Chapter 19
Someone must have called Rory because he was standing in front of me. Talking to me, but I couldn’t hear him. I was still trying to grasp what I had done. I couldn’t talk until then, not until I was ready to tell them what I did. My chest was one raw clenching ache, my lungs kept burning like I couldn’t get enough air. My cheeks were wet, I was crying quietly. I didn’t care. Someone should cry for her. There was a blanket around me, it was warm and rough against my skin. Someone was next to me. Rory walked away and towards the open grave. My chest threatened to explode. I didn’t want him to know what I did, how I fucked up so badly. I had done something that never was meant to be done. Souls weren’t meant to be destroyed. We were supposed to keep going. And I had just… My stomach lurched. I turned to the side and threw up. Over and over again until I was empty. Hot hands were on my head, holding my hair I think. I didn’t care. I deserved so much worse. It was my area of talent, my responsibility. When I was done being sick, I wiped my mouth with the back of my shaking hand. I blinked. Rory was back, his mouth moving again. He looked at Miles, his mouth still moving. He was moving too fast for me right now; he was reaching out and touching my face. I felt it; I just didn’t want to move. I couldn’t with this burning pit in my chest. I was still trying to breathe, my lungs still starving.
Someone lifted me, an arm around my back and another under my knees. It hurt, it hurt a lot, but I didn’t want to move. I looked up to see that Isaac had me, his face worried, his skin pale. I didn’t like his face like that. I blinked and we were at the back of the Blazer, the back gate down. Ethan was sitting in the back on the floor his arms reaching out. Isaac passed me to him. Ethan tucked me into his lap. He was looking at me his face drawn too, his chocolate eyes were scared. I didn’t like that either. Ethan’s mouth was moving, his fingers wiping at my face. I heard him; it was just too fast right now. We were moving. I blinked and Ethan was handing me off to Asher. Asher’s ocean eyes looked down at me, fear written in the lines of his face. I didn’t like that at all. Asher walked through a familiar door, I recognized the high ceiling. We were at Miles house. Asher put me down on something soft, I recognized the living room. Isaac was at the fireplace doing something. Ethan was kneeling in front of me wiping my face with something wet. I felt the edge of one of his rings. Miles came in with his arms full of blanket. He put it around me; it was soft. Asher came in carrying my book bag; he poured it out and found the journal I had been reading all week. He shoved it into Miles hands, his mouth moving. I heard noise; I knew they were talking. Everything was just happening so fast. Isaac stepped away from the fireplace and started pulling out books from the boxes still on the coffee table. Everyone grabbed one, except Ethan. Ethan was still in front of me, wiping my face gently. He was telling me something, the only word I could make out was 'back'. Zeke strode into the room, four weird bags in his hands. He took Ethan's spot in front of me, his sky blue eyes running over me. His face hard, a flame of fear in his eyes. I really didn't like that. His hand was hot on my face. Zeke scowled and took off his jacket. He was talking saying something about heat; it was the only word I could make out. He was talking too fast. Zeke pushed the blanket off my shoulders. He lifted me against his chest, an arm under my knees and an arm around my back. Pain exploded across my back, I jerked. I turned in his arms and pressed against his chest knowing I was making pain filled noises. I blinked. I was sitting wrapped against Zeke’s chest, my forehead resting against his throat. Hot bags in my lap against my stomach, a blanket wrapped around both of us. I vaguely heard crackling nearby. I could see the others around the coffee table. They were going through the books. They kept stealing glances at me, then going back to what they were doing. Soon, I felt warm. Zeke’s body heat, the blanket and the weird hot bags were making me warm. Hot packs, they were hot packs. How long had I been sitting here? Sunlight was pouring through the windows. Isaac got to his feet. He threw a book at the wall. I heard the thump. His face was red, tears running down his cheeks as he pressed his hands against his scalp, rubbing hard. He began pacing across the room and back. He was freaking out. I looked at the others and saw the same signs. Miles hands were fists as he tapped against his thigh. Ethan was taking deep controlled breaths, his fingers constantly spinning one of his rings. Asher was rocking himself slightly, his neck red from where he’d been rubbing. And Zeke. I could feel Zeke holding me tight, a hand rubbing up and down my arm trying to warm me. His hands were shaking.
They were all freaking out. I wanted to tell them I was fine, but I didn’t move my mouth. That wasn’t fine. Shit. Okay, time to climb out of this Lexie. You can’t leave them hanging like this. As soon as I made the decision, I felt myself start to rise. Like a bubble from the bottom of a pond, I was moving upwards. The further up I went the more I seemed to catch up to the world. Then the pain hit. I felt like I got hit by a truck. My gut was knotted with embers, my throat still tight. It felt like a hand was clutching my heart in its fist and squeezing. How could I have done that? What had I been thinking? I was such a fucking idiot. I was standing in that graveyard and I KNEW it was wrong! I sank a little more into Zeke. He noticed the shift; his hand moved to the back of my neck.
“Guys, she shifted a bit.” I understood Zeke’s words this time. They were loud, but I understood them. The others looked up at me, everyone’s face was white. I was still rising. I wanted to scream, I was furious with myself. WHY?! Why did I fucking do that? You fucking idiot! Then the world snapped into terrifyingly sharp techno color. My entire body started shaking, I was gasping. What the fuck were you thinking Lexie?! You knew on a gut level!! You KNEW it was bad! I scrambled off Zeke’s lap, no one should touch me. They didn’t know what I did. My knees came to my chest, my forehead rested on my knees. I wrapped my arms over my head, my hands and nails digging into my scalp. I rocked myself back and forth trying to get through the next second and the next. Hands touched my back, pulled my hair out of my face. I knew they were talking to me but everything I had was focused on just breathing through the next moment. My chest felt like it was an aching void that would forever burn. It was what I deserved. I was so fucking stupid! I didn’t even understand what was happening here. All I had seen was the surface. If I had just waited longer, just tried harder, Mary Summers would still exist somewhere. It’s my fault, my responsibility, my fault. I kept rocking, kept breathing and trying to not lose my mind. Time passed, I don’t know how long. I stayed curled up and rocking that way. But I became aware of sound again.” My fault, my fault, my fault.” I was whimpering, my voice small and cracked.
“Lexie, tell us.” Ethan’s voice rolled through my ears grabbing my attention. I blinked and lifted my head. Ethan was on my left, sitting on the hearth beside me. Zeke was to my right, his arm still around me. Asher and Miles sat on the coffee table waiting. Isaac was pacing. I was stopped rocking. They needed to know.
“I erased her.” I whispered, the words catching in my throat. “I erased her from existence.” My chest ached so much it felt like it was on fire. The guys seemed to understand me now. They all had looks of horror on their faces. “I saw it all, felt it all. I fucking deserved it.” Tears started falling down my face.
“Why do you say that Lexie?” Zeke asked his voice rougher than usual. I wiped my cheeks with shaking hands. Every breath I took burned.
“Because the problem wasn’t her.” I swallowed hard before I told them. “It was the energy, it fucked her up.” I started rocking again. “The Veil is shut now. There is nowhere for it to go.” I felt hands on my face; I blinked hard and saw Miles. His emerald eyes examining mine.
“Tell us what happened.” I blinked hard and focused. Miles sat back on the coffee table.
“When her bones were salted and burned, she went into the Veil.” I knew my face was blank, but I was just concentrating on getting it out. “You guys salted and burned her bones, but I was the necromancer there. It’s my responsibility.” I needed to focus. I pressed my nails into the palms of my h
ands and squeezed. The pain brought me back a bit more. I needed something, I was so fucking tired. “Coffee please.” Isaac immediately ran into the kitchen. I kept pressing my nails into my palms so I could keep talking. “There are two ways out of the Veil. One’s moving on, the others the pit.” I was starting to shake again, I was bone deep cold. I looked for the blanket and saw it on the floor. I began to move to reach for it when Zeke seemed to read my mind. He picked up the blanket and wrapped it around me. I moved my legs down, crossing them underneath me and held the blanket to me. I looked at the floor not really seeing it anymore. “In the Veil, the sky is how you move on to the next part, the pit is below. The sky was wrong, it was boiling clouds, green smoke and lightning. The trees around the pit were burnt down to charcoal. It was all wrong.” Isaac came back in and carefully handed me a mug. I took a sip. It warmed my insides and I really needed that right now. I took another drink feeling stronger. I can break down later; they needed to know what was going on. “The Veil walls have been shut. The dead can’t get there now.” I told them still feeling cold. I took another drink before looking at each of them. “The dead can’t move on, not until it’s open again. And the energy is just going to keep building.” Asher’s brow drew down.
“Ally, what are you saying?” I sniffed feeling almost manic to make them understand. They needed to understand, they needed to know.
“The world is like a water balloon filling with water. This one is usually a tube, but someone has put a knot in one end. But the water, the energy is still filling it up. And this balloon will never break. It just gets bigger.” I looked around the circle at them, my hands shaking still. “And someone is planning to use it.” Curses went around the circle.
“Lexie, if the energy made Mary Summers go nuts. Does that mean-” I scoffed, tears filling my eyes at the mention of Mary.
“We ain't seen anything yet.” I warned him.
“You said there were two ways out of the Veil. The sky and the pit.” Miles said. “What is the pit?” I took a deep shaking breath.
“Hell?” Asher offered. I shook my head.
“Worse. It’s nothing. It’s where things go to be unmade.” Tears filled my eyes as I remembered Mary's face. “That’s where I sent her. I tried to pull her back, I held her hands, and I pulled but the pit kept pulling her harder. I couldn’t let her go like that. I couldn’t let her go feeling alone.” Tears were pouring down my face as I continued. “I felt everything she did. She was terrified. The least I could fucking do was make sure she didn’t feel alone.” I wiped my face and my breathing shaky. “There is nothing left of Mary Summers.” I broke down, I stopped talking and cried. When the crying turned to sobbing the guys still held me. Miles brought me tissues and Ethan grabbed a trash can. I don’t remember how long I cried, but I do remember that they took turns holding me, rocking me, telling me all the things you say when someone you care about is breaking down. I do remember that during that time not one of them left my side, they were there with me through all of it.
The Boys: Miles
I adjusted my glasses as I watched Zeke looking out the kitchen door. He was spying again. I understood the urge but Lexie had said she wanted to do this alone. I didn’t like it myself, but it was her choice.
“Zeke, stop watching.” I said, still managing to keep my voice calm. Everyone was on edge, waiting for Lexie to finish talking to Rory. Lexie breaking down had bothered everyone. She had such a big personality that you never really noticed how small she was. Not until she starts crying, then you remember that she’s breakable. I looked down at the counter and focused on tapping out a staccato rhythm. It helped, barely. I needed to be the calm one. Zeke was still watching. “Zeke.” I bit out not asking this time. Zeke ran a hand through his hair and stepped away from the door.
“She’s fucking crying again.” Zeke growled as he walked further into the kitchen and leaned against the cabinets, his face troubled.
“She’s going to cry for a while. We killed a soul, and she felt that soul die.” I pointed out my own voice growing colder. I needed to be the calm one, the rational one. “That’s going to take time to heal, for all of us.” I took a deep calming breath and let it out. “She’s going to need time. The guilt might not go away, but eventually it will become bearable. For all of us.” I looked over at Asher. He was leaning against the cabinets on the wall closest to the hallway. His eyes were unfocused. I sighed. I couldn’t really stop him from listening in. He couldn’t help it.
“She keeps saying I.” Asher announced. Asher's eyes focused before he looked around the room.
“She’s saying I killed her, I destroyed her.” He shook his head his face blank.
“She thinks that since it’s her area of talent, it’s her responsibility. That she somehow should have known what to do.” I tried to explain. “She’s taking all the guilt onto her.”
“She’s not the one who lit the fucking match.” Ethan’s voice was hard as he leaned in front of the sink. Heart heavy, I tried to get through to them again.
“She’s going to try and take all the blame, and we can’t let her.” Everyone looked at me. Good, now they were listening. “We have to make her realize she wasn’t alone in this mistake, that we did this too.” The guys all nodded, all of their faces were haunted. “We also have to convince her that with the knowledge we had at the time, we didn’t see another choice. It was a mistake. We didn’t go out there to kill Mary Summers’ soul. We went out there to protect Lexie.” The guys nodded again. “We tell her it was an honest, horrible mistake that we all made.” Everyone agreed. Asher’s eyes were on the floor again.
“She’s telling him about the Veil now.” Asher closed his eyes and pinched the bridge of his nose.
“What the hell are we, supposed to do about the Veil?” Ethan grumbled. Everyone was silent for a while.
“We help her anyway we can.” I told them honestly. “We’re there for her when she needs us.” I nodded, already making a list. “I’ll hire someone to start digging into Necromancy, and anything to do with the Veil. Anything about controlling the dead.” I didn’t know if it would work, but I had resources and I’d use everything I had so I never have to watch Lexie break down like that again. “Heck, I’ll hire a team if I have too.” Isaac was nodding.
“I’ll design her a training program like we talked about last night. It’ll keep her mind off things. Plus self defense for someone her size is never a bad thing to have.” He lifted his head and looked around the group. “You guys willing to help her train?” Everyone nodded.
Trying To Live With The Dead Page 39