by Alexa Land
When I thought he was ready, I eased my fingers from him and wiped my hand on a wet-wipe from a plastic canister that he’d thought to bring along, then prepped myself with a condom and lube. I instructed him to push back as I sank into him slowly. He winced a couple times, but begged me to keep going when I asked if he wanted to stop.
Eventually, I was able to start moving in him, thrusting carefully. “Oh fuck,” he rasped as I grazed his prostate, relaxing under me as pleasure edged out discomfort. I felt him open up a bit as he relaxed, and I picked up my pace, sliding in and out of him with shallow movements.
It took a while for me to relax too and just enjoy myself. I could only do that once I knew he was okay. We held each other’s gaze as I began taking him harder and faster. I watched his every reaction, looking for signs of distress, but saw only bliss. His cock was rock-hard between us, and I reached down and stroked him as I sank deep into him, my other arm sliding under his head to act as a pillow. “Oh God yes,” he whispered as I bottomed out in him.
We were both being quiet, which was a good thing since we suddenly heard voices. Finn and I froze as a large party walked down the path we’d been on, heading in the direction of the parking lot. I glanced over my shoulder and could see the beams from their flashlights through the foliage. They were only about twenty feet away when they passed us, but we were well-concealed by the bushes.
I looked at Finn, expecting him to be a bit freaked out, but he just smiled at me, his eyes crinkling in the corners. I thrust slowly, sliding all the way into him, then pulling out almost to the tip. I did a couple more slow-motion thrusts before the group was out of earshot, our eyes locked on each other. We then both held still for a moment and listened as Finn ran his hands down my back and cupped my ass.
Once I was sure we wouldn’t be discovered, I kissed him deeply and smiled at him, then picked up my pace, fucking him hard and fast. In just a couple minutes, he bit his lip to keep from moaning and arched his back, then shot all over his stomach and chest, his cock twitching in my grasp. After a few more quick thrusts I came too, fighting to keep from crying out. I pushed into him as deep as I could, his ass squeezing my cock as I unloaded in him.
It was so incredibly intense that I was shaking by the time it was over. I laid down on top of him, trying to bear my weight on my knees and elbows, and Finn hugged me as we both caught our breath. “You okay?” I whispered when I could speak again.
“Oh yeah.” I reached down and held the condom in place as I eased myself from his body, then looked at him closely in the fading light and chuckled softly. “What?” he asked.
“You just look so happy. It’s cute.”
“I am happy,” he said. “Happier than I’ve ever been, and not because I just lost the last vestige of my virginity. I can’t believe this is my life right now, it’s so utterly unlike me!”
“What is?”
“All of it. I was always the guy who worked constantly, saved my money, played by the rules, and did what everyone expected of me. I never, ever rocked the boat. And it was fucking exhausting. But look where I am right now! I’m buck naked next to freaking Devils Tower with a sexy, naked guy in my arms! Me! Finn Nolan! Good old, reliable, predictable, uptight, totally boring Finn. I never even knew it was possible to be this happy.”
I smiled and kissed him. “It looks good on you.”
We cleaned up with the wet-wipes and remained naked while we had our picnic. Finn set the little bear beside us on the blanket, and we sat cross-legged with our heads almost touching, enjoying our little feast. He’d bought way too much food as usual, but we ended up eating almost all of it.
I was startled when Finn’s phone rang. “Good thing that didn’t happen when those people were walking by,” he said with a smile before answering it. The call was from Christine Hanson, who told me, “We found your car, Chance. Someone took it for a joyride out on a fairly deserted country road, crashed it into a ditch, and abandoned it. Sounds like it got pretty banged up. I haven’t seen it yet, but it’s going to be towed to the police station first thing in the morning. I can meet you there at nine if you want.”
“We’ll be there. Thanks for calling, Christine.” After we hung up, I looked at Finn and said, “I never thought I’d see that car again. I wonder how bad the damage is. I also wonder what the hell we’re going to do with a broken-down car.”
“I can exchange the rental car for a bigger vehicle, and we can tow the Civic home. I know a couple mechanics in San Francisco, maybe it’ll prove to be salvageable.”
“I know one, too.” I reached for my t-shirt and pulled it over my head, then asked, “What do you suppose the chances are that my stuff is still in the car?”
“Hard to say.”
We both got dressed and packed up the remains of our picnic. Then I said, “Wow, look at that.”
I’d glanced up at Devils Tower, which was just a big, black silhouette at night. But all around it, the stars had begun to come out. “I haven’t seen that many stars since I was a kid,” I said as Finn and I leaned against each other and took in the view.
“It’s beautiful.”
After a minute I asked, “Can we head home by way of southern Wyoming? I want to check on my brother again. I saw him on the way here, like I told you, and there are all these pieces that just won’t fall into place. He’s keeping a secret from me, and I have a bad feeling about it.”
“What kind of secret?”
“I really don’t know. When I got there, the house looked like it hadn’t been cleaned in months, and he’d been eating nothing but fast food and ramen noodles. He said our mom had been on vacation for a couple weeks, but that just doesn’t make sense. She was always a bit of a neat freak, and I can’t imagine that she’d let it get that bad.”
“Do you think she abandoned him?”
“It’s hard to believe, since she always adored Colt. Something’s up though, and I want to know what it is. It seems like my brother’s barely holding it all together. He’s trying to take care of himself and his boyfriend, and…I don’t know. I just have to do something.”
“His boyfriend?” I told him about Elijah, and Finn said, “Oh yeah, we’re definitely heading back there tomorrow. I hate the thought of a couple kids fending for themselves like that.”
I grinned and said, “Just don’t call them kids to their faces. My brother thinks he’s all grown up at sixteen.”
Finn laid back on the blanket, picked up the little bear, and held him in the crook of his arm. I curled up beside him, sliding my hand under his t-shirt to rest on his belly. “I’m really glad we came here,” he said. “I feel like I’m on vacation.”
“Me too, to both.”
“Can we stop off and see Yellowstone after we check on your brother?”
“Sure, but it’s not on the way. We’ll have to make a big ‘V’ down to Simone and then back up to the northwestern part of the state.”
“Fine with me.”
“I’ve always wanted to see Yellowstone,” I told him.
“You never did when you were growing up here?”
“Nah. My mom was always working, since she was a single parent. She never took vacations.”
“It’s surprising that she didn’t try to track your father down for child support.”
“Well, if that man’s Asturias, look at what we know about him. He was an alcoholic who worked ‘off and on’ as a handyman, which basically means he was unemployed a lot. She must have known there was no point.”
“Are you going to try to talk to Asturias one more time before we head out?”
“No point in that either.”
We watched the stars for a couple minutes before Finn muttered, “Shit, I was supposed to call my brother today. I almost forgot.” He put the bear on my stomach, sat up and pulled his phone from his pocket. “It’s earlier in California, I’m going to go ahead and call him now.”
He hit a number on speed dial, then put it on speaker. Shea sounded agitated w
hen he answered with, “What the hell’s going on, Finn? Where are you? I’ve left you about a million messages!”
“I know,” he said. “I’m sorry. I’m in Wyoming. Chance was in trouble and I needed to get to him ASAP. He’s right here, by the way, and you’re on speaker.” I sat up and raised an eyebrow at Finn.
“Oh! I didn’t know you and Chance were friends,” his brother said.
Finn took a deep breath before blurting, “We’re a lot more than that. Chance and I have been seeing each other since just after your wedding. I told him to keep it quiet, but that’s bullshit and I need to be honest with you, Shea. I’ve been in the closet my whole life. I should have told you years ago, and I’m sorry to be doing this over the phone, but I don’t want to keep any more secrets from you.” My mouth fell open.
“I kind of always suspected,” Shea said.
“You did?”
“Yeah. There were signs.”
“Like what?”
“You serial-dated all those girls in high school and college, but it was so obvious to me that you were just going through the motions.”
“You’re really observant,” Finn told him.
“Do Mom and Dad know?”
“Not yet. When I come out to them, I’m going to need a place to stay because you and I both know how it’ll go over. Is it okay if I crash with you and Christian for a little while, just until I find my own apartment? I promise not to stay long. You two are newlyweds, so I really don’t want to be in the way.”
“You can stay as long as you like. Want me to be there when you tell our parents?”
“I think I need to do this on my own. Thanks, though.”
Shea asked, “Is everything okay with you, Chance? Hi, by the way.”
“Hi Shea. It is now,” I said, “thanks to Finn.”
“We’ll tell you all about it when we get back to the city,” Finn said. “Should just be a few days.”
“What are you going to do about your job? The captain is livid.”
“I don’t think there’s anything to do. I hung up on him and took leave without permission. I’m sure that cost me my job.”
“You were always an exemplary officer, though. If you go see him and apologize when you get back, maybe he’ll just issue a formal reprimand and let you return to work,” Shea said.
“It’s worth a shot. Listen, I’d better go. I’ll talk to you soon, Shea. And I’m really sorry I worried you.”
“I’m just glad you’re okay, and I’m so damn glad you finally came out.”
“Me too. It was ridiculously overdue.”
The brothers chatted for a minute more before we all said goodbye and Finn disconnected. When he stretched out on the blanket again, I curled up against his side and said, “I can’t believe you came out to your brother, just like that!”
“I was so nervous that I thought my heart was going to explode. It really wasn’t just like that, though. I’d rehearsed that moment a million times. I kept trying to figure out the perfect time and place to tell him, but ultimately that really didn’t matter. I just had to say it, and it felt right in that moment.”
“I’m proud of you,” I said as I picked up his hand.
“Well, that was the easy part. I always knew Shea would understand. Telling everyone else, that’s going to pretty much suck. Still needs to be done, though.”
“Why now, after all this time?”
“In part, I’m doing it for us. No more sneaking around, you deserve so much better than that. But I’m doing it for me, too. I’m just so sick of all the lies and pretending. Twenty-eight years in the closet is just way too fucking long.”
“I want you to know I’ll be there to support you, every step of the way.”
He grinned and kissed me before looking back up at the heavens. We were quiet for a while before Finn pointed at the sky and said, “I’m pretty sure that’s Saturn. My cousin Kieran is a bit of an astronomy nerd, and he taught me some stuff. I wish I remembered more of it now.”
I stared at the little speck of light he’d indicated and whispered as I squeezed his hand, “I like it so much better here.”
Chapter Fifteen
The Civic rattled behind Finn’s rented SUV as we slowly wound our way down the dirt road leading to my mother’s house. The front end of the little car had been smashed in when it hit the ditch, but at least it could be towed along on its four wheels. Maybe Jessie could work a miracle when he got home from Italy, once I saved up enough money for replacement parts. I figured it was worth asking, at least.
The thief had missed the money I’d tucked under the driver’s seat, and he’d dumped the backpack out in the backseat and rummaged through its contents, which he left behind. But he’d taken my teddy bear and the bag in the trunk containing my expensive camera. I was still cursing myself for having brought them along in the first place.
My phone rang and I picked it up and looked at Zachary’s name on the screen. I’d plugged it in when I’d retrieved the cable from my backpack and found I had a couple texts from him, so I’d left him a voicemail with a quick overview of my trip. “Hey,” I said when I answered.
“Hi. Are you really okay?”
“I’m fine. We’re almost to my mom’s house. Once we get things sorted out here, we’re going to spend a day or two in Yellowstone and then head home. I’ll be seeing you soon,” I told him.
“Who’s this guy that you said flew out to help you?”
“His name’s Finn. I’ll tell you about him when I get back.”
“Can you trust him?” my friend asked.
“With my life.”
“I miss you. I’ll be glad when you’re home.”
“I miss you too, Zachary. How’ve you been?”
“You know, same as ever. I’d better let you go. Be safe.”
“I will.”
When we disconnected, I sighed and Finn asked, “Everything okay?”
“I guess. I always worry about Zachary. He never says much, but I think he gets really lonely. I’ll be glad when I’m back and can check on him.” Finn gave my hand a quick squeeze, then grabbed the wheel with both hands and tried to dodge a particularly deep pothole. The big SUV and its beat-up cargo both rattled loudly.
When we pulled up in front of the house, we waited for the dust to settle. Two faces peered at us through the dirty front window to the left of the door. After a minute we got out of the SUV and Colt came out onto the porch. He was dressed in the same ratty gym shorts as the last time I’d seen him, and nothing else.
“Why’d you come back?” he asked, then looked Finn over from head to toe. “And who’s this guy?”
“This is my boyfriend, Finn Nolan. Finn, Colt Matthews. I came back because I needed to make sure you’re okay.”
“I’m fine.” Colt glanced over my shoulder. “What happened to your car?”
“Somebody stole it and took it for a joyride. The police found it in a ditch.”
“That sucks. I really am fine though, so you didn’t need to come all the way back here.”
I stepped onto the porch, stopping about four feet from my brother. “I have to ask you something, and I need an honest answer. What’s going on? I don’t buy your story that mom’s only been gone a couple weeks. Did she take off and leave you to fend for yourself?” I tried to look him in the eye, but he avoided my gaze. “Just talk to me, Colt. Please? If Mom abandoned you, I can help.”
“She didn’t abandon me,” he exclaimed. “She wouldn’t do that! Mama loved me!”
“Oh God,” I said, catching the past tense. “Did something happen to her?”
“Shit!” He tried to run past me, but I caught him by the shoulders.
“Colt, did something happen to Mom?”
“Please go away! I’m fine! I’ve got it all under control.”
“You really don’t,” I said, still holding him gently by his bony shoulders. “And you don’t have to. You’re sixteen years old, Colt. Whatever’s going on, you don’
t have to deal with it alone.”
He started crying and said again, “Please go away.”
I drew him into a hug which he didn’t return, his body rigid in my arms as I asked, “What happened to her?”
He was sobbing now, and choked out, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I know it was wrong not to. Please don’t put me in foster care, Chance! I couldn’t stand it if you did that. I’d run away! Please?”
Dread settled in my stomach like a lead weight. “Colt, is mom dead?” He nodded against my shoulder. I felt sick. “How?”
He took a couple deep breaths and said, his voice choppy, “She went on vacation with her boyfriend. He rides a motorcycle. They went to Ohio to visit some friends, like I told you before, but they had an accident. Mama was killed instantly.” He started sobbing again and put his arms around me.
I drew in my breath and rubbed his back. I couldn’t begin to process what he’d just told me. It was just too overwhelming, too unexpected. It was a full minute before I had the wherewithal to ask, “When did this happen?”
“Right before Thanksgiving.”
“You’ve been on your own for nine months?” He nodded again and I hugged him tighter. “You should have called me right away.”
“I’m sorry.” Colt stepped back from me, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand.
He took several ragged breaths and I said, “Come on. Let’s get you a glass of water.” Colt led the way into the house.
Elijah backed away from us as we came inside. “You told him,” Elijah said to Colt. “You swore you wouldn’t. How could you tell him, Colt?”
“I had to,” my brother said. “She was his mom too. He had a right to know.”
“You ruined everything,” the little blond yelled. “They’re not going to let us keep living here, and I’m not going into the system! No fucking way!”
“You’re not, I promise,” I said. Elijah was still backing away from us, into the kitchen.