by LK Shaw
If I were being honest, it was my age that was causing this sudden need to get married. Yes, I wore a necklace signifying I belonged to Josie, but a ring was important to me. I knew being a collared sub showed the level of commitment Josie and I had, but I wanted her to claim me in a way that the “real world” recognized. I also wanted a symbol that she belonged to me as well.
Josie was twenty-eight to my forty-three. I hated that it bothered me so bad that she was sometimes referred to as my daughter by strangers, because she looked much younger than her age.
“Have you talked to Josie about this?” Phebe asked. “I’m pretty sure she would be the one to ask.”
I sighed in pure frustration. “I’ve hinted at it, but she’s either ignoring my hints or they’re going over her head. Josie’s a damn genius so I find it hard to believe that she’s not figuring it out.”
“Josie’s brilliant at computers, Miles. People… she needs a little work.”
I leaned forward, my hands wrapped around my coffee cup. “I know. Which is why I’m talking to you. Has she said anything to you about it? Even something in passing or casually?”
Phebe seemed puzzled. “About what? You wanting to get married? No, she hasn’t mentioned anything at all. She talks about work and Casey and Casey and Philip and whatever ‘thing’ is going on between them that isn’t going on. I mean, she talks about you too, but not about the marriage thing. It’s mostly about something funny you said. Or how you’re the most amazing roommate ever because you put the toilet seat down after you pee.”
Affronted, I stared at her. Roommate?
Phebe’s lips twitched before she burst into laughter, causing several patrons to turn and see what was so funny. She covered her mouth with her hand to stifle the sound.
“Oh my god, Miles, you should have seen your face. That was priceless.” She spoke between chuckles. “I’m sorry, that was kind of mean, wasn’t it? Bah, no it wasn’t, that was epically funny, especially after that reaction.”
Now, I glared. “You suck. I’m trying to have a serious conversation here, Phebe. See if I come to you with any more of my problems.”
She bit out another bark of laughter. “Ha! Please, you’ll come crying to me tomorrow about something else. But, seriously, I didn’t mean to make light. I know you’re bothered by this. But truly, Miles, she hasn’t said anything to me about it. I think it’s just not registering with her.”
I thought about what Phebe said, and more and more I realized she may be right. Josie was a straight shooter. A lot of times she didn’t get subtleties. She appreciated bluntness and candor.
“If you had to take a guess, though, what do you think she’d say if I asked her?” I hated that I sounded so unsure of myself. I hadn’t felt like this in a while.
Phebe took a long sip of her coffee before answering. “My sister loves you Miles. Whether you’re married or not. I may be new to the whole D/s lifestyle, but I know what that collar you’re wearing signifies about your relationship. The full commitment you two have.”
My heart dropped at her words. It didn’t sound like she thought it was a good idea. When I was about to say something, she spoke again.
“However, I know that Josie will give you what you need. As your Domme, it’s what she does. If there is a need you have that she isn’t satisfying, you have to communicate that with her. And if marriage is that important to you, a need that’s being unfulfilled, then I think she’ll totally say yes. You guys love each other. And if a “real-world” symbol of that love is something you need, she’ll be completely on board with it.”
My excitement ramped up. “You really think so?”
Phebe nodded. “I do.”
I laughed at her answer. Her forehead wrinkled in confusion, but then it quickly smoothed out as she burst into her own laughter.
“You know what I mean.” She stuck her tongue out at me.
“I’m giving you a hard time. But you have no idea how happy I am to hear you say that.” I paused before reaching into my pants pocket. “Because I bought a ring.”
I pulled out the small box and displayed it in my palm to Phebe. “Shut the fuck up.”
She snatched the box out of my hand and pried it open. I only shook my head. “You’ve been hanging out with Bridget too much. You’ve picked up her potty mouth.”
Phebe waved off my words as she examined the princess cut diamond in a platinum band. She fidgeted excitedly in her chair.
“Oh, Miles, it’s absolutely gorgeous. Josie is going to die over this ring. I can almost guarantee it.” She looked up at me. “You have great taste and know exactly what Josie would like.”
“I’ve known your sister for seven years, Phebe. I know what she does, and doesn’t, like,” I told her with a self-satisfied grin.
“Eww, that’s my sister. I don’t want to hear about that.” She sent me a mock horrified look.
I threw my balled up straw wrapper at her, and she giggled as she dodged it. “Whatever, kid. I wasn’t talking about that and you know it.”
“Hey, just because you’re old enough to be my dad doesn’t make me a kid.” She stuck her tongue out me again.
“You just love bringing up that fact, don’t you?” I mimicked her action.
“I love teasing you, Miles. You’re too easy.”
“Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that you’re done harassing me, let’s talk about you. What had you a million miles away earlier?”
Phebe groaned softly at my words, and her posture stiffened slightly. I knew it was her defense mechanism kicking in. Even after months of therapy, she still struggled with talking about things. I knew it had to do with her past and how no one had given two shits about her. But that wasn’t the case anymore. She was family, and there were so many people who cared about her and who were there for her no matter what. She knew this, but it was easy to forget sometimes.
Her eyes darted back and forth around the coffee shop. When she appeared satisfied with whatever it was she was looking for, she leaned forward in her seat and spoke so low I had to strain to hear her.
“Complete and total submission.”
I blinked a couple times, sure I had misheard her. When I noticed the flushed cheeks and that the tips of her ears were red as well, I knew I hadn’t been mistaken. She’d really said what I thought.
Warily, I asked the dreaded question. “What do you mean?”
“I want to give Donovan the best Christmas present he’s ever had. We’ve been exploring deeper into the D/s dynamic, but he’s still scared to bring out his full Dominant side in case I freak out. I keep telling him I’m ready for more, but to be honest, I’m scared too.” She paused for a moment, a faraway look in her eyes. She shook off whatever it was she was thinking about and brought her attention back to me. “You’re a submissive, Miles. And a man, which, I assume, makes being a submissive harder. Or maybe I’m wrong. But, I would think it would be. How, as a man, did you let go of all your inhibitions and completely submit?”
Damn, she didn’t ask an easy question. I thought about my answer for a moment, and then I realized that I’d gotten it wrong. It was really pretty simple.
“I don’t think it makes a difference that I’m a man. I offered my complete submission because it was Josie I was submitting to. My connection is with her. Yes, it’s scary, but there is no one in this world I trust more than Josie. She is my entire life, and I’m hers. So, for me it seemed easy. It took a while to get there, but not because of her. My head wasn’t screwed on right, and only when it was, was I able to take the leap to full submission. The question remains, do you trust Donovan?”
Now Phebe looked affronted. “Of course I trust Donovan. I trust him more than anyone in my entire life. Even Josie, no matter how much I love her.”
“Then the only thing you can do is jump and know he’ll catch you when you fall.”
Miles and Josie
Miles had been acting weird all day. I knew he and Phebe had met for shopping and coffee earli
er. Who was still shopping three days before Christmas, anyway? I’d had all my gifts bought before Halloween. I would never understand how people could stress out and scramble at the last minute to find gifts. Either way, it didn’t explain the fact that Miles was acting differently ever since he got home from his outing. When I asked him what was going on, he just blew me off, telling me it was a surprise.
He didn’t seem upset or depressed. I still worried about him having flashbacks or anxiety attacks, but this didn’t seem like anything to be bothered about. Except for the fact that it was a surprise. I neither liked nor disliked surprises. It was just… weird. I thought the plan was for us to go to Eden tonight, but Miles asked if we could stay in.
He’d disappeared into the bedroom fifteen minutes ago and said he’d let me know when it was time for my surprise. Every once in a while, I thought I caught a whiff of one of our favorite candles, called A Christmas Secret, which smelled like a cross between pumpkin pie and a candied apple. It was a strange combination, but we both loved the scent. We had one for every room in the house.
While I waited for Miles to finish his surprise, my mind drifted to Casey. I had cajoled her into coming over to Connor and Bridget’s house with us on Christmas Day. I had secretly invited Philip as well. He didn’t have any family that he spoke of, and I knew that there was a budding friendship between my baby sister and the gentle giant bouncer from Eden, no matter how much Casey tried to deny it.
Over the last year, Casey had slowly grown from the ghost-like shell of a young woman she used to be to a shy, but smart twenty-four year old. I was so proud of how far she’d come with the love of a family who gave a shit about her. She was thriving now that my father was dead and our mother might as well be. A year ago, I’d stolen Casey from my father’s house the day before he was killed. A house she’d been serving a self-imposed prison sentence in after being repeatedly raped by a business associate of my father’s when she was just a young girl. A man I’d killed when I’d come home from college on Christmas break early one year and walked in on it happening.
I didn’t regret for one second killing that piece of shit, but to this day, I still bore the guilt that I hadn’t known what was going on and that I hadn’t stopped it sooner. Casey didn’t blame me, even if I blamed myself. I pushed aside my guilt for the day though, especially when I heard Miles call my name.
I walked down the hall. There weren’t any lights on, and it was just past dusk so the hallway was darkened. Flickering lights grew brighter, and the delicious odor of apples and pumpkin grew stronger as I finally reached the door of our room. I had to blink several times because I thought it was an apparition in front of me.
It seemed like every scented candle we owned was lit and placed around the room. On a pallet of blankets and pillows in the middle of the floor sat Miles. An entirely naked Miles. He was on his knees, his butt resting on his heels, with his hands behind his back.
Instantly, wetness soaked my underwear and a throbbing need began deep down inside me. “What do we have here?”
“I wish to please my Mistress tonight.” Miles voice was gravelly with desire. It ratcheted up my arousal by a few hundred degrees.
“I’m not sure what brought this on, but I approve.” Oh, I wholeheartedly approved. I stepped into the room and settled on my knees in front of Miles. I ran a nail lightly down his sternum. His breath hitched when I reached his abs and continued. He flinched when I dragged it across his hardened cock. I soothed the sting with a caress.
“What pleases you, Mistress?” he asked, even though we’d played this game before, although not in quite some time.
I studied him thoughtfully as though pondering his question. “Remove my clothes.” I responded in the same way I always did.
Slowly, Miles removed his hands from behind his back and with ease, pulled my shirt up and over my head. Then came my bra. Effortlessly, I moved to my feet and stepped slightly closer to him. His head tilted back as he looked up at me while he reached up and unbuttoned my jeans before sliding them down my hips. I braced myself on his shoulder as I stepped out of the denim, our gazes never leaving the other’s.
“Lick me,” came the next command.
Without hesitation, Miles grabbed a handful of my ass and dragged me against his face as he buried his tongue inside my cunt. He licked me from back to front, devouring me and lapping up the wetness that poured out of me. Without permission, he thrust two fingers inside me as he bit down on my clit. I fisted my hands in his hair and yanked his head back. His eyes met mine as I gasped, but he continued finger fucking me. It was all part of our game. I bent over his knelt form and crashed my lips to his, tasting myself on him.
Our tongues dueled, and Miles mimicked the action of his fingers that continued to plunge deeper inside my pussy. While his fingers thrust inside me, his thumb circled my clit, causing a delicious friction. With the combined sensation of his three digits, my orgasm crested like a wave before it crashed through me. My wobbly legs couldn’t hold me, and I tumbled down on top of Miles. He braced my fall and caught me as I collapsed against him, our lips never leaving each other’s.
Miles fell on his back with me on top of him. I shifted positions and flung one leg over his body so I now straddled him. I reached between us for his cock and slowly lowered myself onto it. I ended the kiss as I sat up and began to roll and undulate my hips, fucking myself on his shaft. He gripped my hips tightly in his large fists and tried controlling my pace, but I was having none of that. I pinched his nipple hard. He hissed in a pained breath at the sensation.
“Naughty boy, trying to take control. This is my ride, and I decide how fast or slow it goes,” I chastised him even as I bent to lick and soothe away the pain I’d caused.
“Yes, Mistress,” he gasped.
Up and down I moved, controlling the pace like I’d promised. Every once in a while, I’d clench my inner muscles as I rose before releasing the stranglehold as I dropped back down. It was a coordinated dance we’d practiced many times.
I reached down for Miles’ hands and moved them upward until he was cupping my breasts. I kept my hands on top of his and together we kneaded and squeezed my tits while I rode him. I changed directions just slightly so now my clit was rubbing against his pelvis, hurrying my orgasm along. I was desperately chasing it. No sooner had the thought crossed my mind as it rushed through me and stars burst behind my eyes, colors flashing in my darkened vision.
My head spun as Miles rolled us so he was now on top, and with punishing thrusts, he continued fucking me straight into a third orgasm where this time, his followed. His mouth captured mine in a kiss so tender in comparison to the ruthless fucking we’d just had.
I opened my eyes to look at Miles above me. His forearms caged my head as we stared at each other. One of his hands reached under the pillow my head was resting on. When he brought his hand out from under it, he now held something in it. He moved off me and sat on the pallet cross-legged at my side. Shakily, I sat myself up and mirrored his position. We both sat in the middle of our pile of blankets and pillows as Miles turned his hand over to expose what he held in his palm.
I blinked at the sight, not sure if I was seeing a shadow cast by the flickering candlelight. When the box didn’t disappear, I hesitantly reached out to take it from him. My gaze darted between Miles and the box. He didn’t say anything, just remained sitting there, waiting. With shaking fingers, I opened the box, almost dropping it in the process. I gasped at the bright diamonds winking up at me.
Finally, Miles spoke. “I love you, Josie. I love being your submissive and being collared. There’s no greater sign of commitment between a Domme and a sub than this collar. Outside these walls, though, no one truly understands that type of commitment. And I want them to understand. I want them to see our weddings rings and know that we belong to each other.”
Tears filled my eyes at his speech. I’d had no idea he needed this symbol. But now that he’d said it, I realized I wanted the same th
ing. For people to understand how committed we were to each other. I carefully pulled the ring out of its cushion and held it out to Miles, who took it from my fingertips.
“I want that too, Miles. So, yes. A thousand times, yes.” I smiled through my tears as I stretched out my trembling hand toward him, fingers spread. My gesture finally processed because Miles’ eyes widened, and he clasped my hand in his while he slid the engagement ring down the length of my finger until it rested snugly at the base.
Once it was securely on my finger, I threw myself against him, wrapping my arms around his neck and peppering kisses across his face, repeatedly whispering, “I love you. I love you. I love you.”
Miles lowered me to our pallet and proceeded to show me again how much he loved me.
Phebe and Donovan
I got home before Donovan did. He’d had to run into the office for a bit to work on some high priority case. Even though the trial had been postponed until after the holidays, Donovan never left anything to chance and was always over-prepared. So, while Miles and I had been out finishing our last minute Christmas shopping, Donovan had gone into work.
I kept going over Miles’ and my conversation and knew he was right. There was nothing for me to be scared of because this was Donovan, the man I trusted with my entire being. Even if he wasn’t ready, I was. It was like I’d told Miles. I had a need not being fulfilled, and it was my responsibility to communicate that with my Dom. Even though we’d been pushing boundaries, it was time to push some more. I wanted it all. And what better time than Christmas. Submission was like the gift that kept on giving. And I wanted to give it to Donovan.
I hurriedly made plans before he came home. I called Eden and had Gina, another sub who had recently been promoted to assistant manager of the club, find a way to get him there tomorrow, even fake an emergency if she had to. We’d never played at Eden, always preferring to stay at home, especially given my occasional tendency to have a flashback followed by a minor panic attack. I couldn’t remember the last time I’d had a massive one, but I still had mild anxiety and the random nightmare. Luckily, Donovan was always able to bring me back from them. He was my rock. But, for what I had planned, I wanted it to happen at Eden. It was time for me to jump.