by Karen Anders
“Sit down. Can I get you anything?”
“Coffee would be welcome.”
“I just brewed a pot.” She set Emily back into the playpen and he followed her to the bright, airy kitchen where she poured him a cup of coffee.
They settled on the living room couch. Emily was sleeping soundly. He gave Jennifer the time to tell him how she was doing, that her mother had been there when Emily was born, how she had cried and cried when she’d held her for the first time. It was like holding Tim again. She was her blessing.
When his coffee was almost all gone, she said, “What brought you by?”
He looked away to gather his composure. “I wanted to let you know the man who killed your husband is dead.”
“Jake...”
“He died as a result of drug dealing. I didn’t kill him, but I knew you’d want to know. Closure is a powerful thing.”
She nodded and slipped her hand over his. “Yes, Jake. Closure. Tim wouldn’t want you to blame yourself. He was doing what he loved and I’m proud of his courage, his dedication and his drive to make a better world for our daughter. I hope this gives you some measure of peace.”
He found as he drove away from Jennifer Preston’s pretty little house that, in fact, it had.
Getting back behind the wheel he drove to Dallas. Pulling up outside a blue clapboard house on the outskirts. He got out of the car and smelled the faint aroma of beef sizzling on a grill. Skirting the house, he came around the corner, spying a man sitting at a picnic table drinking alone out of a long-necked bottle.
At the sound of Jake’s approach, he turned his head and surprise flashed across his face, then concern. “Jake!” he said in a deep baritone. “What happened to your shoulder?”
“I got shot.”
The man half rose and Jake waved him off. “I’m fine. There won’t be any permanent damage. It won’t affect my duty.”
He relaxed back down onto the bench and Jake, bracing his good hand on the table, wedged himself onto the seat.
The man got up and threw another burger on the grill and closed the lid.
“What brings you here?”
Jake’s gaze never wavered.
“Matt, Dad.”
His dad’s face went slack, his eyes shuttering. He looked away and took a swig of his beer. “Jake, please.”
“Please what?”
“Let it go?”
“That’s the trouble. I can’t.”
He took a few more swigs of his beer until Jake knocked the bottle off the table. “Tell me, Dad. Why don’t you go to Matt’s grave?” He went to get up and Jake said, softly. “Dad, please. I’m begging you. I need to know. Don’t you even care? He was sixteen...” His breath hitched and he bowed his head, his shoulders slumping.
His father’s eyes gleaming in the dim light from the porch, he blinked rapidly and looked away. “It’s not that I don’t care, Jake, son...” He rubbed at his eyes, his voice thick. “It’s that I can’t bear it. I failed him so miserably and it’s all my fault that he’s in the ground. If I hadn’t pushed so hard, he’d be here doing whatever the hell he wants to do.”
“Come with me now, Dad.”
For a minute he sat there lost in his own grief and sorrow. When he raised his head, he nodded. “All right.”
Not understanding why, his father stopped and picked up some flowers; they ended up at a set of stone gates. Driving through, he parked on the side of the paved road and they got out. Jake’s boot heels sunk into the ground as he and his dad walked to the headstone. Setting the flowers down in front, he brushed off the granite.
There had been a time when Jake couldn’t bear to go there, either. Before Alanna and the way she’d healed his heart. Even though now it needed a different kind of mending, the only kind of mending she could do, he came to grips with his love for his brother, came to terms with his loss, realizing he had done everything in his power to save him.
“Thank you for coming with me, Dad. It means everything.”
He nodded. For a minute they stared at each other and Jake said, “I miss him so much.”
“I know, son. I know.” He reached out and clasped the back of Jake’s neck and Jake grabbed on to his dad’s forearm, squeezing tight.
As they left the graveyard, his dad said quietly, “What else is on your mind?”
“I’m quitting the Rangers. I’m burned-out and tried too hard to be what you wanted. I followed in your footsteps willingly, but I want something different now. I need peace, Dad. I owe that to Matt. That honesty. I’ve made mistakes and some of them will haunt me for the rest of my life, but maybe some way, somehow I can find middle ground where I can find my own forgiveness and sleep at night.”
“Jake, you don’t have anything to be sorry for. You were there for him when I wasn’t. It all seems so pointless now. Just know I’m so damn proud of you in whatever you do. That’s never going to change. Do what you have to do.”
“They’re giving me a commendation before I separate. Would you attend?”
His dad bowed his head and then met Jake’s gaze. “Hell yes. Does it have anything to do with you getting shot?”
“Yeah, everything.” He closed his eyes, thinking about one of those mistakes, one he couldn’t fix. One of the ones where finding middle ground would be a good start. He’d lost something so precious and irreplaceable. Alanna’s love. She made that abundantly clear.
I don’t know who’s worse. Henry...or you.
He would never forget how she’d looked when she’d said that. Heartbroken. He’d done that to her, and guilt and regret scored his insides.
Three weeks later, he was packed up and ready to leave TDCJ French Robertson prison and quitting had been the easy part. Leaving Valentine behind, that was almost as hard as losing a partner in the line of duty. He loved that blue roan and it was as if he knew Jake wasn’t going to be back. He hung his head and refused to come when Jake was ready to leave. So he slipped through the fence and gave his stalwart companion some carrots, a few sugar cubes and a pat goodbye.
Thankfully, when he lost it over a horse, he was miles away.
There would be the ceremony and then after that it would be official. He’d stayed on at French Robertson prison to train his replacement. He pulled up in front of his dad’s house. He’d stay there until he found a job.
*
The rain outside Meddlesome Butterfly’s big picture window kept pedestrians off the street, but when a cab pulled up and a woman got out in a pricey raincoat and a pair of gorgeous heels, Alanna recognized her sister Piper.
She dashed inside, handed off the raincoat and in her purposeful but definitely sultry way of power walking through the restaurant caused plenty of appreciative looks from the male patrons in the place.
“Sorry I’m late. Hard to get a cab on a day like today.” She leaned in and gave Alanna a hug and quick kiss on the cheek.
“How’s things in corporate America?” Having lunch with Piper wasn’t out of the ordinary, but she’d noticed her sister had been hovering for oh, the last month. Ever since she’d come home from the hospital and locked herself in her room to cry out her despair and disappointment. She nursed her broken heart with some damn good Scotch and lots of mindless TV.
The waiter placed menus in front of them and Alanna picked hers up.
“We’ll have two martinis, dirty, olives,” Piper said when the waiter prompted them for drinks.
She smiled and laughed. “You know Colton Incorporated.” Piper looked over her menu. “It’s run with an iron fist with Fowler at the helm.” She dropped her eyes and was quiet for a second, then said without looking at Alanna, “He’s still royally pissed at you.” She looked up then to gauge her sister’s reaction, then leaned over and lowered her voice. “And, he asks about you every day.”
“He does not,” she said with a dubious look at Piper.
“Does.” Piper nodded vigorously. “Big brother is worried about you.”
“Why doesn
’t he just apologize and give me what I want, then?” Alanna groused as the waiter interrupted and they gave him their order.
Piper took a sip of her martini. “Beats me. Pride. Ego. Arrogance. Fear?”
“All of the above,” Alanna said, and they both laughed.
Fifteen minutes after Piper took the last bite of her meal and set down her fork, she said, “Are you really going to sign those papers at the end of the month? Leave the stables?”
“Yes. I have to, Piper.” Alanna had thought long and hard about her decision. Even with Jake out of her life, she knew his advice was sound. The only way to get the respect and support she was entitled was to show Fowler she deserved it.
“I guess I understand, but it won’t be the same.”
“No, it won’t,” Alanna said with a sigh. She looked up and her heart stalled in her chest. A man had walked in with dark hair and sexy broad shoulders, a gray Stetson on his head. When he turned, her stomach dropped. It wasn’t Jake.
Piper followed her line of sight, then sighed dramatically. “How long are you going to torture yourself and him?”
Alanna stiffened. “Piper, drop it.”
“No. I don’t think I will. Look, you have always been kind to me, Alanna, and I’ve never really been able to repay the favor.”
Fortifying herself with a deep breath, Alanna said, her voice soft, “You don’t have to repay me.”
Piper’s eyes went tender. “I know that, but in this case, I can do something for you.”
“What?”
“Tell you to get your head out of your ass,” she said, oh so casually.
She huffed a tight laugh and shook her head. “He was here to spy on me, on our family.”
“To find out who harmed Dad. I don’t know about you, but sounds to me like he’s the good guy here. Didn’t he save your life?”
“Piper.” Alanna felt stripped to the bone.
“Yes, I’m playing the he-saved-your-life card.” She paused, then sighed heavily as if she was talking to a thickheaded idiot. “Yes, he was undercover. But it was for his job and he risked everything to fall in love with you. Sounds more like a keeper to me. Think about what would have happened if he never came. Henry Swango would have used our business as a drug smuggling operation. He could have hurt one of us. But he didn’t because a Texas Ranger protected you and all of us by risking his life.”
Alanna tried to tune her out because she was making some really good points and her heart was ready to say to hell with being angry and pissed at him.
Piper snapped her fingers in Alanna’s face. “Listen to me, dammit! Really, Alanna. If I were you, I’d ask him to marry me.”
“What?”
She released a long-suffering sigh. “Stop pretending you aren’t crazy for him. I saw it that day he had lunch with us and Whitney went all crazy on you. The way you two looked at each other.” She fanned herself. “Damn.” She caught her gaze and held on to it. “Fess up. You still love him.” Alanna couldn’t speak, she couldn’t utter the lie. “That’s what I thought. Jake McCord has it bad for you. Head over heels bad. How many times in your life have you really fallen in love? Your trust in him wasn’t shattered. If anything, he proved himself every step of the way. Anyway...” She reached into her purse and pulled out a stapled sheaf of papers and threw down a printed article. “They’re giving him a medal. Commendation for heroism. By the way, it’s not his first one.” This time her voice got quiet. “He’s leaving the Rangers, Alanna. He had to give up Valentine. That must have killed him.” Alanna’s eyes filled as her sister went on. “It’s all there in the article. I’ve got to get back to work. Trust in him, Alanna. I would love to see you happy.”
She sat there for a full ten minutes after her sister left. Everything she said hit Alanna straight in the heart. She reached for the chain around her neck where she’d hung his badge. It was warm from her skin. She curled her hand around it. Haunted by regret and guilt, wishing she could undo what she had done to him, especially what she’d said to him in that parting shot. My God, that was the anger talking. If she could take it back she would in a heartbeat.
The picture of him in the article showed a man scored with pain and marked by sorrow, and thinner. Much thinner. Her sorrow spilled over, and she covered her face with her hand. What had she done to him?
The thought of him holed up somewhere alone, without even Valentine to keep him company, with no one to hold and comfort him, was more than she could handle and something broke loose in her.
She blinked back her tears. Reaching for her cell, she put the phone to her ear and said, “Hello, Senator Stillwater. It’s Alanna Colton calling.”
*
The day of the ceremony dawned bright and clear. The senator had come through for her in one of the favors she’d discussed with him. One of them was to get tickets to Jake’s ceremony. The other one, he was still working on.
Alanna had arrived early so she could choose a seat that wasn’t conspicuous. The ceremony started on time and she looked and looked, but Jake was nowhere to be found. Valentine was there, but Jake’s medal was given to his father.
As soon as the ceremony was over, she approached Mr. McCord and said, “Excuse me. Could I have a moment of your time?”
He turned with a smile on his face that faltered when he recognized her. “Miss Colton. What can I do for you?”
Oh, this was going so well. “I wanted to talk to Jake. Do you know where he is?” His mouth tightened. “Just so you know. I won’t take no for an answer. I’m in love with him, Mr. McCord. I made a foolish mistake and didn’t trust him. I want to find him and tell him. Now, will you help me, or not?”
This time, his eyes softened and he smiled.
*
Jake swung the lariat over his head, one, two, three revolutions and threw the rope, snagging the steer on the first try. “Hold,” he ordered, and the quarter horse by the name of Cactus performed beautifully, stopping dead, planting his front legs and snapping the rope taut. Jake was already out of the saddle and tying the steer with quick, agile precision.
He turned to praise the horse and his words died on his lips.
Alanna stood by the cow pony looking as beautiful as he remembered. She was starring in every dream he had. He blinked a couple of times.
“Cat got your tongue, cowboy?”
The gleam of amusement in her eyes made his heart roll over and hope spring up. But still he couldn’t say a word.
He’d quit the Rangers a little over a month ago, had blown off the medal ceremony and had taken a job with an outfit who trained ropers. It was a beautiful spread on ample acres, nothing compared to Colton Valley Ranch Stables, but decent and the pay was excellent. The owner had hired Jake on the spot and he loved every minute of the work. The only thing he missed about being a Texas Ranger was Valentine.
His knees weak, he couldn’t move a muscle and his throat was so damn tight he still couldn’t speak.
The amusement in her eyes faded and uncertainty came over her face. She took a step toward him, and a wave of stunning reaction slammed through him. Covering his face with his hand, he took a heaving breath, the emotion too intense to hold in, relief and something raw breaking from him. She closed the distance, her voice going soft and husky.
Clasping his hand, she removed it from his face. “I got you, cowboy. I got you,” she said. He caught the back of her neck, pulling her toward him.
“Dammit, Alanna, what the hell took you so long?” he said, shaking because he was so glad to have her back.
When she slid her arms around his neck and hung on to him with fierce determination, he returned the favor, hanging on to her with every ounce of strength he had. He lost his ability to talk again, it was just too overwhelming.
“Jake,” she said, her voice filled with aching regret. “I’m sorry for what I said to you in the hospital. It was out of line and very untrue. I didn’t mean it. I was just hurt and angry.”
He nodded. “Tell me you
didn’t just come here to...apologize.”
“No. I didn’t come here to just apologize. I simply can’t live without you, cowboy. So tell me you forgive me for hurting you. My plan is to never do that again.”
He slid his fingers into her hair and drew her head against him, then began stroking her jaw. “Ah, darlin’,” he whispered, his voice rough with emotion. “My forgiveness is yours. You just made my life.”
“The feeling is mutual, Jake. You just made mine.”
He took a deep breath and said, “I love you, Alanna Colton.”
“Well, fancy that. We’re so in tune.” She cupped his face between both palms. “I love you, too, Jake McCord. Now, let’s go home.”
He closed his eyes. That sounded so damn good.
“Wait a second, are you giving me a job?”
She laughed. “Do we need to negotiate terms?”
“I guess I would have to weigh the pros and cons.” Her eyes narrowed with twinkling lights. “They’re paying me quite a good salary here.”
She leaned over and whispered a figure in his ear and he choked. “That’s a lot of zeros, darlin’.”
“You’re worth every penny.”
“What are some of the other pros?”
“Sleeping with the boss every night. Waking to her every morning. Mrs. Morely’s cooking.”
“Those are tempting. Cons—she snores, hogs the covers and the dessert, and uses all the shampoo.”
“I do not,” she said indignantly, swatting at him, but he caught her hand and whirled her around.
“All right, where do I sign?”
She pointed at her mouth and Jake bent her back and took her laughing lips.
Epilogue
“Wait, Alanna.” Fowler came through the door, dressed in an impeccable charcoal-gray suit with exquisite Western design, a pricey black Stetson on his head and even more-expensive boots on his feet. Jake rose, but Alanna touched his arm to get him to sit back down. She was the one who rose. Becca gave her a wry smile and the seller frowned.
Alanna was downtown at Becca’s building about to purchase the land and the stables to go out on her own. She felt the terrible resistance to opening her own business and leaving her family-run stables. But, she felt she didn’t have any choice. Respect was too important to ignore.