by Taylor Hart
Beau flashed him a grin. "You were in Africa, right?"
Jonathon nodded and they began discussing Africa.
The whole moment felt … weird.
Beau and Jonathon spoke for several minutes about the kids and the work.
Sara felt like two of her worlds had collided and she was edgy.
“Beau!” An attractive, red-haired woman floated to his side.
Beau’s eyes opened wide, and he pulled her into an embrace, laughing. “Candace? It’s so good to see you.”
Jealousy fell over Sara. Who was this woman at Beau's side.
Candace licked her lips and grinned at Beau. “Yeah. My dad’s always dragging me to these things.” She flashed a wide smile at Sara and looked her up and down like she clearly considered her competition. She leaned into Beau. “You’re not going to let an old friend sit out another song, are you?” She purred against him.
Beau laughed. "Absolutely not." He turned to her and Jonathon. "Catch you both later. Nice to finally meet you, Jonathon."
It annoyed Sara that Beau seemed so … polished. He moved to the dance floor and Candace draped herself all over him.
“How do you know him?” Jonathon absently picked up her hand and started pulling her to another part of the dance floor.
“Oh." She jerked back to reality. "He teaches my entrepreneurship class. It’s the class I was talking to Sean about.”
Jonathon put both of his hands on her hips and started moving in a circle.
Sara realized that he really didn’t know how to dance. It surprised her that the memory she had of them dancing last year before he left for Africa was so different from the reality of dancing with him now. That had been the night she'd fallen in love with him and they'd spent all night talking and laughing and staring at the stars.
"It looked like you guys were having fun." Jonathon squeezed her a little at the waist.
Unrest filled her and she didn't know how to respond. “I was just thinking about dancing with you—before . . .” She smiled at Jonathon.
He gave her a blank face for a moment and then registered understanding. “Oh, yeah.” He smiled brightly. “That was a great couple of weeks, wasn't it."
Sara tried to focus on those feelings. The feelings she had for him right before he left. “The best weeks." She remembered so many things from that summer. He’d been her first love. She'd wanted him to stay so badly. “Kiss me, Jonathon.” Her heart was pounding, but she needed to know something. She felt almost desperate for him to kiss her.
He stopped dancing and smiled, his whole face brightening. He licked his lips and bent to kiss her.
Their lips met, and she felt her lips remembering, again, how it was that summer. She wanted to kiss him longer.
He pulled away. “We are going to have a perfect life together. I was telling my dad the other night that the land down the street from him would be perfect for a big house. I want to be there for my parents, like they’ve always been there for me, ya know. I want our lives to be like a patchwork quilt of togetherness, with them mixing in and out of their grandkid’s lives. And, I wanted to ask you a question.”
No. No. No. She didn't want to hear about living next to his parents. Or…any of it. Sara tried to calm the anxiety she always felt when Jonathon spoke of the future. “Okay.”
“Are you ready to get married?” He pulled her closely to him and brushed his lips with hers. "Like soon?"
Sara felt her stomach turn. “Wh-what do you mean?"
Jonathon smiled. “I have a great idea for the proposal, so just be ready."
Sara felt sweat break out onto her forehead and a clammy cold sweat come over her. “I need to run to the bathroom.” She stumbled away from Jonathon.
“Sara!” He held to her arm.
“Jonathon, I’m fine. Let go.” She pulled away from him and ran out of the ballroom, down to the lower floor of the union. She rushed inside the bathroom, trying to breathe slowly. She looked herself over closely in the mirror. Her fingers went to her lips, the lipstick had faded, but she thought about Jonathon’s comment.
She stood there for a long time.
In fact, she finally pulled out her phone and checked the time.
And, she was hoping that Jonathon would be worried and looking for her. Maybe he would text her.
Maybe, she could finally really talk to him about everything she'd been feeling.
“Sara?” She heard Beau’s voice from behind the bathroom door.
Chapter 26
What in the heck was Beau doing out there?
“I know you’re in there.” He banged on the door, again.
Sara pushed the door open. “What are you doing here?” It came out snappier than she had actually felt.
Shock washed over his face. "What?"
She was so confused. "Why are you always around?"
Beau scoffed, then his lips pinched into a straight line. “Do you know that most people die in the bathroom because they don’t feel well and they excuse themselves to the bathroom and then it might be hours before anyone realizes they’re dead.” He started walking to the stairs. “I just saved your life, Ms. Fairbanks. Or shall I say, Mrs. Adler?”
He was using Jonathon's last name. She followed him up the stairs. "Listen, I wouldn't have died in the bathroom because Jonathon would have come to check on me.” Her mind flashed to the woman he'd been dancing with. She tried to appear casual. “Where’s Ms. Redhead, anyway?”
He paused as they got to the ballroom. "You jealous?"
She rolled her eyes. "Whatever."
Beau gestured to where Jonathon was. Jonathon was in a group of basketball players talking and laughing. “He does look fraught with worry, doesn't he?”
Sara felt defensive. “Just go away, Beau.” She turned to walk to where Jonathon was.
Beau took her hand and spun her onto the dance floor. “I want another dance." He grinned at her. "After all, it might be my last."
Sara tried to pull away, but Beau spun her again and pulled her into an easy two-step. “Come on, Sara, what are you afraid of? Your guy is right there. And he’s busy. Dance with a cousin.”
The cousin remark softened her. Gah, this man was so annoying.
Beau flashed his infomercial smile. “I bet you haven’t even told him that I saved you that day at the airport. I bet he would appreciate me taking care of you.”
Sara felt the sarcasm in his words, and she glared at him. “Actually, I have." She didn't say that it was Jonathon's father who'd asked about it.
The song changed into a fast country dance one. She let herself go into the music and added some flair with her red dress, laughing at the surprise on Beau’s face.
Beau twirled and guided her, increasing the level of difficulty.
Sara felt herself excited to see what Beau would do next with the steps. Before she knew what had happened the dance was over.
Beau dipped her dramatically. He held her closely as he pulled her back up.
Realizing their faces were inches apart, her heart wouldn’t stop fluttering. It was like the slightest touch of his skin to hers would make her explode. “I can’t kiss you here.”
Beau inhaled deeply, smelling her like he would a flower. A smile played at his lips. "But maybe somewhere else?" he asked.
Dang him. "No, that's not what I meant."
“Hmm, tempting.” He straightened and delivered her into the oncoming, and slightly concerned, Jonathon.
Jonathon took Sara’s hand, confusion on his face. “You seem to have recovered quickly.”
Beau laughed.
She didn't want to react to Beau. “Uh-yeah. It—I don’t really know what was wrong.” She stepped closer to Jonathon. "We should go."
"Probably," Beau said.
Jonathon turned to Beau, then back to her. "Everything okay?"
She had to get away from Beau. "I just want to leave."
"No, you guys stay," Beau said.
She turned and met his i
ntense gaze.
Tension crackled between them.
“Well,” Beau said, bowing his head slightly to them, “I think it’s time for me to make my exit.” He looked steadily at Jonathon. “That’s what a gentleman does, exit quietly when his turn is over with the lady.”
There was so much subtext in his statement.
Jonathon looked at him with a puzzled look on his face.
“Goodbye, Beau.”
“I’ll see you later, Sara.” He turned toward the crowd of people on the sidelines.
Later, as she and Jonathon drove back to her apartment, he asked.
"So…was it weird with your professor guy or was that just me?"
"He's not a professor," she said quickly, feeling agitated.
Jonathon glanced at her.
Dang it, she hated Beau so badly. Why had he … even been there tonight.
"Sara?"
“It’s just complicated." She didn’t know what to do or what to say. How did she explain her relationship with Beau without making it seem like—well, like they were in a relationship?
Jonathon pulled the car over next to the cemetery.
It was dark but the lights were bright.
Jonathon sighed. "I don't want to go back to the apartment yet, I want to talk with you."
"So talk," she said, her tone still irritated.
He sighed.
She felt horrible because of all the mixed feelings she was having about Beau.
"Should we walk?" he asked her.
The low lights in the cemetery shone brightly through the gentle snowflakes fluttering down.
"Fine." It was overdue for her to explain it all to him. Even though, she still didn't know how she would explain it.
Jonathon got out and went to her door, opening it for her.
They linked hands and started walking.
Jonathon sucked in a breath, then let it out slowly. "Want to know what I miss the most about Africa?"
"What?"
He smiled and his brown eyes lit up in the moonlight. He smelled like soap, fresh and clean. “I miss knowing that every day will be an opportunity to help someone." He shrugged. "And, dang, I miss the kids. They were just … the best."
Sara thought about how good he was. And she remembered how attracted she had been to the goodness inside of him. How her father had seen that goodness. That's why he'd told her to marry him.
He stopped walking, looking deeper into her eyes. He stepped closer to her and gently reached out and slid his fingers lightly over her face. “You’re so beautiful, Sara. I missed you so much.” He squeezed his eyes shut and let go of her hand, gripping both of his hands into fists. "And I don't think I've done anything right with you."
She frowned. “What’s wrong, Jonathon?”
He walked in a circle, running his hands through his hair. Walking back to her, he took her hands into his own. “Sara, I was there tonight. I … saw how happy you were when you were dancing with…that guy."
Her heart raced.
"Did I miss my chance with you? Did I?”
Sara couldn’t speak. She felt her mouth go dry, like she’d been caught. And the hope in his eyes and the sadness in the set of his mouth made her stomach tie into a knot. What could she say?
Letting his breath out in small puffs, he surprised her by pulling her closer, deeper into him until her head was lodged perfectly under his chin and she could feel him breathing. Vehemently, he shook his head. “I can’t let you go. I can’t.” His voice was raw. "I want you, Sara. I want you and I'm willing to fight for you. Do I still have a chance?"
She pulled away from him. Her heart ached. She thought of that day at the airport. The day she’d been so broken. She thought of the last night they’d spent together standing over the lake, the moonlight caressing their faces. Feelings from that night came rushing at her. The future had been so clear then. She thought of her father's words. "Yes."
He brushed his lips to hers.
So many memories that she'd been holding inside of her the past year flooded her. She kissed him back, lacing her arms around his neck.
Jonathon cupped her face and deepened the kiss.
Yes. Yes. Yes. She had loved him. She did still love him. Didn't she?
“Sara.” He pulled back, searching her eyes. “Can we still make this work between us?”
Sara leaned back, warmth from the kiss rushing through her and fading just as quickly. “I want to say yes.” Part of her did. “Part of me does still love you, but I can't lie to you … part of me isn't sure."
He held her tighter. "I'm sure enough for the both of us."
She could feel how much he wanted things between them to work. But, she had to tell him how she was feeling. She pulled back. “No matter how much I’ve thought of you or wondered about you or—imagined my future with you, the truth is … I can’t imagine it, Jonathon. I try to imagine it and it doesn’t work. And when you talk about settling down by your family, it makes me want to run away. I'm sorry, but … I feel like I had this picture of what we were together, in my mind and now, that picture doesn't match the reality." Her voice trailed off. Tears began to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry if this hurts you, but I feel like I don't even know you. Not really. And, you don't know me."
Jonathon’s brow creased. “Yes, you're right. We don't know each other anymore." He sighed. "But, maybe we could."
Confusion filled her, but … she was grateful Jonathon was still willing to try. "Okay."
His phone buzzed. Jonathon stepped back from her and pulled out his phone.
"Is everything okay?"
Jonathon grinned. "Some of the guys are going to play some midnight ball at the gym and they asked if I wanted in."
She was confused. "Now? It's almost midnight."
Jonathon laughed. "Right, that's why it's called midnight ball."
Irritation pricked at her.
His face went blank. "But I totally won't if you don't want me to."
She sucked in a breath, knowing how important it was to him to get the scholarship and be part of the team. "It's fine. I mean, we were done talking anyway, right?"
Jonathon hugged her. "Sara, I still love you." He pulled back and searched her face. "I want to make this work. I do. So, can we agree that we're still dating and everything is still cool between us?"
The thought of her father telling her to marry him flashed into her mind. "Okay."
He clasped his hand into a fist like he'd just made a basket. "Okay. Good." He took her hand and started pulling her to the car. "I'm going to play ball for a couple of hours, then I have to hit the road so I can work in the afternoon." He opened the passenger side door for her.
She slipped inside, feeling a bit shell-shocked. "Okay."
Chapter 27
“Truthfully, tell me what in the heck is happening with you, girlfriend?” Genova towered over her bed. It was seven-thirty in the morning.
“Are you kidding me, Genova? Let me sleep,” Sara said, moaning and turning into her pillow.
“No way.” She held up her red dress, stained with hot chocolate. “How did this happen?”
Sara sat up, remembering her infraction and grabbing for the dress. “I’ll get it out, I promise. I was going to take it to the cleaner’s today.”
Genova gave her a relenting look and sat on her bed. “Kevin texted me this morning and said that Jonathon never came over to sleep there, where did he go?”
Sara leaned back, propping her head with another pillow. “I don’t know. We talked for a long time. And, it was a good talk. But, then one of the guys from the team texted him and he asked if it would be okay if he went and met up with them to play basketball. He wants to get to know them better." Misery started to settle into her heart again.
Genova’s eyes softened. “Really?”
Sara turned on her side and felt the tears coming off of her nose. "It's fine. We … I don't know what we are to each other, but it's fine."
Genova rubbed her
head. “What’s wrong?”
Sara let out a gush of words. “I realized that I don’t think he knows me. I mean, I really don’t know him, just this idea of him—but he doesn’t know me either. And, when I’m with him—I don’t feel like I know me, either. I feel like I’m swinging back and forth, dangling from a cliff between this mirage of a future that he talks about. I told him this, kind of and he still wants to be together.” She sniffed harder, feeling a torrent of emotion sweep over her. "He still has hope for us."
Genova hugged her. “You’ve been through so much.” She combed her hand down her hair. “Maybe you guys are just pushing too hard too fast, ya know. Can you just give it some time to get to know each other again?”
Sara collapsed back into the pillow. “And he’s gone. My dad’s gone. I just wish I could call him and talk all of this out."
Genova patted her shoulder. “I know. I’m sorry.”
“I’ve always gone home to him for Thanksgiving, but now he’s gone.”
Genova started fluttering. “Let me just give you some money to go home. I don’t want you here, alone.”
Sara sat up, remembering that she had to work. “Ohmygosh. I forgot about it but I got an email yesterday that informed me I got that job with Academic Affairs. They want me to work." She sighed. "I need to get going and go talk to HR and everything."
Genova pushed her lip out. "Are you okay?"
The thought of working actually made her happy. "I am." She nodded. "I don't know what's going to happen between me and Jonathon, but I'm fine."
Genova sighed. "Listen, I'm not going to leave you alone for Thanksgiving. I'll just tell my mom . . .”
“No.” Sara cut her off. “This is your last Thanksgiving with your family too. I mean, before everything changes. Don’t worry about me. I really do want to work. And, I honestly don't want to go home. I …" she broke off, trying to stop the tears, again. "It will be so different without my dad. And, I'll tell my brothers I'll be home for Christmas. They'll understand."
Genova nodded. "Okay. But, I just hate you being alone.”
They both sat there. Nothing to say.