The Bromeliad 2 - Diggers

Home > Other > The Bromeliad 2 - Diggers > Page 7
The Bromeliad 2 - Diggers Page 7

by Terry Pratchett


  "Now, what else do we need?" "What do you mean, need?" said Grimma quietly.

  "Oh, to help the Ca-" Dorcas stopped, and turned around slowly. "I mean, what else do we need to do to make the thing totally immobile," he said stonily. "That was what I meant." "You're not planning to drive this truck, are you?" said Grimma. "Don't be silly. Where'd we go? It'd never get across the fields to the barn."

  "Well. All right, then."

  "I just want to have a look around it. Time spent collecting knowledge is never wasted," said Dorcas primly. He stepped out into the light on the other side of the truck and looked up.

  "Well, well," he said. "What is it?"

  "They left the door open. I suppose they thought it was all right because they'd be coming back." Grimma followed his gaze. The truck's door was slightly ajar.

  Dorcas looked around at the hedge behind them.

  "Help me find a big enough stick," he said. "I reckon we could climb up there and have a look around."

  "A look around? What do you expect to find?"

  "You never know till you've looked," said Dorcas philosophically. Hepeered back underneath the truck.

  "How are you all doing under there? We need a hand here."

  Sacco staggered up. "We managed to get the battery thing behind thehedge," he said, "and the can's nearly full. Smells horrible. There'sstill lots coming out."

  "Can you get the screw back in?"

  "Nooty tried and she got all covered in yuk."

  "Let it go on the road, then," said Dorcas.

  "Hang on, you said that would be dangerous," said Grimma. "It's dangerousuntil you've filled the can up, is it, and then not dangerous at all?"

  "Look, you wanted me to stop the truck and I've stopped the truck," saidDorcas. "So just shut up, will you?"

  Grimma looked at him in horror.

  "What did you say?" she said.

  Dorcas swallowed. Oh, well. If you were going to get shouted at, youmight as well get your money's worth.

  "I said just shut up," he said quietly. "I don't want to be rude, but youdo go on at people. I'm sorry, but that's how it is. I'm helping you. I'mnot asking you to help me, but at least you can let me get on with thingsinstead of badgering me the whole time. And you never say please or thankyou, either. People are a little like machines," he added solemnly, whileher face went redder, "and words like please and thank you are just likegrease. They make them work better. Is that all right?" He turned to theboys, who were looking embarrassed.

  "Find a stick long enough to reach up to the cab," he said. "Please."

  They fell over themselves to obey.

  Chapter 9

  III. The younger nomes spoke, saying, Would thatwe were the nomes our fathers were, to ride uponthe Truck, and what was it like.

  IV. And Dorcas said, It was scary.

  V. That was what it was like.

  -From the Book of Nome, Strange Frogs II, v. III-V

  It was pretty much like the cab of the truck that had brought them from the Store. It brought back old memories.

  "Wow!" said Sacco, "And we all drove one of these?"

  "Seven hundred of us," said Dorcas proudly. "Your dad was one of them.

  You were in the back with your mothers. All you lads were."

  "I'm not a lad," said Nooty.

  "Sorry," said Dorcas. "Slip of the tongue. In my day girls stayed at homemost of the time. Not that I've got anything at all against them gettingout and about a bit now," he added hurriedly, not wanting another Grimmaon his hands. "I'm not against that at all."

  "I wish I'd been older on the Drive," said Nooty. "It must have beenamazing."

  "It terrified the life out of me," said Dorcas.

  The others wandered around the cab like tourists in a cathedral, gawking.

  Nooty tried to press a pedal.

  "Amazing," she said, under her breath.

  "Sacco, you get up there and take those keys out," said Dorcas. "The restof you, no lollygagging. Those humans could be back anytime. Nooty, stop making those brrrm-brrrm noises. I'm sure nice girls shouldn't makethose kind of noises," he added lamely.

  Sacco swarmed up the steering wheel post and wrestled the keys out of theignition while the rest of the boys poked around in the cab.

  Grimma wasn't with them. She hadn't wanted to come up into the cab. She'dgone very quiet, in fact. She'd stayed down in the dirt road with a sullen look on her face.

  But it had needed saying, Dorcas told himself.

  He looked around the cab. Let's see, he thought ... we've got thebattery, we've got the fuel, was there anything else the Cat needs?

  "Come on, everyone," he called, "Let's be getting out of here. Nooty, stop trying to move things all the time. It'd take all of you to shiftthe gear lever. Come on, before the humans come back."

  He made his way to the door and heard a click behind him.

  "I said come on! What do you think you 're doing?" The young nomes staredat him, wide-eyed. "We're seeing if we can move the gear lever, Dorcas," said Nooty, "If you press this knob you can-"

  "Don't press the knob! Don't press the knob!"

  The first inkling Grimma had that something was going wrong was a nastylittle crunching sound and a change in the light.

  The truck was moving. Not very fast, because the two front tires wereflat. But the dirt road was steep. It was moving all right, and justbecause it had started off slowly didn't mean there wasn't something hugeand unstoppable about it.

  She stared at it in horror.

  The dirt road ran between high banks all the way down to the big highwayand the railroad.

  "I said don't press it! Did I say press it? I said don't press it!"

  The terrified nomes stared it him, their open mouths a row of Os.

  "It's not the gear lever! It's the hand brake, you idiots!"

  Now they could all hear the crunching noise and feel the slightvibration.

  Er," said Sacco, his voice shaking, "What's a hand brake, Dorcas?"

  "It keeps it stopped on hills and things! Don't just stand there! Help mepush it back up!"

  The cab was, very gently, beginning to sway from side to side. The truckwas definitely moving. The hand brake wasn't. Dorcas heaved on it untilblue and purple spots flashed in front of his eyes.

  "I just gave the knob on the end a push!" Nooty babbled. "I only wantedto see what it did!"

  "Yes, yes, all right ..." Dorcas stared around. What he needed was alever. What he needed was about fifty nomes. What he needed most of allwas not to be here.

  He staggered across the bouncing floor to the doorway and cautiouslypeered out. The hedge was moving past quite gently, as if it wasn't in aparticular hurry to get anywhere, but the surface of the road alreadyhad a blurred look.

  We could probably jump, he thought. And if we're lucky, we won't breakanything. If we're even luckier, we'll avoid the wheels. How lucky do Ifeel, right at this minute?

  Not very.

  Sacco joined him.

  "Perhaps if we took a good running jump-" he began.

  There was a thump as the truck hit the bank, heeled over, and thenbounced back onto the road.

  The nomes struggled to their feet.

  "On the other hand, perhaps not a good idea," said Sacco. "What shall wedo now, Dorcas?"

  "Just hang on," said Dorcas. "I think the banks will keep it on the roadand I suppose it'll just roll to a halt eventually." He sat down suddenlyas the truck bounced off the bank again. "You wanted to know what a truckride was like. Well, now you know."

  There was another thump. The branch of a tree caught the door, swung itopen and then, with a terrible metallic noise, ripped it off.

  "Was it like this?" shouted Nooty, above the noise. To Dorcas'samazement, now that the immediate danger was over, she seemed to bequite enjoying it. We're bringing up new nomes, he thought. They're notso scared of things as we were. They know about a bigger world.

  He coughed.

  "Well, apart from its being in the d
ark and we could see where we were going, yes," he said. "I think we all ought to hang on to something. Just in case it gets bumpy."

  The truck rolled down the dirt road and onto the highway. A car skidded into the hedge to avoid it; another truck managed to stop at the end of four long streaks of scorched rubber.

  None of the nomes in the cab noticed this at the time. All they felt was another thump as the truck bounced gently over the far side of the highway and down the dirt road that ran toward the railroad. Where, with red lights flashing, the barriers were coming down.

  Sacco peered out of the stricken doorway.

  "We've just crossed over a paved road," he said.

  "Ah," said Dorcas.

  "I just saw a car run into the back of another car and a truck ended up going sideways," Sacco went on. "Ah. Lucky we got over, then," said Dorcas. "There's some dangerous drivers around."

  The gritty sound of the flat tires rolling over gravel gradually slowed down. There was the snap of something breaking behind the truck, a couple of bumps, and then another thump that brought them to a halt. And a low, booming noise.

  Nomes hear things differently from humans, and the shrill clanging of the crossing warning alarms sounded, to them, like the doleful tolling of an ancient bell. "We've stopped," said Dorcas. He thought, We could have pressed the brake pedal. We could have looked for something to press it with and pressed it. I must be getting too old. Oh, well. "Come on, no hanging around. We can jump out. You youngsters can, anyway." "Why? What are you going to do?" said Sacco.

  "I'm going to wait until you've all jumped out, and then I'm going to tell you to catch me," said Dorcas pleasantly. "I'm not as young as I was. Now, off you go."

  They got down awkwardly, hanging on to the edge of the running board and dropping onto the road. Dorcas lowered himself gingerly onto the running board and sat with his legs dangling over the drop.

  It looked a long way down.

  Below him, Nooty prodded Sacco respectfully on the arm.

  "Er. Sacco," she said, nervously.

  "What is it?"

  "Look at that metal rail thing over there."

  "Well, what about it?"

  "There's another one over there," said Nooty, pointing.

  "Yes, I can see," said Sacco testily. "What about them? They're not doing anything." "We're right in between them," said Nooty. "I just thought I should, you know, point it out. And there's that bell thing ringing."

  "Yes, I can hear it," said Sacco irritably. "I wish it would stop."

  "I just wondered why it was."

  Sacco shrugged. "Who knows why anything happens?" he said. "Come on, Dorcas. Please. We haven't got all day."

  "I'm just composing myself," said Dorcas quietly.

  Nooty wandered miserably away from the group and looked down at one of the rails. It was bright and shiny.

  And it seemed to be singing.

  She bent closer. Yes, it was definitely making a faint humming sound. Which was odd. Bits of metal didn't normally make any noise at all. Not by themselves, anyway.

  As she stared at the truck stuck between the flashing lights and the shiny rails, the world seem to change slightly and a horrible idea formed in her head. "Sacco!" she quavered. "Sacco, we're right on the railroad line, Sacco!"

  Something a long way off made a deep, mournful noise.

  Whoo-oooo ...

  From the gateway of the quarry Grimma had a good view of the land all the way to the airport. She saw the train, and the truck. The train had seen the truck too. It suddenly started to make the long drawn-out screaming noise of metal in distress.

  By the time it actually hit the thing, it seemed to be going quite slowly. It even managed to stay on the rails.

  Pieces of truck spun away in every direction, like fireworks.

  Chapter 10

  I. Nisodemus said unto them, Do you doubt that Ican stop the power of Order?

  II. And they said, Um ...

  -From the Book of Nome, Chases I, v. I-II Other nomes came running across the quarry floor, with Nisodemus in thelead, and piled up in a crowd around the gate.

  "What happened? What happened?"

  "I saw everything," said a middle-aged nome, "I was on watch, and I sawDorcas and some of the boys go into the truck. And then it rolled awaydown the hill and then it went over the highway and then it stopped righton the railroad tracks and then ... and then ..."

  "I forbade all meddling with these infernal machines," said Nisodemus.

  "And I said we were to stop, um, putting people on watch, didn't I? Thewatch Arnold Bros. (est. 1905) maintains should be enough for humblenomes!"

  "Yes ... well ... Dorcas said he thought it wouldn't do any harm ifwe gave him a hand, sort of thing," said the nome nervously. "And hesaid-"

  "I gave orders!" screamed Nisodemus. "You will all obey me! Did I notstop the truck by the power of Arnold Bros. (est. 1905)?"

  "No," said Grimma quietly. "No, you didn't. Dorcas did. He put nails downin the road."

  There was a huge, horrified silence. In the middle of it Nisodemus wentslowly white with rage.

  "Liar!" he shouted.

  "No," said Grimma, meekly. "He really did. He really did all sorts ofthings to help us, and we never said 'please' or 'thank you' and now he'sdead."

  There were sirens along the road below and a lot of excitement around thestationary train. Red and blue lights flashed.

  The nomes shifted uneasily. One of them said, "He's not really dead, though, is he? Not really. I expect he jumped out at the last minute. Aclever person like him."

  Grimma looked helplessly at the crowd. She saw Nooty's parents in thecrowd. They were a quiet, patient couple. She'd hardly ever spoken tothem. Now their faces were gray and lined with worry. She gave in.

  "Yes," she said. "Perhaps they got out."

  "Must have," muttered another nome, trying to look cheerful. "Dorcasisn't the type to go around dying all the time. Not when we need him."

  Grimma nodded.

  "And now," she went on, "I think even humans will be wondering what'shappening here. They'll soon work out where the truck came from andthey'll be coming up here and I think they might be very angry."

  But Nisodemus licked his lips and said, "We won't be afraid. We willconfront them and defy them. Um. We will treat them with scorn. We don't need Dorcas, we need nothing except faith in Arnold Bros. (est. 1905).

  Nails, indeed!"

  "If you start out now," said Grimma, "you should all be able to get tothe barn, even through what's left of the snow. I don't think the quarrywill be a safe place soon."

  There was something about the way she said it that made people nervous.

  Normally Grimma shouted or argued, but this time she spoke quite calmly.

  It wasn't like her at all.

  "Go on," she said. "You'll have to start now. You'll have to take as muchfood and stuff as possible. Go on."

  "No!" shouted Nisodemus. "No one is to move! Do you think Arnold Bros.

  (est. 1905) will let you down? Um, I will protect you from the humans!"

  Down below, a car with flashing lights on top of it pulled away from theexcitement around the train, crossed the main highway, and headed slowlyup the dirt road.

  I will call upon the power of Arnold Bros. (est. 1905) to smite thehumans!" shouted Nisodemus.

  The nomes looked unhappy. Arnold Bros. (est. 1905) had never smittenanyone in the Store. He'd just founded it, and seen to it that nomeslived comfortable and not very strenuous lives in it, and apart fromputting the signs on the walls hadn't really interfered very much. Now, suddenly, he was going around being angry and upset all the time, andsmiting people. It was very bewildering.

  "I will stand here and defy the dreadful minions of Order!" Nisodemusyelled. "I will teach them a lesson they won't forget."

  The rest of the nomes said nothing. If Nisodemus wanted to stand in frontof the truck, then that was all right by them.

  "We will all defy them!" he added.


  "Er ... what?" said a nome.

  "Brothers, let us stand here resolute and show Order that we are unitedin opposition! Um. If you truly believe in Arnold Bros. (est. 1905), noharm will come to you!"

  The flashing light was well up the road now-Soon it would be crossingthe wide patch in front of the gates, where the great chain hunguselessly from the broken padlock.

  Grimma opened her mouth to say: Don't be stupid, you idiots. ArnoldBros. (est. 1905) doesn't want you to stand in front of cars. I've seenwhat happens to nomes who stand in front of cars. Your relatives have tobury you in an envelope- She was about to say all that, and decided not to.

  For months and months people had been telling nomes what to do. Perhapsit was time to stop.

  She saw a number of worried faces in the crowd turn toward her, andsomeone said, "What shall we do, Grimma?"

  "Yeah," said another nome, "She's a Driver, they always know what to do."

  She smiled at them. It wasn't a very happy smile.

  "Do whatever you think best," she said.

  There was a chorus of indrawn breaths.

  "Well, yeah," said a nome, "but, well, Nisodemus says we can stop thisthing just by believing we can. Is that true, or what?"

  "I don't know," said Grimma. "You might be able to. I know I can't."

  She turned and walked off quickly toward the sheds.

  "Stand firm," commanded Nisodemus. He hadn't been listening to theworried discussions behind him.

  " 'Do whatever you think best,' " muttered a nome. "What sort of help isthat?"

  They stood in their hundreds, watching the car wind closer. Nisodemusstood slightly ahead of the crowd, holding his hands in the air.

  The only sound was the crunch of tires on gravel.

  If a bird looked down on the quarry in the next few seconds, it wouldhave been amazed.

  "Well, probably it wouldn't. Birds are somewhat stupid creatures and havea hard enough job even coming to terms with the ordinary, let alone theextraordinary. But if it had been an unusually intelligent bird, anescaped myna bird, perhaps, or a parrot that had been blown severalthousand miles off course by very strong winds, it would have thought: Oh. There is a wide hole in the hill, with little old rusty sheds in it, and a fence in front of it.

 

‹ Prev