by Hazel Parker
“Do you know how to swim?” I asked, disturbing the blanket of our silence.
“Yes,” she whispered, understanding the magic of this place.
“Are you afraid of heights?”
“Um,” she hesitated. “Depends.”
“On?” I said as we came to the edge.
“How high.”
“Not that high,” I smiled to myself. I’d climbed this ledge countless times. It was like the jump at the end of the staircase to me. It looked high, but I’d come to trust I wouldn’t fall to my death or break any bones.
She looked unsure. “Will you go with me?”
There was nothing more I’d rather do. I didn’t want to let go of her hand, not for one jump, not ever.
“On three.”
“One,” she said.
“Two.”
“Three,” I pulled her in a running leap forward.
For a few precious seconds, we were suspended in the air, limbs flailing, mouths agape. Kaylen squealed and I laughed loudly. Then the cool water hit our heated skin. We rose to the surface with hair plastered to our faces, spitting water like animated water fountains.
Kaylen laughed and instinctively, I pull her snug to my body. I didn’t feel the pain in my right hand; I could only feel her as I paddled my legs beneath us.
“That was fun,” she said breathlessly. Something in the way she sounded, the way her face was inches from mine, breathing the same air, caused my pants to tighten. My wet jeans provided no barrier as I hardened underneath her.
“This place is beautiful,” she said, looking up to the sky. I could see water droplets chasing each other down the column of her neck, and the truth fell out of my mouth.
“You’re beautiful.”
Kaylen’s eyebrows shot up as she turned from the sky to catch the lust in my eyes. Before she could backtrack, I cupped her neck and intertwined my hands between the wet strands of her hair and pulled her close. I licked the last place I saw those water droplets trailed. My tongued licked up the column of her neck and across her jaw until my lips found hers. I hadn’t meant to maul her or lose control, but when her tongue snaked into my mouth, I lost it. The hot feeling of her skin against the coolness of the water. I growled into her mouth, tracing her tongue with mine, sucking on it and forcing my hands under the suctioned tightness of her t-shirt. I could feel her hardened nipples in my hand. I wanted her so bad, but I couldn’t. The jeans I wore were disastrously restrictive. Her hand played against the smoothness of my back, sending shivers down my spine. I could feel her body quivering in my arms and I was willing to bet money she was wet and willing. If only I could. I sucked on her bottom lip, willing myself to let go and all too soon, I let go of her open and eager mouth.
Everything between us was bliss. I wanted to hold onto that moment for a lifetime.
I turned and floated on my back.
“Do you know how to float?”
“Yeah,” she whispered, and hand in hand, we floated. The ethereal blue sky our new center.
“Tell me something?” she asked.
After moments of silence I replied: “Anything.”
“Tell me a secret.”
I decided to start off strong. “I hate that people can’t tell the difference between me and my brother. Now you.”
“I’m divorced.”
I didn’t see it coming at all. She couldn’t have been older than twenty-five.
“I know what you’re thinking,” she said, interrupting my silence. “I look too young. But I made a poor decision at nineteen and only recently fixed it.”
“Wow.”
“Yeah. Wow,” she repeated. “Your turn.”
“My mother has dementia.” That was a mood killer if I’d ever heard one, but for some reason, I wanted her to know. There was a long pause. I didn’t know what to say, but I wanted to say more. I was grateful that we were floating on our backs. It felt like I could have been talking to myself. I risked a glance to my left and saw that she was staring at the sky too.
I wanted her to see my vulnerable side and I wanted to know what she thought of it. I spoke in a tone just above a whisper. “My mom has dementia, and I fear one day she’ll forget that there’s two of us. You know? People already think we’re just like one person.”
“Evan, that would never happen,” she said, turning over and pulling me close to her. “Your mother couldn’t forget giving birth to you two. I’ve never given birth myself, but from what I’ve seen, it’s a life changing event. She would never forget you. You’re not your brother. You’re you, and I see you. You’re not your brother.”
I could see the sincerity in her eyes. She was serious. “Now you.” My hoarse voice whispered.
“My husband told me I was worthless and that no one would ever want me. He told me I was bad in bed, that I was a bad wife and…”
I couldn’t stand to hear another negative word come out her mouth. My fingers moved on their own to cover her lips and she froze.
“You are none of those things.”
“And I’m afraid that he’s right.” Her voice trailed off like she was afraid to say anything else.
“I’m sure that’s not true. There’s no way you can actually believe that.”
She resumed her position and we floated together, free of gravity. There was something freeing in floating. Relaxing until the point of being able to drown and yet not. I was aware of the time; I’d always had an internal clock. I sighed heavily, resigned to having to leave this moment.
“Time to go,” I said. She nodded before swimming out to shore.
The heaviness of my jeans only got worse as I stepped onto the man-made bank. The sand crunched in between my toes. I turned back to see the water one more time before I left. The way the sun shone off the rippling brook, its golden light warped in the twisted, glass waves. No description can truly capture its majesty, and few words can express its beauty.
“We’ll be able to watch the sunset from the road, but in the forest it’s not as safe at night. She nodded and unconsciously held out her hand. I took it, and together we walked back to the cabin. The heated air dried us somewhat, and within minutes, our shoes were laced and we were driving back.
We were facing the horizon when the sun set. There was nothing but open road, and the stillness of nature boldly lighting the heavens. Scarlet, then amethyst emblazoned the enormous sky, then it darkened to obsidian. As the night deepened, fireflies blinked more frequently until the canopy below, billowing in dark waves, sparked with benign, green embers under a star-speckled sky. Kaylen moved closer, snuggling against my back, and we watched the horizon, faces aglow with traces of soft smiles.
I begrudgingly parked in front of Kaylen’s apartment building. Everything in me wanted to go in. I didn’t want to leave. As pathetic as it sounded, I would even keep my dick in my pants if she wanted, but I just wanted to hold her. I liked how she smelled. Like flowers and honey. Right now, she smelled more like the lake, and I liked her fragrance even more.
“I had fun today,” she said, handing me the helmet.
“Keep it,” I said, handing it back to her. “It’s yours.”
It really was. I didn’t take strays on my bike. I brought the helmet brand new from the garage today when I knew I was taking her out.
“Really?” She smiled like it was Christmas.
“Really.”
She hugged it to her chest.
“I had fun today too.”
Hand in hand we walked to her door, and I waited until she had unlocked it. She fiddled with the keys as if she didn’t know which was which. I knew that that was unlikely, considering there were only three keys on the chain.
All I needed to hear was some variation of “come in,” but after a moment she stuck her key in the door and smiled shyly.
“Goodnight, Evan.”
I reached down and cupped her face. If I wasn’t spending the night, the least I would do was make sure she spent all of it thinking about me.
<
br /> I kissed her earlobe first, softly, with just the right hint of passion, then worked my way down her neck to her collarbone before coming right back up for the lips I knew would be waiting. As I kissed her neck a wave of pure pleasure ran through my entire body. She was intoxicating.
She moaned softly and I could feel it as much as I hear it. Why is there so much fire between us?
I can’t do this. I’ll devour her.
So I pulled back.
“Goodnight,” I whispered.
“Goodnight,” she whispered back, closing the door behind her.
Chapter Five
Kaylen
The world around me blurred as I looked into his eyes. My arms reached up and tangled around his neck into his thick luxurious hair. I breathed in sharply and kissed him delicately, his arms encircling my waist, drawing me in. His lips were hungry for mine. So many thoughts were swirling through my mind.
I want to let him in.
Should I let him stay the night?
I want to let him stay the night.
God, he can kiss.
Jesus, I want him to touch me.
I should tell him to touch me.
Just as I opened my mouth to ask him, he pulled back.
I could see the lust burning in his eyes. He obviously needs me. He wants me too. How can I step away from this?
“Goodnight,” he said, just barely holding in a growl.
“Goodnight,” I whispered back.
I closed the door and leaned against it, banging my head slightly against the frame.
“What am I doing?” I moaned aloud.
No one would answer. I showered, cooked dinner for myself, and took myself to bed. Despite being on fire for Evan, I was ridiculously exhausted. I’d done more exercise than I normally would have in a whole month.
My eyes were closed and I knew it was just a dream but it was so good I might as well have been awake.
“Harder,” I screamed as Ethan plowed into me. I was bent over someone’s desk, I didn’t care whose.
He gripped my hips so tightly I feared I’d wake with bruises. I moaned aloud every time his balls smacked the skin between my ass and pussy. He reached forward, wedging hid hand into the small space between my body and the table as he fingered my clit. I threw my head back to find Evan staring from across the room. His eyes were electric and I could feel him watching, his gaze tracing me all the way from my head to my toes. Everywhere he looked my skin tingled in a frenzy of static, and unable to process that much pleasure, I exploded.
I woke myself whimpering and panting. I hadn’t had a wet dream since high school. Good Lord. I laid in my own sweat and threw myself back into the pillows. These men were driving me crazy. The clock read 3 AM. I punched my pillow and tried to convince myself I could go back to sleep, but I couldn’t. So I woke up three hours early for my shift and sat drinking coffee. I rarely woke up this early for anything; I didn’t have class, and I didn’t have kids. But the silence of the early morning met me and the stillness calmed my mind. It was so rare for me to be up and able to think clearly. I was either working, sleeping, or wondering what things I had to do before I had to work again. Dating was a part of that, sitting and thinking wasn’t.
The past few years were nothing like the reality I was living now. I could remember meeting my ex-husband. We met when I was in college at nineteen and somehow he’d managed to convince me that he was a good man. He wined and dined me, showed me a world a college girl like me had never seen before. I thought he was my prince charming. He was my prince charming, and despite my parents’ protests, I accepted when he asked me to marry him. We were married just before my twentieth birthday.
Five years. That’s how long I was married to him. Five years in a downward spiral and coming to a realization that what we had wasn’t love. I held my own enough to finish college and get my degree but after that, Kenneth made one thing very clear. My only priority in life would be him.
I secretly studied and got licensed as a nurse, and when Kenneth found out he said, “You better not forget what your first job is.”
He wasn’t kidding. My husband used to demand I cook him breakfast every morning, no matter how late my shifts ran. I could remember slaving over the stove, cooking the same thing every morning—bacon, crispy and burnt, with two eggs over easy. Now I had nothing and no one to cook for but myself, and I liked it.
I could remember the nasty moments toward the bitter end. The fighting. The screaming. The heated arguments going back and forth. Kenneth’s theatrics demanding everything I earned or helped him earn be in his name. I walked away from our marriage with nothing but my name.
“I want a divorce.” My voice shook as his eyes met mine.
I remember his laugh. He literally bent over and cackled. "You're kidding, right?”
"No, Kenneth. I’m not. It's over."
There wasn’t any sadness left in me. I was tired.
He slowly turned away as if I didn’t say something serious. “If you say so.”
“I do say so!”
He was so nonchalant, and that was the problem. He was a terrible husband. He was emotionally abusive, completely unsupportive, and I know for a fact that we hadn’t had sex in a year. And if he wasn’t sexing me, I knew he was having sex with someone else. I just never had the courage to ask who.
I gulped down a sob and tried to keep my composure as he walked away. I had so much I wanted to say. There was so much I wanted to do, but I was just a shell of the woman I used to be. I couldn’t remember who I was at nineteen. Now twenty-five, I didn’t know what would happen if I went out on my own. Kenneth bought us the house and took care of everything from the beginning. I knew that on my own, I wouldn’t be able to afford any of those things.
“Well, remember you said it,” he said at the base of the stairs. “You ain’t leaving with anything you didn’t come with.”
My heart broke into little tiny pieces; tears of regret blurred my vision. I gave him so much and he was still so cold. I wanted desperately to call out to him, beg on my knees for him to give me an answer. What had changed? He used to be so loving, so kind, but now, he was nothing but cold. What did I do to deserve that? I really didn’t need an answer as long as he was willing to change, trying to change, but I knew he wouldn’t. I wanted to start over fresh, but a person could only live in an ice box without any affection for so long. I was right. It was over; and he killed it, not me.
I thought getting divorced would kill me. It almost did, but I had so much more life to live and I was living it. It took a little while, but here I was in my own space, with my own job, my own car, and I was happy. Sitting in my comfy chair in the stillness of the morning was a blessing. I coveted the moments like these where there was nothing but me and sometimes a glass of wine.
I made myself a bowl of cereal and sat in front of the TV. It was moments like these that were precious, so I sat until I heard my alarm from the bedroom.
“Time to start another day.”
******
The hospital. It was my sanity and my asylum.
I moved my stethoscope over the child’s back. I could hear crackles in the lower parts of both lungs. According to the machine, his oxygen barely sat above ninety percent, normal was ninety-nine to ninety-eight percent. His brown skin was greyed. He was conscious, but lying listless, his chest heaved quicker than it should just to bring in enough air. It was most likely pneumonia. The wall chart showed a newly vacant emergency cubicle, there would be no waiting for this kid. I picked him up and ran past the people who had been waiting for hours or more. I took him right into the room. The doctor came in almost instantly, ordering the nasal oxygen prongs I was already hooking up. Doctor Russ listened to the child’s chest and ordered lung x-rays, blood tests, a urine analysis, and the prep work for antibiotics. After just a few breaths of oxygen the boy had already gotten a bit of his color back. I smiled and turned to his mother.
“You don’t have to worry, ma’am.” I
prepared his small arm to take the blood he needed and tuned out the questions his anxious mother asked. I had the answers, but I couldn’t give them to her; nurses weren’t allowed to diagnose. There was nothing I was legally allowed to say until the paperwork came back and the doctor made the announcement.
I spent lunch debating on if I should feel guilty for not texting Evan back. I had texted him back, of course I did. I never ignored messages, but I wondered if I should feel guilty. Should I tell him I was planning to go on a date with his brother? I mean, it was more than his brother. It was his twin brother. I tried to find a way to say it, but in all honesty, it was hard to find an in. I didn’t want to interrupt our conversation with “Hey, just wanted to let you know that I’m planning to go on a date with your twin brother. I hope you don’t mind.” No. That was a terrible message to send and if I was being honest, it should have been said in person.
Just as I was typing the words, Serena sat beside with her tray of “lunch.” I set my phone face down on the table.
“You’re a nurse. I know you know that a Twinkie, a chocolate chip cookie and an apple does not make a healthy or nutritious lunch,” I teased.
“You’re a nurse. I know you know this is what I need to keep going,” she smiled, biting into her apple. “And look, mom, I’m saving my dessert for last.”
I could only shake my head. Serena was a trip. She looked like Jessica Rabbit, curves for days. She made all her scrubs look like lingerie, but she was the nicest girl ever. I was willing to bet money she was a late bloomer in life. No way could someone that gorgeous be so humble and unassuming about life.
“How’s your day going?” She asked between chews.
“It’s going. Yours?”
“Same,” she shrugged. “Anything new in your life?”