by Alexa Land
He started dissecting the eraser on his pencil with a fingernail as he said, “I have four older brothers. They always knew I was different, from the time I was little, and they picked on me so bad. They called me a fag before I even knew there was such a thing as being gay. My parents didn’t help at all. In fact, my dad would take my brothers’ side and tell me I needed to ‘man up’. That’s a really fuckin’ stupid thing to say to a five-year-old.”
“It really is.”
“Then there was the other thing that made me different, where I was super good at math and really liked it. I’d try to hide it, because it was just another way I didn’t blend in.”
“I’m sorry you felt you had to hide.”
“That was how I survived, by trying to be invisible,” Elijah said in his soft whisper of a voice. “I tried so hard. It didn’t work, though. It just made me an easy mark for my uncle when he decided to molest me. Finally it all got to be too much, and I ran away. I had this idea that things would be better if I made it to California, that people would be more tolerant there. I really didn’t think it through.”
“I can relate to so much of that,” I told him.
“I know. That’s why I’m talkin’ about it with you. I don’t think most people will ever really understand what I went through, but I think you get it.”
“Will you please promise me something?”
He glanced at me from under his dark eyelashes. “What?”
“If it ever gets bad here, if you and Colt have a fight, or if school starts to become overwhelming, or if things just go wrong in general, please promise me you’ll come talk to me. I’m so scared you’re going to run again, and that I won’t be able to find you.”
“You really want me around? I know Colt didn’t give you a choice, he said you had to bring me or he wouldn’t go with you.”
“I absolutely want you around, Elijah. You’re a part of this family and I care about you.”
He closed the distance between us and hugged me, which surprised me because he usually avoided physical contact with everyone but Colt. He felt so tiny and fragile in my arms that it made me want to protect him more than ever. “I won’t run, I promise. Y’all have been nicer to me than anyone’s ever been in my life. I’m not gonna throw that away.” He stepped back from me quickly, looking embarrassed, and said, “Alright enough mushy stuff. You gotta go get a shower.”
I laughed at that and said, “Thanks! Do I stink?”
“No, nothin’ like that. But I know somethin’ you don’t know.” He gave me a little smile. “You might want to put on some nice clothes after you get cleaned up. Just sayin’.”
“Alright, Captain Cryptic, I’m going. Are you going to stay down here for a while?”
“No, I’ll come upstairs with you.” He gathered up his books and papers and followed me as we cut through the kitchen, where I waved to a couple of my coworkers.
When we got upstairs, we discovered that Jamie had company. Two of his sisters, Maureen and Erin, were visiting, and so was his best friend Jessica. They relaxed in the living room and joked with Jamie and Dmitri as a couple giggling little blond boys ran around, pursued by Colt. My brother carried Lily on his shoulders and high-stepped like a horse, and the toddler howled with laughter.
It was such a perfect little moment that I had to pause and take it in. I’d had a hard time accepting so much help from Jamie and Dmitri, between the place to stay and the job, but they’d always made me feel so welcome, like I was part of the family. I was glad to see my brother obviously felt the same way.
Elijah went into the living room and perched on the arm of the couch. He was too embarrassed to join in when Colt took his hand and tried to pull him to his feet, but he was smiling. I took one last look at all that joy and smiled wistfully as I went to get my shower.
*****
Everyone was in on the secret but me. Their big, goofy grins were a dead giveaway. After I showered and got dressed in a dark blue button-down shirt and the one pair of pants I owned which weren’t jeans, I went out into the living room and found Jamie and Dmitri, the sisters and Jessica, Colt and Elijah, and even the two little boys and Lily lined up in front of the kitchen. Even the toddler was grinning.
“Okay, when do I get to know what’s up?” I asked.
“Any minute now,” Dmitri said.
“Do you own a tie?” Colt asked.
“Yeah, one. Do I need it?”
“Couldn’t hurt,” my brother said. I grinned too and went to find it in the suitcase I’d been using as a dresser.
Someone knocked on the door just as I finished knotting my tie, and I returned to the living room. Everyone was still lined up shoulder-to-shoulder, blocking the kitchen from my line of sight. “I guess I’m getting that?” I asked. Nine grinning heads nodded and Lily giggled.
I opened the door to Finn, looking devastatingly handsome in a suit and tie. He held out a big bouquet of flowers in every shade of red and said, “Chance Matthews, will you go out on a real date with me?”
I smiled at him as I took the flowers and said, “With pleasure.”
He stepped inside and kissed me on the cheek, and my brother yelled, “Oh come on! You can do better than that!”
Everyone laughed, and Finn took hold of me, dipped me and kissed me with everything he had. My heart raced and embarrassingly, my cock tried to get in on the action. When he swung me upright again, I had to hide behind him and adjust the front of my black dress pants. That resulted in another round of laughter, this time accompanied by some whistling. “What?” asked Jamie’s nephew Brennan, the older of the two blond kids.
“He liked it,” Colt said, and Jamie started laughing again.
“Yeah, that about sums it up. Come on guys, let’s get out of here so Phase One can commence,” Jamie said. He grabbed a nearby diaper bag and slung it over his shoulder while Dmitri scooped up Lily, and the entire group began to filter out of the apartment.
“Have fun, you two,” Maureen said, tossing her strawberry blonde hair over her shoulder and winking at us roguishly.
“I helped make the tap-it-tizers!” Brody, the younger of Erin’s sons, proudly exclaimed, stopping in front of us and beaming delightedly.
His brother took his arm and started to drag him out of the apartment as he said, “There apple-tizers, doofus. Now let’s go. Uncle Finn needs to get all romantical with his boyfriend and stuff.” Technically he was second cousin Finn, but he’d earned the honorary title somewhere along the line. The boys started to bicker as they left the apartment, and Erin their mom sighed dramatically as she followed them.
“I’m guessing the tap-it-tizing will come later,” Colt said with a huge grin. “Just a hunch. You two have the best time ever, for real. We won’t wait up!”
Eventually, the rambunctious procession made it out the door, and Finn called a thank you and closed it behind them. I turned to look at the kitchen and a smile spread across my face. The big table had a white tablecloth over it and was dotted with candles, all of them battery-operated since the house was pretty thoroughly child-proofed. Lots of little glass vessels held white daisies, and two places were set, side by side, with the “good” china (in other words, not paper plates) and cloth napkins.
Finn took my flowers from me, peeled off the wrapping and put them in a water-filled vase that was waiting on the counter. He put them on the table as a centerpiece, then pulled my chair out for me. After I sat down, he kissed the top of my head and said as he headed to the refrigerator, “It’s a bit early for dinner, so this is just appetizers and cocktails. We’ll be eating later. I just didn’t want you to be hungry.” When he opened the fridge, he said, “Oh wow, they really went to town. I didn’t think they’d make this much.” He pulled out two big trays of appetizers and set them on the table, followed by a pitcher of martinis. Once he filled my glass and his, he sat down beside me and said, “Cheers.”
We clinked our glasses together, and I said, “Thank you so much for this. You
didn’t have to go through so much trouble, though. We already went on a real date.”
“What, you think you only get one? It’d be pretty tough to top our picnic at Devils Tower, granted, but still, I really want you to have a special evening. We’ve been so damn busy with work and the kids and everything else that there’s been no time for us. I thought we needed to remedy that.”
“You’re so sweet,” I said, and leaned in and kissed him before turning to the bite-sized treats. I had to chuckle. One silver tray began with a tidy row of round finger sandwiches, obviously done by an adult as an example. The kids had then obviously gotten into the cookie cutters, because that one neat row gave way to finger sandwich mayhem. Rocket ships, cats, and Christmas trees shared the stage with flowers, Easter bunnies and jack-o-lanterns. It was awesome. I put a rocket on Finn’s plate and a tree on mine, then passed him the second tray of assorted delicacies, again ranging from sophisticated to kid-creative. He loaded up both our plates.
We ate our fill, and since we also polished off the entire pitcher of martinis, I wondered how he was planning to get us to our next destination. That question was answered when we went downstairs. Nana’s white stretch limo was double parked in front of the restaurant. Jessie was leaning against the fender, and jumped up to open the door for us. He was more or less dressed like a chauffeur, which technically had been his job description when Nana hired him, although he’d evolved into much more since then. He wore a black cap, a short-sleeved black shirt, and a pink bowtie. But he was also wearing tight black shorts and combat boots, hence the less. It looked good on him, though.
“Hey guys!” he exclaimed. He gave me a hug and slapped Finn on the back when we came up to him.
“Hi Jessie. You look great,” I told him.
“Thanks! You do, too, both of you. Hop in, we don’t want to be late.”
A bottle of champagne in an ice bucket and a box of chocolates were waiting for us in the back of the limo. “Well damn, you went all out,” I told Finn as we settled in.
He picked up the bottle and popped the cork as he said, “I can only take credit for calling Jessie to see about borrowing the limo. The champagne and chocolates must be Nana’s doing.” He grinned and picked up something from the seat. “Along with this giant box of condoms.”
Jessie called through the divider, “Nana was so excited when she heard Finn wanted to take you on a special date, Chance. She’s a true romantic. She also told me I should give you some privacy so you can make out.” He flashed us a big smile in the rearview mirror and put up the tinted divider.
“Well, if Nana insists,” I said as I climbed onto Finn’s lap. I straddled his hips and rested my forehead against his as I said, “Thank you again. This is so over the top. I feel like we’re going to prom.”
“Oh man, my prom would have been ten thousand times better if I’d taken you!”
“I never got to go to any school dances. Sadly, I don’t think my high school equivalency studies include one either. And they call themselves equivalent,” I joked.
“I wish I had a do-over. I’d take you in a heartbeat.” I grinned at that and kissed Finn as I stroked his soft, short hair.
A few minutes later, the limo pulled up in front of the Castro Theater. When I looked up at the marquee, I said, “Oh wow.” It was a Raymond Chandler double feature. “I can’t believe you remembered I liked Chandler. I mentioned that once in passing when we were at the Whitman.”
We got a few looks when Jessie came around and opened the door and we stepped out of the limo. A guy in the crowd said, “Shit, I was hoping for Beyoncé!”
“Have fun! See you afterwards, guys!” Jessie said as he hurried to move the limo and unblock traffic.
We thanked him and turned toward the theater. I was worried we’d be overdressed, but some of the crowd had made it a 1940s theme night and there were a lot of suits and fedoras in the crowd. Finn handed over our tickets and we entered the lobby. When we stepped into the regal theater, I felt the same sense of wonder I did every time I came here. It was lush and opulent, built in the 1920s and later declared a Historic Landmark. Since it was located in San Francisco’s gay neighborhood, it also brought in one of the most fun, interactive crowds anywhere. They cheered, hissed at the villains (or applauded them, depending on the film), and took movie-going to a whole new level.
The theater was showing a double feature of The Big Sleep and Double Indemnity. We took our seats and I pulled Finn to me and kissed him. “Thank you so much for this,” I said as I linked my arm with his.
He grinned and said, “You don’t have to keep thanking me.”
“Oh yes I do.”
*****
Jessie timed our pick-up perfectly. He pulled up just as the movies let out, we hopped in the back, and he rolled on out of the Castro. “So how was it?” he asked.
“Terrific, but please tell me you haven’t been circling for four hours,” I said.
“Nope, I went to a club. Parking the Nanamobile was a bitch, but I actually managed it! It was like a Christmas miracle!” Jessie said.
“In September.”
He grinned at me in the rearview mirror. “Christmas miracles can happen any time. That’s part of the reason they’re miracles.”
As we rolled down Market Street I asked, “What are we doing now?”
“Beginning phase three,” Finn said. He looked a little nervous for some reason, but he was smiling. Jessie drove us out past Hunter’s Point, to the southeastern corner of San Francisco. As we wound through a sparsely populated industrial area, I asked where we were going, and Finn said, “You’ll see. We’re almost there.”
Eventually, we reached a blocky two-story warehouse with rusty, corrugated metal walls, which backed up to the bay. It sat by itself on a patch of dirt and weeds, looking pretty forgotten. I was surprised when the limo stopped and Finn got out of the car. He helped me out by offering me his hand, then leaned back in and called, “Thank you so much, Jessie. I owe you one! We’ll see you soon!”
“Good luck,” Jessie called back. Finn closed the door and the limo pulled away, leaving us in the middle of nowhere.
I grinned at Finn and said, “I admire your unpredictability. Never in a million years would I have guessed our date would end up in the most remote corner of the city.”
“It’s good to keep you on your toes.” Finn still held my hand, and led me to the nine-foot-high rusty door. He grasped the door’s edge and said, “I need you to do something for me.”
“Sure. What is it?”
“I need you to use your imagination.”
“Um, okay.” He slid the door open with a bit of effort, and my breath caught. The interior of the warehouse was lit with dozens of strands of white light bulbs suspended from the two-story ceiling, casting a warm, golden glow. The light reflected off the polished, honey-colored wood floor and the wall of glass at the back of the building. “It’s so beautiful,” I said as we stepped inside.
The warehouse was mostly empty, but someone had set up a picnic with flowers and candles right in the middle of the room. I looked to my right, where an industrial kitchen was tucked in the space beneath a second-story balcony. A row of offices lined the balcony, each with a glass door and a big front window. “What is this place?” I asked, looking up at the exposed ductwork on the high ceiling.
“In 1925, it was the Hofstedler Bottling Company. They made some kind of medicinal soda, which never quite caught on,” Finn told me. “They went out of business in the 1950s, and the warehouse sat abandoned until 1988, when my cousin Shaun bought it. You remember him, right, the one whose wife’s expecting their third child?”
“I remember.”
“Shaun had this crazy idea to turn this into a trendy restaurant. The fact that it was totally out of the way didn’t dissuade him. He felt that, if he built something special enough, people would seek it out, so he poured all kinds of money into this place, upgrading the electrical, the plumbing, adding the kitchen, reinf
orcing it against earthquakes. Unfortunately, he was dead wrong, and his restaurant went under just a year after it opened. He tried to sell the building after that, but no one wanted such a small warehouse, or the tiny lot it sits on. Not even developers were interested.”
“So, what are we doing here?”
“Well, I ran into Shaun at the grocery store last week, and we got to talking about real estate. He knows I’ve been saving for a house for years, but the market keeps outpacing my savings. I asked him if he’d ever managed to sell the warehouse, and then I had a crazy idea. I asked him what he’d take for this place.”
“Why?”
Finn said, “Well, it occurred to me that maybe I should broaden my definition of what a home could be. Shaun’s willing to make me an amazing deal on this building, because he wants to be rid of it once and for all. I think he’s being overly generous because I’m family, but he wouldn’t listen when I tried to tell him that. Anyway, I’d love to buy this place, but it’s not just up to me. I need to know what you think about it, Chance. Should I do it?”
“It’s not really my call.”
“Sure it is, because I wouldn’t just be buying it for me. I’d be buying it for us, all of us, you and me and Colt and Elijah. I want this to be our home, but only if you think you’d be happy here.” I must have looked startled, because Finn added, “I know we started living together out of necessity, but I want to make it official. If you think this could be the right place for us, then let’s buy it together and make it ours.”
“But you’re the one with all the money,” I said. “I couldn’t really contribute.”
“This isn’t about money, Chance. Not even a little. It’s about you and me, and it’s about building a future together.”
“But I can’t just mooch off of you.”
“If it’s that important to you, contribute what you can toward the down-payment. It doesn’t have to be fifty-fifty. I know you’ve been saving for an apartment, so maybe if you put that money into this place it’ll help you feel like it’s yours, too.”