“It’s a little late to worry about hurting me, don’t you think?”
He looked at me, didn’t flinch from my words as I hurled them at him, took it like he expected it, deserved it. I closed my eyes tight, unable to see him like that, like he hated himself more than I could. It was my job to hurt him, to make him suffer the way I suffered, only, there was something wrong. I opened my eyes, searching his face for the answer to why I felt so wrong.
I was angry, and that part was fine, I had a right to be angry, but the other part, the darkness that wanted him to suffer, that wanted to hurt him, that part was new, and I didn’t like it.
“What’s wrong with me?”
He took a deep breath, his face half in shadow from the fire’s dim light, but I could see his hair, longer than before, a dark, burning auburn color. He was so much like autumn, like death.
“Physically you’re healing, but it’s slower than it should be. You’re Hybrid, not a Wild who can… anyway. Your internal organs are all functioning, your heart is beating almost steadily. You have a few broken bones, more than a few, actually, and they’re healing nicely, but not as fast as…”
“I mean,” I said, gripping him with my hand, the only one I could move. “Why do I want to hurt you?” The words were hard to say, because I still felt that roaring anger, the one that wanted to strike everything within reach, but particularly him, because he had no right to be so beautiful.
“Do you? You’re not referring to the Nether bloodlust, or the bond ache?”
I glared at him, furious that I’d had to say as much as I had, that he would pretend not to understand. “It’s not bloodlust.”
“I gave you a lot of my Nether mists. Most of them. I’m afraid they carry my remarkable self-hatred.”
“Incredibly annoying when he whines and whines about all the people he’s killed, how he’s destined to bring misery to every life he touches, seriously, makes me want to stick a dagger through my eye, just to change the conversation.” Aiden’s voice came from the darkness beyond the ring of light from the flickering fire.
“Aiden? No, Old Peter,” I corrected myself clumsily.
“I didn’t hear you come in,” Lewis said, not glancing away from me.
He shouldn’t look at me like that, like there was something inside of him that burned after all he’d been through. I felt so torn, sick, angry, and pathetic with an underlying current of need. The anger was losing to the need.
“She could use some death, so here it is.” Aiden said then there was a thud and a scurrying sound from the other side of the room.
“Are you ready?” Lewis asked me, never faltering as he stared at me.
I shook my head. “No. I’m not killing anything, not when I feel like this. It’s not you. It’s different. It’s bad. I feel wrong. I don’t believe your mists have anything to do with that kind of emotion.”
His face crumpled for a moment before he took a shaky breath and nodded, not meeting my eyes. “It’s demon taint,” he whispered, finally meeting my gaze.
My heart thudded so hard in my chest that I wasn’t sure if I’d heard him correctly.
He shook his head. “I can’t get rid of it. Nothing I do makes a difference. It weakens you, slows your healing, it feeds on your light, on your beautiful soul, and I can’t do anything except slow it down.”
I gasped as the world exploded inside my head. The demons screamed, sinking claws inside of my brain, as though I hadn’t felt enough pain. I nodded woozily struggling to stay conscious.
“Please,” I whispered, begging the shrieking remnants of the demon mistress to have mercy on me. I blinked as I felt Lewis’s hand over my hand, holding the hilt of a knife before he drew it through the throat of a pale pink, hairy snouted pig. Pigs died every day so that people could eat their flesh, but maybe they wouldn’t if they had to hear the whine, watch the thing twitch while the blood squirted and sprayed, then see the eyes grow bleary and unfocused.
I shuddered as the death fed my Nether mists, Lewis’s and mine, muting the strength of the demons, the taint as it struggled inside of my veins. I felt a heady rush that almost distracted me from the bond, from the pain in my limbs.
“If you’re done,” Aiden said, tugging the swine from my grip, “I’ll do something amazing for dinner.”
“Bacon and pork sausage?” Lewis asked, sounding exhausted and disgusted.
The thought of eating what I had already consumed made me feel sick, or maybe it was the way the death seemed to trigger an aching in my bones as they knit together.
“With pork chops and baby back ribs.”
I screamed as a sudden jolt of pain shot down my leg, pain that felt alive as it pulsed through muscles, bone, tissue, pain that only ended when I lost consciousness.
***
I opened my eyes to see a bright blue sky that gazed back at me unblinking, surrounded by trees as gray as if winter still had them in her grip, but the air was warm, warmer than early spring should be as it ruffled the golden hair on my arms, Lewis’s arms. The weather was abnormal, wrong for how barren and desolate the trees were.
“Is this her?” I asked in Lewis’s low, piercing voice then I turned around to see Aiden behind me, looking nothing like Old Peter as he shrugged his narrow shoulders in an old red t-shirt like he didn’t care.
He shoved his stringy brown hair out of his eyes, rubbing his cheek over a patch of bumpy red acne. “What did you expect when you brought her back to life, gave her your mists, and enhancement runes? It wasn’t enough to save her life, you’ve got to finish her runes for her. You’ve done some stupid things, but this has got to be the single most impressively idiotical…”
“That’s not a word,” I said turning around, trying to ignore him.
“There ain’t a word for how stupid you are,” Aiden said then laughed, a sound brightly tinny, full of life, but also unstable.
“You’re probably right. I figured that if I was pouring metal into her flesh, I might as well do it right. Can you fix it?” I asked, gesturing around at the still woods where they held onto the sleep of winter.
“Can’t. You gave her more Nether than I’ve got, and with the Runes and the taint, well, if she was trying she could do some real, good damage. How long’ll it take your mists to grow back? Do you think you’ll need them to clear the taint? Or maybe we don’t care ‘cause we haven’t got time for anything before the end of the world?”
“I should ask you. You’re the one who was so close to the foreteller. You knew that if I didn’t bond with her she would be hurt, killed maybe.” The trees around were so serene, dead. My voice had an undercurrent of dead, at least deadly.
“I think that the bond is the answer to the taint, but she’s not going to like it, not now.”
“I don’t want to talk about the bond.”
“And here I thought you just asked me what I knew.”
I felt his hand on my shoulder, the warmth static, cold, hot, a heavy, huge hand that I didn’t need. I stopped walking until the hand fell.
“I’m listening.”
“You’re not the only one,” Aiden said slowly.
I turned and saw Aiden look at me with a cocked head and a strange expression on his lean face.
“Maybe you should seduce her.”
I laughed but it wasn’t a pleasant sound. “That wouldn’t exactly be up to Code, would it? You heard her. I thought that maybe we’d be lucky, that maybe she wouldn’t be infected. What do the demons want with her? I don’t want to hurt her any more than I already have. She doesn’t need more trauma, more confusion, more anything right now.”
“She needs you.” Aiden sounded regretful. His eyes burned a sudden bright blue, as he stared at me.
I shook my head as I crossed my arms over my chest. “She needs anyone but me. I couldn’t let her die. Why couldn’t I let her die?”
The light was still there even as Aiden shrugged. “It’s in the blood. You were both brought to life by their design.”
“You blame this on the Nether? What plan could they have for us that we would possibly want to be part of?”
He grinned at me, a large disarming smile showing off very nice white teeth. “That’s the trouble, isn’t it? What they want is never what you want, but when do they ask us? Maybe if you follow through, they’ll finally let you die once and for all. Maybe they’ll let you take her with you.”
I swallowed hard. “There is no happy ending for me.”
Aiden stuck his hands in his pockets and tilted back to look up, into the sky. I followed his gaze with my own, and made out a bird high above us perched on a white branch, a very large, dark bird before it spread its wings screaming as it flew away, disappearing from sight.
“That’s not demon,” I said sounding tired.
“You almost wish it was, don’t you? Are you suicidal now? You don’t have a fury anymore, or do you think I’m going to waste my fury saving you? Maybe with the Nether, what they leave behind is only enough humanity to feel the pain, but at least you’re alive, feeling the pain, and so is that girl. So, are you going to finish the bond, diminish the pain? Or are you going to draw it out longer, give her more reasons to hate you?” Aiden had a strange glint in his eyes as he smiled. “If you’re not going to do the bond, maybe I’ll take up with her. I’ve thought for a while now that bald and tattoos make a girl distinctive.”
“That’s not something I’d joke about if I were you.” I stepped towards him, glaring.
He shifted slightly as we faced off, grinning while his blue eyes burned brilliantly. “Who said I was joking?”
I tackled him. The second Aiden’s hand came around my throat, I felt myself pushed back, down, away from Lewis and back to myself.
***
I opened my eyes in the Hollow house at the top of the cliff, alone for the first time since the crash.
I waited, holding my breath for a moment until I was sure that the pain really was less than before. After another moment I flexed my toes, and the pain, while intense, was accompanied by relief almost headier than the pain. I could move my toes! Movement, while painful freed a fear that I hadn’t realized was clenched so tight around my heart. I wasn’t trapped here on this table, pathetic, helpless forever.
I rolled onto my side filled with so much pain that I thought I was going to black out but after a moment, it was manageable. I gripped the sheet wrapped around me, then slowly touched my shoulder. The skin had a thick scab over it, so I must be healing.
I touched my neck and felt a long gash up the side of it that was less healed than the shoulder. My face was a mess, swollen mouth, cheek, eyes it was astonishing I could see out of, while my hair was completely gone. Lewis must’ve shaved both of us at the same time because my head was as smooth as his face had been.
I felt the tears pool in the corners of my eyes, which was stupid. Of all the things to cry about, baldness was right up there with losing my cute party shoes. Well, I could cry about that too. The skin of my head was slick and soft where it wasn’t bumpy from scars that felt old. The metal was a shock that made my breath short. As I gasped, fighting nausea, I forced my fingers to explore the runes now embedded on my skull. Apparently, when Lewis made up his mind, he was very thorough. I followed the trail of cold whorls down my neck, surrounding my spine, elaborating my basic Life runes.
Lewis found me like that, clutching the back of my neck while I cried.
“Hey,” he whispered, pulling me into his arms, so gently that I couldn’t bear it. How could he be gentle now when he’d brought me back to life so thoroughly? “You shouldn’t move. If you fell off the bed…”
“I’ll move if I want to,” I snapped, pulling away from him, well, trying to pull away from him. “Don’t tell me what to do. I can cry about anything I want, so don’t tell me that I should save my tears because I’ll get dehydrated. Don’t tell me anything, because you know what? No. You don’t know what. You don’t know anything. People who drag people back to life when they should be dead should be shot, brought back to life, then shot again. In the foot the second time. Both feet. And I’m hungry. And bald. Do you know what it’s like to have runes on your bald head? Satan is the only person in the entire world who wouldn’t cry about that, and that’s because he’s too busy smoking cigars and blowing stuff up. I don’t care if I look like him, I’m not smoking. It’s disgusting, vile, and makes your blood taste like crap so when people bite you they instantly regret it. What would you taste like?” I blinked, shocked that I’d said that. “Never mind. Your blood probably tastes like anchovies.”
“Probably,” he said in a serious voice as he touched my face delicately with his fingertips. “You must be really hungry if you’re considering my blood. That would bind us together. Forever. Bonding for the Nether is like marriage, only more permanent. I think you’d prefer anchovies. Drink this.”
He held me against him while he tipped a bottle against my mouth. I drank because it was either drink or choke, then it was because it was cold and soothed my throat then spread a pleasant numbness through my limbs.
“What is that?” I asked when he finally took the bottle away. My tongue was numb, my words clumsy.
“Winter. I don’t think that you’re ready for solid food yet but I can bring you more death if you…”
“No, I’m falling asleep again. Ash was right, sleeping is my special skill.” When I said Ash, I felt a spike of something from Lewis, an emotion that was unexpected as it was weird. Jealousy? Lewis was going to let down his guard to let something like jealousy for Ash escape? Maybe he wasn’t doing so well. I focused my eyes on him then felt my jaw clench as I saw the already swollen skin around his eye. He’d fought Aiden, so it was lucky that he was still walking.
“You fall off a cliff or something?” I asked, fighting against the pull of sleep as I traced his face with my fingers. His skin was cool and soft. I poked a little harder, wanting to hurt him, mostly because anyone that stupid deserved to hurt, not that he didn’t hurt already, but still. He winced and I felt horrified and delighted at the same time. I had to get ahold of this Lewis hatred before I pushed him in front of a bus.
“I was fighting off a would-be suitor. I’m afraid I’m not quite as effective as I used to be.”
I knew it was Aiden, but the word suitor triggered a memory of Raoul. I pushed away from Lewis, trying to sit up, to scramble off of the stone bed, but Lewis wasn’t budging.
“Let me go,” I said as I shoved against his chest with the strength of a car sick kitten.
“It’s all right,” he said. “I was only joking. Aiden is not interested in becoming your suitor, at least, I don’t think he is.”
“Raoul. Raoul shot me, the dart. He brought my gifts to life right as he put me on the plane. The demon mistress. He, she, the giggling man and the, ugh!” I shuddered as I remembered, the feel of hands, of being unable to move, unable to reach any of my gifts, stuck, trapped while a mass of evil touched me, caressed me. I clung to Lewis, burying my face in his shirt, the smell of wood smoke and antibacterial strangely soothing, or maybe that was Lewis, stroking my ridiculous bald head.
“It’s fine.”
I hit him with my fists. “It’s not fine. Stop saying it’s fine, it’s all right. It’s not fine. There’s nothing fine about anything. How can you say that…” I struggled to breathe, to twist away from him, but he only held me tight against his chest, with my head tucked beneath his chin, listening to the sound of his heart beating. It didn’t beat steadily, but for some reason being there, so close to Lewis, even with the bond ache, I felt better. I was really angry about that, but I’d push him in front of a bus later. Right then, I listened to his heart beating.
Chapter 22
I recovered, well, some of me recovered in the days that followed, holed up in the strange Hollow cliff house with Lewis close beside while Aiden lurked in the background. The bond was worse than ever, and I wasn’t sure what I felt half the time from the demon taint. I didn’t wa
nt to think about it. I couldn’t acknowledge them without them screaming inside my head. Without his mists, without the Hotblood soul, I wasn’t sure what he was, only that my blood ached for his.
When Lewis offered to finish the bond my instant response was so gut wrenchingly angry that I could barely speak. Now he wanted to finish the bond? After I’d mostly died in a plane wreck he thought it was a good time? He interpreted my silence for a refusal and solemnly went about dabbing my injuries with a magic potion that smelled like stinky feet. The next time he brought it up, I was a little more eloquent.
He said, rubbing the stuff on my shoulder, “We could complete the bond, if you wish to.”
“If I wish to? Wow. As tempting as that is, I’m not going to throw myself at someone who’s not interested. I did that already. It didn’t really work out for me.” I winced as the words came out of my mouth. Angry and sarcastic wasn’t me.
“It’s not that I’m disinterested,” he breathed, so close to me while he worked on my shoulder that my breath caught for a moment. “You know what I want.”
He let down his guard then, so I got the wonderful sensation of my bond craving doubled by his, and his felt more massive and enormous than mine. I shoved my hands against his chest, not moving him even slightly, but he inhaled sharply at the physical contact while his eyes softened until I pulled back my hands.
“No, I don’t,” I whispered as I wrapped my arms around myself, feeling the deep aching in my throat as I tried to hold myself together. “I don’t know why you didn’t want to finish the bond after I finished my life runes. Why, Lewis? Why didn’t you want me when I was cute? Why didn’t you want to marry me if you say you love me? Is it just another lie, another layer of who you would be if you weren’t something else? I’d rather die than be bound to you when you don’t really want me. I know the bond wants to be finished, but that’s not really you the same way I don’t really want to punch you in the face.”
He laughed, a surprise to both of us before he took my hands in his and leaned his head until our foreheads touched.
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