“Got it.” The tension fizzled out of Bonnie.
Cassie grinned. “Don’t let me turn into Bridezilla.”
“I’ll do my best.” Bonnie laughed.
A sly smile stole across Cassie’s face. “I am, however, insisting all the groomsmen wear kilts.”
“Seriously?” Bonnie blinked.
“You better believe it.”
“I thought you said they’d be wearing tuxedos.” Bonnie thought back to that night in Portillo’s.
“They will, with the kilt.” The slyness level of Cassie’s grin reached Cheshire Cat proportions. “Business on the top, party below the belt.”
Bonnie matched her friend’s grin. “The best man too?”
“Of course.” Cassie waggled her eyebrows. “You think he’ll have a problem with it?”
“I’ve seen both Prince Harry and Prince William, as well as some other British nobles, in a kilt,” Bonnie casually remarked, watching Cassie closely. “I know Theo’s a duke, but I’m not sure if his family holds any Scottish titles.”
“You know about Theo?” Cassie asked, surprise evident in her face and voice. “Did he tell you?”
“No, the internet did,” Bonnie said.
“Oh.” Cassie bit her lip.
“Yeah,” Bonnie continued. “I know he’s one of twenty-four non-royal dukes still in existence today in the UK.”
Cassie’s eyes widened, and Bonnie mumbled, “I may have done some research.”
“Uh-huh.” Cassie gave her some side-eye. “How long have you known?”
“About a month. How long have you known?” Bonnie countered, unable to keep the twinge of accusation from her voice
“Since London.”
That long? “Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because it’s not my place. And more importantly, Theo asked me not to. I only found out by accident. Logan let it slip when he had too much to drink.” Cassie shook her head. “I actually didn’t believe him at first. If you recall, I was pretty pissed at him about some other things at the time.”
“I recall.” Yet somehow, her best friend and the Scot had gotten past their rocky start and found their way to a happy ending. “Are you saying Theo doesn’t want me to know?”
“I don’t think he likes for anyone to know.” Cassie shrugged. “I think he feels weird about it. But he did mention you specifically,” she added.
“He did?”
“When I asked Theo if Logan had told the truth about him being a duke, he confirmed it, then demanded to know if I’d told anyone else, anyone like my red-haired friend,” Cassie emphasized. “I told him I hadn’t and promised I wouldn’t. Simple as that.” After a pause, she asked, brow furrowed, “Does it change anything? Theo, being a duke?”
Bonnie began to answer, then stopped herself. Did it change anything? “Not really,” she finally said, hoping it was true.
“Good.” Cassie flashed her a relieved smile. “Now, back to the kilts. It’s my wedding. I don’t care if he has a Scottish title or not, or whether he likes it or not,” Cassie declared. “Theo is wearing a kilt. Let’s hope he’s got the legs for it.”
“Whatever you say, Bridezilla,” Bonnie teased, mind still occupied with the conundrum of Theo, not to mention the image of him in a kilt. She’d seen his legs, and yes. Yes, the Brit could pull off the look.
* * *
At the bridal boutique on Main Street, Cassie walked through the shop with the owner, musing over options while Bonnie lounged on a sofa with Delaney, waiting for Ana and Sadie, late as always, to arrive. Though Bonnie was still rooming with Ana, she had taken the train with Cassie while Ana drove to pick Sadie up from her new apartment in the Lakeview neighborhood. Since the movie Sadie hoped to win the lead role in was going to be filmed in Chicago, Sadie had decided she might as well move back to her hometown while she prepared for the audition.
“Did you hear that?” Delaney asked.
Bonnie glanced up from the tabloid she’d been skimming. “What?”
“It’s my stomach growling.”
“Tell your stomach to be patient, we’re going to get lunch after this.” Bonnie flipped the page.
“Why didn’t we eat first?” Delaney pouted. “Finn’s is open for lunch.” She sat up and sniffed the air. “I think I can smell their corned beef on rye.” She sniffed again and groaned, “Oh, and tater tots. I looove Finn’s tater tots.”
Cassie glanced over at them from across a rack of dresses, nose wrinkling. “I don’t smell anything.”
“Your senses aren’t sharpened by hunger,” Delaney whined. “I’m starving!”
“Listen, tater tot, you need to take a break from your preschoolers, you’re starting to sound like them.” Bonnie smirked, though to be honest, Delaney always tended to get juvenile when she was hangry. “Didn’t you bring some snacks?” She’d never known Delaney to go anywhere without food.
Her face lit up. “I did!” Bounding up from the couch, she reached into her giant tote bag and pulled out a box of fruit roll-ups.
“I don’t know if that’s such a good idea,” Bonnie warned, eyeing the growing pile of dresses Cassie had chosen for them to try on. Sticky fruit leather and expensive gowns were not the best combination. Luckily, Sadie and Ana chose that moment to arrive.
“We’re here, we’re here!” Sadie announced, busting through the door.
“And we brought champagne!” Ana raised a bottle in each hand. “Let’s do this!”
An hour later, Bonnie posed in front of the three-way mirror, feeling pretty darn good. She looked pretty darn good too, though maybe that was the champagne talking. She was wearing her fourth dress and had polished off almost as many glasses of champagne. She wobbled, rotating so Cassie could inspect the dress.
“I love this one! It’s perfect!” Cassie declared.
“You’ve said that about all of them,” Bonnie reminded her.
“And I meant it. They’re all beautiful. You’re beautiful!” She threw her arms out, wrapping Bonnie in a sloppy hug. Since Cassie would have her gown fitted in London and didn’t have to try on any dresses today, she was in the lead on the amount of champagne consumed.
Bonnie did another little spin, looking over the dress. Of the various styles Cassie had pulled for them to try on, so far, this one was her favorite. Not hot pink, thank God, but a lovely shade of pale purplish-blue.
“Hey, Cass,” Ana said, slipping out of a changing stall and tugging the bodice up over her ample bosom. “Isn’t this the same color as that outfit you wore on your first date with Logan?”
“Good memory!” Cassie clapped. “Yep. The sweater dress you said made my ass look so good.” Smiling angelically, she topped off her champagne. “Though according to Logan, my ass always looks good.” She winked at Ana, then turned and looked at Cassie and Delaney. “I mean it, truly. You all look gorgeous.” Cassie beamed. “Ladies, I think we’ve found the bridesmaid dress!”
“Thank Jujubes,” Delaney groaned in relief.
Bonnie grinned at Cassie. “Have you told them what the groomsmen are wearing?”
“Will it make their asses look good?” Sadie asked from inside a dressing room stall.
“Possibly.” Cassie giggled, glass empty again. “You’ll have to check under their kilts to find out.”
Sadie flung open the curtain. “Did you say the groomsmen will be wearing kilts?”
“Yep, all of ’em.” Cassie nodded. “The best man too,” she slurred, champagne sloshing. “My wish is their command!”
“Okay, I’m cutting you off.” Bonnie grabbed the bottle away from Cassie before she spilled it on one of the dresses.
“Yeah, save some carousing for the bachelorette party.” Delaney laughed.
“Do you know in England, they call them chicken parties?” Cassie hiccupped. “Wait. Hen. I mean hen parties.”
“Who’s in charge of planning your hen party?” Delaney wondered.
“Me.” Bonnie held up the champagne bottle a
nd wiggled her pinky finger. “As maid of honor, it’s my job. Plus, I’ll already be over there for the Cambridge gig.”
“I don’t know,” Sadie drawled, tapping her chin. “Planning a bachelorette party is serious business.”
“Oh, Bonnie, if Theo’s going to wear a kilt, it might make it easier for you to practice,” Ana teased, making a crude gesture with the bottle.
“Practice what?’ Delaney asked.
Sadie burst out laughing. “I’d almost forgotten about that.”
“What’s so funny?” Cassie demanded.
“Bonnie here has never given a blowjob,” Ana announced.
Say it again, I don’t think the lunch crowd down the street at Finn’s heard you. Bonnie blushed, grateful they were in the back of the store.
Delaney stared at Ana then turned to Bonnie. “Never?”
“Wait,” Cassie protested. “Not neverrrr,” she slurred tipsily, r rolling like her future Scot husband’s. “You and Gabe—”
“No, not never,” Bonnie agreed, cutting Cassie off. She tipped the bottle back and swigged the rest of the champagne. She should have confiscated it sooner; there was barely anything left. “I tried. Once or twice. It was a disaster.”
“Did you puke on him?” Sadie asked.
“Not on him, no,” Bonnie admitted. She’d made it to the bathroom.
“Then it wasn’t a complete disaster.” Sadie twirled in front of the mirror, checking the dress from every angle. “This is the one we’re going with?”
“That’s the one.” Bonnie moved closer to Sadie. “Are you telling me you puked the first time you tried … that?” she whispered.
“Yep.”
“You puked on Bo?” Ana glanced at Sadie, surprised. “You never told me!”
“Not something you bring up in normal conversation,” Sadie said drily.
“Then why are we bringing it up now?” Delaney pointed out. “Look, if one of my students shows up for a flower girl fitting or something, ixnay on the blowjob talk, okay?”
“Yeah, I puked on Bo.” Sadie shrugged. “I was young, and I don’t know, I think I have a small mouth or an overactive gag reflex.”
Ana bit her cheek. “No comment.”
“Bo…” Bonnie sifted through her mental file box. “He was your first boyfriend, right?”
Sadie nodded, her expression pained. “Ancient history. We’re talking about you right now.”
“There’s nothing to talk about,” Bonnie shot back.
“I beg to differ,” Sadie began. “Do you think there’s a chance you and Theo might, you know … end up in a similar situation again?”
“Maybe.” Bonnie glanced around the room, then looked deeper inside herself. “Yeah. I hope so.”
“Good,” Sadie said, “because that is a prime slab of British beefcake, and you are going to learn the proper way to handle it. I mean him.”
“Oh!” Cassie perked up. “That brings up a good point. He’s British, so he probably has his hat on.”
They all stared at Cassie. She tapped her fingers together. “You know, his hat.”
“You mean a hood?” Sadie asked, snorting.
Now Bonnie felt totally confused. “What?”
“For the love of—” Ana snapped. “Circumcised. He’s probably not circumcised.”
“Oh.” The lightbulb popped on in Bonnie’s brain, and her face got very hot. Glancing in the bridal shop mirror, she saw her flushed cheeks reflected back in triplicate.
Sadie shook her head. “If you can’t even talk about what it looks like without turning red, how are we supposed to talk about what you should be doing with it?”
“Easy,” Delaney said, clutching a fruit roll-up and waving her hand. “Let’s not talk about any of it.”
In the abrupt silence following Delaney’s suggestion, the rusty off-key melody of an ice cream truck could be heard trolling down the street. The sound grew closer.
“I’ve got an idea.” Ana grabbed her purse and raced out of the store.
“What do you think she’s doing?” Bonnie asked Sadie.
“If I had to guess…” Sadie began.
Ana burst back inside, purse in one hand, a stack of popsicles in the other.
“… I’d be right,” she finished, smirking as Ana unwrapped a popsicle. “Way to go, Einstein, but what about the—”
Ana held up a hand, silencing Sadie. “Already got it covered. Watch.” Grabbing a fruit roll-up from Delaney, Ana unwrapped the leathery candy and split it into strips. Then she handed a piece to each girl, along with a popsicle. “Watch.” Ana opened her popsicle and held it up, wrapping her fruit strip around the top.
“Yay, craft time!” Cassie clapped her hands. “This is like art class.”
“Totally.” Sadie snickered, assembling hers the way Ana had instructed. Sadie held up her popsicle and admired her handiwork. “You know, that’s not bad.”
“I have my moments.” Ana grinned.
“Everybody hold it right there,” Cassie ordered, face turning fierce. “No eating popsicles in my bridesmaid dresses.”
“But—” Bonnie began.
“Take them off!” Cassie demanded.
“Are you serious?” Delaney asked.
Cassie rounded on her, eyes narrowing to dangerous slits. “Strip.”
Unwilling to argue with tipsy Bridezilla, everyone got to work removing their dresses.
“Now, are we ready to get down to business?” Ana barked, addressing them as if they were new recruits, not bridesmaids holding popsicles while huddled in the back of a dress shop in their underwear. “The first thing you need to know is despite the name, it’s not about blowing.”
“I feel like I should be taking notes,” Sadie teased.
“Quiet, Pukey.”
“Hey!”
Ana ignored Sadie and kept her attention on Bonnie. “It’s okay to go slow at first. This isn’t sushi—you don’t have to put the whole thing in your mouth all at once.” Ana took a lazy lick of her popsicle tip. “Take your time. Trust me, he won’t mind.”
Bonnie struggled to keep her piece of fruit roll-up from slipping off the melting popsicle. “But what about the…”
“The hood?” Sadie asked. “Pull it back, the head is more sensitive.” Sadie peeled the fruit roll-up down and wrapped her mouth around the whole top.
“Do you bite it?” Bonnie asked, watching Sadie intently.
All the other girls spoke at once. “No!”
“God, no,” Ana said. “Teeth are okay sometimes, but I wouldn’t go there right away. Stick with the basics for now.”
“Okay.” Bonnie stared down at her own popsicle. “The basics.”
“Play around with the licking,” Ana suggested. “Delicate and fast.” She flicked her tongue across the top. “Or long and slow.” She stroked her tongue up and down both sides of the popsicle.
“You’re really good at that.” Cassie blinked. “You should make a how-to video.”
“Great. I finally found my fallback career.” Ana looked at Bonnie. “The point is to experiment. Find out what he likes.”
“But how will I know?”
Cassie giggled. “Oh, you’ll know. Honestly, though, I think guys like just about anything you do down there.”
“Yeah,” Delaney agreed. “If he’s pitched his tent in your mouth, he’s probably a happy camper.”
“But if he really likes what you’re doing, he’s probably going to want to go deeper,” Sadie warned. “Be prepared for some thrusting.”
“Like … all the way in?” Bonnie asked.
Ana nodded, demonstrating by inhaling the popsicle, letting it slide into her mouth until her lips were wrapped around nothing but stick.
Bonnie’s eyes bulged. “No way. I’ll puke.”
“I know it feels that way,” Sadie said, “but it’s easier than it looks. You just have to be ready for it.”
“Mm-hmm.” Ana popped the popsicle out of her mouth. “And you don’t have to do an
ything you don’t like. If you don’t want him to go deep, don’t let him.”
“If he doesn’t take the hint, then it’s okay to bite him,” Delaney suggested. “Sometimes when they start thinking with their dick, they forget their manners.”
“And if you still feel like you’re going to puke, you don’t have to use your mouth,” Sadie added. “When you sense things are moments from, uh, takeoff, you can switch to your hands.” Sadie demonstrated by sticking her popsicle in the hole she made by touching her thumb and forefinger together, sliding it up and down. “Ugh, now my hands are all sticky.”
Ana snorted with laughter. “And that brings us to the ending. When he’s ready to launch, you need to decide—spit or swallow?”
“Again,” Sadie said, “this is your choice. There’s no right or wrong here.”
“I don’t know.” Bonnie wrinkled her nose. “Is it gross? What does it taste like?”
“Not like grape candy, that’s for sure,” Ana said, finishing her popsicle.
They all giggled.
Ana stared at them. “What?”
Sadie drew a circle around her mouth with a finger. “You have purple all over your lips.”
Turning to look in the dressing room mirror, Ana started to laugh too. “It looks like I’ve been blowing a unicorn.”
“Unicorns don’t have purple dicks,” Delaney argued.
“Really?” Cassie stared at Delaney. “How do you know?”
Delaney waved a hand. “Bite me.”
“I thought we weren’t supposed to,” Bonnie couldn’t resist adding.
The dressing room erupted into giggles again.
“Hey, I just realized something.”
Everyone turned their attention to Delaney.
“Cassie picked out the bridesmaid dresses, yet we’re all still standing here in our underwear, and I’m still starving. Can we please put on some pants and go get some mocha frapping lunch?”
CHAPTER 19
TWO WEEKS LATER, Bonnie went back to the bridal shop one more time for a final fitting of her bridesmaid dress before making arrangements with Ana to pick it up with hers and bring it when she came over for the wedding. As so often happens in the early days of summer break, the hours flew by in a blur of books and naps … and packing. Staying with Ana had felt like a vacation, but before Bonnie knew it, June was half over, and she was on a plane headed for England.
Smitten by the Brit--A Sometimes in Love Novel Page 19