Lance allowed himself one last look. His eyes widened. She was...sprawled on the floor.
36
“Are you serious?” Portia held her hands over mouth and cracked up.
“Yes, she was spread eagle in the middle of the restaurant,” Nathaniel repeated. “I wished I’d snapped a picture. Although, I’m sure in this day and time, someone did. For all we know, Belinda is now a YouTube celebrity.”
“Oh, poor Belinda,” Portia said. “I can’t imagine her humiliation. And, to fall with Lance right there.”
“It didn’t help that a few of the patrons were pointing and laughing, either.” Nathaniel cracked up.
“I’ll call her and check on her later. I’ve still been planning their wedding because I hoped they’d come to their senses. I’ve ordered my bridesmaid dress and shoes.”
“I would feel sorry for her if she didn’t try to make it seem like we were an item. It took everything I had to stay cool with Lance shooting daggers at me. He looked like he wanted to strangle me with his bare hands.”
She shook her head. “But, wasn’t he with a date?”
“Yes, with a real cutie pie, too. She was all snuggled up under him and everything.”
Portia didn’t smile. She didn’t know how she felt about Nathaniel calling some woman a cutie pie. But, she wasn’t about to show any form of jealousy. That wasn’t her style. “So, Sydney is glowing, huh?”
“Yes, she looks radiant.” Nathaniel went on about Sydney while Portia checked him out.
With his brown suit, light pink shirt and coordinated tie, Nathaniel looked delicious. She crooked her head as he spoke. Maybe she should take him up on his not-so-subtle offer of a date. She wanted to, but Nathaniel was just so religious. He would have her on a no-sex diet. Portia couldn’t imagine dating him and not being able to—
“Earth to Portia.”
Portia’s eyes grew wide. She had tuned out on her boss. “I’m sorry,” she sputtered. “Did you need some files or something?”
Nathaniel leaned over until he was eye level. “No, I was asking you if you’d given my offer any further thought.”
Nathaniel had offered for them to read and pray together in the mornings before work, off the clock. That wasn’t Portia’s idea of fun, but looking into Nathaniel’s pleading eyes, she melted. “I’ll think about it. I don’t like getting up at the crack of dawn.”
“It’s not the crack of dawn, Portia. It’s fifteen minutes to eight.”
His cell phone rang and Nathaniel moved away to answer. Portia was glad for the reprieve. She wanted to hang with Nathaniel, but she didn’t want to be preached at nonstop. He was so fine too. Who knew the lion was actually a pussycat?
Such a waste. The things they could do together. But no, Nathaniel wanted to remain celibate until he got married. She shook her head. Who did that in this day and age?
Portia pulled her chair close to the computer and booted it up. She didn’t want to hold hands or settle for chaste kisses. Nathaniel walked by and gave her a wide smile. Portia paused and tapped her chin. Maybe all he needed was a little convincing.
Lucky for him, she could be convincing. Very convincing.
37
“You mean to say with all your ah, attributes, you haven’t convinced him to change his mind?”
Monica rolled her eyes. She hated this man. “Clarendon. I want out!” She screamed. “I’ll return the money and pay you back for this house. But, I can’t do this. Pastor Charleston is scary to deal with, and frankly, Lance isn’t interested. I’ve done everything I can think of. He’s not taking the bait.”
“No, no you haven’t done everything. You’re a scintillating, captivating woman. A man would be a fool not to want to you.”
His patronizing tone grated on her nerves, but Monica tried to keep her head together. “Clarendon, you’re not listening. Lance is over me. He ratted me out to Noah, who threatened me with Quinn. I can’t lose my daughter.”
Clarendon’s attitude changed then. He sounded vicious through the line. “I put a lot of money into you, Monica—you and Quinn. When that son of mine and Max Tyson threw you to the curb, I took you in. I gave you everything you could want. All I asked of you is to get back with Lance, and you can’t even do that.”
No he hadn’t brought up Max Tyson. Monica squeezed her eyes shut to keep from screaming. Clarendon was pushing her hard and she was trying to keep her sanity. Monica pulled her hair. She felt like disappearing, but she knew Clarendon would find her. She could use that money.
She drew deep breaths. “I’ll try again, but I don’t want to do something… crazy.” Monica broke. She felt like she was losing control and it scared her.
“Do you love Lance?” he pushed.
“Yes,” Monica cried. “But, he’s moved on and I’m trying to accept that.”
“You think it’s okay to let someone you love slip through your fingers without trying everything?”
There he goes again, Monica sobbed. She held onto her head as Clarendon’s voice droned on. Shut up. Shut up. She screamed internally, but Monica didn’t dare yell at him. Dangerous thoughts rushed her mind, but she fought them because she loved her daughter. “I love Quinn... I love Quinn... I love Quinn...”
“You love Lance too. You and Lance could be a family if you just tried harder. Max Tyson never has to know the truth.”
Max wasn’t Quinn’s father. Lance was. She wished she’d never confided in the likes of Clarendon. He was a snake. Monica snapped. “I hate you. You’re a poor excuse for a human being. You don’t want me with Lance. You want him, and you’re using me. I’m not stupid. You’re manipulating me. You want me to do something crazy so Lance will need you.”
Clarendon didn’t even try to deny it. “And? So what if I did?”
Monica wailed at the top of her lungs. Her sanity was failing her. “Don’t make me do this. I love Quinn. Please. I’ll get a job and pay you back.” She rocked back and forth as she repeated herself, but Clarendon wouldn’t budge.
“Just get it done. I don’t care how,” he said, before ending the call.
Tears rolled down her face. Monica cried some more. Then, she jumped. She’d missed the soft patter of tiny feet. Quinn’s little hand on her leg had frightened her.
“What’s wrong, Mommy? You cry?”
Monica looked up to see Quinn. Her heart broke. She took her daughter in her arms and wiped her face with her shirt. “No, baby. Mommy isn’t crying. I’m happy.”
“You cry, Mommy.” Quinn’s lips quivered as her mouth turned downward.
Monica hugged her daughter close. “No, Mommy not crying. Mommy’s happy. Mommy’s going to get Daddy.”
“Daddy,” Quinn squealed. “Daddy.”
Monica got to her feet with Quinn in her arms and went in search for Freda. She screamed, “Freda. Come get Quinn. Don’t you get paid enough to watch her?”
Freda came around the bend and said in a low voice, “I was in the bathroom, Miss Monica.”
Monica felt bad, but Quinn had seen her cry. She couldn’t have that. “I don’t care,” she yelled. “Do a better job.”
Freda looked at Monica and shook her head before she took Quinn from Monica’s arms. Monica’s shoulder sagged. “I’m sorry, Freda. I just have a lot on my mind. I’m glad you’re here with me, because you’re the best thing that’s ever happened to us.”
Freda nodded but didn’t respond, which made Monica feel worse.
“I wouldn’t apologize if I didn’t mean it,” she snapped.
Again Freda remained silent and faced Monica with accusatory eyes. She thinks I’m crazy, Monica thought. She grabbed Freda’s arm. “You don’t think I’m sorry?”
“Mommy.” Quinn looked like she was about to cry.
Monica threw up her hands. She had had enough. She had to get out of the house or she was going to go insane. Monica grabbed her keys. “I’m going for a run.”
38
Sydney pulled in front of her parent’s ho
me. Noah had a last minute issue and hadn’t been able to come. She didn’t want to be here. Yet, here she was. Faithful to her weekly visits with her parents, she was ever the dutiful daughter. However, on the inside, her emotions churned with envy. Her father had gone to his golf lessons, so it would just be her and her mom today. Her dad was her buffer when she just couldn’t bear looking at her mother’s glowing face.
Sydney put her hands between her legs to push back her car seat. She leaned back. “Oh, that feels good,” she moaned. She protectively rubbed her huge tummy and cooed to her baby, “I bet that feels much better, doesn’t it.”
Sydney turned her head to see her mother come out the house. Janine was probably concerned since Sydney was still in her car. She saw her mother’s bulge and swallowed. Every time she saw her mother, all Sydney thought about was how Janine had lucked out with another healthy baby. She, on the other hand, had been dealt a different set of playing cards.
Sydney couldn’t grasp the fact that she might give birth to a Down syndrome baby. Now that they’d jump over that hurdle of her deciding to keep her baby, Noah had become her staunchest supporter. Her mother bent over to tap the window. With a huge smile plastered on her face, Sydney beckoned for her mother to step back. Once her mother complied, Sydney opened the door. “Hey, Mom. How are you?”
Her mom kissed her on the cheek. “I’m doing okay, now that I’m over the nausea. I swear I’d forgotten what it is like carrying a child.”
“Yes—it was so long ago.” Sydney saw her mother blush and lower her head. She could’ve kicked herself for that barb. “Sorry, Mom.”
Her mother waved her off. “Pooh. It’s okay. I feel self-conscious. But as weird as it feels, I’m not the only woman who has gotten knocked up at this age.”
She was the only woman Sydney knew. And, it was weird. Janine rubbed her tummy and jealousy rose within Sydney. She looked away and started to walk inside the house. “My baby is doing well, too.”
“Oh, yes. I was just getting ready to ask. Have you changed your mind about taking those tests?”
“No, I haven’t. I’m going to trust God.”
Her mother curled her lips. “Honey, nothing is wrong with trusting God, but He didn’t say we shouldn’t use wisdom. That’s why Proverbs exist. You need knowledge, Sydney. Faith isn’t enough. You’ve got to back it up with works.”
They entered the house and Sydney sat on the couch.
“I am backing it up with works. I’m taking care of myself and keeping up with my prenatal care. I just choose to trust God with the rest.”
“Well, if it were me, I would want to know.”
“Well, it’s not you. Is it?” Sydney heard her mother’s quick intake of breath and regretted her sharp tone. Her voice had been laced with bitterness she’d tried so hard to conceal. Sydney got to her feet. She felt like going home.
“Don’t blame me, please.”
Her mother’s pleading tone gave Sydney pause. She looked into Janine’s face and saw unshed tears.
Janine intertwined her hands over her stomach. “I didn’t mean to get pregnant. You’ve got to believe that. This pregnancy is like a fluke of nature or something. I’m sorry my baby is healthy, and yours may have a disability. But, it isn’t the end of the world. God will see you through. He wouldn’t give you something you can’t handle. God chose you because He knew you were more than capable of handling caring for one of His most special creatures.”
Seriously? Did her mother just go there? She was so tired of hearing the platitudes about God knows best and blah, blah, blah. Why couldn’t they understand that Sydney didn’t want this? She wanted a healthy child like everyone else. She didn’t feel special or chosen, as some of the sisters had said with a patronizing pat on her arm. They could spout whatever platitude they wanted, but they weren’t the ones who would have to care for a child who would never mentally mature.
“Mom, caring for a special needs child is a full-time, lifetime job. It is not some special blessing. It will be work. And frankly, it’s not what I signed up for. I don’t want to do it.” She held up a hand. “Now mind you, I will. I already love my baby. But if I had it to choose, I wouldn’t choose this.”
Her mother gave her a pat on the arm. Sydney cringed.
“I don’t want to hear any Bible thumping right now, Mom. I just want you to...” Sydney trailed off.
“What do you want me to do?” Janine’s brows furrowed.
“Just hold me, Mom. Comfort me. Care for me. But, don’t make it sound like this is going to be a piece of pie. I’ll have a child that is different. One who will always be different. As the time draws near, I understand Noah’s fear and he was right. It’s a lot for me to deal with.”
“I’m sorry, honey. I was trying to make you feel better.”
“Well, it’s not helping.” Sydney had to be blunt. “Just be there. Don’t try to make my reality into a fairytale.”
“Then I don’t know what to say,” her mother confessed.
Sydney leaned into her mother then. She rested her head on her shoulder. “Thanks, Mom.”
Shifting her body away slightly, her mother asked, “For what?”
“For that honest admission, because I don’t know what to say either. All I can do is put one foot in front of the other and deal with this one day at a time.”
When Sydney got home that night, her heart was heavy. She went in search of Noah. He was in the study watching his past week’s sermon. It was to be a three-part series and Noah was taking notes. He opened his arms and welcomed her with a smile.
Sydney smiled and rushed into his embrace. In his arms, she felt so secure and loved. Now that she and Noah had jumped over that rough patch early in her pregnancy, he was back to being her knight in shining armor. She tugged on his ear and kissed him on the neck.
Noah’s pulse quickened under her touch. “Sydney,” he moaned.
“Yes?” Sydney asked, but she knew what she was doing. Her hand moved into a dangerous zone. She chuckled when Noah jumped in response.
“Sydney, you know where this will lead if you don’t stop.” He drew her closer, so she knew he was just putting up a paltry fight.
“I told you, you have nothing to worry about. The baby is fine. I need you.” Sydney’s hormones were speaking for her.
Noah kissed her before pulling away. “This is every night so far for the past week. Are you sure you’re up to it?”
“Am I too big and fat for you?” Sydney accused. She didn’t mean it, but she meant to have him, even if it meant laying on the guilt. Her husband didn’t disappoint.
His blue eyes pleaded. “Please don’t feel that way. I think you’re more beautiful than the day I first met you. In fact, I want you so bad I can’t think straight. Even when I am working on my sermon, I think of you.”
Sydney nuzzled his neck to hide her knowing grin. She had him right where she wanted him. But, the lawyer in her still went for the kill. “I went to see my mother today and she was glowing. Compared to her, I feel huge and ungainly.”
Noah rubbed her back. He scooped her into his arms. Sydney was amazed at his strength. “What are you doing? Put me down.”
Noah grunted. “I’m going to show you huge and ungainly. Don’t speak about yourself that way. You’ve given me a family, and I love you so much it hurts.” He finally relinquished her and helped her stand to her feet.
Sydney smiled. “That’s why I want you. Now.”
His eyes darkened. In one swift motion, her husband grabbed her close to him. Yes, that’s what she wanted. She had heard about pregnant women and their hormones, but now she understood.
“I’m back on duty.” Noah kissed her.
Sydney rubbed his back. “You know you like having me all over you every day.”
He answered her with a wide-toothed smile.
“What’s a husband to do? I mean, I signed the papers so I must comply and meet the demands of my insatiable wife.”
They entered their
bedroom together to finish what she’d started. Just before he found his release, Noah demanded, “Sydney look at me.”
Caught in the throes of passion, Sydney opened her eyes, though it took serious effort and concentration on her part. She met his penetrating gaze.
“I need your eyes opened, and you looking at me. Me, Sydney.”
Sydney nodded and kept her eyes planted on him. “I want you, Noah. Only you.” Her words were like an aphrodisiac. Noah went wild. She did all the right things, but deep down, Sydney was troubled. She knew what that was about. Or rather, who… Nathaniel.
Sydney contributed it to her hormones being out of whack, but she could’ve sworn Nathaniel had zoned in on her from the beginning. She knew she hadn’t imagined that, and her crush hadn’t been one-sided. But, then he lost interest once Portia jumped into the picture. Sydney felt bad, for that brief experience with Nathaniel had made her husband experience a newfound insecurity. She hated she had put that there.
Sydney loved Noah, and doubted she would’ve let anything happen with Nathaniel. She hated she had done anything to displease God and cause Noah pain. Thankfully, God had reminded her of what was real.
Noah was another matter.
He felt threatened by the other man. She knew it was because of her earlier crush, but she was way over that. Noah was the one for her. She knew that, but her husband still needed convincing.
She heard Noah’s light snore signaling that he had drifted off to sleep. Turning to her side, which was no easy feat when she carried a bowling ball inside her, Sydney attempted to cuddle her husband. Ugh! She couldn’t get her arms around him. Noah must have felt her attempt. He turned around. She sighed when she felt him snuggle close to her.
His strong arms felt heavy, but she wasn’t about to complain. She whispered, “Lord, help me mend this tear I caused to his confidence. Help me to show my husband he has nothing to fear. Help me be the wife he needs.” Following that prayer, she went to sleep too.
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