by Gray Gardner
He instead yanked my arm down and forced me off of the couch, then held the backpack in front of me with his other hand. It was hard to get it out with one arm restrained, but I managed to lift the bottom flap and pull out my journal. It was private and I really didn’t want anyone reading it, but if it meant humiliation over physical bullying, I’d always choose the former.
Dustin clutched my upper arm tightly as he grabbed the journal and handed it to the President.
“I… it’s not my grandfather’s,” I choked, my throat very dry now. “But, maybe— maybe—you’ll see that I don’t know of any diary or secrets.”
Austin nodded and he and Chilton opened it instantaneously and began dissecting it. Much to my chagrin, Dustin was still holding onto me. I looked around for Ferguson, who was talking to Reddy and only shooting me glances out of the corner of his eye. Then I became totally paralyzed.
“I’m going to go take care of this,” Dustin casually said, pulling on my arm as he headed out of the room. “She has to learn she can’t run from us.”
“Please do,” Chilton replied, raising his brow at me as he looked up from my journal and his notepad.
What? What did that mean?
“What?” was all I managed to choke out as Dustin practically carried me out of the room and down a white paneled hallway. I had broken into an all-out terrified sweat as my body went completely numb and my mind went totally blank.
We turned at the end of the hall and as the large sweats bundled up under my arms he released me and I fell to the blond hardwood floor. The smell of detergent informed me that this was a utility room and as I straightened my stuff out on the floor, he was searching for a weapon of opportunity. I watched in horror as he finally settled on an old yardstick in the corner.
I pushed back against the dryer and stared at him. My heart was actually hurting it was racing so fast. There was really only one thing to say.
“Are you fucking kidding me?”
He stepped towards me and I’m pretty sure I would have collapsed if he hadn’t have grabbed me around my waist and pulled me over his leg as he propped his foot up on a stepping stool.
“You can’t run away from this,” he stated, the yardstick swishing through the air and connecting with my butt.
It didn’t hurt all that much, but it was certainly embarrassing being over his knee and getting spanked next to a room full of people who all knew exactly what was happening to me at that moment.
“I’m sorry. I won’t do it again!” I quickly replied, the yardstick swishing down again.
“See that you don’t,” he said, the spanking continuing even though I’d agreed and apologized. It wasn’t long before I was kicking and crying and panicking. “Now quit your fussing. I decide when this ends, not you.”
I quickly sat up in bed and winced as all of my muscles objected. Agent Dustin had shown mercy on me and locked me in my room, but he still terrified me.
I sighed and glanced around, suddenly yelping at the sight of a dark suit sitting in the covered chair. I fell off the side of the bed in the dimly lit room.
Instantly there were hands fumbling around the cumbersome gray sweats and a moment later I was on my feet. Agent Ferguson, I should have guessed.
“Thanks a lot,” I sarcastically said, including a whole range of things in that statement.
He exhaled and stepped back. “Baylor.”
“Forget it,” I quietly said, looking down at the bench at the foot of my bed. My uniform was neatly folded upon it, my saddle shoes shining on the carpeted floor beneath. I tried to concentrate on them so I wouldn’t have to look at him.
“I’m sorry,” he finally said, rubbing the back of his neck. “I’m new and I only just started, I mean. I have no clout with—”
“I said just forget it,” I interrupted, not wanting to relive anything from the previous day. “Let me get dressed.”
“I can’t leave you alone.”
“Then turn around!” I loudly said, glaring up at him.
He looked kind of hurt as he circled to face the painting of a sailboat on the wall. I didn’t care, though. I was the one who was hurt. Physically and other ways. I felt alone and betrayed. And I was really hoping to get out of there before they ransacked my accountant’s home and realized that nothing was there.
I decided to speak to him as I changed. “Did you get what you wanted?”
“Pardon me?”
“Out of my journal, you wanker! Did you get what you wanted?” I repeated, annoyed.
“Oh, yes, we believe we’ve found something. Wheels up at six am.”
I held my breath as I tucked my white shirt in. Did that mean I had to go, too?
“You, on the other hand, are going straight back to England,” he added.
I tried not to sound too relieved as I pulled my socks on. “Sounds good. I’m ready to get back to my normal life.”
“On the contrary,” he began, peeking over his shoulder and deciding I was decent. He turned to face me and said, “You’re going to have round the clock security detail with you.”
“What?” I smirked, thinking about meatheads shadowing me in my day to day life. “That’s a little extreme.”
“No it’s not!” he interrupted, looking serious as he approached me. I stepped back into the wall. He was really close.
“What’s up with you?” I asked, peering up at him. “I’ll take the security detail, all right?”
“You bet you will,” he stated, looking upset.
What was his problem? It’s not like he’d ever see me again. I suddenly felt sad when that thought occurred to me. It was a feeling in the pit of my stomach. I would miss him. I looked down at our shoes as he continued standing there and quietly asked, “Are…you ever going to be part of my security?”
I saw his body stiffen and I realized that it probably meant no, you stupid little girl, why would I waste my valuable CIA time on you? But when I looked up at him, he was grinning.
“I told you. My job would be infinitely easier if you weren’t so adorably endearing.”
What? He never said that. “You never —”
But I didn’t get to finish. He leaned forward and everything stopped—my words, my breath, my heart. Then he leaned forward a little further and kissed me. This was not what I was expecting, but I got over that very quickly. Everything started back up again and I kissed him back, grabbing his lapel on his suit jacket and pulling him closer to me. He smelled so good and, though I only had limited experience with making out, he was a really good kisser.
His arms wrapped around my back and mine around his neck. I’d never wanted time to stand still so desperately in my life. Guys as good looking as him never wanted me. My one boyfriend I’d had my sophomore year only dated me a few months because I had a car. When we broke up he actually told me that it wasn’t him, it was me.
I quickly came back to the moment in time for Ferguson to lean his head back but not release me.
“I’ve been wanting to do that since the plane,” he gently said, grinning.
I couldn’t stop myself. “Why?”
He just laughed and removed one arm from my back, placing his hand on my cheek. “Do you really not know?”
I closed my eyes. I couldn’t look at him as I admitted, “It’s just boys that look like you have never really shown any interest in me before. My first and only boyfriend told me I intimidated him.”
He laughed again and kissed my bottom lip as my mouth hung open. “Not very smart then, ‘boys’ that look like me.”
“You know what I mean,” I sighed, looking down again.
“I’m sure I don’t,” he said, leaning down and catching my eyes. “Anyone who doesn’t notice your gorgeous skin, beautiful eyes, and marvelous little figure is certifiably insane!”
He was charming, I’d give him that. His accent was irresistible and his smile could make any girl weak in the knees. I couldn’t help but be suspicious, though. No one had ever spoken to me li
ke that, and I wondered how many girls he’d used that “adorably endearing” line with, too.
I came out of my deep thoughts when Reddy suddenly burst into the room and gasped.
“Oh!” she grabbed her mouth. “So sorry! Carry on then!”
I frowned and leaned back against the wall, away from Ferguson as the door quickly shut. She didn’t seem upset that Ferguson was acting inappropriately with a suspect, or detainee, or whatever I was. She seemed apologetic that she’d interrupted our rendezvous.
“It’s all right,” he grinned, pulling me closer to him.
I pushed back and tried to become one with the wall. “Is she going to tell on you?”
“No,” he laughed, peeling me off of the wall and onto his lap on the covered chair. “She’s happy for me.”
“Why?” I asked, apprehensively. Reddy was held to the same standards as he was, and as much as I liked making out with him, I had to admit it was inappropriate “company” behavior.
“It’s… there aren’t… I don’t get out much,” he admitted, looking up at me as I sat with my knees in my chest. Well that answered that question.
“Is there more?”
“Yes, yes, and back in London, as we tried to find you after you ran off, Reddy noticed that I’d taken a certain interest in you as we went through your things and tried to learn more about you.”
“You went through my stuff?” I blurted, then pressed my lips together as I nodded for him to continue.
“You’re just, well, fascinating, actually. You were living all alone in that big house, with no one to care for you and your schoolwork was sprawled across the dining room table.”
“That sounds boring, not fascinating,” I sighed.
“Not so,” he smiled, holding one of my legs. “What do you think any other eighteen-year-old would have done in an empty house?”
“I don’t know,” I sighed, stumped. “Have a party?”
“Precisely,” he laughed. “And what did you do? You kept going to school and coming home and completing your lessons. Absolutely intriguing. Then I saw your tattered old ballet slippers and some old book collection in your shelves with your notes in the margins, and your computer with Led Zeppelin and UVA stickers all over it and I just knew you would be unlike anyone I’d ever met.”
That was true. I knew that were wasn’t a soul on the planet that was anything like me. I held my breath as I looked into his dark eyes. This would certainly make things a lot more interesting. As if they weren’t interesting enough already.
The jets screeched to life as we all marched across the windy tarmac at the airport. I gripped the straps of my back pack tightly and wished they’d just give me my stupid journal back, but of course they wouldn’t comply with any of my demands. When it came time to split up into the two quite different planes, President Austin stopped me.
“I hope you know how important it is that we recover this diary,” he loudly said, in Russian.
“Then for my sake I hope you find it, my commander,” I replied, in more perfect Russian.
I realized everyone was staring and looked down at my saddle shoes as I cleared my throat.
The President only laughed and said, “I told you she was fluent.”
He turned and walked towards Air Force One, Chilton and Reddy close behind him. Dustin was glowering over at me, but finally shook his head and followed. Ferguson glanced over his shoulder and walked towards me.
“Just stick with these security guys and we’ll be back in London before you know it,” he nodded, looking apprehensive.
“When?” I wanted to know, hoping he would say the next day or something.
“Soon,” he winked, backing up and running to join his superiors.
I watched, hoping no one would discover my crush by the obtuse look on my face, then turned and climbed aboard the small jet. My security guys were anything but friendly, so I spent the majority of the trip staring out of the window, the Atlantic hidden beneath us, thinking about Ferguson the night before. My mind wouldn’t let me think of something different. It tortured me as I wondered if he really wanted to kiss me or if it was just an opportune moment to satisfy some male need. Like I said, I had little experience in that arena.
Even worse, we arrived back in London just in time for me to make all of my afternoon classes. If the kids at my school hated me before, they absolutely loathed me when I showed up in a bullet proof car with three dark suited guards on my heels.
Tearing Up My Heart
Langley, Present Day
“Something’s blocking her.”
“Can you get her back?”
“Of course I can get her back. I just believe there must be something really awful if she’s blocking it even unconsciously,” the hypnotist stated, looking worried. “She went back to that memory for a reason, and she’s avoiding her terrifying experience.”
Connor and Ferguson stared at the hypnotist, then down at the panting girl on the couch. She’d given such a vivid account of what had happened so many years before, and they’d felt like they were standing right next to her, every step of the way. She’d smiled, looked frightened, even angry, but then it suddenly stopped. She’d stopped talking. Sweat trickled down the side of her face as her eyes looked lifelessly at the ceiling.
Then, to Connor’s surprise, Ferguson spoke.
“It is something awful.”
“How awful?” Connor frowned, his blood boiling. He didn’t like what eighteen-year-old Burton had revealed, and was feeling protective after hearing about Ferguson’s detailed history with her. There was no denying his jealousy. He knew this subject would come up. It was no secret that they’d been in love once. However, Ferguson didn’t have to be so haughty about it.
Ferguson sighed heavily and pressed his lips together, gazing at the floorboards as he thought. He wished the CIA would erase that from his memory. It made him feel feelings that weren’t supposed to be there. He cleared his throat and straightened up. Work first. “Yes, all right, bring her back. I can take it from here.”
The hypnotist turned to Burton as Connor repeated himself.
“Ferguson! How awful? How bad is it?”
The hypnotist shushed them and they both made their way back to the wall on the opposite side of the room. Connor was infuriated as Ferguson rubbed his head in thought.
“Ferguson!” he loudly whispered through his teeth. He was about to punch his fist through the wall, and if that didn’t work, he was going to knock Ferguson’s head off. He knew what he’d done to her. Answers weren’t needed; they were necessary.
Ferguson twisted around uncomfortably. Obviously he didn’t want to reveal horrible things he’d done in his past, but he also wasn’t certain how much he could tell. Secrecy first.
“Ferguson!”
“She died!” the agent finally answered, about an inch from Connor’s face. He clenched his fist and stepped back, trying to compose himself. It wasn’t really happening.
“She what?” Connor choked, not sure he’d heard correctly. He glanced over as the hypnotist was calmly bringing Burton back. Then he scowled back at Ferguson.
“For a couple of minutes,” Ferguson growled, “her heart stopped beating. She was dead!” He seemed incredibly hurt as he looked away and caught his breath. This memory seemed to be almost killing him.
Connor frowned as he watched Ferguson wallow in guilt. Self-pity? It was remorse. He suddenly became very curious as to the nature of their relationship. He held his tongue, though, as the hypnotist counted backwards and Burton’s eyes suddenly came back to life. He had never felt relief like that before.
“Justin Timberlake!” she shouted, waving her hands and then freezing as she stared at the people in the room. She seemed very disoriented.
Ferguson chuckled as Connor looked over at him. “It’s what she was listening to on her iPod.”
“When?” Connor asked.
“When they kidnapped her.”
Burton caught her breath
as she shot glances around the room. Everyone was surprised at the detail of her memory recall, but none more than she.
“Do you remember?” the hypnotist simply asked.
She looked into nowhere and held her hands in her lap. Then she nodded her head. “Yes.” She looked over at Ferguson, watching his reaction to her narrative. He was practically cowering away from her. Then her eyes turned to Connor. Confusion began to set in.
“Why did my memory stop after school that day? When I got into the car with the security guys?” she asked, sounding desperate. “I thought this exercise was to recover all of my erased memories, and I feel like there’s more.”
Whether there was more or not, it didn’t really matter. Suddenly Eubanks stormed into the room and flipped the overhead lights on, causing the room’s inhabitants to squint and shade their eyes. “All right, let’s go.”
Burton frowned as she jerked her arm away from his reach. “What? No, I want to know what happened.”
Connor couldn’t deny that he did as well, but if Eubanks and Ferguson were acting so weird about it, maybe she didn’t really need to know that she’d died. Or how. He stood and held his hands up.
“She’s learned a lot about what happened to her after the ferry attack,” he nodded, looking at the two agents. “What can we tell her to complete the hole in her life and give her closure?”
“I told you to stop after the meeting with Austin,” Eubanks growled at Ferguson.
“Sir,” Ferguson sighed, appearing as if he wanted to say something but couldn’t.
The room was silent. No one was even breathing. Answers were so close, but whatever the senior agent wanted was what would have to be done. Eubanks was angrily shaking his head, but it was Ferguson who surprised everyone.
“I think she needs to hear it all.”
Even Burton stared at him skeptically as he folded his arms across his chest.
“She’s going to put her life on the line for us. I think she bloody well needs to hear about the first time she did it. Nearly ten years ago,” Ferguson choked, looking very unsettled.