by A. K. Koonce
That smile of his taunts me again.
“Keep telling yourself that.” I hold his stare even after I pull back out of his reach.
His teeth sink into his lower lip before he opens the door.
“I have to go talk to Ryder. Good night, my human.”
“Night, Rio.”
That smile of his lights up his eyes into a sexy look that almost has me dragging him back into my room.
The door closes. I force myself to walk away. Opening the wardrobe in the corner, I don’t waste any time. I grab the first nightgown I touch and begin to change as I walk toward the bed. It’s a thin, white material that stops at my mid-thigh. The soft blankets tease my bare calves and I slouch down until I’m right in front of Daxdyn.
“It’s rude to use someone like this, Dax. If you only want me for my bed you could just say so.”
He doesn’t answer but he does turn his head until his starry eyes are looking up at me. They’re a dimmer color tonight. Not filled with shining humor. His eyes are open but unseeing. Uncaring. Unalive.
“What if, eventually, you want to marry?” Daxdyn studies the soft, white sheets as he asks this question. It’s as if he doesn’t really care about the reply, but I think he does. I can feel the tension in him, the slow bobbing of his throat as he waits for my answer.
I don’t even know where that question came from. Does he think I want to marry Darrio?
“I’m not really the marrying type, Dax,” I whisper and my stomach sinks as I realize how true that confession is. His fingers thread through mine, clinging tightly to my hand.
I could be. If I tried to be happy with someone, I probably could be.
I could be happy with Darrio. I could be happy with Daxdyn.
I am happy with them.
That thought alone scares the hell out of me.
Sarcasm defaults through me and I say the first snarky thing I can think of.
“Besides, I don’t know if you’ve heard, but I’m like the Eminence and stuff. I don’t think someone with that title really needs a man in their life.” A smirk pulls at my lips and he almost smiles at me as well. “I’ll really have my shit together when I become the Eminence.”
Lightly, his fingers trail over the Hopeless lines scaring my forearm. From the inside of my elbow down to my wrist, his touch feathers over my skin, sending a shiver all through my body.
He leans up until his chest is brushing mine, and I’m starting to realize my closeness seems to energize him.
“I don’t think someone so holy and all-powerful would be affected by my hands on her body,” he whispers against my neck, making my thighs clench together.
I clear my throat and the smile is lost as I part my lips with a shaking sigh.
“I’m not affected by you, Daxdyn.” My teeth sink into my lip to force myself from breathing out his name.
“Is that so?” His words feather across the crook of my neck before his mouth follows. His tongue sweeps over my flesh and my eyes flutter closed.
“I feel nothing,” I say in a trembling voice.
Slowly, his teeth rake across the side of my neck before he kisses it tenderly. His fingers sink into my hip as he holds me to him and continues kissing up the side of my jaw.
“Nothing at all?”
I try to speak but only a whimper comes out.
Hot flicks of his tongue trail down my collarbone and he pushes aside the top of my nightgown, raking his teeth over the top of my breast. The smooth sheet tangles in my legs as I shift beneath his hard body. His hand pushes against the soft material of my short nightgown. Warmth sears through me as his palm travels up my thigh. Slowly his fingertips sneak beneath my clothes, toying with the smooth skin of my hip.
“Tell me you don’t need a man. Tell me you don’t need me,” he mumbles between kisses across my chest.
A terrible smirk fills my features. My lips part and my words come out in a pained and broken sound. “Whatever you’re about to do, Daxdyn, I can already do all by myself.”
The logical part of my mind is giving me a standing ovation, while my ovaries are crying and throwing a tantrum over my stupid, stupid pride.
His head hangs until it bangs against my sternum. All of his torturous movements come to a halt.
“You’re the most frustrating woman I’ve ever met,” he whispers against me.
I force myself not to touch him. If I touch him, I’ll push his shirt off, and I just know it’ll end with his sexy lips pressed slowly against mine.
Darrio wants me to help his brother. His brother wants me to help him too. And I want to help him in every way possible. It’s a dangerous game the three of us are playing.
And it can only end with my heart in worse condition than it already is.
***
I wake with a startle in the middle of the night. Through my balcony windows, the clouds and smoke drift apart just slightly to reveal a perfectly full moon.
I cock a brow at the unusually bright moon. It mocks me with its fullness. I can only hope the king is as oblivious as I hope he is.
Coldness sweeps over my body and I push my palm across the smooth sheet. Nothing meets my fingertips.
I’m alone.
Darrio nor Dax are crowding the bed right now. Most nights they almost strangle me and for once I have every inch of space all to myself.
I hate it.
My body shifts until I’m sitting at the edge of the bed. My calf skims over Daxdyn’s shoulder and I find him leaning against the bed. An empty look fills his tired eyes as he stares out at the night sky.
I sink low, the hard floor greeting me as I sit down at his side.
Tightly, my stomach knots around itself and I can’t seem to look away from the hollow look in his gaze.
He’s like a shell. He’s a shell and his vibrant soul seems to be fleeing from his body.
“What do you feel?”
That half smile is right there in place against the stubble of his five o’clock shadow. It’s the slightest of smiles. A smile without happiness. A worn look fills his boyish face.
“Nothing,” he whispers.
“Nothing?”
“An emptiness mostly. The feelings I have on a day-to-day basis aren’t my own. When no one’s around I feel … nothing.” His attention drifts to the hardwood floors and that smile falters as his words die off into painful silence.
That’s the saddest thing I’ve ever heard.
“You just always seemed so happy. I can’t imagine you actually feel nothing.” My words are edged with playfulness and I bump my shoulder into his. Our bodies are aligned, side by side our shoulders, hip and thighs touch. I physically feel his sadness seeping into me.
“It’s easy to feign happiness, Kara. Imagine how boring I’d be if I let my emotions rule my personality. I’d be Darrio, basically.” His gaze drifts back to me and it’s then that I see it; the force he holds in his joking smile, the way it doesn’t touch his beautiful eyes, the sound of sadness clawing at his voice.
It shatters me. His emotions shatter my heart into tiny shards of pain.
“And you always feel this way?”
“Mostly. It’s harder with the cuffs on. My own emotions are all I have.”
“Right now? You feel this way right now?” Closer, I lean into him.
His empty eyes hold mine as he nods quietly.
My stomach twists and I try to blink back the stinging pity I feel for him.
He doesn’t need my shitty emotions clouding up his already depressed energy.
I want nothing more than to change the way he feels. The feelings he’s gifted to me in the past flood through my mind. I wish I could do for him what he does for everyone else.
The soft sheet fists in my hand as I hold onto the bed and swivel myself until I’m straddling him. I’m bare beneath my nightgown and I think he knows it. His brows rise with that cheeky smile he always holds.
That false happiness.
The sharp stubble of his beard
meets my fingertips as I hold his jaw in my palms. I force him to look up at me.
“Tell me what you feel.” I search his shining eyes.
A humming noise rumbles through his chest as he pretends to think about it. The strong feel of his hands on my hips sends a shiver through my body and I push my fingers through his soft hair.
“A steady spike of adrenaline.”
“And?”
The simple shake of his head hurts me like he’s slicing open my heart to steal what little love I possess.
“Nothing. It’s hard to explain, really. It takes a lot to push back the numbness. I find my mind wandering to that feeling a lot lately. It’s hard to tear away from it. At night it’s … suffocating.”
“Tell me what it takes.” My lips purse as I stare at him, trying to drown the grief that’s clawing up my throat.
His thumbs drift along my hip and several seconds pass without his reply. His attention slowly drifts to my lips and then to my eyes before coming back to my lips again.
The way he’s looking at me causes a thousand emotions to drill into me at once and I can’t tell if they’re my own or his.
He leans up, his head tilting toward mine hesitantly. The heat in his eyes mirrors my own wants and desires. My thighs clench around his hips just as his lips brush mine. The way his mouth skims mine sends a tingling feeling all through my body.
My breath catches and he pulls back too quickly. Soft hair presses to my temple as he leans into me, our warm breaths mingling.
“That. That wakes me up inside,” he whispers in a heavy breath.
It’s a statement that could destroy me from the inside out. My heart pounds so hard against my chest, it might break.
Daxdyn Riles is a man who causes nothing but heartbreak.
But it doesn’t stop me from slamming my mouth back against his.
A low growl falls from his lips as they open and his tongue slips against mine in a frantic feel of pleasure and pain and lust and desire and a mixture of emotions I can’t even begin to understand.
Cold fingers skim across my bare hips and up my abdomen. Without warning he pulls at the thin night gown, breaking our kiss just long enough to pull the material off. But it isn’t enough. I shove at his wrinkled shirt. Our lips part once more while he pulls the shirt over his head.
When the hard muscle of his chest skims over the peaks of my nipples, I moan into his mouth. At the same time, he shoves down on my hips until my wet center is against the hard bulge of his jeans.
“Fuck, Kara,” he says in a shaking breath.
His hips rock against mine as my eyes flutter closed with a building feeling swirling through me.
“Daxdyn,” I whisper.
“Fuck, say that again.”
His mouth nips at the soft skin at the base of my neck. I feel his fingers skim low across my stomach as he unsnaps his jeans.
“Daxdyn,” I repeat quietly and all the racing emotions in me tumble down into guilt that lies heavily at the pit of my stomach.
“Daxdyn,” I say one more time and the lust in my voice is entirely gone, replaced with hard realization. He stops, his head tipping toward mine. “I … ” My teeth roll over my lip as pain strikes through my chest. “I’m such a fuck up.”
I just asked Darrio if he loved me less than twelve hours ago and now I’m sitting naked in his brother’s lap.
Of course, he doesn’t love me. I make it impossible for anyone to love me.
“I’m sorry,” I say and my eyes sting as tears threaten to push down my cheeks.
I refuse to cry. Confusion isn’t a good enough reason to cry.
“Don’t cry, Kara. I’m sorry.” His warm hands push up and down my spine.
When I blink, a slow tear trails down my cheek but I still won’t admit to myself that I’m crying. He studies it for a moment before pressing a kiss there. It’s a sweet feeling that reminds me he was the one that held me when I thought I was dying.
Daxdyn and I might always share that connection.
For the rest of our lives.
My eyes flutter closed and another quiet tear trails down, slowly meeting the angle of my jaw. He kisses there too, drying my tears with his kiss.
The final tear falls, it trails down my face, and he lets it. He waits until it falls, landing atop my breast before he kisses slowly there. The hot feel of his tongue sweeping across the top of my breast has me arching into him. Lower his mouth skims until warm breath is fanning across my nipple and a sharp gasp tears through me as he seals his mouth over the peak and flicks his tongue across my sensitive mound.
My fingers thread through his dark hair and I hold him there as my hips begin to rock against the hard length hidden beneath his jeans.
In a reckless haste, he lifts his hips just long enough to shove his jeans down his thighs.
Then his lips seal against mine in a rush of teeth and tongues. I rise over him and feel his head slick against my sex.
He groans into my mouth.
“Fuck, you feel good.” His hand pushes between us as he strokes his fingers up and then down. I gasp against his mouth and he takes that moment to rake his teeth across my lower lip.
“Say what you’re thinking,” he demands.
A tremor shakes through my body as his thumb circles my clit.
Suddenly my throat feels dry. I’ve said dirty things, both during and not during sex. But the way he puts me on the spot drives stage fright through me like I’ve never felt before.
“I—I don’t know.” Not a single understandable thought is stumbling through my mind with his hands on my body.
His other hand is like a whisper against my spine as he skims up to thread his fingers through my hair and grips the roots lightly.
Hot breath fans across my lips as he speaks, “I live for emotions, Kara. Tell me what dirty thoughts circle that pretty little head of yours.”
Harder he circles my clit and I find myself grinding against his palm while he waits for me to speak all the terrible things that constantly cross my mind.
I’m not shy but the demand in his tone makes it hard for me to think straight.
“I want you to fuck me,” I remember how he liked the way I said his name earlier, “Fuck me please, Daxdyn.”
His sparking gaze holds mine just as he pulls me to him, his mouth claiming mine at the same time as his hand slips away. I nearly protest, pulling back from him, when the tip of his dick teases my entrance.
I kiss him leisurely, guiding our pace just as I slowly lower myself down his throbbing dick. His groan matches my own as he fills me completely and I settle there for just a second, finding total pleasure in the way he feels deep inside me.
His jaw clenches so tightly it tics beneath my touch. Warm palms grip my hips tightly before they travel low on my ass.
I’m controlling our kiss but Daxdyn wastes no time controlling my body. His hips roll against mine as he guides me up and then down the length of his dick.
“You feel fucking amazing,” he whispers on a shaking breath against my lips.
It’s slow.
Torturously slow.
We fuck like we’ll stay here together forever.
Stroke for stroke he meets me in long even thrusts that has my lips parting without sound against his mouth.
I can’t manage anything but gasping breaths.
Coiling energy tightens in my core and it’s like he feels every single thing within me.
“Kara.” My name is a pained groan that has me moaning in response. Gods above, I love the way he says my name. “Come for me,” he begs, his lips skimming over my jaw before his teeth scraping across my neck.
His pace quickens, his hips slamming against mine. Just before it happens, his mouth seals to mine as if he can sense my orgasm, as if my pleasure is his own.
Because it is. Empathically he seems to harbor each intense emotion that swirls within me.
A low growl hums through him just as I clench around his length, making sure I
feel every inch of his hardness deep within me. He stiffens in my arms but continues to kiss me. The pulse of his dick sends another thrilling shiver through me.
I’ve never orgasmed at the same time as anyone before and the intimacy of it takes every ounce of energy in me. I can’t do anything but cling to this beautiful man.
Will it always feel like this? Will every time we have sex feel like this amazing, heart pounding ecstasy?
Or is it this simply a one-time thing? Is the forbidden aspect of our relationship what has my emotions filling my chest with intensity?
Maybe I’ll never know.
Finally, we part, his head leaning against mine, my hands still gripping his soft hair.
For a few seconds, we only stare at one another, the moonlight streaking across the sharp angles of his jaw, filling his eyes with quicksilver.
“What do you feel now?” I ask breathlessly, searching his gaze.
He licks his lips with a shaking breath. Strength surrounds me as he holds me against his body. A smile tilts his mouth.
“Everything.”
Chapter Thirteen
Make a Choice
When I wake, Darrio’s staring down on me. I think I can physically feel his gaze on me long before I open my eyes to him. I shift beneath the heavy blankets and sit up to find myself naked and alone in the large bed. The fluff of the comforter meets my chin as I hug the soft blanket to my chest.
Daxdyn leans against the beam of the footboard, the carved detail of the frame spirals up on all four sides and is just tall enough to meet his bare chest. His jeans are slung low on his hips as if he rushed to pull them on.
Darrio stands at the edge, just a foot from me. If I dared, I could reach out and touch his thigh. I don’t. I don’t dare move an inch.
“I—I like you, Kara. Fuck, why do I like you?” Darrio shakes his head at me and he appears genuinely stunned and confused about his feelings for me.
“I don’t know,” I say in a quiet voice, my attention drifting to the white threaded pattern that swirls across my blanket.