”
“You never know what we might need,” Alyssa replied but she needn’t have bothered. Her handsome husband was already out the door and down the porch steps.
“There’s a bathroom and everything!” Luke poked his head around the corner of a doorway, a huge grin on his face.
“God, I hope so,” Alyssa muttered under her breath. She’d been prepared for something far more primitive but was glad her worst fears hadn’t materialized. Males had a distinct advantage on women when it came to doing their business in the out of doors.
“We’ll sleep in the bedroom and Luke can sleep out here on the couch. It’s supposed to fold out into a bed.”
Hank was behind her, his warm breath on her neck and shoulder. She grabbed the handle on her suitcase. “I’ll go unpack for both of us and then fix some lunch.”
“Something quick, okay? I’m anxious to get out to the creek and fish. Otherwise we might starve for dinner, right Luke?”
Hank put his hand on Luke’s shoulder and her son looked up at his father with such love and worship it made Alyssa want to weep. She loved these two so much it hurt.
“Right, Dad! We need to catch lots of fish!”
Hank laughed and lifted Luke into his arms. “What do you say we go outside and explore?”
Her two men exited the cabin with Hershey not far behind. She rolled the bags into the bedroom and looked around at where they would be staying. The room was small with just a bed, a dresser, two nightstands, and a closet. It didn’t take long to unpack their clothes and then stock the bathroom with their toiletries. Hank and Luke together didn’t have as much stuff as she had, but other than some light teasing her husband hadn’t said anything about it.
She was clearly being tested this week by her husband. He didn’t have to say a word but she knew that he assumed she’d hate every minute of this vacation. He probably also hoped she’d head back to her parents when it was over.
Despite how pleasant these last days had been, she was far from out of the proverbial woods with Hank. He was looking for any excuse to push her away. Her job was simply not to give him one.
After she unpacked the groceries, she quickly made three roast beef sandwiches and opened a bag of chips. There was fruit for dessert if the boys were still hungry plus an angel food cake she’d made before they left. Pouring Luke a glass of milk and some iced tea for her and Hank, she stuck her head out of the door and bellowed their names.
She settled at the table as the two of them stomped into the house, their faces wreathed in smiles. What was it about a male and dirt? They were both in heaven.
“See anything interesting?” she asked before biting into her sandwich. She’d made this roast beef herself and it was delightfully rare with a tangy horseradish.
Hank took a big bite and groaned. “Damn, this is good. I’ll never eat lunch meat from the store again. You’re spoiling me.”
The praise was like sinking into a warm bubble bath at the end of the day. It felt that good.
“Thank you. The less processed your food is the better. I’ve been reading quite a bit about the subject while I’ve been learning to cook.”
“I never complained about your cooking,” Hank said a trifle defensively.
“You never said anything nice either,” she countered. “In fact it seemed like you went out of your way to eat before you came home. I couldn’t be sure if it was my company or the food that kept you away. After awhile I assumed it was both.”
Streaks of red stained his cheeks. “I’m sorry about that. I should have just manned up and told you instead of avoiding the subject.”
“Don’t worry about it.” She shook her head with a sigh. “There are a lot of things we should have talked about and didn’t. If we had, well, we might not be in this mess. But it’s not too late to change.”
She added the last part just to see his reaction. His expression closed down and he turned back to his lunch.
“Somethings are better left unsaid.” The words were spoken softly but she heard them. She felt a stab of hurt somewhere near her heart. He was still pulling away from her even after all they had shared.
Like telling me you love me?
She’d said it to him every day but he had yet to say it back.
Hank might hope this vacation would send her packing but Alyssa had another completely different hope. She wanted it to bring them together like they were in the beginning. Before her parents had interfered and before the realities of everyday married life and parenthood beat them into submission.
She wanted them to fall in love again.
This evening was turning out to be a very bad idea.
Hank should never have accepted the invitation to dinner from the seemingly nice couple he had met while fishing. Bill White and his beautiful blonde wife Celine had a son the same age as Luke and the boys had hit it off like a house afire while at the river today.
Hank had accepted the invite gladly thinking Alyssa would enjoy a night out of the cabin. They’d been there for four days already and she hadn’t seemed bored in the least, but she might simply be too polite to say anything. She didn’t enjoy the fishing but in the mornings she would sit in a lawn chair on the bank while he and Luke fished. In the afternoons, she retired to the front porch of the cabin with her e-reader and a glass of lemonade before making dinner.
They’d built campfires and made s’mores. Alyssa had told a story by the flickering firelight that was more goofy than scary. They’d played tag and frisbee and even a game of croquet with a set they found in the shed. Alyssa was a shark at the game and by the time they were done Luke had been too.
All in all, it was turning out to be the best vacation they’d ever taken as a family. Alyssa didn’t push him but she still told him she loved him every day. A few times Hank almost said the words back but then remembered what she had put him through. He’d nodded instead and went about his business, trying to ignore the hurt in her eyes that she tried to hide.
The Deputies: 3 Novella Box Set Page 4