by Meta Smith
violently.
“That was a mistake from a long time ago,” she began.
“It was two years ago,” he said. “I hardly consider that a long time.” “I was young.”
“Yeah, right. What, twenty-one, twenty-two? That’s old enough to know what you’re doing. You ain’t shit but a freak. Be a woman and own up to that shit.”
“No. I was younger than that.” Dez choked on her words as she began to cry. She felt the bile rising in her stomach. She resisted the urge to heave. “Please.” He looked at her with contempt. “And spare me the tears.
You’re a good fucking actress, I’ll give you that.”
“You’ve gotta let me explain. Hear my side of the story. I was a little girl.” Bentley was headed toward the door. She couldn’t let him walk out of her life. She couldn’t let her dreams blow up in her face.
Tell him the truth, she thought. If he really loves you, he’ll understand. His hand was on the knob. He’s leaving you. They’ll always leave you. No man in his right mind would want to stay with you. You’re dirty! Sucia!
“I was only sixteen!” she blurted. Bentley froze. He turned around to face her.
“What?”
“I said I was only sixteen.”
“You really expect me to believe you’re what, eighteen or nineteen?” “I’m eighteen. I turned eighteen on my birthday yesterday.”
“Get the fuck outta here. I done heard it all now.”
“B, will you please just sit down and let me explain? I know it looks bad, really bad. And I’m ashamed and sorry that I ever did it. But I honestly just didn’t know any better. I’m a different person now, and it’s partly because of you. You and Sparks gave me a reason to believe in myself. You gave me a shot. Don’t take that away from me. You said you could tell that I’d been through some shit, and that you respected me. Let me tell you what it is. If you wanna walk after you hear me out, then okay. But please don’t go until you hear me. I love you. Please?” Desiree had no pride left.
She knelt on the dirty floor of the trailer, her makeup streaked, her hair standing all over her head. He sat down.
“You’ve got two minutes,” Bentley informed her, totally devoid of any emotion.
Desiree felt her heart sink. At precisely that moment she knew that Bentley had been full of shit the whole time. All that talk about respecting her gangsta. When it came time for him to ride, he didn’t even have the patience to hear her out. How the hell could she begin to explain, in two minutes, how she ended up in a porn tape at such a tender age? She’d been played, she of all people, the master of games. Desiree felt a fury unlike any other building within her.
“Well, if that’s all I have then fuck it. My whole name takes damn near two minutes to say. So fuck it, be that way. As long as I have my deal, that’s all that really matters. I don’t have to fucking grovel for you,” Desiree spat, half meaning it. “All I want to know is who gave you the fucking tape? If it had been any other time, things would be different. But somebody here is deliberately trying to fuck me and I want to know who it is!”
“Does it matter? Does that change the fact that you a ho?” Bentley’s eyes were daggers. The comment made Desiree cringe inside; she was so angry she balled up her fists until her knuckles were white. The way she was feeling, the situation could get much uglier very quickly.
“Fuck you! Fuck you, you bitch ass motherfucker!” Desiree shouted at him, and this time she really meant it. Then it hit her like a ton of bricks. Leilani! She had clearly been coveting Dez’s post. How could she not be jealous? If she could get her out of the way, Leilani would be free to milk Sparks and Bentley for any and everything she could. She wouldn’t be surprised if Leilani had tried to kick it to Bentley, even though she was acting like it was all about Sparks. Who else would want to see her fail? Who else would go to such great lengths to make her look bad? In a fury she ran out the trailer, leaving Bentley behind. She was out for blood. It was real personal now.
Desiree ran all over the set like a madwoman in search of Leilani. She found her sitting on a stool, munching on a plate of crudites. She looked beat, but not as beat as she was going to after Desiree got through with her. Swift and silent as a ninja, Desiree grabbed Leilani’s ponytail and threw her to the ground, knocking over the stool.
“You fucking bitch. You couldn’t stand to see me get ahead, could you?” Desiree snarled at the astonished Leilani as she tried to stand. Desiree administered a swift kick to Leilani’s rib cage with her stiletto- heeled, calf-length boots. Leilani winced in pain and dropped back to the
ground.
“Dez. Please, stop. Why are you doing this?” Leilani begged, holding her midsection. A trail of blood dribbled from her lip. A small crowd gathered to observe the disturbance, but no one bothered to stop it.
“Bitch, you know why!” Desiree sat on top of Leilani and pimp- slapped her. Then she slapped her again. She balled her fist up tightly and prepared to clock her, but was prevented from doing so by Sparks, who had come to Leilani’s aid. Leilani lay on the ground crying and holding her face as Desiree struggled to release herself from Sparks’s iron grip. Bentley came running up to them out of breath.
“Dez, chill!” He grabbed her by the shoulders and shook her hard. “It wasn’t Leilani,” he screamed at her.
“What?” Desiree was confused, breathing heavily, her breasts heaving up and down
“It wasn’t her. Leilani didn’t give me the tape,” Bentley explained. “What tape?” Leilani asked, bewildered, as she put a hand to her
mouth. Her saliva was thick with mucus and blood, and her bottom lip was split. Sparks knelt beside her and cradled her in his arms.
“We need to talk, the four of us, in private. Now!” Bentley barked and dragged a kicking and screaming Desiree back to his trailer. Sparks and Leilani looked at each other, both at a loss for words, confused about exactly what was going on.
“You okay, baby?” Sparks asked Leilani gently as he held her.
“I guess so,” she sniffed, shaking with fear and confusion. Leilani felt a wave of embarrassment wash over her as the entire cast and crew of the video stared at the scene.
“Come on, boo. Let’s find out what the hell is going on.” Sparks scooped Leilani up and led her, limping, to Bentley’s trailer.
Sparks turned the latch on the flimsy lock of the trailer door and then methodically went around the trailer shutting all the windows. He pushed a button that automatically released metal shutters that covered all the windows, including the windshield. He cranked on the AC full blast and sat in the swiveling passenger’s seat.
“What the fuck is going on?” he asked, exasperated. Bentley and Dez eyed each other. He shook his head at her, then buried his face in his hands. Dez cleared her throat.
“Somebody gave Bentley a tape that has me on it doing some things that I’m not proud of. I thought it was Leilani, since she’s been giving me so much grief lately. That’s why I kicked your ass. My bad.” Desiree glared at Leilani, then felt a twinge of guilt. She looked down at her nails, rather
than at Leilani’s bruised and bloodied face. She had it coming, she thought, to ease her conscience.
“Well, what the fuck is on the tape?” Leilani barked through swollen lips. Dez’s guilt disappeared instantly. She gave Leilani the stankeye.
“Why don’t you see for yourself? Sparks, why don’t you take a look at your superstar. Now maybe you’ll talk to me before you go signing folks on the spot,” Bentley snarled sarcastically, walking over to the television and switching on the tape. Leilani and Sparks watched in a combination of shock and horror before Desiree cut off the set angrily. She felt like a sideshow freak on display.
“What Bentley is conveniently leaving out is that I was only sixteen when I made the tape. Are you satisfied? You’ve humiliated me, okay?” Desiree glared at Bentley.
“Wait a minute. That tape can’t be that old,” Leilani pondered aloud. “How old are you, Dez?” Sparks ask
ed.
“Eighteen,” she answered. “I turned eighteen yesterday.”
“You can’t be eighteen. I know you. I’ve seen your ID, your place. You were my friend,” Leilani said in disbelief, holding her lip.
“Dez, you are full of shit, Sparks, please give the bitch the boot,” Bentley hissed angrily. Dez rolled her eyes.
“Look, I’m, I mean, I was a runaway. I left home when I was sixteen and met Dan not long after I got to Miami. I was living with a woman named Ginger, but then she got all religious and tried to control my life, so when Dan offered me a new life, I took it. He said he cared about me and that he was going to make me a star. I trusted him because I was young and hungry. After about a year, I realized that he wasn’t going to get my career off the ground unless it was as a porn star, so I broke it off. That was about a year ago. Now here we are.”
The three of them were silent for several moments.
Leilani was the first to speak up. “Why did you run away?”
“I don’t want to say. Does it really matter? Life was fucked up where I was, so I left.” Desiree’s eyes were nearly black with anger. Leilani was still trying to be all in her mix.
“Are you telling the truth now? I mean, are you legal?” Sparks asked, stroking his goatee.
“Yes, I am. I don’t have anything that shows my real age. Why would I? But I’m sure you can verify it. I turned eighteen yesterday.”
‘’I’m just asking because if you weren’t, your deal wouldn’t be legally binding,” Sparks replied.
“Well, I am. So you can’t get rid of me that easy.” Dez rolled her eyes
and neck.
“If I wanted to get rid of you, I could. There’s always a loophole, Dez, remember that. But I don’t want to get rid of you.” Sparks looked at her and grinned.
Dez, Leilani, and Bentley screamed in unison, “What?!”
“Baby, look how much trouble she’s caused,” Leilani whined. “Look what she did to my face! You mean you want her to stay?”
“She can’t possibly be reppin’ our label!” Bentley countered. Dez stood mute, in total disbelief.
“Dez has skills out of this world. You name one female out there that can outflow her. If I toss her aside because of the tape, someone else will sign her,” Sparks explained, which made Dez smile.
“But what about our reputation? We worked hard as hell to build this label. You gonna give her a chance to destroy it?” Bentley was heated.
“Dez ain’t gonna destroy the label. She’s gonna take us to a new level. Eve used to strip, and so did Trina. It’s not a big deal,” Sparks explained. Bentley opened his mouth to object. Sparks cut him off. “Hear me out. That tape is illegal. She was a minor. It’s child pornography. With or without us, Dez, you’re about to come into a lot of money,” Sparks continued.
“Sue Dan? This isn’t totally his fault. I lied to him,” Desiree interjected. “How much money have you seen from doing that tape? Not shit. But that nigga’s seen plenty. You were a little girl, a runaway. He shouldn’t be allowed to profit off a child, I’m sorry. Wrong is wrong. We’ve got a legal department and a PR department, and that’s what we pay them for–and very well, I might add. The tape is illegal to own, illegal to buy, and illegal to sell. Anyone who posts it on the Internet can get sued or go to jail.
Child pornography is no joke. Dan don’t want that kind of trouble. He’ll offer you a nice settlement for your pain and suffering,” Sparks finished.
“This shit won’t die,” Bentley protested.
“Bentley, you just do what you do, and let me handle the legalities.” Sparks stood and put his arm around Dez. “Dez, you family now, period. Family don’t turn its back on family. We’re gonna handle this together. When you’re ready to talk, I’m here to listen. I can only imagine what life has been like for you.” Sparks gave her a reassuring smile.
“This is bullshit,” Leilani huffed. “Yo, chill, babe,” Sparks told Leilani.
“She’s right, this is bullshit,” Bentley cosigned for Leilani.
“I’m gonna handle this. Don’t worry, Dez. We gonna take a break. Get yourself together,” Sparks said to Dez, but she wasn’t hearing it.
“I want to know who did this to me. Bentley won’t tell me who gave
him the tape. It’s gotta be somebody on the set. Whoever it is, they’re probably laughing their ass off at me. How can I work like that?” Dez said, playing on Sparks’s sympathy.
“Bentley, who gave you the tape? This shit is gonna cost us money.
Who are you protecting?” Sparks asked, beginning to get irritated.
“I’m not protecting anybody I just wanted to hear what Dez had to say for herself before she went off and tried to handle some personal shit between her and that chick; the lead girl, Ysenia,” Bentley responded defensively.
“Bet. I got something for that bitch,” Dez huffed, ready to go kick Ysenia’s ass.
“Me too,” Sparks interjected gruffly “Leilani, go tell her that her services are no longer required. Then call her agent and explain what happened so we don’t have any bullshit. Tell them Ysenia will get paid, but she’s got to leave the set immediately.”
“What?” Leilani asked in shock.
“She’s the troublemaker. This shit is costing us time, money, and most of all, difficulty within my family. Why? Probably because she wants to fuck my brother. Don’t nobody have time for that shit. This is a business. After you handle that, meet with me and Hype. We need to decide what to do about the video; whether or not we’re going to scrap the footage, bump up one of the other extras, and start over, or whether to change the concept. We still have another day of shooting, but we can’t afford to get behind. Will an hour be enough time for you to get it together, Dez?” Sparks asked her.
“Yeah, as long as that bitch is gone,” Dez replied smugly.
“Leilani, send makeup over here. Dez, try and get along with her. Bentley, we’ll move you to another trailer or something. She needs this space more than you do. Come on, man. Let me holla at you.” Sparks was clearly in control of the situation. He led Bentley out of the trailer.
Dez and Leilani glared at each other before Leilani exited the trailer as well.
That bitch know she don’t want none of this! Dez thought. Then she flopped
onto a chair and breathed a sigh of relief. She had no idea what the future held for her, but she knew that things couldn’t get any worse. After all, Sparks had assured her that her deal remained intact and that she was entitled to some dough. Things could only get better, couldn’t they?
RESPECT
CHAPTER 18
The aftermath-September 2001
L
EILANI SAT AT THE VANITY MIRROR IN HER SOUTH Beach apartment, studying her face in the mirror. Dez had clocked her
good. The bruises were fading, though, and were barely visible thanks to a generous application of Dermablend cover stick and MAC foundation. But Leilani knew they were there, and that pissed her off. She attempted to cover her face with her hair, but only succeeded in looking utterly foolish. Frustrated, she threw her comb across the room. Angry tears spilled from her eyes. This had to be a joke. Any minute now, Leilani expected a camera crew to come crashing into the room to tell her that she was on television and everything that had transpired was an awful joke. Desiree
could not be on her way to superstardom! It was ridiculous!
From what Leilani could see, Dez had no real education and had done no real hard work. She just popped on the scene as a model and blew up. She hadn’t even begun to pay the dues that Leilani had paid to get to where she had gotten as a model. It simply wasn’t fair, and she had to think of a way to level the playing field.
I can’t believe that bitch hit me! If she hadn’t snuck me, I would have stuck her ass!
Leilani thought. Ysenia puts her business on blast and causes all that trouble, and all she gets is fired. Dez kicks my ass, and I have to work for her to make her look good! This ma
kes no sense at all! Leilani frowned and paced about her apartment.
“Sparks ain’t shit!” she said aloud. “I can see that now. He’d put her
before me again if he had the chance, all because she’s on his label. It’s always about pussy and money with these niggas. Shit, her flow ain’t all that. Okay, she’s nice, but damn, why does shit have to always work out for her? Why does she get all the breaks? She ain’t nothing but a ho.” Leilani was furious and holding a full-on conversation with herself.
“Well, not this time. Somehow Dez is gonna be out of the Titanium Records family, and I’m going to be in as the true first lady, the boss’s wife! Shit! Dez is like a roach, though. She’ll manage to find some way to stick around. But it’s all good. She will bow down. I’ll see to it,” Leilani swore.