‘You okay? Someone walk over your grave?’ Jake asked.
Emily remained silent a few more moments thinking that was exactly what she was feeling.
‘Sorry? No, I’m fine. Just a lot on my mind,’ she finally replied.
Again she wondered whether the lives of townies and farmers really could be successfully blended. As a townie, there was so much to learn about life on the land, and she’d been willing to learn. If only John had been willing to teach her, instead of shutting her out.
Had she overreacted about him shooting at Grace? It had been the last straw, the action that finally made her mind up to leave him. Maybe he had been only warning her off, as he’d said. But if so, why then hadn’t he demanded she listen to him all those weeks ago; made her understand? Why hadn’t he fought for them?
Because he didn’t want to.
Maybe she’d given him the out he’d been waiting for. Emily felt a stab of anger towards him for giving up so easily, but a stronger stab at herself.
You wanted him to be the knight in shining armour, but he didn’t know.
Emily sighed. It didn’t matter anyway; he’d had his face firmly planted in the bosom of Stacy the buxom barmaid.
Exactly! But why the hell do I still feel so guilty?
Jake interrupted her thoughts. ‘Are you sure you’re okay? You’re scowling. Have I done something to upset you?’
‘No. As I said, I’ve just got a lot on my mind.’ The words came out snappier than she’d intended. She cast a glance at him. He looked decidedly crestfallen.
She remembered Barbara saying, ‘Men are actually a lot more sensitive than we give them credit for.’ Why did life have to be so damned complicated? Having Jake turn up and tell her he loved her should have been magical. Now, instead, she had a bloody farm to sort out and a renovation to get underway. And all she could think about was John. It should have been an exciting time, but it felt as if the sky was falling in on top of her. Was she having some kind of emotional breakdown?
‘I got some great shots,’ Jake said, in an obvious attempt to lighten the gloomy mood in the car.
‘That’s great,’ Emily said, failing to sound enthusiastic.
Emily knew Jake was confused about how she was behaving and was wanting to fix things, but she couldn’t find the words to do anything about it.
‘You must be exhausted trying to process all this,’ he said.
‘I’m okay,’ she snapped slightly. Why do men always diagnose brooding as tiredness or hormones?
‘Well, I’ll cook tonight – you can sit back and relax.’
‘I’m not really hungry.’ Emily cursed her sudden cruelness. Where was it coming from? She loved him, didn’t she? So why was she being so horrible? Jake was trying to get through to her and she wasn’t letting him. She sighed deeply.
‘I’m sorry, Jake. You’re right; I am tired. It is a lot to process. I know the possibility of inheriting all of this should be good,’ she said, ‘but it’s making me think about things I don’t want to think about. It’s making me question everything.’
‘You mean whether you did the right thing leaving John in the first place? What might have been?’
Emily nodded.
‘Maybe you need to talk about it; let it out.’
He was probably right, but it didn’t seem right or fair to unload onto him about her ex. Wasn’t that one of the absolute no-nos of a first date?
‘Probably.’
‘Barbara told me he really wasn’t very nice. And from what you’ve said…’
‘Aren’t we all guilty of that sometimes?’
‘Yes, but she said he could be cruel. And the cottage…’
God, just how much has Barbara told him? Annoyance crawled slowly up her spine. She tried to push it back.
‘So why did you stay?’
‘You’ve met my mother,’ she said, offering him a weak smile.
‘Please don’t tell me you stayed because of your mother. You’re smarter than that.’
‘It’s different out here,’ she said with a shrug. She tried to sound nonchalant, but his comment had hurt. She felt rebuked, and didn’t like that he seemed disappointed in her.
‘Oh don’t give me that crap about what other people think. As I said, you’re smarter than that,’ he said, becoming a little exasperated.
‘Obviously not,’ Emily said quietly. His words had cut too close to the bone. And she didn’t like feeling ganged up on. As silly and nonsensical as it seemed, that was exactly how she was feeling. Just what had Barbara said to him behind her back? The more she wondered, the more annoyed she became.
Just as they got back to the farmhouse, her mobile began to ring. Saved by the bell. She pulled the car to a stop and dug in her pocket for it.
‘Hi Barbara,’ she said, frowning slightly as she stared at the steel skeleton of the half-built hayshed.
‘Not Barb, me,’ David said brightly.
‘Hi David, what’s up?’ She brightened.
‘I’d like to talk about leasing the farm – if you want me to.’
‘Oh, that’s great.’
‘Barbara told me about the letter from the solicitors. Executor and likely beneficiary. Congratulations.’
‘Thanks.’
‘You don’t sound so excited.’
‘I am, it’s just that it’s given me a whole lot more to deal with than I need right now. Everything seems to be happening so quickly, and John’s not even in the ground yet.’
‘Well, hopefully I’ve just given you one less thing to worry about. We’ll do it properly of course; commercial rates, with a proper contract and everything.’
‘That is a huge weight off my mind, thanks.’
‘Thank you! I’ve actually been looking for some more land. I’ve drawn up the paperwork; I can bring it over now it you like.’
‘Already? Wow, you don’t muck around! What lawyer works that quickly and on a public holiday?’
‘None that I know of,’ David said with a laugh. ‘I’ve actually drafted the contract myself based on the other two properties we’re leasing. Piece of cake, really. I’ll explain it all when I see you. Are you at the house?’
‘Not that house. On my way back from the farm, actually. Give me about half an hour.’
‘Okay, see you then.’
‘See ya.’ Emily hung up and put the phone in the car’s console.
‘Is David going to lease the farm?’
‘I hope so. He’s coming over to talk about it.’
‘That’s one less worry on your mind, then.’
Was Jake having a dig at her? Emily knew she should feel more jubilant – it was, after all, a major concern off her mind – but she just didn’t. At least David’s phone call had put an end to the interrogation, and for that she was grateful. But she was still annoyed at him – and at Barbara.
‘Do you think I should pull that monstrosity down or finish it?’ she said, pointing at the steel structure before putting the car into gear and moving forward.
‘Depends if the farm needs a hayshed or not. Probably better to ask David.’
‘It’s just so bloody ugly. Makes a dreadful view from the bedroom,’ she said.
Oh well, it’s not like I’ll have to wake up to it every morning.
She looked at her watch. ‘Oh, I was going to show you through the house. There really isn’t time now. Sorry.’
‘No worries, there’s always next time.’
‘Hmm.’ Emily was now wondering if there would be a next time. She was again feeling crowded.
As they turned onto the road, she looked wistfully at the house.
‘So before David rang, you were about to explain why you stayed married to John when he was cruel.’
‘No I wasn’t. You told me I was stupid to stay.’ She knew her chin was set stubbornly like her mother was prone to do, but she didn’t care.
‘Emily, I did not say that. I said you’re smarter than that. It was a compliment, not a criticis
m.’
Well it bloody well felt like a criticism to me.
The only response she could find was a shrug.
‘I think it would be good for you to talk about it.’
‘Well I don’t.’ She would have folded her arms across her chest to force home her point if she weren’t driving. Instead she gripped the steering wheel tighter.
‘Of course it’s your choice, but I don’t think bottling everything up is healthy, Emily.’ His tone suggested annoyance, and casting a sideways glance she noticed his arms were now crossed.
Is this our first fight? God, we haven’t even slept together yet. Why was it happening now, when they’d been getting on so well?
Just a tiff, she told herself. We’ll be okay. Jake would cook her dinner, give her a massage, she’d apologise for being a grump – blaming it on the stress – and they’d make up. Maybe even in bed, properly.
They just needed the change of scene to jolt them out of it.
But their journey back to the house continued in steely stubborn silence.
Chapter Thirty-three
Back at the house, they unloaded all the lunch things onto the kitchen floor.
‘No, it’s easier if I do it,’ Emily said, as Jake started to empty the esky. Damn it, she was still snapping at him; why was she still being like this?
Because you’re cranky at Barbara too.
‘I’ll put the kettle on then shall I?’ he asked.
‘Not for me, thanks.’ Emily felt terrible; he was clearly trying to build a bridge. Part of her wanted to wrap her arms around him, tell him she was sorry, beg his forgiveness and have this silly tiff over and done with. But it wasn’t that simple. Emily had inherited her mother’s gift of sulking and – while not to the same extent – a bit of her self-righteousness.
The cuddles, apologies and begging were up to Jake. But judging by the polite indifference he was now showing her, he wasn’t about to do any of these things. He shrugged and proceeded to fill the kettle, seemingly oblivious to her iciness.
Perhaps he was from the school of men who put everything down to hormones, and thought that one must just steer clear until the storm passes. She wouldn’t have picked it; he’d seemed so understanding previously.
She glanced up at him a couple of times from where she was unloading the contents of the esky onto the floor. He didn’t seem at all perturbed. Maybe a little tired, but certainly not like he was brooding, or was even aware of the tension in the room. His nonchalance annoyed her even more.
She watched as he took up his mug, grabbed his camera bag from the table and opened the door, holding it that bit longer for Grace to decide to follow him outside.
‘Traitor,’ Emily growled to herself as she slammed the lid down on the empty esky. She watched as Jake settled himself on the verandah in the late-afternoon sun, with Grace beside him and her head in his lap. She scowled.
Unpacking done, she sat down at the table, feeling like a cup of tea after all. But she didn’t want to get up and make one now after shunning Jake’s offer. Then she’d have to admit that she had changed her mind.
God, she was suddenly exhausted. What a roller-coaster of a day. She laid her head in her arms on the table and closed her eyes. David would be there soon. And after that she’d go and have a soak in a nice hot bath full of scented bubbles – on her own.
But I can’t really do that with a guest in the house.
An hour ago she’d been imagining sharing a romantic bath with him. Now all she wanted was to have the place to herself.
A commotion outside brought her head up from the table. Jake was pacing with his phone to his ear. Grace was looking up at him, her head following his back-and-forth movements across the short section of verandah.
‘Christ, are you sure?’ she heard him say. And then he was at the glass kitchen door, struggling to turn the handle with a mug dangling from his other hand. Emily leapt up to help. He passed by without acknowledging her and put his mug on the sink.
‘Well, book my flight, but you’ll need to give me two hours to get back to Whyalla.’
Emily stood staring at him.
‘Yes, yes, I’m on my way. I just have to throw my bag in the car.’
What, he’s leaving? I didn’t mean…
‘Thanks Sim, see you soon.’
Emily frowned at him as he ended the call and then stood for a few moments looking confused and running a hand through his hair. His face was a ghostly white-grey colour.
‘What’s wrong? What’s happened?’
‘Look, I’m really sorry, but I’ve got to go. There’s something I need to deal with back in Melbourne,’ he said, and left the room.
Emily followed him out, and, not knowing what else to do, hovered in the hall wringing her hands. In less than a minute he had his small suitcase and car keys in hand, and was out the front door.
Outside they stood apart, neither of them wanting to make the first move or knowing what it should be.
‘Sorry it had to end like this,’ he said, gripping her by her upper arms and pecking her firmly on the cheek. ‘But I really do have to go. I’ll call you.’
‘Okay,’ Emily said, nodding. She waved him off and then watched until his car was out of sight.
Sorry it had to end like this?
Emily had the sinking feeling Jake had literally just driven out of her life – for good. He hadn’t even kissed her goodbye properly. And it was her fault.
No, it was Barbara’s. If she hadn’t spoken to Jake behind her back it wouldn’t be like this. She had no right to talk to him about John. And he had no right to ask. Emily was too angry to cry beyond the couple of tears that had already escaped.
She went inside and slammed the front door, causing Grace to leap in fright and give a little yelp. Ordinarily she would have reassured the dog, but not today. And where the hell was David anyway? Pfft! She checked her watch. It was almost an hour since they’d spoken.
Emily stood in the hall turning this way and that a few times, looking for something to do to distract her. She went into the bedroom, tore the sheets off her bed and stormed out to the outdoor washhouse.
As she loaded them into the washing machine, she caught a whiff of Jake’s aftershave. She ignored it and threw in some detergent, slammed the lid shut, and leant back on the machine. She was surprised to find herself slightly out of breath.
Suddenly the lump in her throat burst and tears poured down her face in a torrent.
Why did everything have to turn so bad when it had finally started to go well?
She had to pull herself together. David was bound to turn up any second, and the last thing she wanted was for him to see her like this. She dragged a tissue out of her sleeve, blew her nose loudly and wiped her eyes as she crossed to the outdoor bathroom.
She checked herself in the small mirror above the sink – she looked a bloody wreck – and proceeded to run water into the basin to wash her face properly.
Half an hour later she was at the kitchen table, tapping her fingers on a mug of steaming Milo and looking from her watch to the phone. She was beginning to worry about David. If he’d changed his mind he would have called. God, she hoped nothing had happened. She sighed deeply and picked up the phone.
‘Hi Em,’ Barbara said.
‘Hi,’ Emily said coldly.
‘How’s it going with Jake?’
‘He’s gone.’
‘What? Did something happen?’
‘Barbara, David said he was dropping in some paperwork, but I was expecting him over an hour ago. Do you have any idea how much longer he’ll be?’
‘I was just about to ring you, actually. He got called out with the SES. Hey, are you okay? You sound down. Did you and Jake have some sort of fight?’
‘Sort of.’
‘Oh I’m sorry. So bad that he left?’
‘Apparently,’ Emily lied. ‘Barbara, why did you tell Jake things about me behind my back?’
‘Things? What things?’
>
‘How cruel John was, for one.’
‘It just came up in conversation. Why?’
‘It doesn’t matter.’
‘Well, clearly it does. What’s wrong?’
‘What’s wrong is you meddling in my life.’
‘But I…’
‘I’d thank you not to discuss my personal life with anyone, if you don’t mind.’
‘But…’
‘Tell David to post the paperwork when he can.’ Emily hung up. Her face was burning and tears were again blurring her vision. Grace snuffled at her leg, and, for the second time ever, Emily pushed her away.
The phone began ringing. Barbara’s name glowed on the caller ID. She let it go to voicemail. Less than thirty seconds later it rang again. This time David and Barbara’s home number was backlit. She left the phone on the table, grabbed her hat from the back of a chair and called to Grace, who was eyeing her warily from her bed in the corner.
‘I’m sorry, Gracie, I’m just a grump. Come on.’ The dog appeared obediently at her side, but was still a little hesitant. As she opened the door a blast of warm evening northerly wind blew in. She pursed her lips. The temperature wasn’t too stifling, but she hated the wind.
Emily thought about going back inside, but Grace was already running ahead of her up the hill.
I suppose I owe the poor little thing some fresh air after growling at her like that.
And she always felt better after a walk.
Chapter Thirty-four
The next morning, Emily woke at her usual time. She was feeling surprisingly well-rested and quite okay until she stood at the sink, waiting for the kettle to boil, and began going back over the day before.
She’d fought with Barbara. The thought caused her stomach to sink, leaving her aching. And of course Jake had left – called suddenly back to Melbourne – with the two of them barely on speaking terms.
Well, there was nothing she could do about it now. Barbara had done the wrong thing talking to Jake about her and Jake shouldn’t have been so damned nosy. I have nothing to apologise for, she thought, setting her jaw in defiance.
Time Will Tell Page 23