by LK Shaw
“Hey,” I intoned almost listlessly, attempting a small smile.
“I was just checking to see if you were still doing okay on groceries or if there was anything else you needed. I’m running to the store today and wanted to make sure I picked up some things for you.”
“No, thank you. I’m fine.” Food tasted like saw dust anymore anyway. I ate enough to keep me from starving to death, but nothing tasted right. The way it used to. My entire life, right down to the food I ate, was forever tainted. I didn’t think there was anything that would change that.
Bridget looked like she wanted to say more on the topic, but I turned away, going back to drawing patterns with my toes. I wasn’t intentionally trying to be rude. I just didn’t feel like talking anymore. She cleared her throat uncomfortably behind me. She also didn’t take my less than subtle hint, because she began to speak again.
“Connor’s lawyer friend, who is taking on the case against your boyfriend, is heading over here. I just wanted to let you know that he should be here soon. I’d imagine it’s going to be hard for you to discuss certain things, so I’m available if you need someone to be there with you. For support, you know.”
“I don’t want you there.” I inwardly winced at my harsh tone. I turned back around to face her. Pity had been replaced by hurt. “Shit. I’m sorry. I appreciate you wanting to be there, but I’d rather you not. I’ll be okay. Thanks for the offer.” God, I was such an asshole.
Bridget nodded in resignation and turned to go back inside the house. I went back to my wandering, stopping once in a while to just absorb the sunlight shining down. I usually stayed out here long after the sunset. Mostly because otherwise it meant returning to the house and the claustrophobic feeling that came over me whenever I was in there. It was smothering. Eventually, I made my way over to the yellow Adirondack chair next to the man-made mini pond, full of bright and colorful koi fish.
Surprisingly, I must have dozed off, because suddenly every nerve ending came alive and the hairs on my arms stood up. My whole body froze, my fight or flight mechanism engaging and deciding what I needed to do. Even my lungs seized, the ability to take a breath a function I no longer had control over. My eyes snapped open, and my gaze automatically honed in on the man standing inside the open doorway of the house.
He was dressed casually in a pair of khakis and a turquoise short-sleeved polo. His short, golden blond hair reminded me of sunshine, while his close-cut beard was slightly darker than the hair on his head and looked amazingly soft. I couldn’t tell the color of his eyes from this far away, but I imagined them to be cerulean blue like the sky on a bright and clear day. He remained motionless, but something in his posture beckoned me to come to him. A tug pulled at my chest like a string was attached to the two of us. Fear, and, oddly, utter fascination, kept me immobilized.
Rational thought tried to pervade my brain that if this man wished me harm he wouldn’t still be standing there. Plus, it would have been nearly impossible for a single man to get through the dense amount of security that Connor had placed around the house.
When Bridget stepped into sight and gave blondie an elbow to the side, he turned only his head in her direction and stared her down. The muscles shifted in his face into an expression I’d never seen before, but something about it terrified me, yet had my heart racing with an emotion I didn’t recognize. Not Bridget, though. She didn’t bat an eye, merely crossed her arms over her chest, raised a single eyebrow, and stared right back at him. He gave a sigh of pure exasperation I could see clear across the yard before turning and disappearing back into the house. Bridget followed behind him.
It came to me then, that the gentleman must be the lawyer Bridget was telling me about earlier. A resigned burst of breath disappeared in the air. Now or never, I thought as I reluctantly pulled myself up from the hard wooden chair and trudged a path up to the house, that invisible string, again, taut with tension.
The kitchen was empty when I walked through the back door, shutting it gently behind me. There was a housekeeper who came by weekly to clean, but there was never much to pick up in here. I used a single plate, cup, and set of silverware when I ate and immediately washed and put them away when I was done. I didn’t eat at the table, but rather, outside. I didn’t cook so there weren’t any pots or pans lying around. The room felt hollow, like me. I continued through the kitchen and out into the living room, where instantly the air seemed to thicken.
Even though I’d asked her not to be here, I half expected Bridget to be sitting in the plush brown leather chair next to the antique escritoire in the corner of the room, but she wasn’t in sight. Instead, the blond visitor stood leaning against the unlit fireplace, assuming what he thought was a non-threatening pose. He didn’t quite pull it off, but I forced myself to continue farther into the room, a buzzing in my ears I ignored, and made my way to the couch. Thankfully, it was on the opposite side of the room from where he stood. I slowly lowered myself, never removing my eyes from him, to the couch, staying at the very edge in case I needed to jump back up quickly and escape.
As with outside, we both stared at the other, the silence almost tangible.
What was he waiting for?
Did he expect me to speak first?
I remained quiet, the thumping of my heartbeat sounding loud in my ears. With the quiet came other sounds. A creaking sound came from down the hall and a barely audible conversation buzzed. I could still hear the damn dog from across the street barking. The hum of the air conditioner sounded throughout the room. I huffed out a breath of air, almost in disgust because I was going to cave. What a weakling I’d become.
“So, I guess you’re the lawyer Bridget told me about.”
He nodded. I waited for him to respond, but instead he remained silent. Observant. I shifted uncomfortably. What the hell was wrong with him? Why wasn’t he talking?
“Um, are you okay?”
Finally, my words penetrated him, because he shook his head as though clearing out the cobwebs.
“Oh, sorry about that. I’m fine, thank you.” He cleared his throat before continuing, his professional veneer back in place. “My name is Donovan Jeffries, and I work for the District Attorney’s office. I’ve been asked to take the case against one Kieran Underwood on multiple drug charges, money laundering, and human trafficking. I understand you are a key witness to most of his crimes as he was your live-in boyfriend at the time, is that correct?”
At the list of Kieran’s crimes, embarrassment and shock, along with a healthy dose of shame, filled me. My mouth barely moved as I responded. “Yes.”
I could tell he was pleased with my answer as he spoke again, this time a gentleness to his tone. “I appreciate your willingness to testify. I know this is going to be an extremely challenging time for you, but I’ll do my best to prepare you for when this case goes to trial. I don’t know how soon that will be. In the meantime, I’ll need to ask you some difficult questions.”
I knew, not only when I’d been questioned by the police, but by Connor and Webber, that this wouldn’t be easy. I’d been completely and utterly destroyed by a single man. I was ruined in a way I didn’t know if I could recover from. But, if putting Kieran away gave me even a moment’s peace, I’d do what I had to.
I nodded. “I understand.”
“I’d like to go ahead and get started. May I have a seat?” He gestured to the chair nearest the couch. It wasn’t touching the sofa I was sitting on, but it was still almost too near for my comfort. I pushed back the uneasiness I felt and acquiesced to his request.
Donovan
The minute I saw her, I knew I’d found my purpose. I’d watched her sleeping outside, her tiny form swallowed up by the large wooden chair she had been leaning back in. Somehow, I’d pictured her differently. I didn’t expect this pixie with blonde dreadlocks tied in a weird knot slash bun on the top of her head. She appeared so frail, a small wisp of a woman that a strong breeze would fly off with at a moment’s notice.
/> When her form stiffened and her eyes snapped open and our gazes connected, her terror was corporeal, an almost living, breathing thing. It surrounded her, clutching her like an old friend. It was at that very second I knew I had to help her. As a Dom, even if I wasn’t hers, I hated seeing a woman powerless. Someone had stripped this woman of her power, and it would now be my goal to help her regain it.
Her fear of being in my presence was palpable. The hesitant way she moved, stayed her distance. It all pointed to me being a danger to her. At least in her mind’s eye. She had every right to be leery. The woman had most likely been assaulted by her captors, and didn’t know me from Adam. In order for her to get through this, she needed to beat back that fear. To conquer it. Otherwise, she’d never survive this case going to trial. The defense attorney would do everything in his power to break her, and it was my job to make sure she was able to handle what was coming.
That meant she needed to be strong. I needed to discover a way for her to recognize, and pull from, her inner strength. She may appear beaten down right now, but she survived that shit so I knew she had a well of untapped courage to draw from.
Her entire being called to me when she spoke. She emoted suffering with every syllable, her almond shaped eyes so expressive. I could feel my Dominant nature stirring to life inside me. It had laid dormant since Shannon’s betrayal, but the sight of this woman in front of me had my nerves firing. I beat back the sensation.
First, she was a witness in a case I was prosecuting.
But most importantly, this woman had suffered terrible trauma. I had no desire to strike more fear into her. She was distressed enough and feeling out of control. There was no need for me to exert any further control on her.
Slowly, as though to not startle her, I moved to the seat I’d indicated. Her form stiffened even further, but other than that, she didn’t move or fidget in any way.
“Just so I have it on record, are you willing to testify against him should the proceedings go to court?” I needed to make sure none of us were wasting our time. Not that we couldn’t move forward with the prosecution, but having a witness would go a long way in getting a conviction.
She swallowed hard, her eyes closing for a brief moment before she opened them again. Slowly, she turned to face me full on again, her eyes glistening with tears. Her jaw clenched and she blinked back the wetness before it could fall. In that moment, it was as though she called upon a strength she’d forgotten she had.
“I’ll do whatever it takes to make that bastard pay for what he did to me,” she spoke in a low, but steely tone.
I gave a brief nod. “You understand how difficult the next few months are going to be? Your entire life is going to be picked apart. You were the live-in girlfriend of a well known drug dealer. You benefitted significantly from the occupation of Mr. Underwood. There is a beautiful red Jaguar registered to you. You have a hefty bank account, yet you have no direct deposits from any employer. I’ve had a look at your history, Ms. Lawson. While you have never been convicted of any crimes linked to Mr. Underwood, you have multiple charges on your juvenile record. Misdemeanor drug charges, larceny, assault. Those are the least of your worries though. The defense is going to paint an extremely unappealing picture of you.”
She flinched as I recited a small piece of her past. As I had done my research into Ms. Phebe Lawson, it made me curious as to what type of woman would stay with a criminal like Kieran Underwood. She didn’t fit the profile I had come up with based on everything I’d read. She was younger than I expected, twenty-five if I remembered correctly. Underwood was in his mid-30s. I had pictured someone much older and more run down than this fresh-faced, youthful woman.
“Mr. Jeffries, right?” She didn’t wait for a response before she continued in a soft voice, not quite meeting my gaze. “I spent the last two months surviving things I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. Things no woman, no person, should ever have to go through. I was beaten, brutalized, and raped. Repeatedly. I barely sleep and when I do, nightmares plague me. There is a kitchen knife under my pillow and another in the bathroom. Every day I recall, in excruciating detail, what was done to me no matter how much I beg my mind to forget.”
Her whole body shook in a way I didn’t even think she was fully aware of as she paused. My lungs almost stopped moving as I barely breathed. I was afraid any movement from me would startle her, and I didn’t want to see terror in her eyes again. Her posture, her expression, everything, told me she was hanging on by a thread. My heart ached at the detached way in which she spoke. It was as if she was reciting something that happened to someone else. Her despair touched my soul in a way nothing had ever before. She took in a long, stuttered breath before speaking again, her voice gaining only barely in volume this time.
“There is nothing the defense attorney can do to me that is worse than what’s already been done. Nothing. So, yes, I understand how difficult this is going to be. I was a kid who got into some trouble. I used to fuck a man who got people hooked on drugs and ruined lives. I’m not a bad person, Mr. Jeffries. I did what I had to, to survive. You can read all you want to about my life, but you don’t know anything about me. Besides, I think karma collected on any debts I may have owed.”
Phebe
It didn’t seem like this guy was going to be any different from anyone else I’d met. He was already judging me, and finding me lacking. No one dug any deeper to see the reality. They only saw what was on the surface. If anyone had bothered to truly pay attention, they would have seen a woman fighting for her life. Truly though, I didn’t even have the energy to care. All my reserves had been tapped out.
“Do you truly believe that? That the bad shit that happened to you was because of karma?”
I turned at the incredulity in his voice. His expression matched his tone. I shrugged.
“What other explanation is there? All the good I tried to do to make up for Kieran’s sins clearly didn’t mean shit. Otherwise, this wouldn’t have happened. Life’s full of checks and balances. There are consequences when you can’t cover the check you’re cashing. I suffered those consequences. Payback.”
“I’m going to ignore for a moment the utter bullshit that just came out of your mouth. You’re telling me I don’t know anything about you. Explain it to me then. Tell me your side. That’s what I’m here for. This isn’t just about prosecuting Mr. Underwood. I need to understand your side of everything so I can use that to our advantage. Shit on paper doesn’t mean anything, as you are perfectly aware.”
“I don’t know what you want to know.” This was a pointless conversation.
“Let’s focus on one thing at a time. You said you tried to make up for Mr. Underwood’s misdeeds. Talk to me about that. What did you do?”
I shifted in my seat, uncomfortable with the change in topic. I hadn’t done anything that a normal human being wouldn’t have done. I didn’t do it to receive any accolades. I did it because I knew Kieran was a terrible person, although, he didn’t start out that way.
When we’d first met, he was a struggling DJ trying to make money with music. I thought we were in love. Soon, though, he’d started hanging out at the club after hours and got in with the wrong crowd. He began dealing drugs to make ends meet. His business quickly expanded and grew. Kieran turned people to drugs. He became a different person. Someone I didn’t want to be with.
The problem with being the girlfriend of a big time drug dealer is that you don’t get to just up and leave one day when it becomes unbearable. There are repercussions when you say enough is enough.
Long-lasting repercussions.
You then turn into this weak, beaten-down person who keeps treading water because otherwise you’ll drown. So, I stayed, although not by choice. I did try and alleviate some of the heartache his actions caused.
I pushed back the memories and brought my attention back to Mr. Jeffries and his questions. I smoothed my damp palms down my thighs before answering. “Kieran had no idea that I donate
d the money he gave me to charity. While he was out peddling his drugs, I would spend my time volunteering at the local woman's shelter. A lot of those women were trying to escape the very men Kieran was corrupting. His drugs were destroying families, and I did what I could to help the women get back on their feet. Kieran didn't sell to just anyone. His clientele was wealthy businessmen. Men who presented a front to their clients, but when they got home, their wives were beaten and abused. Or their husbands spent all their time with their mistress. Most of those women were trophy wives. They had no life skills. The shelter had classes they could take to learn a vocation so they could support themselves when they were discarded, or decided to leave. We wanted them to have options.”
Admiration shone from his eyes. It caused my breath to catch a little. No one had ever sent that look in my direction unless it was geared toward my body. Kieran's lackeys caused my skin to crawl when they looked at me that way. He had looked at me that way. It amused him to torture me. To torment me. To break me. I shook off the memory before it took over.
“Where did you go just now?"
“Excuse me?" Puzzlement filled me as I looked at Mr. Jeffries.
“Just now. One minute you were with me, and the next you were gone. Where'd you go?”
Damn. I must have blanked out longer than I thought. It was happening with more frequency lately though. I don't know if it was that energy he was giving off, or what, but something told me not to lie to him. A nervous cough came from my throat and I shifted on the couch. It occurred to me then, that during this whole time he hadn't once moved from his perch against the fireplace. His stillness was disconcerting, yet oddly comforting. I had no desire to answer, but there was an aura, an energy, around him that almost compelled me to answer his question. It wasn't a completely comfortable feeling.