by LK Shaw
She froze at my words. Frustrated, I ran my hands through my hair. My head tilted back and I laced my fingers behind it as I stared at the ceiling. Our breathing echoed loudly in my ears. Feeling restless, I rose from the chair and paced.
Phebe’s close presence made me pause in my trek back and forth across the room. A tentative touch to my arm had me stopping completely. Without thought, I drew Phebe into my embrace, inhaling her minty scent. Her slender arms automatically wrapped around my waist and she rested her head on my chest.
“I do love you.” This time, the words were softer, but no less powerful.
Phebe pulled back a little, but kept her arms tightly wound around me. Her eyes bored into mine.
“I need you to love me with everything you are. Not just the parts you think are safe. You can’t keep a portion of yourself hidden from me, Donovan. It’s not fair to either of us. You yourself said I was the strongest person you’d met. Let me prove it. Not just for you, but for me. Show me exactly who you are. What you need.”
Phebe
When Donovan said he loved me, my heart almost beat right out of my chest. It was the first time he’d said it. I felt it in every single one of his touches, but this was the first time he’d verbalized it. I so badly wanted to say it back to him, but I couldn’t. Not so long as he kept me at arms’ length. I loved the way he was with me now.
Tender.
Caring.
Like I was special. But he also treated me with kid gloves. Until he gave me everything, until I gave him everything, this would never work. Nothing was guaranteed in this life, and I had no idea if I could handle submitting to his Dominant nature, but I loved him too much to not try. Nothing before in my life had been as important as this. I refused to think about what would happen to us if I couldn’t be what he needed me to be. If I didn’t allow him to be who he was.
In my head, I’d always equated submission to what happened between Vlad and me. But, based on everything I’d read, submission wasn’t achieved through fear. It was achieved through a deep trust in one’s partner. It was also given, not taken. That was true submission. And there was no one I trusted more than Donovan. Over and over, Donovan had told me he struggled with giving up control and all the pieces fell in place.
“I don’t think you understand the kinds of needs I have, Phebe. The things I want from you would send you screaming for the hills,” he warned.
“Then make me understand. Everything I’ve learned says that the submissive has the true power. I heard you arguing with Connor, you know. He said that submission could help me conquer my fear. Show me how. Show me what this life is like,” I implored.
I knew the moment he gave in. His shoulders sagged in acquiescence. For a moment I felt guilty about pushing him so much, but I had no other choice.
“Let’s hope you don’t regret this.” He reached for my hand and pulled me out of his office. We headed down the hallway and straight out into the public play room. My eyes roamed around absorbing the sights in front of me. I took in again all the red couches and chairs and the various people in different sexual positions. Then, I looked a little more closely and realized something. Just because a lot of the people were naked, most of them weren’t engaging in sexual acts, regardless of how it first appeared.
“Is that aftercare?” I asked Donovan as I discreetly pointed to a particular couple. I remembered reading about it during my research.
His gaze followed to where I was indicating. “Yes. See how he’s holding her, taking care of her. He’s making sure she feels safe and loved. Water and chocolate are the usual aftercare fare. Scenes take a lot out of a sub and it’s important she doesn’t become dehydrated. The chocolate helps level out glucose levels.”
I observed the couple for a few more minutes, feeling envious of the look of ecstasy on the sub’s face. She seemed at such peace. I was anxious to experience that. A cry from across the room startled me back to my surroundings. I followed the sound until my eyes reached the giant stage opposite from where we stood. A woman was bound to a cross, naked, splayed out for all to see.
My heart raced in a combination of fear and arousal. Donovan sensed my attention had shifted and he guided me closer to the stage.
“Don’t interrupt them. Remember, everything that happens in here is consensual.” His voice was just above a whisper. I nodded, but my eyes didn’t leave the scene playing out on the stage.
The Dom gave a sharp tug on the clamps firmly attached to the sub’s nipples and she threw her head back, her mouth open, eyes closed, as she absorbed the sensation. An answering throb began inside me. I didn’t even notice Donovan move until I felt his breath on my ear. I could feel the heat of his body radiating, but he didn’t touch me in any way.
“Watch her expressions. There is certainly pain there, but look closer. She’s biting her lip, not in a way that indicates she’s trying to block out the pain, but rather she’s reveling in the pleasure as well. That small bite of pain makes her pleasure that much greater. Her thighs are glistening with her wetness. Her chest is rapidly rising. She’s turned on and utterly trusts her Dom to continue giving her pleasure.”
Donovan was completely right. I could see the sheen of sweat on the woman’s forehead and the liquid almost dripping from her core. I fidgeted a little as my clit began to throb. I tried to inconspicuously rub my legs together to ease the sensation. I wasn’t successful because Donovan’s chuckle tickled my eardrum.
“You like that don’t you? Picture yourself in her position. Feel the weight of the clamps on your breasts causing them to sag a little. The tiny pinprick of pain sending a shooting heat straight to your juice-slicked cunt.”
I stumbled a little at his words, as my knees suddenly buckled. Because I could picture myself up there. With Donovan. I would have fallen to the ground had Donovan not caught me and pulled me back against his chest, wrapping his arms tightly around my waist. My eyes closed a little but his voice snagged my attention.
“The real fun’s about to begin. Keep your eyes open. You don’t want to miss this.”
My lids flew apart at his words, and I jumped slightly at the whooshing sound. In front of us, the Dom’s arm was swinging in a figure eight motion, the flogger’s tails in his arms flying through the air. I remained frozen as he took a few steps forward, widened his stance, and the first strike of the tails reached the woman’s breasts.
My hands flew to cover my mouth, holding back my urge to call out.
“She’s okay, Phebe. Remember that. Focus on her face. Watch her. She wants this, enjoys this.”
Trusting Donovan, I didn’t tear my eyes from the sub’s face. Again and again the flogger struck her chest, her skin reddening more with each strike. Then the Dom lowered his arm slightly, his target now slightly further south. The leather now lightly caressed the tops of her thighs and the sub’s pelvis, dancing across her pubis. She widened her stance a little and thrust her hips forward as though reaching out for its touch.
Finally, my hands lowered and I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress. The show on stage continued as the flogger continued to strike harder and harder and although it took some time, I finally recognized the sub’s cries were of pleasure. Once I acknowledged that, it was as though the floodgates opened and I wanted to experience the same pleasure as the sub. I turned to face Donovan and reached for his hands.
“Take me home,” I begged.
Self-hatred flashed across his face. “Son of a bitch. I’m so sorry, Phebe. I knew I shouldn't have brought you out here. It’s too much, too soon.”
“Stop,” I demanded.
His mouth snapped closed.
I leaned up to kiss him, my hands squeezing his. “I want you to take me home, because I want our first scene to be there, not in some club. It just seems important that it be a place I’m most comfortable with.”
Donovan’s relief was palpable. “Anything for you.”
Our hands remained threaded together as we exited Eden and walked to D
onovan’s car. Excitement, with a dash of fear, filled me at what the rest of the night might hold. Tonight was the culmination of every kiss, every touch, every ounce of pleasure over the last almost three months. It was irrefutable proof that I placed my entire life in Donovan’s hands. My trust in him went that deep. I wanted to feel him more than I’d wanted anything else. I was terrified of the path I was taking to get there. Submitting in this final way would be the ultimate test. If I couldn’t get through this, then there was no hope for Donovan and me. I refused to let that happen. Even if it scared the shit out me.
Donovan
Even throughout the whole drive to the house, my hand remained wrapped around hers. I tried soothing her nerves by rubbing my thumb along her knuckles. I knew she was understandably nervous about what would happen.
Could she fully submit to me tonight?
How far would I be able to take her?
Would she panic?
These were the questions that kept rattling around in my head. I decided I needed to stop torturing myself and let whatever happened happen. One thing I did know was that after witnessing the scene on stage, her body was on edge. It wouldn’t take long for her arousal to ramp back up quickly.
I was trying not to speed. I’d kept having to let my foot off the gas pedal and when I glanced at the speedometer I couldn’t help but smile. I needed to rein in my eagerness. The scenery flew by as we cruised down the freeway. Before long, we’d taken our exit and I was forced to slow to a crawl as we traversed the neighborhood streets.
Soon after, we turned into the driveway. I parked the car, but let it remain idle before I turned my body toward Phebe.
“Before we head inside we need to talk about your hard limits and most importantly about your safe word. Do you know what both of those are?”
She mirrored my movement and half turned toward me as she nodded. “Bridget told me that some people use green for good, yellow for slow down, and red for stop. She also explained hard limits as things that were an absolute no-no.”
“Can you remember those safe words or would you rather use something else?” I asked gently.
“I can remember them.”
“Good. Now, what about hard limits? Places you don’t want me to touch, positions you don’t want to be in, anything you can think of that you don’t want me to do to you under any circumstance?”
I could tell Phebe was thinking long and hard on my question. I monitored her to make sure she was all right. I breathed an internal sigh of relief when I didn’t see any signs of a panic attack.
She wasn’t sweating or fidgeting.
Amazingly, she looked serene and calm. She made eye contact and there was no hesitation in her eyes, no fear.
“I have to be facing you. Don’t take me from behind. I need to be able to open my eyes at any time and see it’s you I’m with. Oh, and you HAVE to wear a condom. That’s an absolute hard limit for me, otherwise this will be over before it begins.”
I was surprised that she didn’t have a laundry list, considering her history. I didn’t know every detail of what Vlad had done to her, so nothing she said would have surprised me. I had pretty much expected the first limit, but the vehemence behind her last one shocked me. The limit itself didn’t, but her strong emotional reaction to it did. “Noted. I always wear a condom, so I promise you have no worries in that area. Are you sure there’s nothing else? I want to know as much as I can up front to reduce the chance that you’ll panic once we start and as we progress.”
She reached awkwardly across the seat and hugged me. “I trust you, Donovan. Implicitly.”
“God, I love you. Are you ready?”
She inhaled deeply through her nose and let it out her mouth slowly. She did this several times before finally answering. “I do have a request before we start that I don’t think you’re going to like, but I need you to do this one thing for me.”
The way she said the words filled me with dread, because I had a feeling she was correct, not only was I not going to like it… I was going to hate it.
Leery, but curious, I asked the damning question. “What is your request?”
“I need you to recreate that first time with Vlad and Dmitri.”
My refusal was immediate, because hell no. “Absolutely not. No fucking way am I going to do that to you.”
Her hand reached out to tightly grasp mine. “Please, Donovan. We’ve always talked about communicating our needs. Well, this is my need. I have to do this.”
Mother fucker. What she was asking me went against everything I believed in as a Dom. I understood, logically, that this could help her regain control and power, but I’d always been overprotective with my subs. It almost physically hurt to cause them harm, especially emotional harm. I knew though, that I would do this for her, because it was my job as Phebe’s Dom to give her the things she needed, and she was so sure that she needed this. Which meant it was happening, even if I hated it.
Resigned to my fate, I could only say one thing. “Only for you would I do this, Phebe. Because I love you.”
“Then to answer your earlier question. I’m ready.”
With her words, I cut the engine. I exited the car and hurried to her side to open the door and help her out. The night breeze swirled around us, cooling our heated skin.
“Wait here a moment.” I instructed as I left her standing there while I moved to the trunk of the car. I reached in and pulled out a small duffel bag. When Phebe’s eyes landed on it, they widened.
“What’s in there?” she asked, nervousness fully evident.
“Just a few things we might need. I’ll show you anything I might use before I actually use it. There’s no need to be afraid of anything inside this bag, Phebe. I promise.”
“Okay.”
I took her hand in my empty one and led her up the sidewalk. Once we entered the house, Roger peeked his head around the corner and then quickly disappeared when I shot him a glare. I knew he was only being nosy, because with all the surveillance cameras pointed at the house, he knew it was us.
Phebe started leading me down the hallway when I stopped short giving a light tug on her hand stopping her forward progress. She turned to me in confusion.
I knew my expression was intense when I looked down at her. “For the last almost two months, I’ve let you control what’s been happening between us. Tonight, starts a whole new ball game. You are no longer in control, Phebe. This is now my show. The minute we entered this house, I became your Dom and you my submissive. Do you understand?”
I actually saw the shiver that raced through her as she answered, her voice coming out husky. “Yes.”
My mouth twitched and I raised a single eyebrow. “As my sub, you will address me properly. Yes, Sir or No, Sir are the appropriate responses to my questions. So, let’s try that again. Do you understand?”
Unconsciously, Phebe lowered her gaze. “Yes, Sir,” came her breathy response.
I turned her head up toward me, forcing her gaze to meet mine. “Good girl.”
Her cheeks flushed as I released my tender grip on her face and moved in front of her to start heading down the hallway to her room. It was time she followed my lead.
When we reached Phebe’s room, I gestured for her to proceed me. She stepped past me, her eyes lowered as I shut and locked the door behind us. Knowing how she felt about people standing behind her, I swiftly moved to stand before her. She continued to keep her eyes downcast. My chest swelled with pride at her submission.
I set my bag off to the side and when I returned to her, I went down on one knee and reached for her foot. “Lift.”
She placed her hand on my shoulder to balance herself as she raised one foot off the ground. I could sense her fascination as I unbuckled the strap on her high heel. I slid it off her foot and repeated the action with the other shoe. I set them both off to the side as she wiggled her toes in a way that signaled her feet most likely ached. I didn’t know what type of shoes she’d been used to weari
ng before, but this was the first time I’d ever seen her in anything besides slip on shoes or bare feet.
“Sit.” I spoke another single word command. I pulled out the chair tucked under the vanity behind her and she slowly followed my instruction.
A squeak of surprise escaped Phebe’s lips when I picked up her left leg and rested it on top of my bent knee and began to rub her foot. Phebe moaned in pleasure as I massaged it and worked out all the aches and pains. I lost track of time as I pampered her foot before setting it on the floor and repeating the favor on the right foot. Her eyes closed of their own accord as my fingers worked their magic. She was reveling in my touch.
Phebe had been so absorbed in the sensation that she missed the fact that my hand had moved upward and instead of massaging her foot, I was caressing her calf. My fingertips danced along her skin on the side of her leg, down her shin, and back up again. She peeked out from beneath partially closed lids to watch me. My eyes returned to her leg as I trailed up and down. When I moved my touch upward to begin lightly grazing the skin on her thigh, unconsciously her legs parted and her breathing became shallower.
It was then that my gaze moved up to meet hers. Her chocolate colored eyes had darkened and her nostrils flared as she squirmed in her seat.
“Color?” I asked, my voice rough and deep.
“Green,” she breathed out, then hastily added, “Sir.”
Phebe
Donovan shifted and lowered his leg so he was now on both knees on the floor. He moved just the slightest, hands on my inner thighs and when he slowly, sensuously separated my thighs further, he moved himself between them. We remained in that position, neither of us moving, only our heavy breathing echoing in the small room. His hands lay stationary on the top of my legs, just under the edge of my dress which had bunched up the tiniest bit.
When Donovan realized I was still fully with him, he began to move. He slid his palms up and down my outer thighs as he leaned into me, bringing his lips to mine. He easily slipped his tongue inside before retreating. He nibbled at my bottom lip before tasting me again. His kisses were divine. He knew when to deepen it and when to pull back. I could spend a lifetime kissing him and never get tired of it. His mouth moved off mine and he peppered kisses along my jawline and down my neck where he nipped at that tender spot where it met my shoulder, all while his hands continued to freely move from my thighs to my calves and back up.