by ammyford1
“Ready?” Ahran asked.
I nodded and drained the last of my coffee.
We made our way onto the platform. The train doors opened and we climbed on board. It smelt of warm newness as we walked down a narrow corridor and past a number of doors before we came to our cabin. I had been on sleeper trains one summer when I’d travelled around Europe as a student, but none of them had been as new or as nice as this.
We found our cabin. It was compact with two bunks down one side, they were wider and longer than the ones I had any experience of. On the other side of the cabin were two shallow armchairs and a door which led into an even more compact en-suite. I finished my inspection of our facilities and re-joined Ahran in the confines of our cabin.
“It’s a bit cramped but the bunks are actually more comfortable than they look,” he said.
“It’s far more luxurious than any sleeper I’ve ever been on and it certainly beats having to share with sweaty, middle-aged, Italians who snore,” I confirmed.
Ahran laughed. “Well, fortunately for you I’m none of those things, and I don’t think I snore.”
I smiled and sat down on the bottom bunk. I was expecting to find it as hard as a board but it was surprisingly soft. I swung my feet up onto the bunk and laid back. “I see what you mean, this is more comfortable than my bed at home.” I felt a sudden wave of tiredness. It had been another long and traumatic day. I stifled a yawn.
“Do you want the top or bottom bunk?” Ahran asked.
I sat up and rested on my elbows. “It would probably make sense if I have the top bunk, although I’m warning you now, I do have a tendency to fall out, or at least I did when I was a kid.”
“Did you?” he laughed. “That explains a lot.” He came and sat down on the edge of my bunk.
“Hey!” I said, giving him a light punch on his bicep. It was as hard as granite. I liked his banter and I was pleased an easier atmosphere had returned between us. He gave me a crooked smile in response and it made my insides feel fluttery.
“I’ll sleep on the top bunk, we can’t have you falling out.”
I wanted to say I would be perfectly alright but his smile and proximity were making it difficult for me to find enough breath to protest. I managed a nod. I had hoped that the more time I spent with him the more immune I might become to his smile but it just got worse. And as if he was deliberately fanning the flames, he reached out and tucked a stray strand of hair that had come loose from my pony tail.
“I know,” he said, raising his hand before I could protest, “That was an illegal gesture.” He didn’t sound in the least bit apologetic but looked into my eyes to gauge my reaction. I couldn’t move away even if I wanted to. He hesitated for a brief moment and then ran the back of his hand down my cheek. My eyes shut of their own accord and I savoured the feel of his skin against mine as his touch burnt a trail down the side of my face.
“In spite of what you said in the diner, your body tells me something completely different when I am near you.” His voice was no more than a husky whisper.
“Ahran,” I said in a small, choked voice.
“Your skin is so soft.”
Had he heard me? He needed to stop because I was absolutely powerless to stop him.
His face came closer to mine, his eyes focussing on my lips. My heart began to race as I anticipated the moment our lips would meet. I tilted my chin up and his lips touched mine.
It was a tender kiss and it made my heart ache. He pulled away, his eyes searching mine.
The last thing I wanted him to do now was stop. I wanted to feel the full force of his kiss, I was hungry for it and I couldn’t stop myself from leaning towards him, this time touching my lips to his. He didn’t move, and for a second I thought I had daydreamed the last few moments, but when I opened my eyes his were closed, his expression caught somewhere between pleasure and torment. What did he expect? It was a dangerous game he was playing.
He groaned. His mouth was far more urgent this time and our lips opened simultaneously, our tongues hungrily searching for each other’s. The heat that had begun in my abdomen started to course through my veins. My poor misguided heart soared and for the first time I didn’t care. I was kissing him as passionately as he was kissing me.
There was a rap on the door and we both ignored it, nothing else seemed important.
The rap came again, more sharply this time. Whoever it was, wasn’t prepared to be ignored. We pulled away from each other breathlessly.
Ahran stood up slightly flustered and narrowly missed hitting his head on the bunk above.
My eyes were level with his groin and his obvious arousal. I was secretly thrilled that I had this effect on him.
“I think you better get the door,” he said a little sheepishly. “It will be the guard checking our tickets.”
“Oh, okay,” I said, slipping off the bed and feeling more than a little wobbly myself. “Where are they?”
“Here,” he said, reaching into his bag and passing them to me.
I opened the door to the guard who was waiting patiently. He scanned our tickets on an electronic tablet in his hands. When he had finished he nodded and handed them back to me before moving on to the next cabin. I closed the door.
Pausing to collect myself, I turned around to Ahran, not quite sure what to say after what had just happened. I cleared my throat. “Once again, that should not have happened.” I was beginning to sound like a stuck record.
“I can’t help it Sophie, I want to kiss you. I want you.” Before I had time to protest he raised his hands defensively. “I know it is wrong, for God’s sake I’ve been trying to fight it but that’s the way it is. There’s too much chemistry between us, I know it and you know it.”
“But we can’t…I can’t.” It was all I could do to stop myself from going to him and carrying on from where we had left off.
“If it’s about Toby, I understand. If you want to wait until we’ve found him and he’s safely back home, I respect that.”
He really did think we were inevitable. “It’s Toby, Talina, the fact that we aren’t even from the same planet,” I said, feeling exasperated. “There’s a long list.”
“I admit, it’s not an ideal situation but I’m done battling with it. I want to kiss you, hold you, make love to you.”
His words sent a warm shiver down my spine but I remained firm. “I don’t want to be just another notch on your bedpost.”
He looked shocked. “You would never be that.”
“Wouldn’t I? You might be used to having other women, but I’m not used to being an ‘other’ woman.”
“You think I am in the habit of doing this?” He sounded angry.
“I don’t know Ahran, are you?”
He ran his hand through his hair and contemplated his answer. “There have been other women,” he admitted reluctantly, “but this is different.”
That was exactly what I didn’t want to hear. Wasn’t he betrothed to Talina? How could I possibly maintain any self-respect, entering into a physical relationship with him knowing that I was just another woman in a long line of women he had cheated on Talina with? I actually felt sorry for her, something I never thought I would feel.
“It’s no different Ahran. Its sex and I refuse to be your last fling before you settle down.” I wasn’t quite sure where I found the strength to challenge him because there was a big part of me that wanted to jump on him and rip his clothes off, but the flash forward of me sitting at home, alone, my self-respect and heart in tatters, was enough to fuel my resistance. “So let’s just forget it shall we?” I said with a defiant tilt of my chin. On the outside I looked like a woman fully in control of her emotions, but on the inside I was falling to pieces.
“Well, you seem to have got it all worked out.” His tone was acerbic.
“It’s called self-preservation Ahran,” I said, my resolve strengthening.
“It seems to me that you are scared of letting anyone get too close,” he accu
sed.
The accuracy of his assessment caught me off-guard and I faltered. “You don’t know anything about me,” I said defensively.
“I know more than you think,” he declared. “There hasn’t been anyone significant in your life for a while, not because you don’t attract men, you do, look at you, I defy any man in this world, or yours, who would not want you in his bed, but you are scared stiff that if you let them get too close they will let you down.”
I opened my mouth to speak but closed it again without saying a word.
“You’ve not slept with the poor guy you have been stringing along, what’s his name? Mark…Marcus,” he said, answering his own question. “Because you are afraid that if you do, you will have to give more of yourself and that frightens you.”
“That’s none of your Goddamn business.”
“I’m right though, aren’t I?” he said triumphantly.
“How dare you?!” I hissed.
“You’ve only got one life Sophie, it’s no good worrying about the ‘what if’s’ every time you meet someone new, because before you know it, your life will have passed you by. You’re not the only one who has experienced loss, we all have and we’ve all had to deal with it and get on with the job of living, we’re not the ones dead and buried.”
I gasped. I could feel tears stinging my eyes. “What have you got to be proud of?” I said, lashing out. “You’re an emotionless killer.” I was on dangerous ground but I wanted to wound him like he had just wounded me. “You’ve spent your life taking your anger at your father out on anyone who gets in your way rather than actually standing up to him and telling him how let down you feel.”
He looked like I had just slapped him in the face, and then the emotionless mask he used whenever I got too close, slipped conveniently into place.
“That’s enough,” he said firmly.
“Oh! It’s alright for you to say what you think, but when someone hits the mark where you’re concerned, suddenly it’s not okay? What are you afraid of Ahran?”
“I said. That’s enough!”
I knew I had gone too far but then so had he.
“We are both tired I think we should get some sleep,” he said in a tight voice.
He was right. We weren’t achieving anything by tearing lumps out of one another but just to make my point I wordlessly picked up my bag, went into the en-suite and tried to slam the door behind me like a petulant teenager. Unfortunately, it had a slam resistant stay on it which completely spoilt the effect.
I put my face in my hands and groaned. Oh God, what had I said? I had thrown everything he had done to save our lives back in his face. Sophie, you are an idiot! He, on the other hand, had summarised my life in one foul, perceptive swoop. He had got the measure of me in such a short time it unnerved me, especially when he seemed such an enigma at times.
I washed my face, brushed my teeth and took off my jeans, folding them neatly before putting them in my bag. I took my time, reluctant to face him again. Taking a deep breath I went back into the cabin. The light was off and he was lying on the top bunk although I didn’t think he was asleep. I climbed into the bottom bunk without say anything. Hopefully a good night’s sleep would clear the air.
We must have been travelling at some speed, and yet the only indication we were travelling at all, was the slight sway of the train as it traced its way across the landscape. I lay there for a long time, playing our conversation over and over in my head. I felt bad about what I had said, but I suspected I was right.
As for me, what he had said was exactly how I had behaved over the last few years. I was so terrified of losing people that I no longer let anyone get close. He was right, there were no guarantees in life and it was about time I took a few risks. That’s what living was about wasn’t it? And if I didn’t, there was every chance I’d end up a lonely old woman, full of regrets because I had never let anyone get close enough to share my life with. What was it Bennie always said? You had to kiss a few frogs before you found ‘Mr Let’s See How It goes And Work On It’. She didn’t believe in princes or Mr Right. I still wasn’t sure getting together with Ahran was a risk I was prepared to take though, it would be like jumping out of a plane with no parachute. Some risks were just beyond reckless.
I pulled the sheets up around my neck and my mind drifted to our kiss. That was the one sticking point. I was so attracted to him, when I was near him it was like I was being sucked into his very own force field and I was powerless to resist. Maybe I should go to bed with him? Perhaps it would exorcise the power he had over me. It didn’t have to mean anything. Bennie seemed to be able to do it without falling apart afterwards.
They were brave words but could I just walk away? I rolled over in frustration. Toby had to be my priority and whatever I decided to do about Ahran, it had to come second to my reason for being here. It was Toby’s second night away from home with people he didn’t know in a land he never knew even existed and here was me wondering whether or not I should jump into bed with Ahran. I felt pretty despicable.
I closed my eyes. “Hang in there buddy, we are on our way,” I mouthed. I had never believed in God, most of the things that had happened in my life had been enough proof that he didn’t exist. But if he did and he had any ounce of remorse for the loss I had suffered and the pain it had caused, maybe he would make an exception and protect Toby. I figured it would be a good way of making amends.
I could hear Ahran’s steady breathing and I envied him being able to sleep. I tossed and turned and eventually fell into a fitful sleep. Just as I was climbing up a crumbling rock face and watching the rocks fall a hundred feet to the ground I was woken by someone banging on the door.
Ahran jumped deftly to his feet, awake and alert in a split second.
“What is it?” I said, sleep-dazed.
“Not sure.”
He opened the door to the same guard who had checked our ID earlier. They exchanged a few words. He shut the door and turned back to me, I couldn’t see his face in the dark but his voice conveyed his concern.
“Get dressed.”
“Why? What is it?” I asked.
“Apparently there is some kind of emergency and the train is stopping at the next station.”
“Oh,” I said, sitting up and switching the reading light on at the head of my bed.
“I’m going to see if I can find out more. Get dressed and don’t open the door to anyone,” he warned. Without another word he slipped out of the cabin.
I got out of bed and put my jeans and a sweater on. The days were warm here but the nights felt decidedly cool. I went into the bathroom, brushed my hair and put it into a ponytail. I went back into the cabin and sat in one of the armchairs and awaited Ahran’s return. By way of a distraction, I touched the small screen embedded in the wall next to my seat. It sprang to life and began to run a promotional film about travelling on a train like this and all the picturesque places you could visit.
Within a couple of minutes Ahran was back.
“Anything?”
“I’ve just walked the length of the train and I couldn’t see or hear anything that might be considered an emergency. Something isn’t right and I have a suspicion the reason we are stopping might have something to do with us.”
His words sent a cold shiver down my spine.
“We need to get off,” he said.
“At the next station?”
“No, we need to get off before we get to the next station.”
“But the train is still moving.” He wasn’t making any sense.
“I know, don’t worry, it will be fine.”
“Please tell me you are not thinking about jumping off the train whilst it’s still moving?” I couldn’t see anything out of the window, it was pitch black but I could sense we were still travelling at speed. The thought filled me with horror.
“The train will start to decelerate some way before the station and we will jump off before we get there.”
“But that
’s madness!” I protested.
“We’ll jump together and I’ll shield you from the impact.”
“And how are you going to do that?” I asked doubtfully.
“Please just trust me.”
“Is this our only option?”
“I can’t think of a better one. I am pretty sure Bazeera’s agents are waiting for us at the next station.”
I weighed up our options. Jumping off a moving train or getting off at the next station into the waiting arms of a handful of lethal killers? I had to admit that jumping seemed to be our only option.
“The train is slowing and we need to go,” he said, slipping into soldier mode.
I was scared half to death but I had to trust him, what other choice did I have?
We left our cabin and headed down the corridor, I thought we were heading to the doors but Ahran pulled me into the communal toilet and shower room instead. I looked at him, my eyes full of questions. He shut the door behind us.
“We can’t use the doors because they’ll know they have been forced, we are going to have to jump out of the window.”
This idea was getting worse by the minute.
I looked at the frosted glass. It was quite large, big enough for an adult to climb through, but it was completely sealed.
“How are we going to jump out of it, if it doesn’t open?”
“Leave that to me,” he replied.
I could tell that the train was slowing, we must have been nearing the station and we were running out of time.
“Stand to the side.”
I did as he said.
He took a few deep breaths and then swung his leg up and kicked the window in one swift but controlled movement. There was a loud crack and the window shattered but stayed in place. He kicked it squarely in the middle for a second time. The glass popped out of its frame in one piece and fell into the night.