“Where did you disappear to last night?” Benjamin asked as he came into the breakfast room.
Nate’s head still pounded from the amount of brandy he’d consumed the night before, but it had been well worth the pain of today. “Kirkland House,” he answered then focused on Mary. “I’d like to take you there.”
Nate wasn’t the only one who sometimes suffered disquiet over what he’d seen. Ben confided in him that Mary often experienced nightmares, and Ben was at a loss as to how to help her.
“What is it?” Mary asked.
“A home for soldiers. This one in particular serves as the home for those injured in Quatre Bras and Waterloo.”
Her eyes lit with interest while Ben frowned and placed his hand over Mary’s. “I don’t believe that is a good idea.”
He should have anticipated his brother would be overprotective of his wife. “It’s not just the men but the person who is currently in charge.”
“Who?” Ben and Mary asked in unison.
“Isabella Valentine.”
A smile blossomed on Mary’s face. “I’ve so wanted ta see her. It’s been so long.”
“I’d prefer your visit be at her home or ours,” Ben said slowly, concern heavy in his voice.
Mary turned to him. “No. I’m wantin’ ta go.”
Nate grinned. “Good. I’ll return for you this afternoon.” He’d go this morning, but they’d depleted what was left of the brandy last night and he needed to see that cases of brandy and whiskey were delivered, along with cheroots. Of course, those wouldn’t arrive until later. Much later. After Isabella had gone.
And he had every intention of calling on Lord and Lady Chester, before they retired to the country to find out exactly how much was needed to run Kirkland House. He may not be as wealthy as his great-uncle, but Nate had funds. Plenty of funds to help the men who had served alongside him.
Kirkland only housed two dozen men because that was all they had room for. Far more had returned from the Continent, injured, with no place to go or unable to work. What had happened to them? Were they somewhere else, or had only a handful of lucky ones found Kirkland? That was another question he intended to ask Chester. There had to be something more he could do besides provide alcohol, cheroots, and funds. He’d survived, healthy and whole, and it was time he stopped feeling sorry for himself. It was time to stop running from the memories, the nightmares, and demand answers from Isabella and do something worthwhile with his life.
* * *
Isabella fully expected to see Nate at Kirkland House again, but as the day dragged on, he didn’t make an appearance. She wasn’t sure if she was relieved or disappointed, but she suspected that he was recovering, as were many of the men. The number of headaches and pallor among the residents this morning was not a coincidence. Plus, she’d found an empty bottle hidden in a plant.
It wasn’t that Lady Chester was against the drinking of spirits, she feared what it could do. So many of these men were haunted by the past, and Lady Chester didn’t want them turning to drink at each opportunity, losing themselves in the bottle, which was why it was prohibited. She knew they drank, but in her opinion, the more difficult it was to drink, the less likely they would develop a debilitating addiction, which Isabella well understood. She and Orlando had both been guilty of drinking more than they should, in the privacy of their home when it was just the two of them, when the memories became too hard. If she wasn’t a female, in a vicar’s home, Isabella could have easily slipped and turned to drink often.
Practically every soldier ignored the rules last night, apparently. Though, she doubted it was to bury the memories. Instead, she suspected it was camaraderie and Nate.
When her brothers had woken in a similar state from a night of imbibing, Isabella and her sisters often made as much noise as they could in the house. Such was not the case earlier today, and she had moved about as quietly as she could. It wasn’t as if this was a regular occurrence, and Isabella believed that last night had been good for the men, even if they were paying for it today.
By the afternoon, they were back to their usual routines of seeing to the small repairs to the house, playing cards, chess, or reading. A few were outside working in the small garden, while others were napping. Just seeing them brought a smile to her face, and she didn’t want to be anywhere else. What could only make this more perfect was if Nate was by her side.
Isabella stilled. What was she thinking? She couldn’t have Nate, and she knew it was impossible.
But it didn’t stop her from wishing everything could be different. That she was who she claimed to be, with no shame.
“He’s back,” Hastings called and Isabella’s heart skipped a beat. Hastings could only be referring to one person—Nate. Of course, they had a few other regular visitors, but none of them received the reception that Nate did yesterday.
Did she greet him or remain at her task?
He wasn’t here for her, but the soldiers, Isabella reminded herself. It was best to simply continue with the bookkeeping and then writing out the shopping list and let Nate enjoy his visits with the men. It was a relief to receive the donation yesterday. The Duke of Danby was quite generous, and his contribution was enough to cover all expenses for at least two months.
She glanced up at movement in the doorway, and her heart warmed. “You’ve returned?”
“And I’ve brought another visitor.”
Isabella frowned. “Who?”
“Come see for yourself.”
Curiosity brought her from the chair and out into the foyer. A woman stood at the entrance to the parlor, richly dressed, her black hair arranged artistically behind her head. Involuntarily, Isabella smoothed her own hair and quickly glanced down at her drab dress. Who was the woman, and why would Nate bring her here? Had she been wrong about the reasons he wished to speak with her? Was he married?
Wouldn’t she have learned by now if that was the case?
If he was, did she even want to meet Nate’s wife?
Of course she did. Nate deserved happiness and a woman who loved him and one he could love in return. Even if that woman could never be her, Isabella did wish him all the happiness.
The lady turned slightly, revealing her profile and a slight scar. “Mary?”
Her friend turned, a bright smile blossomed on her face. “Isabella!” Mary cried and came forward. “Nate told me you were here, and I just had to see you.”
Tears sprang to Isabella’s eyes as she and Mary embraced. The two had endured so much together. Oh how she wished they hadn’t stopped corresponding with each other. It wasn’t until this moment that Isabella realized how much she’d missed her friend.
Mary pulled back and swiped a tear from her cheek. “It is so good ta see ye.”
“And you.” Isabella sniffed.
A handkerchief was waved between them. “I wish I would have had the forethought to bring two,” Nate laughed.
Isabella took the one tucked in her sleeve and wiped her cheeks as Mary took Nate’s.
“How have ye been?” Mary finally asked.
“Well, and you?”
“Blissfully happy.” Then Mary glanced at Nate, and Isabella’s heart sank.
He’d told her that he wished Mary for his brother. Had Nate changed his mind and decided he wished for Mary himself? Was that what he wanted to tell her at the ball? Oh, why hadn’t she noticed Mary when Nate entered with all of those ladies at Rosalind’s ball? Then she would have realized the truth and been able to prepare herself for this awkward meeting.
“Please, show me around. Nate told me next to nothin’ about Kirkland House.”
Chapter 25
Nate followed as Isabella escorted Mary around as she had done yesterday. Many of the men recognized Mary from her care during those horrible days following Waterloo, before the women returned to England. A few had served under Major Soares and were already familiar with Mary.
“I feel bad that I doona remember the names and am surprise
d that they remember me,” Mary said once the three of them were alone, back in the room where Isabella had been working.
“The same happened when I first arrived, taking me by surprise as well. All I remember is a sea of men, wounded and whole. So many names forgotten.”
Nate chuckled.
“What?” Mary asked.
“No man is ever going to forget two beautiful women who were with them during those days.”
Isabella’s face heated. “There were many women.”
“There is a difference between camp followers and respectable women, though they probably remember the names of the camp followers as well.”
Mary frowned as if she wasn’t sure.
“The two of you, and a few of the other wives who were out amongst the men, were angels in hell. None of them will ever forget you.” They simply didn’t understand. Beauty, gentleness, soft voices, kind words, and a caring heart in a time and place filled with death, pain, and despair. Even when they were between campaigns, the women were a welcoming sight. One that reminded the soldiers of home and what they were fighting for.
“How can I help?” Mary asked with enthusiasm.
Isabella shrugged. “We need donations, but I’m not certain what else is needed.”
“There must be somethin’. Are there volunteer positions available?”
“I don’t believe Ben would approve,” Nate said before Mary got carried away. His brother hadn’t wanted her to come here in the first place.
“That’s because Ben doesna understand.”
“Who is Ben?” Isabella finally asked after watching their exchange.
Once again a smile blossomed on Mary’s face, and her eyes lit with happiness. “My husband, Benjamin Storm.”
Isabella blinked and looked to Nate as if surprised.
He grinned at her in return. “Remember when I told you that I always believed Mary would be perfect for my brother?”
She nodded as if shocked.
“I was correct.”
“You married the Earl of Kenley?”
Why did Isabella seem so surprised, confused even, if he read the frown and question in her eyes correctly.
“Yes. This past winter,” Mary answered. “Can ye believe that I’m a countess?” She laughed.
* * *
Mary was married to Nate’s brother? Not Nate?
Isabella could have sworn by the affection Nate was showing Mary that they were married. But Nate had always been caring toward Mary, and it was one of the reasons she had thought for years that it was Mary he loved.
Not that the two would not make a fine couple, but Isabella was also relieved. Yes, relieved that Nate was not married.
Or was he? Just because he brought Mary here did not mean he didn’t have a wife waiting for him, and it was suddenly very important that she know. “Nate, did you also wed after the war?”
His green eyes locked with hers, an intensity she’d not seen since the night he proclaimed his love for her. “No, Isabella. I’ve only ever loved one woman.”
Her breath lodged in her throat. Oh, why had she asked? She could try and convince herself that he spoke of someone else, but it would be a lie.
Mary whipped around in her chair. “Who? Ye’ve never mentioned anyone ta me.”
Nate didn’t look at Mary but his eyes remained locked with Isabella’s. “A gentleman does not like to speak of rejection.”
Mary slowly turned and pinned Isabella with a look. She opened her mouth as the realization of whom he spoke dawned in her blue eyes. “Isabella?” she questioned on a whisper.
This was not the time or place for such a conversation. And not one she would have with Mary. “A profession made before battle,” she said. “One cannot alter a life when the circumstances are already filled with tension and fear.”
Nate took a step forward and by the set of his jaw, Isabella believed he was going to argue, which she could not allow. Not here. Not in front of Mary. Not now. Not ever. She cleared her throat and focused on her friend. “We welcome volunteers, but so few return after a few visits.”
Mary frowned and glanced back at Nate, then returned her gaze to Isabella. A question in her eyes. A question Isabella would not answer. After a moment Mary asked, “Why?”
“It’s difficult for many, I believe,” Isabella answered honestly. “In their heart they want to help, but they are not accustomed to the men, the soldiers, their needs.”
“What do they need?”
“Some simply wish for someone new to talk with. Others who can rarely leave their bed enjoy conversation and being read to.”
“I could do that.”
Isabella felt the smile pull at her lips. “I recall, you did that often.” They both had. Reading letters from home. Writing letters for the soldiers who were too injured to do so for themselves. Mary had even written down the last words some had ever spoken and sent them on so loved ones would know their last words were often that of a mother, father, wife, or child. They’d also done their share of reading from books to men gathered around, wishing an escape from the realty of their current situation.
“Would mornings or afternoons be better?” Mary asked anxiously, as if she were ready to start reading this very moment.
“Afternoons. The mornings are filled with meals, chores, whatever needs to be done. Most men are free after they’ve lunched.”
“I’ll return tomorrow,” she announced.
“Perhaps you should speak with Ben first,” Nate suggested.
“Ben will understand,” Mary responded with conviction. “I’ll make him understand.”
He nodded his head. “If you’ll excuse me. I believe I will visit with Hastings and Blaine while the two of you discuss Mary’s volunteering.”
Isabella inwardly relaxed once Nate was gone. Why had she asked if he was married? She would have been better off not knowing and wondering. Now, she knew for certain where his feelings lie. Was he going to become a part of Kirkland House because of her? Could she give up her position to avoid him?
No. The men needed her and she needed this position, and she’d simply have to find a way to protect her heart.
Isabella nearly laughed at the thought. He already had her heart. He simply didn’t know it.
“Nate professed his love to ye?” Mary asked after he was gone. She should have known Mary wouldn’t simply forget what she’d heard and not mention it.
“It was at Lady Richmond’s ball after they received word that Napoleon was near,” Isabella answered. “I believe it was more of the situation and not a depth of his feelings.” She told the same lie she’d told herself for nearly two years.
Mary studied Isabella. While they were following the drum there was little, if anything Isabella could hide from her friend, and she feared that even with the passage of time, Mary could still see right through her. “Ye and I both know it wasna the circumstance.” She leaned forward. “And I believe Nate insa alone in his feelings. I suspected as much before he was transferred to another regiment, but now I see the truth.”
“There isn’t any truth.”
“Doona lie to me, and please doona lie to yourself, Isabella. Life is too short.”
“That was then and this is now,” Isabella reminded her.
“And I believe Nate still loves ye.” Mary leaned back and shook her head. “Ye rejected him, correct?”
Isabella nodded.
“Why, when I ken ye feel the same?”
Tears sprang to Isabella’s eyes and she quickly blinked them away. “You know as well as I do. If Nate knew everything about me that there is to learn, he’d never wish to be associated with me again. I’m saving us both that heartache and pain. Myself more than him.” Isabella focused on Mary. “And you must never tell him, or anyone, what I told you that night.”
“Doona do a disservice ta him or ta yerself.”
Isabella sighed. “You are in Society, Mary. You know there is only one way any of this can end. Badly. I simply don
’t wish to endure it.”
Chapter 26
If Nate knew everything about me that there is to learn, he’d never wish to be associated with me again. I’m saving us both that heartache and pain. Myself more than him. Those words played over and over in his mind all evening, through the night, and into the next day, until Nate finally took himself off to Whites, hoping conversation, noise, and brandy would quiet his mind and his memories.
He already knew Isabella wasn’t who she claimed to be, but what didn’t he know? That was what gnawed at him. Since he’d first seen her at the Felding ball, Nate had tried to hold onto his anger from her dishonesty so he could finally purge her from him, but each time he was near, all he had to do was look into her grey eyes, and his heart pounded and his pulse raced. As much as his mind told him she could not be trusted, his body responded in the opposite.
Mary knew the secret. Would she tell him if he asked? Did Ben know? Certainly his brother would tell him if he knew the truth.
What was Isabella so afraid of? What could be so bad that Nate would never wish to be associated with her? He already knew she lied about who she was, and he still wanted her. How much worse could it be?
Blast, this was not how he thought this would be once he saw Isabella again. He was supposed to be the one to walk away from her this time, after taking his heart back. But that wasn’t how it worked out, not even close. And on top of it all, he found himself being reminded of how much he loved her, especially after seeing her at Kirkland House, instead of being reminded of why he couldn’t ever trust her, no matter how beautiful and desirable she may be.
And she loved him as well. Or had at one time at least. He hadn’t been wrong in Brussels. So whatever her secrets were, they’d always kept her from confessing her love as well. Further, they were the reasons she rejected him with such cool disdain after the battle.
Of course, neither she nor Mary had any idea that he’d overheard their conversation. He hadn’t even intended on doing so, but he heard Mary’s question about his profession of love, and could not walk any further. He needed to know Isabella’s reaction.
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