by Sarita Leone
With a tip of their hats, the two men went down the steps and toward their horses. Kay watched them mount and turn the animals back before she went inside.
Closing the door firmly behind her, she leaned her back against it and shut her eyes.
Weary, that's what I am. Plain weary. This whole affair has gone on for so long, with so much heartbreak. Even when I try and do all I can to further our cause there always seems to be a blockade to go around ... or over ... or under. Why oh why can't everyone see this slavery issue for what it is? Why can't we simply let people live as they were intended to live without having to go through all of this misery? Damn, I'm so tired of it all! Just so...
At the sound of the approaching horse, Kay turned and opened the door. Had Captain Conrad forgotten to tell her something? Surely not another maudlin warning...
Stepping out onto the porch, she noticed, as she had earlier, the scent of a few early rose blooms that wafted upward on the night air and surrounded her with their sweet fragrance. A distant grandmother's transplant, the roses grew in abundance beside the front porch and along the back wall of the garden, in the side cutting garden and near the barn. Their fragrance masked the odor of the privy, as well. Apparently a snippet of a rose bush grew in profusion when planted in rich, sweet soil!
Crossing her arms over her bosom, she waited for the men to make themselves known to her a second time. She saw only one large black mass in the darkness and thought Mr. Parker must wait at the end of the lane, assumed that the Captain had one last word or two to exchange with her.
The voice that came to her from the gloom wasn't the one she expected. It was, instead, the voice she heard night after night in her dreams.
"Why, you'd think it was an ordinary occasion for you to receive visitors after dark, the way you're standing there in your night dress."
"Marsh—is that really you?"
The figure swung off his mount, secured the animal to the hitching post and took the steps two at a time.
"Of course it's me, Katy-did. Did you expect someone else?” His teasing tone made her heart skip a beat, as did the familiar nickname—no one else called her Katy-did but Marsh. The sound of it on his lips stole her breath away.
Throwing her arms around him, she lifted her face to his and smiled. He felt solid in her arms, the living embodiment of her endless imaginings. Pressing herself to him, she opened her mouth to speak but didn't manage to utter a sound. Marsh's mouth met hers with a hunger that took them both by surprise. Their lips touched, their tongues explored and their bodies heated as all the repressed desires rose to the surface in the beat of their hearts. Kay met his touch without restraint, her tongue swirling around his in the age-old dance of love that required no lessons.
The thin cotton nightdress provided no buffer between her body and the regulation uniform Marsh was wearing. His arousal was evident, insistent against her body as her hips ground into his.
I don't know what you're doing here, my darling man, but I'm not going to let you go until we've dropped these barriers between us. So often I wonder if I'll ever see you again. Why waste what precious time we have on social protocol? It's ridiculous, and I won't stand for it, not another second. In this world, a second may have to sustain us for a lifetime. And more importantly, you feel so completely enchanting...
Marsh pulled his lips from hers, and would have taken a step back, but Kay wouldn't let him move away. She kept her arms wrapped firmly around his wide shoulders, her body against his and when he looked down at her she smiled broadly at him.
"Kay, I don't know what came over me.” His voice was hoarse with desire and his breathing ragged. “I don't know how it happened, I—"
"Don't you dare apologize for kissing me, Marsh,” she nipped his lower lip playfully. “I mean it, now. I've dreamed of kissing you for so long that if you even make one teeny, tiny apology for kissing me I swear I'll scream.” Kay squirmed against him and was amused when his uneasy expression grew even more awkward. Behaving as if they were simply a man and a woman and there was no uniform, no sidearm hanging at his hip and no war at all was a liberating experience. Kay suddenly felt brash and free to do the things she'd only dreamed of doing for so long.
Marsh grinned and kissed the tip of her nose. “I wouldn't think of offending you in such a manner, Katy-did. I've heard your screams and I wouldn't want to be the cause of one of them.” Reaching up, he tipped his wide-brimmed hat back on his head and brought his eyebrows together. “Although if I recall correctly, the last time you screeched it was over some repugnant garden creature. I'm not in the same class as an ordinary toad or garden snake, am I?"
"Let's not get started discussing snakes, Lieutenant. That,” she said, pressing suggestively against him, “might lead to more than discussion. Perhaps later, but right now I want to hear about why you're here. What brings you out on a night like this? And do you know there are fugitive bounty hunters in the area? A great deal of them, apparently."
His expression grew serious.
A tall man, he had curly black hair, firm, rugged features and eyes that were so dark as to be nearly navy. When he laughed, his brow crinkled in such an endearing manner that it never failed to make Kay's heart lurch.
He had been one of the town's most eligible bachelors until he'd made his affection for Kay known. When he'd done so there was a nearly-perceptible communal sigh from the less-fortunate women in Chambersburg. Everyone knew that a man like Marsh didn't come along every day.
Even now, with his eyes growing dark, his face unshaven and smelling decidedly of horse and sweat, he was sinfully handsome.
"Yes, I've heard that as well. It is, I admit, one of the reasons I took this small detour. I wanted to be sure that you're well, that no harm has befallen you because of your ... activities."
During an earlier visit Kay had confided in Marsh about her duties as stationmaster. He'd told her he worried about the danger should she be discovered but understood her desire to do her part to further the cause of freedom.
"Really, there's no need for you to be so concerned about what I'm doing.” She shook her head. Her hair fell forward, over her shoulders and Marsh ran his fingers through it as she spoke. His touch sent sparks of warmth to her center and she trembled as he wound a long, loose curl tightly around his fingertip. His movements made concentration difficult but she continued. “We all have to do our part to get this whole embarrassing chapter in our great nation's history over and done with. And if this little thing I do, this small sacrifice to my own safety, can move things along more quickly ... well, then, it's a chance I'm willing to take. I only wish there was more I could do, Marsh. I feel so damned helpless sometimes."
He pulled her closer, running his hand through her hair as she placed her cheek on his shoulder. They stood silent for several heartbeats, just holding each other as their breathing synchronized. When she couldn't stand being close to him without trying to get still closer, Kay turned her head and kissed him. They both knew that this was neither the time nor the place for feminine wiles or social maneuvering. Their love dictated that they spend their meager time together well.
Marsh's body betrayed his sense of decorum yet again, but this time he made no pretense regarding his state. Pressing his hips to hers, he moaned.
"Inside,” she urged, speaking against his lips and pulling him toward the open doorway. “Marsh, please. I want you, my love—with or without a wedding band. Please, let's go inside."
One step was all he took. One step toward the door and the promise of fulfillment that waited just beyond it. One step that sent Kay's heart soaring. But one step did not a journey make, and with an anguished groan Marsh reached out and pulled the door closed.
He removed his jacket, placed it around her shoulders and swept her off her feet. In his rush he practically leapt from the porch and set her onto his horse's back. When he mounted and whirled the horse back toward the lane, Kay had no idea where they were going—but she didn't care.
> Anywhere with Marsh was somewhere she was willing to go.
* * * *
Kay hadn't slept, the hours were too dear to waste in slumber. Marsh would have to leave before the sun rose, while he had a chance to slip between any Confederate reconnaissance troops that were in the area. He was on his way back to his unit's temporary headquarters, past the Scotland Bridge up near Greencastle. It was a day's ride, at best, if he didn't meet with any trouble along the road, but there were those who awaited the information he'd recovered from his visit to Boston.
Firelight danced across his broad chest as her fingers stroked the lightly-furred skin. He shivered, pulling her closer. The feel of his bare skin against hers was much more sensual than Kay had imagined. She stretched, pressing her breasts against his side and possessively draped her leg over his.
This was worth waiting for. If I had known how heavenly it would be to be claimed as yours I would never have been able to wait as long as I waited. I would have forced myself on you a long, long time ago, darling.
"Mmm ... If you keep doing that, Mrs. Nolan, I'll never be able to leave.” A wicked grin crossed his handsome face as her hand dipped lower and caressed his manhood. “Really, my dear, I don't know how much more of this delicious loving I can take. You're going to wear me out so fully that I may just melt in my saddle before I make my way back to headquarters."
Kay propped her head on her hand and looked at him. They'd made love for hours already but she waggled an eyebrow at him in what she hoped was a come-hither look as she let her fingertips dance lightly up his firm, rippled stomach and back to his broad chest. “Since you put it like that I suppose I'll let you rest—for now,” she said, giggling. Holding out her hand, she examined the gleaming gold band on her finger. “But don't forget you're my husband, do you hear? I'm going to want this kind of treatment every time we're together now—and don't think I'm-plumb-tuckered-out routine is going to work very often, either."
Marsh chuckled, a low, deep sound that made Kay's newly-discovered womanly senses tingle. “Have no fear, Katy-did. I promise to provide an acceptable demonstration of my husbandly duties at all times. In fact, if you're serious about this very instant, I'm sure I could be coerced into cooperating.” He turned on his side and propped his head on his hand. Grinning, he looked deeply into her eyes. “What do you think? Are you game?"
"You know I am, but we haven't spent one moment talking since we got back from seeing Reverend Price. Goodness, Marsh, whenever I think that he married me wearing nothing but my night dress—oh, it's too much to think about.” Kay closed her eyes and smiled at the memory. She'd stood barefoot before the Reverend's fireplace and sworn to love, honor and obey this man, in this life and all that followed. It wouldn't be long, she knew, before the town's grapevine was buzzing about the less-than-decorous event.
Let them talk. I've got Marsh and he's got me—what else really matters?
"I know I was a bit fatigued from the long ride,” Marsh said, tracing a line down her body with one fingertip. He moved along her jaw, over her lips and down the curve of her neck. As he traced the slope of her breast he said, “But I don't rightly recall seeing the Reverend wearing your night dress. When did this happen?"
Her laughter filled the air. “You're too much. You know what I was trying to say, I know you do."
"Of course I know,” he admitted, placing his hand on the curve of her waist. “I believe you and I have known what the other has been trying to say since the very first second our eyes met. I feel, my darling wife, as if I've known you forever. It's a relief to finally be able to say these things to you—the things I have kept buried in my heart for so long."
Her hand on his shoulder seemed to be a natural fit and she closed her fingers around the firm, muscular man and squeezed. “I understand,” she said, nodding. “I, too, have wanted to speak freely and oh, how I've regretted that we didn't do so before...” It was too difficult to speak of time lost, moments squandered, so she fell silent.
"Before the war, you mean,” he finished. Kay nodded and her hair fell like a thick, brown sheet over her face. Sweeping it back, Marsh lifted her chin until her eyes met his. “I know how you feel for I share your feelings. But what's behind us, whatever we didn't do or say, is lost—it's over. We have now, and whatever comes to us from this time forward."
"You're right, I know. This is all that matters.” Forcing a smile to her lips, she turned her head and kissed his palm.
"But Kay, if anything happens to me—"
Her back stiffened. “Don't! Don't say the words, Marsh. I forbid it, I absolutely do not want to hear them—I don't think I can stand to hear them. Please.” A log cracked in the fire, as if to underscore her point.
"As you wish,” he conceded, cradling her head in his palm and rubbing her cheek with a lazy thumb. “Just promise me one thing."
"Anything."
"Promise me you'll never forget that you are loved. You are loved more than anyone can ever conceive, with the fullness and completeness that surpasses all imagination. In this moment, and in every single one of the moments left to me on this earth, I love you, Kay."
"And I you, Marsh.” Her voice caught and he pulled her into his embrace and held her tightly, waiting until their bodies stopped trembling and their hearts ceased racing.
When Marsh got up, he poked at the fire. Its light chased away the gloom and bathed the room in a soft glow. Kay watched as he tended the fire, the glow looking like a halo around his body.
How will I ever bear to let you leave now, Marsh? How will I ever be able to breathe without you by my side every minute of every day? Oh, I hope I have the strength to smile when you go.
"We've yet to discuss ordinary affairs. For instance, how is Arden? Frank and Mr.—oh, Frank and my father-in-law will want to hear.” He grinned as he spoke, settling himself on the edge of the raised hearth with his back to the fire.
"She's fine. Tell them both that she continues to do well. The baby moves less often now, but the midwife says that's normal.” Kay had a fleeting vision of herself in Arden's condition but it passed quickly.
"Good, I'm glad to hear that. And the store? How goes it there?"
Apparently, Marsh was determined to discuss everyday issues before he left. Kay shrugged. She noticed his gaze drop to her nakedness and his look pleased her. “We're not making any money so it's more for appearances than anything else that I keep the doors open. That, and it gives us something to do. The days would be so long—especially for Arden, I think—otherwise. Father would want it open; I know he would, so I do what I can. I only wish the shop made enough money to contribute more to the cause. You know—the cause." she emphasized, knowing Marsh was aware of the activities that went on in the hidden compartment.
"I know, and I agree. I have met a good many stockholders, fine people who aren't as brave as you are but who still want to make the freedom trail easier for those who travel it."
Twisting a lock of hair around her finger, Kay stared into the fire. Without the generosity of those that gave money to the cause, far fewer fugitives would find refuge.
"Thank goodness for their open wallets. They keep us going, in so many ways. But truly, Marsh, I wish I could do more,” she said. Tears glistened in her eyes when she looked at him.
"You do enough—more than enough. And if you could only see what horrible conditions, what deplorable practices these people are running from. It is ... it is far too loathsome to discuss with you, my love."
Kay's eyes dried as she studied the set of his lips, the veiled look in his navy eyes. “Tell me, please."
Marsh appeared to wage an internal struggle but finally he held out his hands, palms up. “I cannot tell you other than what I have seen with my own eyes,” he began quietly. “You know I travel quite a bit, sometimes down as far as the uppermost part of Virginia. As part of the Army of the Potomac I speak to certain regiments where I can, gather evidence and progress reports and return to Washington, and then Boston
, with the news. So I suppose I see a bit more than most soldiers. On this last trip I was on the coast of Maryland for a few hours and saw something quite beyond words.” He stopped, raked his fingers through his black curls and stared down at the wide pine floorboards.
"How do you evade capture? I mean, how do you just go freely among the Rebels, Marsh?"
Lifting his head, he met her concerned gaze and smiled. “Disguises, my dear. There are ‘safe houses’ along the way where a Union soldier may trade his regimental gear for other garb. It enables us to gather information without fear of discovery,” he said, chuckling when her expression grew dubious. “You did not know I was a spy, did you?"
"You persist in surprising me,” she admitted, slowly shaking her head. Despite his admission, she wanted to know what he'd seen in Maryland, so she inclined her head. At her silent urging, Marsh continued his story.
"While I was there I had the misfortune to witness a slave auction."
"No, you didn't!” Kay's hand flew to her breast. A slave auction? So then they were real, not simply myths intended to rile abolitionists and those who flocked to hear them speak. She'd never known anyone who had witnessed such an event and was intrigued by the prospect of hearing about it.
Nodding, he said, “I did. The degradation was overwhelming, Kay. I was revolted, truly so repulsed by what I was witnessing that I felt a desire to retch. Men, women and children were taken to a platform and auctioned off like so much livestock. Families were separated, mothers torn from children and men from the women they very obviously loved. Some—some of the women, they were stripped of their clothing. There was no modesty, no kindness. It was...” He pushed his hair back off his forehead and took a deep, shuddering breath. “I tell you, in that horrible instant that was repeated over and over again, when the auctioneer called out ‘Once—twice—gone!’ I knew that all the heartache and suffering, all the death and misery that this war brings to us—oh, my dear, it's all worth it. There is no way to describe how it feels to see a human being deprived of dignity and freedom. I know that if I die for the cause of someone else's freedom my death will not be in vain."