by LK Shaw
My whole body was relaxed in a way it had never been before. My mind was clearer than it had been since Malcolm’s death. Once Josie made the final snip and I was free, I couldn’t resist pulling her to me and breathing in her scent. A sense of calm came over me, and I never wanted it to end.
“Permission to speak, Mistress.”
“Of course.”
“Thank you. For everything. I had no idea I needed this. To be bound with no control over what was happening. It was freeing in a way I never would have guessed. So, thank you.”
“Oh, Miles, you humble me with your submission. I want nothing more than to lead you on this journey. To help you discover things about yourself. Things buried so deep you wouldn’t have even thought to look for them. It’s my duty as your Domme to help you explore this life. To help you find your strength in submission.”
There was nothing more to say. Only to embrace this new side of me. I pulled Josie a little closer, and she snuggled into my side. This right here was where I was meant to be. All those years wasted. My eyes closed, and a peace settled deep inside my heart.
Miles
Morning sunlight filtered through the blinds as I slowly came awake. I gathered my bearings when I felt the warm body next to me. I looked down at the blonde head so close to mine, and my heartbeat quickened. Never before had I felt as liberated as I had last night, even being restrained. After we left Eden, we headed back to her house and further explored this burgeoning relationship between us. It had been the most liberating experience to just let go. To trust in Josie. It was also the first time in months I’d slept an entire night free of nightmares. No ghosts haunted my visions. No blood-filled rivers flowed. It was a heady feeling to wake up this relaxed and unfettered of the chains that had held me down for so long. And it was all because of Josie.
I didn’t expect that one night of submission worked miracles and that I was absolved of all the guilt eating away at me, but it still gave me hope. Hope that I would be able to expunge this shit from my system. That, finally, I could set aside this burden that weighed my soul down. The tiniest crack of light had escaped the blackness that surrounded me. It was warm, but not yet strong enough to conquer the dark completely.
Josie shifted, and I pulled her closer to me, wrapping my arms around her to let her warmth soak into me. She gave a cat-like stretch before turning her head to look over her shoulder at me. She gave me a drowsy, but well-satisfied smile.
“Good morning. Did you sleep well?”
She pushed back against me slightly, my morning erection grinding against her ass.
“I slept wonderfully, Miles.” Her smile shrank, and a more serious expression crossed her face. “What about you? Any dreams?”
I dropped a soft kiss on her shoulder. “My sleep was filled with all the ways I want to please you.”
“I like the sound of that. First, though, I think we need to talk.”
She slid out of my arms and scooted to sit up at the head of the bed. She didn’t bother to cover herself, and I couldn’t help being slightly distracted by her gorgeous, exposed breasts. When I was finally able to tear my eyes away from them and meet her glance, a smirk appeared on her face. I could only shrug as if to say, “I just can’t help myself.” I was reluctant to talk, but I had to agree it was time. She patted her thighs, so I situated myself so I lay comfortably next to her and placed my head in her lap.
“Did you mean it?” I needed to know if she was still really leaving Blacklight Securities.
She threw me a puzzled look. “Did I mean what?”
“Are you truly quitting? Or were you just pissed at me? I haven’t asked Connor if you’d turned in your letter of resignation.”
She sighed and absently ran her fingers through my short-cropped hair. “Honestly, at first I was pissed at you and just blurted it out. I hadn’t even planned on saying it. I just couldn’t help it. But, after talking with Connor I put plans in motion to quit. So, yes, I really meant it.”
I attempted to sit up, but an arm across my chest and shoulders stopped me.
“It’s possible that this could be a good change for me. Some of the reasons I listed to Connor for why I was quitting are still valid. I think there is more I could be doing with my talent. Even if I don’t work for Blacklight anymore, it doesn’t mean that we can’t work out.”
Damn it, I didn’t want her to quit.
“This is all my fault. If I hadn’t been so upset when you told me who you really were, none of this would be happening.”
“It’s not your fault, Miles. You were perfectly right to feel betrayed. I shouldn’t have kept my identity from you. It wasn’t fair. I know I took your choices away and that was wrong of me. I knew better, but I did it anyway. Desperate times called for desperate measures. Even that is no excuse. I do need you to tell me why you continuously pushed me away though. Even before the whole incident with Malcolm Shipman, you kept me at arm’s length.”
I avoided looking at her as I plucked the comforter between my fingers. A sharp tug to my hair had me wincing as she said my name is a warning tone. I forced myself to answer.
“I’m forty-two years old, Josephine. You have your whole life ahead of you, and I’m pushing middle-aged. You’ve always possessed this aura of innocence, while I’ve seen the seedy side of life. You’re brilliant, while I’m more brawn than brains. I’ve had one failed relationship. I’m not rich. I don’t even own my own house. I have nothing to offer you.”
One of her hands gently curled around my head. She traced a soft trail down my cheek with the backs of her fingers as she began to speak.
“You have got to be kidding me? Do you really think any of that matters to me, Miles? I love you. I’ve always loved you. When I’m with you, I feel complete. You are my soulmate. My everything. I take one look at you and I see my future. My forever. Absolutely nothing beyond that matters. Nothing.”
She leaned down and pressed a soft kiss to my lips. She made to deepen it, but I pulled back. I knew how hard it was for her to open herself up like this, but I continued to struggle.
“You know I care for you Josephine. More than I’ve cared for anyone in my life. I will try to let go of the guilt and be the man I know you think I am.”
“You have to let go of the guilt Miles. It’s eating you alive. There is no reason to regret protecting the life of a loved one. None whatsoever. Take it from me.”
Josie
“Who was it?” Miles looked up at me, his head on my lap. He didn’t have to explain what he was asking. I knew. “Help me to understand how you can possibly not feel guilty about what you did.”
I’d been waiting for this question ever since I confessed. I knew it would only be a matter of time before Miles asked me. My eyes focused on the wall across from me, and my mind went back to the day Casey came home from the hospital after my mom gave birth.
“When I was five, my sister Casey was born. I adored her and treated her like my own baby. My mother was like a ghost in our house. I didn’t understand why until I got a little older, but she was a mouse. A doorstop. Someone for my dad to bully and abuse. She spent most of her time locked away in her room. Which meant I practically raised Casey. We did everything together. I was the one who took her to soccer practice, piano recital, birthday parties. I was the one who kissed her skinned knees. She told me all her secrets. Shortly after she turned thirteen, I noticed a change in her. She became sullen, and her grades began to drop. She would wear the same clothes for days until I made her change then. But, she refused to tell me what was wrong. She would get angry and scream at me. Then, she’d run to her room and slam it closed, effectively shutting me out. Finally, I stopped asking because it only led to her continued silence and my frustration. Then, I went off to college.”
I paused in my recitation as I remembered how much Casey had cried when I left. Looking back, I should have realized her grief was more than just missing her older sister. Grief consumed her and almost swallowed her whole. She
had become a shell of her former self. Someone I no longer recognized had replaced the laughing, goofy, little girl who always had a smile on her face.
“I came home a day early for break during my freshman year at college. The house seemed empty, which was unusual. I’d just shut the front door when I heard noises coming from upstairs. I followed them to Casey’s room. Even though I knew what I’d find, I couldn’t believe my eyes. If things hadn’t happened so quickly, I would have sworn I’d blacked out for a moment, because my vision darkened and a buzzing sounded in my ears. There, right in front of me, was some mother fucker raping my sister. My baby sister, Miles. That is why I have zero regrets about killing that piece of fucking shit.”
“I’m so sorry, Josephine. I can’t even imagine how horrifying that was for you.”
A self-deprecating laugh escaped before I could stop it. “The worst thing was that it wasn’t the first time. It had been going on long before I left for school, which was why Casey had changed so much. I thought it was just teenage hormones. She had been hiding it from me for almost a year. She was ashamed that she couldn’t stop it from happening. She was also protecting me. Our father threatened me if she told. So, she kept her mouth shut and endured violation after violation because she thought she needed to protect me. My only regret is that I didn’t see it happening sooner. I should have been the one protecting her.”
Miles sat up and drew me into his arms. It was actually nice to have someone to finally share the burden with. Certainly not the burden of guilt, but the burden that I hadn’t been able to help her sooner. I hated that I’d taken another human life. But, I would do it again in a heartbeat if it meant protecting Casey.
“Connor is your best friend, Miles. The person you probably care about most in this world. Killing Malcolm was the only answer if you wanted to protect Connor. Your guilt would be insurmountable if Malcolm had been the one to kill Connor. Protecting your best friend, your family, from death should never fill you with guilt. I’m not saying that taking a human life should leave you calloused. But the self-flagellation is unnecessary.”
Miles didn’t respond to my statement. Instead, we continued sitting in silence, although if I listened closely enough, I could almost hear the wheels spinning in his head.
“Can I ask you a question?”
I shrugged, unconcerned at this point about anything he might ask me. There were no secrets left to tell.
“You said you were eighteen when it happened. That’s awfully young. How did you cover it up? The death, I mean. You clearly didn’t go to prison for murder. My actions were ruled self-defense. What happened after it was over?”
“My father is a powerful man who makes things happen. Or not happen as the case may be. He returned home and cleaned up my mess, as he called it. I didn’t ask too many questions, but the body disappeared, and it was never mentioned again. Except for the one, and only, time my father threatened me. I’m sure he has evidence somewhere, but he’s never threatened to use it. He feels I’m indebted to him. It’s only a matter of time before he calls in his marker. Which is why I’ve been keeping a record of his crimes for years.”
Miles perked to attention at this. “Wait, what? Who’s your father, Josephine?”
Just thinking the man’s name had me clenching my fists in hatred. “Charles Santiago.”
Miles bolted upright, his expression one of horrified shock. “Are you fucking kidding me? Charles Santiago is your father? Holy shit, Josephine. He’s one of the most powerful men in Pinegrove. Why didn’t you ever tell me? We used to talk about everything, or so I thought.”
“My father disowned me after Connor stopped working for him, and he no longer had to pretend to be the dutiful father anymore. I had no desire to be associated with him any longer anyway. Not after what he’d done to Casey. So, when I was nineteen, I legally changed my last name to my mother’s maiden name. You never even realized I shied away from talking about my family. I wanted it that way.”
Miles sat in stunned silence, slowly processing everything he’d just heard. The wheels were turning, even if it wasn’t visible. Something I’d said must have clicked because his eyes narrowed, and his head tilted just the slightest. “What do you mean you’ve been keeping a record?”
I sighed in defeat. “I hacked into my dad’s servers years ago and have been monitoring his activities ever since. He had no idea. I see every email, hear every phone conversation through his webcam, and monitor who enters and exits his house and office. I have access to all his bank records. Everything.”
“Holy shit, Josie. Wait, what do you mean ‘had’ no idea? Are you telling me your father knows you have this information?”
I hesitated revealing this next piece of information, but it was time to ask for help. My father needed to be stopped. I’d been thinking for days about what to do with the information I’d just discovered.
“He may have recently found out.” That icky feeling settled in my belly. Remember getting sent to the principal’s office to get yelled at? Yeah, that one. I waited for the outburst. Instead, I got calm. Which, honestly, bothered me more than yelling. Calm bespoke of a more powerful emotion than anger.
“How did he find out, Josephine?”
Might as well get this over with. “Every week I check in on what’s been going on. Read emails, monitor money exchanges, among other things. I recently came across an encrypted email. I ran it through one of my programs to decipher it. The email was an exchange between my father and a person called Korol'. It talked of selling women. I was so horrified that he is planning on doing to other women what he did to Casey that I called and confronted him.”
Miles’ hands weaved through his hair in despair. “Jesus, Josie, this is a damn nightmare. You always seemed hesitant to talk about your family, and I didn’t want to push you. But wait, why would Connor work for someone like your dad? There have been rumblings going on for years about his criminal background, but nobody has been able to find anything to tie him to any crimes. On the outside, he has a squeaky clean reputation, but there have been whispers. Nothing loud enough to cause people to look too closely. There are even rumors he has the Mayor and Chief of Police in his pockets.”
“He does. Which is part of the reason I have to be extremely careful with what it is I’m doing. It’s going to have to go to the Federal level, because he has the local law enforcement bowing to him. He has something on everyone. He only truly began building his power while Connor worked for him. That’s why the assignment only lasted a few months. Connor, in good conscience, couldn’t work for someone like my dad. Plus, when Connor began taking government contracts, my dad wouldn’t have wanted him around, because then, Connor had Federal connections. Can’t have the hired help building a case to get you thrown in prison.”
My mouth was getting dry, so I got up from the bed and walked into the kitchen not caring I was naked. I’d just poured myself a glass of water when Miles joined me, wearing his boxer briefs. He perched on the edge of the bar stool and rested his elbows on the kitchen island.
“What do you mean you have to be careful with what you’re doing? What do you have up your sleeve, Josephine?”
Taking another sip, I tried to buy myself some time before having to explain. I’d kind of hoped Miles hadn’t caught that, but I knew I couldn’t have been so lucky. I carefully placed the glass on the counter and turned to face Miles. I leaned back against the counter.
“My father is a criminal, Miles. People have been hurt, even killed, because of him. But no one can prove it. And with this latest information I have, he has to be stopped.” My eyes pleaded with him. “He can’t hurt those innocent women. It would kill me knowing that I could do something to stop him and I didn’t just because it could end badly for me. I love you, Miles. But we have to do something. He has to pay for his crimes one way or another. And I am the only one who can bring him down.”
“Do you have any idea what you are dealing with, Josie? You’ve just said your dad i
s one of the most powerful criminals in the state. What happens if your plan backfires? Not only would he get away with everything he’s done, but you might get caught in the crossfire and what you did would come out. You could go to prison, Josephine.”
I took in Miles sitting there. His lost expression was, no doubt, similar to what I was feeling. He needed to understand how important this was to me.
“Don’t you understand, Miles? My father gave a thirteen-year-old girl to one of his buddies to rape time and time again. My sister is now twenty-three years old, and she never leaves the house. She walks around like a ghost. Chances are she will never function fully in society. She will most likely never fall in love, get married, or have kids. She’s stuck in that horrible place she was abused in with no escape. That is what my father has planned for these women. Women that are probably close to my sister’s age. I’ve been having nightmares, women screaming for help. I wake up with my scream echoing theirs. This is something bigger than me.”
My chest rose and fell rapidly with the intensity of my words, but I refused to back down. I didn’t want to fight with Miles, but he had to understand what I was doing and why. He slowly rose from his seat, and my eyes tracked his movements as he rounded the island to come stand next to me. He reached up and caressed my cheek before reaching around the other side of my waist to turn me toward him. He pulled me close as we silently battled each other. He dropped a kiss on my forehead, his lips lingering there for several seconds before he pulled back to look me in my eyes.
“Whatever you need, Josephine, I’m here for you. I may not agree, hell, I don’t agree, with what you’re doing. But I know that once you start something, there is no stopping you. There’s no reason for me to even try. You’re the most stubborn person I’ve ever met. The only thing I can do is to try and protect you the best I can. Remember, I’m in your corner. I’ll help in any way I can.”