Chasing Brittan

by A. D. Herrick

  I could feel his thick hands stroking my shoulders and his soft soothing words. I couldn’t understand what he was saying but his touch was comforting. I felt bad that I would be leaving him like this. That I would be dying in his arms. No one should every have to go through that. No one should ever have to hold another while they were dying. It was more than the heart could take. Guilt swarmed me.

  I tried to push him away, to save him from the pain of watching me die but he was too strong and my body was too weak. My shoves were no more than a buzzing fly, barely noticeable and most likely annoying.

  Tears streamed down my face, I cried for what I had done to myself, what I had done to Brittan, and for my father, the only two men in my life that had loved me. I would be joining them soon. A cool clean rag ran across my forehead, wiping away the sweat. Klaus pulled my hair back out of my face and secured it in a loose ponytail.

  “I got you, babe.” His words echoed around the room on repeat, causing my heart to swell and contract.

  My eyes grew heavy, unable to keep them open, I allowed sleep to take me. It would be my final sleep and I was ready.

  Chapter Twelve

  Klaus

  She was so broken, and it ate at my heart. I had never seen someone in such a state. The whimpers of pain had woken me from a light sleep. I tried to ignore it, ignore her. I rolled over to face the wall, giving her my back. In my mind I could see her, her thin frail body shuffling toward the bathroom. Her cries of pain ate at my heart. Each whimper and moan was like a small blade piercing my heart.

  I tightly shut my eyes and pulled a pillow over my head, trying to drown out the sound. I tried my best to ignore her, to let her suffer through this alone. Once I heard the first round of heaving I knew that I couldn’t stand by idly and make her go through this single-handedly. Without thinking my body jerked into action.

  I jumped from the bed, wearing only my boxers. I grabbed my phone and marched into the bathroom. Quickly, I grabbed a handful of rags and started the water in the sink. A cool rag had always helped me when I was sick as a child. My mother would fill the sink with them, allowing the cool water to run and saturate them. She would place them one by one against my fevered skin, changing them out for fresh ones once my body had absorbed the coolness. I remembered how much better I felt once one was wrapped around the back of my neck.

  I struggled helplessly to anticipate her needs, keeping cool rags around her neck and covering her shivering shoulders with a large plush towel. Her body was expelling the poisons she had been pumping into her system. I had read about the possibility of this happening. I had read and studied all about withdrawal symptoms.

  I had no idea how long Shelby had been a user or which symptoms she would exhibit. There was a long list of them. Most of them were internal, giving no visual signs. Whether internal or external, they had all seemed grueling and nothing anyone would sign up for voluntarily. Nausea, vomiting, diarrhea, chills, cold sweats, muscle aches, and pains, shakiness, weakness, hallucinations, cold, sweaty skin, agitation, seizures, the list went on and on. I could already tell she was going through her own personal hell. I hoped that this would be the lesson, the reminder that what she was doing was wrong and harmful.

  I wrapped my arm around her, holding her close to me. I whispered soothing words against the side of her head, hoping to ease the pain she was going through. She expelled more fluids than her entire body weighed. Alarmed, I fumbled for my phone. Edgar had a doctor on standby in case something like this happened. This could be a sign of classic detox for a beginner user, moderate user, or heavy user. I had no clue. I had no idea what to do from here. I just knew that I couldn’t leave her alone. I couldn’t just turn my back and walk away, even though my brain screamed at me to do just that, to place her in the care of medical professionals and never look back.

  Shelby collapsed against me, her body going weak. She had tried to push me away at first but it seemed that even lifting her arms caused her pain. I gently lifted her from the toilet and gave it a quick flush with my foot. I could smell the chemicals coming out of her pores mingled with the noxious smell of vomit and excrement. After gently laying her on the floor I started the bath. This was not how I imagined spending the night. I had no idea how the night would go. I couldn’t lie, I had hoped that things would run smoothly and that by mornings he would see things my way. I had to laugh at how ignorant I was in that thought pattern.

  It took some time but I was able to get her limp sleeping body striped and into the bath. My eyes traveled the length of her body on more than one occasion in a less than compassionate manner. I was able to keep my touch strictly clinical as I bathed and dressed her exhausted sleeping form. She awoke several times during the time it took me to give her a bath, dress her and put her to bed.

  Her eyes would flutter open, a sad smile splayed across her lips. Every time she would call his name, Brittan. I had no idea who this Brittan was. I didn’t know if he was her friend, her dealer, a relative, or her ex. I only knew that I was going to rip his heart out and feed it to him for allowing her to fall so deeply down the rabbit hole.

  “She will probably be out for a while. She isn’t out of the woods quite yet. I would suggest you have her admitted to the hospital. They can perform a test on her and get her into a treatment plan that can help her kick her addiction.” Doctor Patterson explained after giving Shelby a thorough examination.

  “I can’t just give up on her and ship her off.” I scoffed dejectedly.

  My heart and brain battled over the thought from the moment I found out about her addiction but my heart won out the moment I laid my hands on her in the bathroom. I was done for. There was nothing I wouldn’t do to help her get better.

  “Son, have you ever dealt with an addict? They don’t just turn off the addiction. What you see are the physical aspects. There will be much more to come when you start having to deal with the mental and emotional. I’m afraid you’re not quite ready for that.”

  “You don’t know shit about me. I am not giving her up. I don’t care how hard it’s going to be. I don’t care what I have to do. I’m not just going to throw her to the wolves and have her fin for herself.” I bellowed out angrily, my fist clenched at my sides.

  Who did this man think he was, coming into my house and telling me what I was and was not capable of? I would hire the best care possible and be by her side day and night, I would do anything to get her better. To make her see that there is something worth living for, something worth fighting for. I wasn’t sure if I meant me. My brain and my heart were still battling that one out.

  I wasn’t in love with her, I had just met her. There was something about her, something that drew me to her, the spark that lit my skin and ran straight down to the tip of my toes. The way she looked at me had my cock ramrod stiff, pitching a tent in my pants. Her sweet moans when I was buried deep in her tight hot cunt made my balls tighten, threatening to explode. Her beautiful mind wrapped me around her little finger. This woman was a unicorn, a rare find. The type of woman you spend your entire life searching for. My brain kicked in, giving reason to the thoughts of my heart. The woman is broken, throwing her life away with addiction, a casualty that could cost me my career and has the potential to cause harm to millions of people through carelessness. The woman could be the end of the company of word got out. She could very well destroy the company my parents spent their life building.

  Leaving the room, I stormed off to my office to think, leaving the doctor behind with Edgar to deal with. My head pounded with the building headache. I needed… I don’t know what the fuck I needed. I needed Shelby to wake up and be the fucking woman I thought she was, the beautiful genius that I saw on paper. The gorgeous vixen I danced with in the middle of the dancefloor at Dangerous. The sultry sub I had bound on my desk.

  With the sweep of my hand, I sent everything on my desk crashing to the floor. When that failed to make me feel any better I began ripping things off of the walls, sending them clatter
ing to the floor. The crashing sound of shattering glass brought Edgar to come storming through the door.

  “What the fuck do you want?” I roared at him, unable to hold in my anger.

  “I want you to settle the fuck down and quit acting like a petulant child throwing a fucking tantrum.” His harsh cold words brought me to my senses.

  That was what made Edgar my right hand. He and I had been friends since birth. He was not only my assistant and right hand he was also my cousin on my mother’s side. Though he was five years older than me, He and I had been close our entire life. I had tried numerous times to persuade him into taking a position in the company but he always declined, saying that he would much rather be there to have my back than to leave me to the wolves.

  “What the fuck am I to do?” I screamed at him, pulling at my hair in frustration.

  “What do you want this woman for? Is she the one that will make you happy? Can you live with what she has done?” His thick accent rolling off his tongue as he spoke, thrusting the questions at me one right after the other.

  “Yes, no, fuck… I don’t know. Everything until this I was on board. She is fucking perfect. But this… This is something I don’t know if I can do but at the same time, I don’t want to throw it away. I’m a selfish bastard.” I punched at the air angrily.

  “So, the woman is perfect except for this?” He asks, I could hear the cogs turning in his head, as though he is working through the dilemma and devising a solution.

  “Yes,”

  That one word seems to be the answer he was searching for. A sick sinister smile spreads across his face.

  “Then you must train her. Train her to accept a different form of punishment. If she is so bent on harming herself, give her another vice.” His words linger in the air.

  I know what he is thinking. Only Edgar knows the demons that rest in my mind. What he is suggesting is insanity. Could I really do that to her? Could I take her farther down the rabbit hole than she has already fallen?

  Sensing my hesitation he continues. “If she had not had this problem and continued to be the perfect woman, would you not be tempted if things were to get serious? Would you not want to do the things you so badly crave to her? How would this be any different? Instead of you hiding yourself, why don’t you man up and embrace who you are? Take her with you as you go. You never know. She could surprise you. She could crave it just as much as you do.” He stares at me blankly, a slow smile creeping up his face when he realizes he has me.

  “Fuck you.” I spit at him shaking my head.

  That fucking bastard is right. I hear him laughing as he leaves the room. I fucking hate when he’s right. If Shelby had not been broken I would want to do dirty things to her. I would have wanted her on her knees begging me for release, begging for me to spank her, to punish her. I would imagine tying her up, flogging her sweet pale skin. Maybe he is right and this is the only way. What do I have to lose?

  Chapter Thirteen

  Shelby

  Fuck. My body feels like hell. I crack my eyes open against the blinding light pouring through the room. My eyeballs feel like they are on fire. I struggle to lift the lead weight of my hand to my face to wipe away the sleep. My memory is a haze. I remember being dragged to Klaus’ house and being forced to stay with him. Shame consumes me. He knows everything. I can’t bear to face him. I just want to sink away into the bed and disappear. As soon as the thought crosses my mind a memory surfaces making me cringe. Though I can’t quite picture it I know it’s a memory. Klaus’ voice echoes in my head. I had gone through DT’s and he was there. He saw it all, me vomiting in the toilet, nearly shitting myself. My stomach rolls at the thought. He has seen me at my very worst, on death's doorstep begging for entrance.

  I can’t do it. I can’t face him. I just can’t. Tears welled up behind my lids as the thought crashed down on me. I am so full of shame. Unable to hold them back, the tears spring from my eyes crashing down on my cheeks. I need to get out of here. I can’t bring myself to face him.

  I struggle from the bed, my legs feel like tree trunks, heavily rooted to the ground. Glancing down I realize I am not wearing my own clothes. Gone are the shorts and tank top I wore to bed, in their place is a white t-shirt that hangs off my body, the hem reaching mid-thigh. A new realization crosses my mind. He dressed me. A quick thorough inspection tells me not only did he dress me but he had also bathed me. Humiliation floods my cheeks.

  I am a fucking wreck. My new sexy as fuck boss not only knows my secret, but he also saw me in the most disgusting position and took care of me, bathed me, and dressed me. My heart swells with warmth at the thoughtful consideration while my brain chastises me, reminding me why I need to get out of here. I need to run, far away from all of this. Far away from Klaus Wolf. Far away from this life.

  I know one thing for certain, I will never be using again. I had learned my lesson. Using may have brought me memories of Brittan but it also ruined my life, it ruined the career I had fought so hard for and it had ruined my reputation. I would have to live with the consequences of my actions. But I realized one thing above all else. No matter what I did to get closer to Brittan, nothing was going to bring him back and there was nothing I could do to change the past. I could only the future by working harder to be a better person.

  I had no idea how I was going to do that when I had to start over but I would. I would do everything in my power to keep what happened to Brittan and my father from happening to other people. I would work on helping people like myself. I hadn’t been using long but I had used long enough to learn the effects drugs have on your life. I learned fast and hard the effects they take on your mind and body when you walk away. No one should ever have to go through that.

  I wasn’t an idiot. I knew I wasn’t out of the woods. Even now I could hear my body calling to the drugs, begging for them. I could taste the memory of the aftertaste on the back of my tongue. The memory of tangy acid sent chills along my spine. I closed my eyes, licking my lips at the vivid memory, the pinch of my skin as the needle pierced my flesh. I could feel the tug of my lips pulling up on the side.

  “You were a naughty girl.” The deep rich voice freezes me in place.

  I was so caught up in the memory of my first high that I hadn’t heard him enter the room. The sound of his steps edging closer sends my heart pounding in my chest both in fear and anticipation. I had hoped to get away before he realized I was awake.

  My breath is caught in my chest as I feel his warmth against my back. My words caught in my throat. What do I say to him? Thank you? I'm sorry? My body caves in on itself with shame, my shoulders hunching forward between my ears.

  His thick hand wraps in my hair, halting my movement. I freeze, half drawn in on myself. “Stand straight,” his voice commands.

  I have no choice but to obey, my body is his to command. The deep baritone of his voice reaches a part of me that had never been reached before pulling me forth to do his bidding. I slowly let the breath I had been holding out through my parted lips and straighten my spine. The tight grip he has on my hair slackened. I stand there, ramrod stiff facing the wall as he works on my hair. I can feel his hands running through my thick long strands. Slowly my hair is lifted from my shoulders, strand by strand until he is finished. A small gasp leaves my lips after I realize what he has done. My hair lay in a tight thick braid down the center of my back.

  Before I can revel in the marvel of his handy work a firm tug on the fresh braid pulls me to attention. “Come,” Without further explanation, he pulls me by my hair back to the bed. With his hands on my shoulders, he shoves me forward roughly, face first on the bed, my legs hanging off. My hands fly out to catch me as I crashed face first into the bed.

  “Lay still and do not move,” His voice is firm demanding.

  I lay there face down, my feet planted firmly on the ground, my ass raised high in the air. I had no idea what to expect after last night. This, however, was not it.

  “Do you know wha
t you did wrong, Shelby?” He asks, his voice caressing along my skin as he spoke.

  “Y-yes,” I mumble still stunned by his actions.

  “You understand that you need to be punished?” My treacherous pussy throbbed at the deep husky baritone of his voice.

  “I’m..” A blinding pain sears my ass before I can get the rest of the words out.

  “I said, do you understand that you must be punished?” He asks again more forcefully.

  “Y-Yes,” I manage to choke out between sobs.

  His hand rained down on me again leaving my ass on fire.

  “You will address me as Sir.”

  “Y-yes, Sir,” I whimper into the crumpled sheets.

  “You have been a very naughty girl, Shelby.” I can hear the strain in his voice as he says my name, as though my name in itself leaves a foul taste in his mouth. It makes my heart sink at the thought that I have disgusted him so much. I am disgusted in myself by my own actions.

  The shame and disgust that envelope me distract me from the pain that he inflicted on my ass.

  “You have been sleeping for the past three days, Shelby.” My eyes fly open with surprise at his words. Three days. I had missed three days of work. That meant I was three days behind on my projects. Roz was surely gone by now, which meant I was the only senior linguist and I had been neglecting my workload. Panic surged through my body.

  “That’s right. Do you understand what your actions have caused?” He asked as though reading my mind.

  “Yes,”

  Smack…

  Smack…