by Anne Bennett
‘What are you doing?’
‘What’s it look like?’ Kate said. ‘I might not know much, but what I do know is that there will be no sleep for either of us with all this churning around in our minds. How about me making us a nice mug of cocoa?’
Sally sighed and then nodded. ‘I suppose,’ she said. ‘Sorry to disturb you, Kate. I know you have to get up early in the morning.’
‘Don’t worry about it,’ Kate said. ‘Like I said, I wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway.’
Nothing more was said, each busy with their own thoughts until the cocoa was made and they were seated either side of the gas fire, relit and glowing comfortingly in front of them. Then Kate said, ‘It could still just be getting ready, in case, you know.’
‘I’d really like to believe you, Kate,’ Sally said. ‘You are trying to protect me like you did when I was little and you could always scare the hobgoblins and other night terrors away. But I’m not little any more and this, I think, will be bigger than both of us. I don’t want to think of war any more than you do, but if it happens, Phil and others like him will be in the forefront of any fighting, because they will be the only ones trained. That thought terrifies me.’
‘It will probably terrify his mother too,’ Kate said quietly.
‘Yeah, it has,’ Sally said. ‘Phil said she was really upset. How will either of us bear it if Phil is sent away to fight?’
‘You will bear it because you must,’ Kate said. ‘But don’t start worrying until you have to.’
‘I’ll try not to,’ Sally said. ‘It will be hard, though, because that isn’t all either. One of the girls has a brother in the Territorial’s, and he was in France on manoeuvres and was suddenly recalled last month, with no explanation and just halfway through the course. I think war now is a foregone conclusion, which will mean our lives will never be the same again. But I hope to God I’m wrong.’
TEN
Phillip Reynard and all young men of a similar age left for the training camp in Cannock Chase in mid-May. Life went on. Sally consoled herself that he wasn’t in any danger there. She wrote him long letters and was always making him up nice little parcels, and said she was glad to have her job because it passed the time. Kate felt very sorry for her and even asked her along on their Sunday jaunts if she was off work, but she always refused. ‘You don’t want me tagging along,’ she said. ‘Not really. Anyway, it’s on Sunday that Phil’s mother said time hangs very heavily for her, and so I think I will go and see her on free Sunday afternoons.’ Kate couldn’t really argue with that.
As spring gave way to a beautiful summer, and one glorious day in mid-July, on a blisteringly hot day, Kate and David walked to the little train station on Gravelly Hill to take the train to Sutton Park. They alighted from the train at Sutton Coldfield and walked down the hill to the park entrance; they had to pay money at the gate to go in because they didn’t live in the town itself. ‘Isn’t it strange to have to pay to go into a park?’ Kate asked David.
‘I suppose it is,’ David said. ‘But this is a very special park, and it only costs coppers if you go in on foot. More by car, of course, because you can drive around here – not that there’s that many cars around.’
And there weren’t, but a few did pass them as they strolled hand in hand through the grass. The trees in the woods were in full bloom, and the light coming through the trees dappled and danced in front of them, shading them from the heat of the day. Kate would have liked to remove her stockings and paddle in the meandering stream to cool her feet, but some of the stones on the riverbed looked sharp and she knew that David wanted to find the five large lakes that he said were there.
In that they were disappointed, because they were stopped from going all over the park when they found that a fair bit of it had been given over to the military. Climbing a nearby hill later, they could see the fields fair peppered with Army-issue tents. ‘Isn’t it unnerving, all these preparations for war?’ Kate said. ‘It’s almost as if people are willing us into it.’
‘There aren’t many options left for us, I don’t think,’ David said. ‘I know you don’t want to believe it, my darling, but I think now that war is inevitable. Phil’s call-up will be just one of hundreds more.’
‘That means you too, you and Nick?’
‘It means every able man in Britain if we are even to have a chance of beating Germany. They’ve ridden roughshod over half of Europe already and have spent years preparing for another war. They have had call-up there for some years now, but I shan’t wait to be called up. I’m going to enlist and join the Air Force.’
Kate shivered. ‘Don’t!’
David swung Kate to face him and, holding her shoulders, he looked deep into her eyes. Kate noted the uncertainty in his as he said, ‘I need to talk to you and I must do it now before I lose my nerve altogether.’
‘What? Why should you be nervous of me?’
‘Because I am going to ask you something and I’m not sure what your answer will be,’ David said. ‘It’s been in my mind for ages and often lately on the tip of my tongue, but I have always bitten it back, afraid you might think me presumptuous.’
‘You want me to wait for you?’ Kate said. ‘Is that it, because I’ll gladly do that?’
‘Kate, I want to marry you,’ David said earnestly, and he felt Kate jump beneath his hands in shock, because they had never discussed marriage. David went on quickly: ‘I love you dearly and I know you love me. I want to make you totally mine, and love you as I long to, because if I’m right and war is imminent, then we don’t know how much time we might have together.’
Kate was silent. She knew exactly what David meant when he said he wanted to love her properly, because they had progressed very far along the line from the chaste kiss Kate had allowed at first. Now, when David kissed and caressed her, she felt strange yearnings course though her body. She often ached for love of David and longed for fulfilment. She couldn’t allow it, of course, not before marriage, and yet in her heart of hearts she wasn’t sure whether it would have happened regardless if they’d ever had the flat totally to themselves. She could only be grateful that the potential imminent arrival of Sally had helped put the brakes on their lovemaking more than once, because it was getting harder and harder to pull back.
This wouldn’t matter if she was married to David, when they could give full rein to their feelings. Yet marriage was more than tumbling into bed together, however enjoyable. They had to think of where they would live, for a start, and she had to consider Sally’s welfare too – she couldn’t leave her on her own in the flat they had just moved into, for she would never manage the rent on her salary for one thing, and the other was that she would worry about her left on her own.
But she knew the main reason for her hesitation was that David was not a Catholic and she had no right to ask him to become one. She knew there were those in Ireland who would probably not understand how she could think of marrying such a man. In Donegal there had been a few people in the town who went to a different church from the Catholic one, but she hadn’t really known any of them.
In Birmingham the situation was totally different – there were many people of all different faiths and some, like the Burtons, of no faith at all. Her parents would more than likely feel so ashamed and shocked at her news that they would probably seek the advice of the parish priest, too, who would probably feel he had a perfect right to interfere in her life, having known Kate since she was a young child.
Oh, yes, the letter she would send to her mother about her and David would stir up a right hornet’s nest and her parents would never give her their blessing. She asked herself would it matter, but she knew it would – she had always sought their approval. ‘Kate,’ David said, and she looked at her beloved’s bleak eyes, certain her silence meant she would refuse him, but she suddenly knew, despite all the problems, she wanted this man in her life. Surely she had the right to choose who she was to spend the rest of her life with. If David was ri
ght and war was a foregone conclusion, they had no time to waste. And so she turned to face him and said in a small voice that was little more than a whisper, ‘Yes.’
However, disappointment had so seeped into David’s consciousness that he didn’t register what Kate had said at first and began to bluster, ‘I’m sorry, Kate, springing it on you like that. I shouldn’t have spoken.’
‘I said yes,’ Kate repeated a little louder.
‘I mean, it isn’t as if we have discussed marriage, except in the very vaguest terms,’ David said. ‘And then to jump in like that with no lead …’ And then his brain registered that she had spoken and he said, ‘What did you say?’
Kate had a broad grin on her face as she said, ‘I think you are going deaf in your old age. I said yes.’
‘You said yes,’ David cried in delight. ‘Oh, my darling girl,’ and he put his arms around Kate and hugged her tight while he planted little kisses all over her face. ‘I can hardly believe it.’
‘You’d better had,’ Kate said. ‘I’ve already said it three times.’
Still with the smile on her face, she pulled herself out of David’s embrace and, holding his hand tightly, said, ‘There are a few problems to be sorted out, but they can be gone into later. For now I’d like to explore what we can of this park, if it’s all right with you.’
‘Perfectly all right, Miss Munroe,’ David said in mock formality. ‘But I really need a kiss to be going on with.’
‘Ah, David,’ Kate said, and felt herself enfolded in his arms again.
There were mixed reactions when Kate and David told everyone of their plans, but most people could understand the desire for speed and pronounced themselves all for the young couple. And Sally had a solution to the problem of where they were to live. ‘Have you anywhere in mind?’ she said.
‘Well, no,’ Kate said. ‘I mean, David sprung it on me rather, but now we will have to think about it – and quickly too. You know the trouble we had getting this place.’
Sally nodded. ‘I might be able to help you then,’ she said. ‘Look, I didn’t tell you at the time, not sure you would approve, but when Phil got his call-up papers, we got secretly engaged.’
‘Sally!’ cried Kate, but she asked herself why she was so shocked. It had been obvious how much Phil and Sally loved each other, and so, despite the fact that Sally was only just seventeen, engagement was a natural progression.
‘Don’t say I’m too young or anything, will you?’
‘No, Sally,’ Kate said. ‘I have no intention of saying anything like that.’ And she hadn’t, because she knew that since Sally had come to Birmingham she had grown up and matured a great deal; she was a girl who knew her own mind.
Sally gave a sigh of relief. She pulled at a chain around her neck that she had tucked inside a jumper to reveal a cluster of diamonds set into a golden ring.
‘Oh,’ Kate breathed. ‘Oh, it’s beautiful, and there is no need to hide it. I won’t judge you.’
‘I’m glad,’ Sally said. ‘I hated hiding it from you. Anyway, Phil’s mother asked me if I would consider living with her once Phil left, as company for one another, but I refused because I wouldn’t leave you. I could do that now, though, and David could move in here.’
‘It’s certainly an idea,’ Kate said. ‘You’d not mind living with Phil’s mother?’
‘No,’ Sally said. ‘I like her. We get on fine. I suppose you’d have to clear it with Dolly, but I don’t see that as a major problem, and then all you’d need is a new double bed, unless,’ she added with a wry smile, ‘you’d like to start married life with two singles.’
‘Oh, I think David will insist on a double,’ Kate said with an answering smile. ‘In fact, it will probably be our first purchase. You moving in with Phil’s mother would seem to be the best solution all round.’
Phil’s mother was delighted too at the turn of events, which is what Kate wrote and told her parents a few days later. She had dreaded writing that letter, though she knew it had to be done. She’d hoped the fact that they had a place to live already organized might sweeten the pill even a little.
In actual fact it made things worse. Philomena had asked many times if David was a Catholic, and the fact that Kate had never even acknowledged the question gave Philomena her answer. But, she had hoped and prayed and offered up a novena that the relationship was not as strong as it appeared and Kate would remember that she was Catholic girl, a member of the One True Church, and end the affair with this David.
When she found that not only had Kate agreed to marry this man, but they had already sorted out somewhere to live, she was furious and also disappointed. Kate had always in the past been a compliant daughter, and one eager to please. So, a week later, when she had calmed down a little, she sent a censorious letter back, asking her if she knew what she was doing. Didn’t she mind that she was choosing to deny her faith in this way? The priest himself could hardly credit it, with her being brought up such a good Catholic girl.
Kate knew that, because there was also a letter from the parish priest. This was worse than her mother’s, as it spoke of the contempt that she had shown for her parents after the values they had gone to pains to instil in her. She had, he said, shown a complete absence of any sort of filial duty that she owed them. He advised her to think very carefully about what she was intending to do, which he called the height of selfishness. He reminded her that marriage was for life, and he ended his judicious epistle: What matter, Kate, if you gain your heart’s desire and lose your immortal soul in the process? Remember the road to Hell is lined with sinners.
David was amazed at the fuss made and a little worried by the way the letter from the priest was worded, though Kate seemed to be taking it in her stride. ‘It’s only what I expected,’ she said, when David expressed concern.
‘But it’s almost threatening,’ David said, scanning the letter again.
‘I know, it’s how they go on,’ Kate said.
‘It doesn’t sort of put you off?’ David asked.
‘Not a bit of it,’ Kate declared emphatically.
‘Is there anything I can do to make things better for you?’ David asked, who was still a little anxious of the effect the letters might be having on Kate, for all she said they didn’t bother her. ‘Maybe if I was to write to your parents …?’
Kate shook her head and smiled. ‘That wouldn’t help,’ she said. ‘The only way you could cool things down is if you took instruction and became a Catholic.’ And added, ‘Then the fact that you might have two heads wouldn’t matter a dot.’
‘It’s almost unbelievable,’ David said. ‘Do you want me to do that, become a Catholic?’
It would solve all Kate’s problems and yet she said, ‘Do you want to?’
‘To be honest, no.’
‘Then why should you do something you don’t want to do in order to marry me?’ Kate said. ‘I’m used to pressure like this, and there will be more of the same when I see the priest on Sunday about reading the banns.’
‘How long does that take?’ David asked.
‘Three weeks,’ Kate said.
‘I don’t think we have that much time,’ David said. ‘It’s the first of August tomorrow and it will be the sixth before you see the priest. Then it will the end of August or beginning of September before we could marry.’
‘And that is too late? Is that what you’re saying?’
David shook his head. ‘I don’t know, not anything definite anyway. I just have this feeling of dread on me.’
‘So what do you want to do?’
‘Well, we could get married in the register office in no time.’
Kate was suddenly very still for she hadn’t expected that. She didn’t want to get married in any register office; she wanted at least a marriage in church, and she also knew if she was to do as David asked, she would not be married in the eyes of the Catholic Church and they would regard her as living in sin. She fought with the image of what she wanted and the re
ality of living in a country on the verge of war, which might mean things had to be done in a different way. Surely what mattered at the end of the day was that they would be legally married as far as the law of the land went, and so she nodded her head. ‘All right, then. If that’s what you want.’
It was a very quiet wedding on Saturday 12 August, and when she woke that morning she was feeling quite dispirited about the whole business, but she kept those feelings to herself lest David feel bad encouraging her to make do with such a shabby performance. Whenever she had visualized her wedding, she had been dressed in a flowing white dress in a church attended by family and friends and possibly her sister and her cousins, Geraldine, Maggie and Bridget, as bridesmaids.
However, for this wedding she had bought a navy-and-white costume at C&A Modes, and with it she wore silk stockings, navy court shoes with a higher heel than usual and a navy hat with veil. A smallish posy of flowers was all that the florist could make up at such short notice. She was despondent about the whole thing, she couldn’t deny it, but tried to keep her thoughts to herself, especially in front of Susie and Sally, who came round the evening before the wedding. She paraded her outfit in front of them and, though they praised her choice of clothes and said she looked fine, she could sense their disappointment.
Still, they were both round in the morning before the wedding to help Kate dress and fashion her hair in a sort of coronet that looked a treat with the hat she had bought, and Kate was glad to have her friend and sister beside her, given that her stomach was behaving most strangely. She really needed their steadying influence. And she was never more grateful for this than when she stepped out of the taxi and came face to face with Alf and Dora Burton waiting for her at the bottom of the steps of the register office.
Kate hadn’t seen either of them since that last awful day she had called round with David a few months before, though David had been on his own since to tell them of his marriage. She was a little nervous to see them there because David hadn’t been at all sure that they were going to turn up, and Sally and Susie flanking Kate were well aware of how she was feeling. However, the couple were more pleasant than she had ever known them, even though Dora said, ‘I’m glad at any rate you were sensible and got that costume, which is more serviceable altogether and better than a wedding dress you’ll never wear again.’