She opened one eye and stuck her tongue out at him playfully. “It does a little.”
Then she set her drink aside. “Truly, Simon, so you do not love her. You have really just met the girl, I don’t think that is such a bad thing. But I wonder, do you think you could? Because a lifetime is a long while to share with someone who you do not love.”
He pondered that question for a long moment, thinking of Lillian. He had desired her from the moment she stepped from her carriage and that desire had been returned, though somewhat reluctantly. Still, that feeling alone was not likely to have held his interest. He was not a profligate led by his cock, as some of his contemporaries were. He had desired many an inappropriate woman and never pursued that craving.
No, something else had kept his interest in Lillian alive, beyond the fact that he longed for her physically.
“From almost the first moment,” he mused, “she has been a riddle to me. A puzzle that is not immediately solved. In one moment, she was open and friendly, the next she shut me out like she couldn’t bear to look at me. But in all the times we talked, I was always struck not just by her beauty but by her intelligence. She is quick-witted and well able to hold her own in a verbal sparring match.”
His sister’s eyebrows lifted slightly. “I can see how that would be interesting. Many of the current day’s debutantes seem dull as plain toast. A girl with a tongue and a mind behind it would certainly stand out. But that does not answer the question, Simon. Do you think you could love her?”
He shut his eyes, running over their short time together in his mind. Lillian had been standoffish at times, but there had also been moments when she had been kind. When he confessed the secret of his bastard brother, she seemed to understand the pain that discovery had caused him. She had supported him, comforted him, and once he’d begun, his hesitation in revealing that secret to her had faded almost instantly, replaced with relief at having someone with whom to share his pain.
“Yes,” he finally said softly, his eyes coming open. “I think perhaps, with time, I could love her.”
It was a stunning revelation, but he found himself smiling at it. The idea of falling in love with his future wife was actually a very pleasant one. They had years to court while being able to share a bed. It was bound to be an interesting proposition.
Naomi smiled at him. “Good. That makes me happy. At least it is better than Mama and Papa.”
All the pleasant thoughts Simon had been having of Lillian suddenly faded at the mention of his parents and their very unhappy union. He understood the cause better now. The truth had a funny way of clarifying the unfathomable.
“Yes, Father,” he murmured, looking at his sister from the corner of his eye.
Should he tell her what he knew? Conventional wisdom said that as a woman she had to be protected from such indelicate subjects. And yet it didn’t feel right to keep such a secret. If he was entitled to know their father’s true colors, wasn’t she? They had both loved and looked up to him.
“Why do you look at me so?” she asked, and she shifted in her chair nervously. “Simon, what is going on?”
“You know that part of the reason I came here was for the party Mother was so insistent upon. However, there was something else that drew me to the estate,” he said slowly, still uncertain how much he wanted to reveal.
She nodded. “I assumed as much. Father was an important man, and with the new Season starting in such a short time, I thought you probably came here to take care of some of his affairs.”
“Yes, that is exactly why. Do you remember how messy his office always was?”
Naomi’s smile was instant and wide. “Heavens yes. Both here and in the other homes. In London Mother forced him to have a second one where he could meet with people because she was so embarrassed by his disorganization.”
Simon got to his feet and paced to the window. As he looked down at the gardens below, he said, “Well, part of what I must do is put his papers in order. I thought to go through his paperwork myself before I had the staff do the rest. In fact I thought I might have a memoir written about him.”
His sister straightened up a fraction. “I-I see. Yet from your expression, it appears you aren’t happy with what you have found while sorting through the receipts and letters.”
He turned on her. “How much did you know about Father beyond the face he showed the public?”
Naomi shrugged, but she didn’t seem comfortable. “I’m not certain what you mean by his ‘face’ Simon.”
He sighed. “I-I mean what did you know about the real man? The one who wasn’t always good or decent or fair.”
Now it was Naomi who was on her feet. “What do you mean? Are you accusing Father of something?”
Simon drew back. His sister’s wild expression and her trembling hands were not common. Normally Naomi was cool and collected, her high emotions happy ones, not ones of fear or upset. And yet at the mere mention of their father and the potential for secrets, she was in a panic.
Was it possible she already knew something?
“Naomi—” he began, moving toward her. “I was only asking—”
“You were implying,” she corrected, backing up. “Implying that he did something wrong. I do not wish to hear it, Simon. The past is best left there. Leave it alone.”
With that she spun away and virtually sprinted from the room, leaving Simon staring at her retreating back and wondering what his sister knew that made her so afraid.
And if it could possibly be something even worse than what he himself had already uncovered.
Chapter 18
In the library, Lillian sat in a chair close to the fire with a book in hand. Her legs were tucked beneath her and a steaming cup of tea was at her side. It was heaven.
The chamber was quickly becoming a favorite retreat of hers, for it held not only books to feed her enthusiasm for the written word, but there were also memories here. Memories of Simon. Of passion.When she was in this room, she could almost forget the true mission that had brought her to this estate and to the man she would now marry. She could almost forget she had lied to him and misled him in the name of revenge. That she had yet to be fully honest with him.
Almost.
She was about to shake away her troubling thoughts and return to her book when the library door swung open and Lady Westford hurried into the room. Lillian got to her feet, but Naomi didn’t seem to notice her at first. She turned to close the door and lifted a hand to her lips, her breath coming in heaving sighs, as if she was fighting tears.
Immediately Lillian moved forward. “My lady, are you quite all right?”
Naomi jumped as she turned on Lillian. For a moment, Lillian saw a world of hurt and upset and even fear in her companion’s eyes, but then it faded, pushed away. Hidden.
“Oh, I didn’t see you there, you gave me a fright.” Naomi laughed, but it was a mere false echo of the earlier pleasant sound.
“You seemed quite preoccupied when you entered,” Lillian said, setting her book down and coming closer. “Is anything amiss?”
“No, of course not,” Naomi said as she patently avoided Lillian’s gaze by staring up at the high shelves that rose above them. Her expression relaxed. “My, I do love this room.”
Lillian looked at her for a long moment. It was clear her future sister-in-law had no desire to speak to her about whatever was upsetting her, but since Naomi had been spending a few private moments with Simon, Lillian felt an uncommon interest.
Still, she set it aside as she joined Naomi in looking up at the shelves. “It is wonderful. I believe it may be my favorite room on the entire estate.”
That and the billiard room, which she didn’t mention to Naomi even as her cheeks burned hot at the thought.
“Yes, I feel the same. And it’s Simon’s favorite as well.” Naomi’s face dulled and her voice grew distant. “He would hide here when he was a boy, sometimes for hours.”
Lillian tilted her head. “What about you? Would you hi
de here?”
Naomi looked at her sharply. “I had less to hide from. I suppose it isn’t a secret to you how strained my brother’s relationship with our mother is?”
Lillian shifted, suddenly uncomfortable. “It hasn’t escaped my notice that they do not have the bond that you and the dowager have.”
Naomi’s face softened. “Mother has her reasons for that. But Simon suffered for them.”
With a frown, Lillian said, “But it seems clear you two are as close as a brother and sister can be. So her disregard didn’t affect you as it might have done others.”
Naomi nodded. “No, I did my best to give him what my mother couldn’t. Love and affection. And protection.”
“Protection?” Lillian asked, wondering to what Naomi referred. Only their mother’s wrath, or something else? Her gaze was so faraway and sad that it seemed she meant something deeper.
Naomi nodded. “Yes. There are some things it is better to leave buried. Some truths that will only hurt if they are revealed. Simon has had a difficult enough life, why should his burden be made heavier?”
Lillian stepped back. So Naomi was talking about more than a mere rift with his mother. She sounded like she knew secrets, perhaps the very ones that Simon had begun to uncover about their father.
“But Simon doesn’t have to be protected any longer,” Lillian said softly, though she flinched because she was doing that exact thing by keeping her own secrets from him. “He is a man and he deserves to know the truth. He longs for that truth, even if it hurts him.”
Now Naomi turned on her, face pale and tense. “He said he’s been searching through our father’s things.”
Lillian nodded slowly.
“What does he know?”
She hesitated. It seemed wrong to insert herself in the private pains of the siblings. If Naomi knew something new about their father’s past, it wasn’t fair that Lillian would hear it before Simon. Even if her curiosity was at its peak.
With a sigh, she said, “I think it’s best if you speak to Simon about what he knows.”
Naomi shivered as she sank into the nearest chair. “Yes, I suppose I owe him that. It is simply difficult for me not to think of him as the child I vowed to protect, to never let anything bad happen to.”
Brow wrinkling, Lillian tried to picture that. Somehow a Simon who couldn’t take care of himself, a child Simon who needed a guardian…that was difficult to picture. All she could see was the capable, strong Simon who intrigued her despite herself.
“But surely you can see he isn’t that child anymore,” Lillian pressed.
“No,” Naomi said as she rose to her feet and smiled. “He isn’t that child. I only forget sometimes. You are good to remind me. I shall speak to him again, perhaps after supper.”
Lillian nodded; she remained strangely unappeased. Despite the fact that Simon wanted to know the truth, she felt as though she had wronged him in some way.
“Now,” Naomi said with a devilish look in her direction. “Let us not speak of my brother any longer, but let us talk about you.”
Lillian stiffened as she faced Naomi with discomfort filling her. “Me?”
“Yes.” Naomi motioned around the room. “Which is your favorite? And be mindful I shall be judging you based solely on your choice of reading material.”
“Then I shall be careful.” Lillian laughed as she moved toward the shelves and the wide array of choices to impress and amuse her future sister-in-law.
But even as they laughed, Lillian couldn’t shake her sense of unease. Every moment that she kept her own secrets from Simon, she kept a piece of the puzzle he longed to solve from his hands. And whether that was for his protection or her own, in some way it made her no better than his father.
Despite the events of earlier in the day, supper was a lively affair. Lillian was placed on Simon’s right with Naomi across from her. Gabby was beside her and her deaf aunt beside Naomi. At the opposite end of the table from Simon was his mother. She was the only one not laughing, joining in stories, and generally having a good time. Even Aunt Isabel shared a few stories of her own days as a debutante.But Lillian sensed a continued tension between brother and sister. Occasionally Naomi and Simon locked eyes and an unspoken battle raged between them. And though Lillian realized there was nothing she could do beyond the brief talk she’d had earlier with Naomi, she still wondered what the outcome of their war would be.
As if Naomi had read her thoughts, she suddenly leaned over, and Lillian heard her murmur, “After supper tonight, I’d like a moment with you.”
Simon arched a brow. “Would you?”
She nodded, and there was a pain on her face that made Lillian ache for her. She recognized Naomi’s look as one of staunch resignation. As if Simon’s sister knew nothing would be the same once she spoke to him and yet she was willing to face that future.
“We began a conversation earlier,” Naomi said with a shuddering sigh, “which I was too tired to finish. But I’m ready to do so now.”
Simon was quiet for a long moment before he nodded. “Very well. Might I ask what changed your mind on this score?”
Without speaking, Naomi turned her gaze firmly on Lillian. Simon followed her stare and suddenly the world faded away. All that was left was him. No lies, no decisions, no pains.
Just him.
And it was utterly terrifying. Lillian was about to turn away from it when the dowager duchess rose suddenly from her place and snapped out, “We shall retire to the west drawing room.”
As the others at the table rose and made their way from the room, Simon stood and carefully helped Lillian from her chair. As he offered her an arm, she shivered. It had been only a day since the last time they were together, but at that moment it felt like an eternity. She was starved for him, for his touch, for his breath on her skin.
It seemed he felt the same, for he leaned in and subtly breathed in her scent before he whispered, “I don’t know what you said to my sister, but I thank you for it.”
Lillian squeezed her eyes shut. “Wait until you have spoken to her before you thank me. Perhaps you won’t like the outcome of the conversation.”
He shrugged one shoulder. “It doesn’t matter. I’m beginning to appreciate the truth more than I appreciate the protection of lies.”
Lillian jerked her gaze to his face. He almost looked peaceful, even though he had to know his sister might tell him something he would hate. Something that would hurt and change him forever. Yet he wanted it.
He sighed. “Tonight I’ll tell her what I know and perhaps I will hear something new from her, as well. And we shall move on from there. It is all we can do in the end.”
Lillian nodded, ignoring the sting of tears behind her eyes. The realization that she had to tell him the truth and tell him before they married hit her so hard she almost felt it physically. He deserved that. She deserved it.
“I would like to move on to you,” he murmured, a bit lower as they walked down the hallway. “I need to be with you.”
She shivered at the hint of desire laced through his tone and present in every word he spoke. That feeling was mirrored in her heart, in her body.
“I want that, too,” she admitted, glancing up into his face and marveling at the perfect beauty of his every feature.
He smiled, and the expression softened some of the hard angles of his face. “Then meet me in my chamber at midnight.”
She swallowed hard. That would be the perfect time and place to confess everything to him. Tonight, when they were alone, with no interruptions, she could finally give him the truth he deserved. The consequences would come, she was certain of it, but as he had said, they would move on from there. It was all they could do.
“Lillian?” he said softly. “Will you meet me?”
She jerked out a nod before they entered the room and couldn’t speak of such indelicate topics any longer. But as she parted from him and crossed the room to speak to Gabby, Lillian couldn’t help but shiver as she tho
ught of what would happen once they were alone again.
Simon couldn’t account for the nervousness he felt as he awaited his sister in their father’s office an hour later. When she stormed out of the room that afternoon, he’d suspected she knew something about the late duke’s behavior, but now he questioned that belief. Why would Naomi have knowledge of something he didn’t?It was foolish, just his tired and disillusioned mind playing tricks on him, looking for shadows where there was none to find.
He heard his sister approaching in the hallway and straightened up as she entered the room. Her cheeks were pale as she looked around at the disarray. Finally she shook her head.
“Oh, Papa,” she murmured, more to herself, it seemed, than to him. Then she looked at him with a sad smile. “You’ve been forced to go through these things all alone?”
“Not alone,” Simon admitted as he motioned to two chairs he had cleared for them. As they sat, he continued, “Rhys was in attendance at the party earlier.”
Naomi’s smile fell a fraction. She had never been close to his friend.
“Yes, Rhys. It has been a long time since I saw him. How is he?”
“About to be married. Even if my own sudden engagement hadn’t sent the party running back to London, he never intended to stay the entire fortnight.” He shook his head. “He’s back in Town, making final arrangements for the wedding to Anne. When I return, Lillian and I will have our own quick service and then I intend to stand up for him a few days later.”
His sister nodded. “I certainly wish him much happiness. And you say he helped you file through Father’s papers?”
Her worried tone made Simon frown. “He may be many things, but he is trustworthy, Naomi.”
“I’m sure.” She nodded slowly.
“And—and Lillian helped me somewhat, as well,” he admitted after a moment’s hesitation.
At that, both his sister’s eyebrows rose. “You must have stronger feelings than you let on, to have trusted her with such a delicate task.”
He stared at his sister for a long moment, all his suspicions rushing back as he watched her pale face and listened to her cryptic words. Leaning forward, he held her stare evenly.
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