Not loving Morgan isn’t an option. I see her everywhere I go. Christ, she’s still running Redemption. Loving her hasn’t stopped even though we aren’t together.
She cuddles as she continues to sleep in my comforting arms, my scent, and my warmth. What an amazing feeling to be able to wake up beside the person you love. With Morgan in my arms, everything seems right, if even for one night.
MORGAN
“Goodbyes are not forever, goodbyes are not the end. They simply mean I will miss you until we meet again.”
– Unknown
The sun wakens me and momentarily I’m confused about my surroundings. The harsh rays of brightness in stark contrast with what I’m feeling right now being wrapped in the love of my life’s arms is too symbolic in this moment. Trying to shift my position in the bed, I begin to feel vulnerable being wrapped in Lincoln’s arms. I don’t know what made me come here last night. Seeing him at Aces and having him think that I would be intimate with another man crushed me. The hurt that crossed his face last night when he saw that I was offended that he would think that low of me gutted me.
Maybe it’s true that we don’t know what we have until we lose it, until we don’t have it anymore. It’s also true that we don’t know what we have until we realize we’ve been missing it. I miss Lincoln. He kept a part of my soul the day I left. A part of my soul that only he will ever have.
“Lincoln,” I mutter into his chest. Lincoln shushes me by placing a finger to my lips. “It’s too early to be awake. Go back to sleep, baby,” he mumbles.
I drag my fingers lightly up and down his chest. “Sleep, baby,” he whispers.
My hand wanders beneath the sheet until I find what I’m looking for. I take his cock in my hand and begin to stroke it slowly. After a few pumps, it comes to life. Lincoln hisses and bucks his hips as I stroke his smooth, velvety shaft.
While I stroke him in my hand, he grips the white sheet in his fists.
I scoot down the bed beneath the sheet and kiss a path down that glorious v of his stomach as my final destination ends with me taking him in my mouth. When I glance up at him through my lashes, Lincoln is staring down at me and the look of pure ecstasy is almost enough to make me come. I continue to work his cock with my mouth. Gripping his base with my hand, I begin to suck and twist my hand with just the right amount of pressure.
Lincoln’s hips grind into my face when I take him deeper. A low growl leaves his throat. “That’s it, baby…just like that,” he moans at me, the power of my actions so erotic in this moment.
Increasing the suction I have on his cock, I watch as the muscles in his abs contract as he barely breathes. I hollow out my cheeks when I suck him deep. His head hitting the back of my throat. “Fuck,” he barks out as he grabs the back of my head, hands gripping my hair as he sets the pace for me to fuck him with my mouth.
“Morgan,” he huffs out.
My lips wrap around his head and I suck hard, then run my tongue the length of his shaft. With my free hand, I massage his balls.
“Morgan. Damn, baby, you need to stop. You need to stop now or I’m going to come.”
I ignore his plea and hum my excitement. His piercing blue eyes glare at me. My eyes never leave his. The corner of his mouth curls upward into a wicked smile.
“Aww… damn,” his voice low and smooth.
A groan escapes him as I know he is close to his release, his dick pulsing against my tongue. I take more of him in my mouth. I release him from between my lips, then use my tongue to trail down the underside of his cock. I whimper and scrape my teeth along the top of this thick head.
I continue my assault, tasting the salty heat of him. At the same time I suck him deep into my mouth, I pump the root with my hand. That must have been his undoing, because he grips my hair and pushes his hips against my mouth. We never lose eye contact.
My cheeks hollow as I suck him in deep. I know he’s close. He grabs my shoulder. I shake my head no and continue to work him. I take him deeper, hitting the back of my throat.
“Baby,” he growls.
Hearing how much he’s enjoying this has me so hot for this man. I work his shaft with my hand. Up and down.
“Morgan,” he cries out.
That just excites me more. I tighten my grip on him and suck harder, faster. After a few more strokes, he erupts in my mouth.
I work my way up his body, kissing a path to his chest, till I reach his nipple, the one with the bar through it. I pull the bar into my mouth between my teeth and suck.
“Girl, you are going to kill me and it’s not even noon yet.”
I let go of his nipple and snuggle up into his chest. His arm comes down and pulls me tightly against him.
“What was that for?” Leisurely he stretches his long legs.
“Payback for last night.” I raise my head to find him watching me.
He brushes a loose piece of my hair from my eyes. “I’m not keeping score, Morgan, but hey, I’m not going to complain,” he says jokingly, wiggling his brows at me.
I smack his chest. “I know you’re not one to complain about getting a wake me up blowjob.”
“Nope, you know me so well.” His face splits into a wide grin.
I lean up and kiss him on his soft lips.
Lincoln attempts to deepen the kiss, but I pull back. “I should get going.” I need to leave before this gets awkward between us. I don’t want what happened last night to seem like a booty call. I don’t plan on doing the walk of shame either.
I throw the covers back and go in search of my clothes. Once I’m dressed, I head to the kitchen to grab a bottle of water from the fridge.
Before I could leave, Lincoln comes out of the bedroom with a pair of Nike shorts hung low on his hips, revealing that damn V that I can never resist. He knows that I love that part of his body. It’s one of my many weaknesses when it comes to Lincoln.
“Let me put some coffee on. I want to talk to you about a few things before you run out of here.”
Once the coffee is brewing, Lincoln crosses his bare arms over his broad chest and leans against the breakfast bar.
“We need to address what happened last night. I can’t have you bringing some random guy to my bar. It’s disrespectful and I won’t stand for it,” his tone is edged with steel.
“You won’t stand for it,” my tone becomes chilly.
He’s kidding, right? He won’t stand for it. I laugh. A few minutes ago, his dick was in my mouth and he’s worried about Greg, the guy I was with at Aces. There is nothing going on between Greg and me. Nothing romantic, anyway. It’s kind of hard to hook up with someone when all I can think about is the man standing before me.
A muscle clenches in his jaw. “We’re not together. This was your doing, not mine. But you need to know that I would never bring another woman to Aces or Redemption. There are certain lines that we can’t cross, and that is one. That’s a breaking point for me, Morgan.”
“I’m sorry if I hurt you. It’s not like that between Greg and me. I didn’t think anything of it.”
Lincoln turns and grabs a box of cereal and a bowl from the cabinet, then proceeds to grab the milk from the fridge. Once his cereal is set, he turns and leans against the counter, spooning it into his mouth. I stare at him, waiting for a response.
“Apology accepted. Now we need to discuss you showing up at my door in the middle of the night.”
“I didn’t want to go home. I’m not going to apologize for that.”
“I get it. I may come to regret these words, but it can’t happen again. I know I’m an idiot for saying it, but if we’re not together, we can’t sleep together, Morgan. It’s not fair. If I can’t have all of you, I don’t want any of you.”
His words cut me deep. If I can’t have all of you, I don’t want any of you. I know Lincoln isn’t trying to hurt me. He’s making sure I don’t hurt him. Protecting the fortress of his own heart.
Lincoln sets his bowl down. He leans against the counter, crosses
his arms over his chest again.
I walk over to him and he opens his arms to embrace me against his body.
I shatter in his arms. His fingers grip the back of my head to his chest. “We can’t do this, Morgan. You can’t show up here at night. You know what will happen and as much as I want it, I can’t be in limbo with what is going on between us. I’m not strong enough to push you away.”
As much as I hate it, I know he’s right. It may be over between us, but he touched my soul. We shared our dreams with each other. Over the years we’ve come to realize that we just didn’t share the same ones.
I step back and wipe my face. The moment I’m no longer in Lincoln’s embrace, the moment his arms leave my body, I feel another part of me break inside. How much of my heart is left to break?
When I reach the door, I glance around the apartment one last time. I knew coming here last night was wrong. But before I knew it, my feet led me here... they led me to a place that was once my home, my safe place. Sleeping with Lincoln last night didn’t fix us, if anything, it may have made things more complicated. I never thought I would be the type of girl to use sex to cope, but that’s exactly what I did. Lincoln is my kryptonite. I’m addicted to him.
Lincoln is still leaning against the counter, arms crossed over his naked chest. Watching me walk away once again.
“I love you,” I whisper.
He lifts his fingers to his lips. “I love you, too. Always and forever,” he says just before the door closes behind me.
MORGAN
“We must let go of the life we have planned, so as to accept the one that is waiting for us.”
– Joseph Campbell
Five Weeks Later
Lincoln and I have been avoiding each other since we slept together. I haven’t seen him in over a month. We talk when needed about Redemption, but other than that I try to keep my distance. He was right, if I can’t be with him, then I need to leave him be. Our friends have hung out a few times, but if they head to Aces, I come up with some excuse why I can’t go. He does the same if they come to Redemption.
But since that night, something is amiss and has me absolutely sick to my stomach. I snatch the box of stupid pregnancy tests from Camryn’s hands and walk into the bathroom, making sure to slam the door behind me. With shaky hands I unwrap the plastic from the boxes and remove the tests, placing each of them on the smooth granite vanity countertop. It doesn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out how to take them. Squat, pee on stick, then wait the three minutes for the results to show.
One by one I pee on the stick, making sure not to pee all over my hand. After peeing on all five, I neatly line them up on a paper towel on the vanity, and head out of the bathroom. I glance at Camryn and Karsen when I notice them both staring at me. Camryn is leaning against my bedroom wall, arms crossed over her chest.
Karsen is sitting on the edge of my bed. Both are watching me like hawks. I narrow my eyes at Camryn then I note the soft expression on her face and frequent glances toward my belly. “Don’t. Stop right now. Do not jump on the baby band wagon! We don’t even know what those sticks will show.”
“How late are you?” Camryn asks.
When was the last time I had my period? asked a little voice inside my head.
“I don’t know. I can’t remember the last time I had it. I get my period like clockwork. When I was late, I figured it was from stress. But when it never came, my mind began to wonder.
“Why haven’t you taken a test? Why did you wait?” Karsen asks. I guess this is the nurse side coming out in her.
I shrug my shoulders. “I guess I didn’t really want to know.” Counting backwards, I think my period was supposed to start a few days after Lincoln and I had sex. Shit, that makes me a couple weeks’ late.
Camryn’s expression stills and grows serious. “What are you going to do if you’re pregnant?” she asks.
“I don’t know.” I reply so low, I’m not sure they even hear my response.
Camryn’s dark eyebrow raises inquiringly.
Oh, no, you don’t. She does not get to look at me like this.
“No, you two don’t get to judge me on how I handle this.”
Camryn’s expression grows softer. “I’m not judging you. I’m just praying that you do the right thing.”
“Seriously stop looking at me like that. Both of you. I don’t need your judgy eyes right now. I need my friends.”
“You have your friends,” Karsen interjects. “We’ll be here to support you, no matter what the tests show. But you need to stop and think of the repercussions of your actions, Morgan. This doesn’t just affect you. Everyone is involved. Especially Lincoln.”
“Please enlighten me how this affects everyone. Last time I checked, it was only Lincoln and I in the room when we had sex. How does this effect everyone?”
“Are you kidding me? We’re here. You chose to call us, not Lincoln. So it does affect us. I’m sure we’re going to be sworn to secrecy if the tests show there’s going to be a little bundle of joy in less than nine months,” Camryn states, still with her arms folded over her chest.
I point to the both of them. “You two better not breathe a word of this to anyone, especially you, Camryn. You keep those flapping lips shut. You better not utter a word of this to Jamie. I swear, I will murder you with my bare hands if I have to.”
The torment in Camryn’s eyes is evident. She sighs, “I won’t say a word to anyone, I promise. But if you are, you better figure it out fast, because I’m not going to continue to lie to my husband.” I know I’m asking a lot of her to keep something from Jamie. But he can’t know. If I am pregnant and Jamie knows, it would only be a matter of time before he tells Lincoln. I need to handle this my way. I have to be the one to tell him.
What am I saying? I am not pregnant. There’s no way I am. My period is late because of stress. That’s it. That’s the only reason it’s late.
I turn to look at Karsen. She moves her hand and forms a cross over her heart. “My lips are sealed. This is your story to tell, not mine.”
“Don’t you take an oath or something when you become a nurse. Whatever you hear, you can’t repeat. You know, that sort of thing,” I ask.
Karsen laughs. “No, Morgan. When I’m in work, I need to follow the privacy guidelines, but when I’m home, nothing applies. What you tell me as a friend, stays between us because we are friends. Not because of a…” she makes quote marks in the air with her fingers “‘nurse oath’.”
“When was the last time you slept with Lincoln?” Camryn asks.
I take a moment to think back. “We slept together the night of your wedding. Then the last time we were together was the night I went to his apartment after leaving Aces. The night Jamie performed, so I’m guessing a little over a month ago.”
“Have the two of you spoken since?” Karsen asks.
I shake my head. “We’ve only spoken on the phone regarding the club. I haven’t seen him. The morning I left his apartment, he told me if we weren’t together as a couple, that we couldn’t sleep together. It wouldn’t be fair to either of us.”
I flop down on my bed. Toss back the covers and climb in. I groan and pull the pillow over my face. If I could smother myself, I would. But I think these two would stop me before I had the chance to hug the pillow harder.
Seriously, how many times did I have to tell these morons I’m not pregnant. I’ve been moody lately because I miss Lincoln. I’ve been miserable because I regret walking away from him. Yeah, I’ve gained a little weight, but it’s because I’ve been stress eating. Not because I’m eating for two.
The thought never crossed my mind that I could be pregnant. What if the tests show I’m pregnant? How the hell would I tell Lincoln? How would Lincoln even take the news? This can’t be happening right now. I cannot be pregnant. There is no chance in hell I am.
The alarm sounds on Karsen’s phone. I pull the pillow away from my face and glare at her.
She lifts her pho
ne to show me, time’s up. “You set an alarm.”
“Three minutes, that’s all we need to know if your life will change forever.”
I throw my pillow at her head. She ducks and the pillow lands on the floor. “Sorry, it’s the nurse in me. Get your ass in there and check the results.”
When I don’t move, Camryn comes over and grabs my arms and pulls me into a sitting position. “Come on. I want to know if I am going to be an aunt or not. Get moving.”
“Shut your whorish mouth, Camryn. I am not pregnant. So you are not going to be an aunt any time soon, unless Christian knocks someone up.”
I stomp to the bathroom and grab the first pregnancy test. I turn it to the side, then to the other side, in an attempt to make sure I am seeing it correctly. Huh… Maybe the first one is wrong. I throw that one in the trash. It must be broken.
I pick up the second, then the third, then the fourth. At this point there is no looking at the fifth pregnancy test. All the tests before show two bright pink lines.
I storm out of the bathroom and throw one, two, three, four tests directly at Camryn, hitting her in the chest with all of them. She reaches down to pick one up from the floor. The color drains from her face. A gasp leaves her lips.
Camryn stands motionless in the middle of the room. “Morgan.” She speaks in a suffocated whisper, her hand moves to her chest. When she looks at me, her reflection mirrors mine. We both have tears in our eyes. Only I’m not quite sure if mine are tears of joy…or fear.
Camryn walks over to me and pulls me in for a hug. “It’s going to be okay. We’ll help you get through this.”
I don’t respond. I simply wrap my arms around my best friend and cry. Tears blind my eyes and choke my voice. “This can’t be happening.”
Panic like I’ve never known wells in my throat. My stomach clenches tight.
I’m going to be a mom. Am I ready to be a mom? More importantly, am I ready to be a single mom? I don’t have the answer to that question.
Unspoken Promises (The Unspoken Love Series Book 2) Page 15