“Right. For old time’s sake.” His lips twisted in a bittersweet smile. “We had a lot of good times in Rome.”
“Yeah, we did.” Her gaze met his, then shifted away. Some emotion flitted across her face that he couldn’t quite read. “Tate…did, um, did we use a condom last night?”
“Not that I recall,” he answered cautiously. “I haven’t been with anyone else since you left.”
Jealousy that he had no right to feel ripped through his insides. Had she slept with other men? She was a single woman now. She could if she wanted to, but the very thought of some other man touching Karen made his head feel as if it might explode.
“Neither have I.” She made an impatient gesture. “Condoms are used for more than just disease prevention, Tate.”
“You’re on the Pill.” Or, at least, she had been for the eight years of their marriage. Longer, he thought. “Aren’t you?”
She shook her head, refusing to meet his gaze. “I…have an appointment next month with a sperm bank, so I went off birth control because, well, I want to get pregnant.”
Their last fight had been about that very issue. She had wanted to start a family, he had wanted to wait a bit longer. What he was waiting for, he doubted either of them knew. He’d given her all kinds of excuses, but if he were brutally honest with himself, he’d admit he’d been scared. Scared he’d mess his children up. Scared that he’d be as crappy a parent as his parents had been to his younger sister, Laurel, and him. But Karen could be pregnant with his child right this very moment. His insides squeezed tight. Yes. He wanted that. Wanted to see her grow round with his child, wanted to be there for that helpless little human being.
It was an earth-tilting moment. Had he ever really let himself consider if he wanted children, or had he just agreed with Karen that they should have them, and pushed the reality of having them away so he wouldn’t have to face his fears? Longing lodged in his chest. For Karen. For the kids they could have together. Could he use this to get her back? He knew the thought was low and totally unworthy of him, but he couldn’t stop the way his heart skipped a beat when he thought about it. All he knew was that he wanted back the life he’d thrown away. Wanted a chance to prove to himself—and to Karen—that he could get it right.
Swallowing, he met Karen’s gaze. “This…could complicate things.”
She cleared her throat. “The timing is wrong for me to get pregnant, but that doesn’t mean it’s impossible.”
“You’ll let me know if I got you pregnant.” At the very least, it could allow him to drag out their divorce proceedings for a little while, until they knew for sure. Then custody and child support arrangements would need to be made. Of course, he hoped that wouldn’t be necessary. Not because he hoped she wasn’t pregnant, but because he hoped they’d be reconciled.
“Of course. I’ll know one way or the other later this month.” She gave the door a vague wave. “I should probably go. I’d rather Valentina and Gio didn’t find out about any of this. They’d never let up with the matchmaking if they knew.”
Very true, and he didn’t want the Italian dynamic duo interfering. He gave Karen as reassuring a look as he could muster. “My lips are sealed.”
“Thank you.”
“Anything for you.”
A spasm of pain crossed her face and the smile she offered him was forced. “Right. Anything for me.”
Only he hadn’t done anything for her for a long time, had he? He wanted to kick himself for the terrible choice of words.
She turned away and he scrambled to his feet, ignoring the sickening throb in his head. “Karen.”
Her hand on the doorknob, she didn’t look at him. “Yes?”
Hell, how did he even start this conversation? He was a lawyer. He was supposed to be good at talking people into or out of things. But this was Karen, and she was far more important than any case he’d ever taken to trial. He rubbed sweaty palms down his naked thighs. “If it helps at all, I…have a lot of regrets when it comes to our relationship. I know the divorce is my fault.”
He wasn’t sure if the sound she made was a laugh or a sob, but it made his heart ache. She glanced over her shoulder at him. “It helps. And it doesn’t.”
Nodding, he took a step toward her. “I’m sorry.”
“Me too.” She flipped open the lock on the door. “I have to go now.”
“I’ll see you later.” If he had his way, he’d be seeing her as often as humanly possible in the time they had left in Rome.
She nodded and slipped out.
He wanted to chase her down and beg for a second chance, but knew it would be better to give her some space to think. This morning had been one of stunning clarity for him. All his doubts fell into nothingness. He knew what he wanted for the first time in a very long time. No conflict, no uncertainty. Now he needed to think, to plan. How to get her back, how to make the kind of changes in his life that would make it possible to keep her—and keep her happy. Along with any child they might have together.
His work would always be important to him, but he wanted to live for his family. The work didn’t mean a damn thing without the people who mattered. The emptiness that had consumed him since Karen left was proof enough of that. His priorities had been out of whack for a long while, but he had his head on straight now.
Locking the door behind Karen, he headed for the shower. Cleaning up and getting some coffee would go a long way toward making him feel human again. A couple of aspirin would help too. Before he reached the bathroom door, his cell phone blared out. Groaning, he grabbed his head. “Shit.”
After swiping the phone off the nightstand, he stabbed the button to accept the call, if only to make it stop ringing. Unfortunately, when he looked at the screen, he cursed again. He pressed the cell to his ear. “Dad.”
His father growled, “What the hell are you doing? We’re in the middle of an important case.”
Tate pinched the bridge of his nose, wishing he’d had a chance to take that aspirin. “We’re always in the middle of an important case. You were the lead on this one and you have a small army of lawyers there to help you. You don’t need me.”
Instead of refuting that, his father shouted, “This is completely irresponsible!”
The sound nearly drove Tate to his knees. His eyeballs felt like they were ready to burst.
“Maybe it is irresponsible.” He took a fortifying breath. “But Karen is here, so I’m staying. I have plenty of vacation time saved up. I’m allowed to use it.”
“Oh, Jesus,” his father groaned. “You never were sensible when it came to her.”
Far more sensible than he should have been, which was why he’d lost her in the first place.
“Son, she left you. Don’t pant after her like a dog.”
He winced at the comparison. “Dad, let me be clear. I’m going to try and get Karen back. When I come home, I’m leaving to start my own firm.”
Until he’d said it, he hadn’t realized that was what he wanted, but it felt right. If he stayed where he was, it would be far too easy to slide back into old habits. Especially with his father pressuring him to do so.
There was a long pause. “And if you can’t get her back? Will you stay with our firm?”
“No. I need to make a break.” Tate straightened his shoulders. “As you said, I’m not as sensible as you. I don’t want to be married to my work. I want to be married to my wife.”
His father blustered, “Your mother and I—”
“Have a pathetic excuse for a relationship.” He gave a short laugh. “Don’t even go there, Dad.”
A harrumph echoed through the phone.
“Goodbye, Dad. I’ll see you in a couple of weeks when I clear out my office.”
The line clicked as his father hung up on him. It felt like the final break with his old existence. This had been coming for a long time. He just wished he’d figured it out before Karen had given up hope on their relationship. He had no one to blame but himself for that, and now he had
to find a way to convince her that he wasn’t a hopeless case.
He didn’t know how to do that, but he had to try. As Gio had said, Karen was a woman worth fighting for, and that was exactly what Tate intended to do. He’d had her in his arms again last night, and that was where she belonged. He smiled.
Even with the hangover, he hadn’t felt this good in months.
Chapter Four
Karen stumbled down the hotel hallway, wishing for death. Her head was going to implode, throbbing in sickening waves. Oh God. She hadn’t drunk that much in a single night…hell, maybe ever. Not even in college. She used one hand to shield her eyes from the glowing wall sconce, fumbling in her purse for her keycard with the other.
After slipping inside her room, she went straight to the shower, washing the scent of sex and Tate off her skin. She deliberately shut her mind down, refusing to think too deeply on what she’d done the night before. As drunk as she’d been, she’d assume her memories would be fuzzy, but there was more than enough clarity to make her want to kick her own ass.
But the irony of possibly getting one-nighter-oopsy pregnant after years of begging Tate to knock her up? Ouch, that burned.
She grabbed a bottle of water, downed a handful of Advil, and carried the hydrating liquid with her to the little desk tucked against the wall. She was going to need a lot of water today. Booting up her computer meant she could check email and let her friends and family know how she was doing. Of course, she’d have to leave a few pertinent details out.
Suddenly, her computer started chiming loudly, setting off pounding in her temples. She grabbed her forehead and stabbed the button that would accept the Skype call, but made sure not to activate the video function. Voices only because she was sure she looked like pale death.
“Anne,” she groaned.
Her friend bellowed, “Hey, Karen!”
Karen’s mouth opened in a silent scream of pain. “Keep your voice to a mere whisper or I will reach through this computer and rip your vocal chords out.”
“Wow, rough night?” Anne murmured. Very, very quietly.
Would the Advil never kick in? Karen massaged her temples. “I spent some quality time with a couple of bottles of red wine. And then a bottle of Prosecco.”
She could all but see her friend’s philosophical shrug. “Well, the post-marital drinking was bound to happen sooner or later.”
Ha. As if it were so simple to explain away her boozing. “Giovanni invited Tate too. And Mr. Workaholic Lawyer actually showed up.”
“Oh. Shit,” Anne breathed. “You’re fucking kidding me, right? Tell me that’s a bad joke.”
“Yep, and the joke is on me,” Karen said grimly.
A sound of distress came through the computer speaker. “Do you want me to—”
“Noooo.” She drew the word out. The last thing she wanted was more people involved in this hot Italian mess. “No, I do not want you to do anything other than be your wonderful self, nine time zones away.”
“I’m telling Meg and Julie,” Anne stated firmly.
Karen rubbed her temples. “I assumed as much.”
“How are you doing, honey?” The sympathy in her friend’s tone made the feelings she’d been avoiding come bubbling to the surface. The enormity of what she’d done was overwhelming.
Her voice shook a bit. “Promise you’ll keep this to yourself?”
“Ah, shit.” Anne sighed. “You slept with him, huh? Was that before or after the boozefest?”
“During. The wine came first, the Prosecco while we were…yeah.” Karen bent and pressed her forehead to her knees. She groaned. “Jesus, Anne.”
“It’s okay, hon. Really. You’re hardly the first woman to have a one-nighter with an ex.”
“Yeah, if I could just walk away and pretend it didn’t happen. Oops, I slipped. But he’s still here! We’re still here for nine more days.”
There was a long pause, and then Anne asked softly, “Is the problem that he’s still there or that you still want him?”
A laughed strangled from Karen. “You already know the answer to that one.”
“Chemistry can be such a fickle little bitch.”
“Yep.” She drew in a breath. “There’s more.”
“Not just Tate? You had a threesome?”
Karen giggled, as Anne had meant her to. But her mirth died a quick death. “No. I—we—there was no condom and I’m not on birth control anymore.”
“Cuz you want to get inseminated, right.”
Most people would have been shocked speechless, but not Anne. She just took it all in stride. The drama mama had made her immune to everything except a nuclear bomb. Even then, maybe she’d be totally chill about it. Thank God for Anne. That was precisely what Karen needed right now.
“Well, if you get knocked up, you do,” Anne said with her usual frankness. “When’s your next period supposed to hit?”
“The end of the week. Ish.” Karen swallowed, did the same math in her head as she’d done this morning with Tate. It still came out the same. Borderline. “So, it could happen, but I would have been most fertile last week.”
“Okay. We’ll just have to wait and see. Though I’d lay off the vino, just in case. For several reasons.”
The risk of harming the maybe-baby and the risk of drunk-jumping Tate again. Awesome. This vacation just got better and better. “Yeah.”
“Are you sure you don’t want me to tell the other two about this? Let me break it to them so you don’t have to? They’re gonna wonder what’s up if you come home and cancel the sperm bank appointment, but still give birth,” Anne drawled. “They know that shit isn’t immaculate.”
Laughter burst out of Karen. The Advil must have kicked in because it only made her head ache a little. “I love you, Anne. Just so we’re clear.”
“Totally clear,” her friend replied cheerily. “So? Meg and Julie?”
“You can tell them, but they are not to ask about it. At all. Not until I’m ready to talk about it.” She hesitated. “Which might be when the maybe-baby is forty.”
“Okay, then. Noted. I’ll pass that along.”
Karen sat back in her chair. “Thanks.”
“You sure you don’t want me to hop on a plane?” Anne sighed. “You know I’d love an excuse to escape my mom for a while. I can call in sick to work for the first time in my entire career.”
“Sorry, sweetie. Tate already took the I-ran-away-from-home slot for this trip.”
Karen heard Anne snap her fingers and make a little sound of regret.
“Well, damn. He snaked that right out from under me.”
“Any response I have to that is gonna sound wrong and dirty.” Karen slid her fingers through her damp hair, loosening the waves. “You should get to bed. It’s nighttime there.”
“Take care.”
“Bye.” Tapping a button on her computer, she closed the connection.
Her stomach gurgled, letting her know it was time for food. By her internal clock, she’d missed a meal or two. Eating something light probably wouldn’t be a bad thing—as long as it was bland enough not to upset her stomach. An ironic smile curled her lips. If she was pregnant, bland food was going to be on her menu for several months at least to ward off morning sickness. Well, she might as well get used to it now. If Tate hadn’t knocked her up, the sperm bank would.
She dressed and put on the biggest pair of sunglasses she had with her. After grabbing her hat with a wide, floppy brim, she tucked the Advil bottle into her purse, and headed out the door. A quick glance told her Tate’s door was closed, but he had the tag out saying he wanted his room cleaned, which meant he was probably already gone.
“Whew.” She let a breath filter out and took the stairs instead of waiting for the clunky elevator.
The moment she stepped into the lobby, she found Tate speaking to a man in a courier uniform. She pretended not to see them and started to walk past, but Tate’s face lit up when he noticed her and her heart did funny th
ings in her chest that made her want to give it a stern talking-to. Bad heart. Bad.
“Hey, Ms. Has An English Degree. Can you read this over for typos?” He waved her over and handed her a sheet of paper. She gave it a quick glance, not really interested in being anyone’s proofreader today.
Her breath caught when she focused on the words. She slid off her sunglasses and went back to read each sentence carefully. It was a letter of resignation from the Patton law firm. A tangle of emotions gripped her—pain, anger, sadness—and she didn’t know which one should win.
Licking her lips, she handed the letter back to him. “It looks fine.”
“I should have done this a long time ago.” He folded the paper, tucked it into an envelope, and then handed a stack of identical envelopes to the courier. Tate signed a digital pad the other man held out, and that was that. “Done. Those should be delivered to the senior partners of the firm tomorrow. I gave a verbal resignation to my father over the phone earlier, but now it’s official.”
Since she had no clue what to say about his resignation, she kept her thoughts on his overbearing father. “Robert will be most displeased.”
“Dad is displeased no matter what. He’s a man who’s never satisfied.” Tate let out a lungful of air. “You were even concerned about him trying to remake me into his workaholic image when we first got engaged. I had a consuming passion for the law, and he used that to his advantage. And I let him, young idiot that I was. I should never have joined the firm with him in charge.”
Karen shrugged. “It was your dream.”
That was true. They’d both been determined to have everything they wanted when they first met. They were young, smart and ambitious. Why shouldn’t they be able to have it all? Unfortunately, it just became a tug-o-war between Karen and Robert over Tate’s time. Robert had won because Karen had let go. But then, it looked like neither of them had won, had they? Tate had taken himself out of the war. Karen just wished he’d made that decision a year or five ago, but she tucked that pain away. This was the healthiest career choice he’d ever made, so she dug down deep inside and found the strength to be pleased for him, rather than upset for herself.
Roman Reunion (Destination: Desire) Page 4