“We’re getting away,” he blurted out. “Before I left for the awards, I had my assistant clear my schedule for the next two weeks. We’re going to our house in Tahoe.”
Charlotte’s face brightened, then she tilted her head and raised one perfectly arched brow. “Really? Why now?”
He shrugged, hating that something so simple could have her so happy and skeptical at the same time. “I know we need time away from this lifestyle if I ever want a chance at a family and happiness with you. I know how much you love Tahoe, so we’re going. Originally, I was only going to go for a few days, but I think we’ll stay longer.”
Charlotte closed her eyes, the breeze blowing her long blond hair back over her shoulder. The sun kissed her face, and Anthony knew how lucky he was. He’d taken her for granted, but he was also very aware of everything she loved about life. Now he just had to present all that love to her. She deserved everything he could give…and he had finally realized that didn’t mean material things, which he’d always lavished on her in the past, instead of sharing his time and feelings with her.
“Can you be ready to leave by tomorrow morning?” he asked.
Her face turned back to his, unshed tears on the verge of spilling over. “I can. Thank you for doing this.”
As she turned to go, Anthony grabbed for her arm. “Stay. Don’t always be the first to walk from a room because you’re afraid I will.”
A sad smile formed on her full lips. “Won’t you? You’ve always walked away, Anthony. It’s hard seeing your back so much as the distance grows between us.”
Guilt crept up and squeezed his chest, but he deserved the hurt. He needed to use it to make himself and their marriage stronger.
“I could say I’m sorry, and I’d mean it,” he told her. “But I know words will do very little at this point. I plan on showing you that I’m worthy of being a good father to Lily, and the husband you need.”
Her eyes darted down to his hand on her bare arm. “This is harder than I thought,” she whispered. “Being here, with you. I want so much, but I can’t hope, can’t dream for things that may never be.”
“You used to confide all your dreams in me.” He closed the space between them, keeping his hand on her arm. “Don’t shut me out, Charlie. I’m trying. I’ve never stopped loving you. The film sets, movie premieres, awards shows—none of that can fill my heart the way you do.”
“Then why haven’t you shown me?” she asked, her voice cracking from emotion. “Why do you always put work first?”
He brought his other hand up to cup her cheek. He’d missed that silky skin, that hitch in her breath when he barely caressed his fingertips over her jawline. He missed making love to her and holding her in his arms while she slept. And the one frenzied night they’d shared a month ago didn’t help. Once she’d asked him to leave, he realized just how much he wanted her back…how much he missed holding her in his arms.
He’d taken her and their marriage for granted. There was no sugarcoating it. Until she left, he hadn’t realized how much she filled his life.
“I never thought I was,” he confessed. “I was just doing my job and knew you’d be home when I came back. I can’t apologize for my work, because it’s who I am. All I can do is show you I can put you and Lily first. But, at the same time, I can’t turn my back on who I am.”
“I don’t want you to forget who you are,” she told him, looking into his eyes. “I never meant for you to give up what you love, Anthony. I guess I should’ve been more vocal about that. But your priorities…”
“Right now I have only one priority.”
He captured her lips, keeping his touch light because he knew that made her weak. She’d always loved the tender moments. So many times they’d made love in a frantic hurry, but he knew her better than she knew herself. And wasn’t that the message he’d been missing? She loved when he took his time with her, showed her real love.
With a stroke of his fingertips up her arm and over the gooseflesh he’d caused, he laid his palm on the small of her back and eased her against his body.
Yeah, he knew her so well. Just one feather-soft kiss had her sighing, leaning into him.
He missed the feel of her flush against him while he slept. Missed the way he would wake her in the night when he needed to feel that connection he could only get from her.
Unable to keep the kiss light, Anthony tilted his head and took more. Charlotte’s fingers dug into his shoulders, her breasts flattened against his chest.
How could she walk away from him, from this? They had so much heat between them. And now they had Lily to keep them together for a minimum of ninety days. He intended to take advantage of every moment.
Fatherhood may have been something he’d always feared he’d fail at. Maybe because he’d been so successful with his career, he was afraid of not being able to do the same in his personal life. He had no idea why it scared him so much. No doubt the shrink Charlotte wanted him to see would be able to pin down a reason after the first session. But now that Lily was in their lives, he knew he’d do anything to keep his family together. Fear or no fear, he had an obligation and he wasn’t backing down.
So if he had to give in and go to therapy, then so be it. He couldn’t, wouldn’t live without his family.
Charlotte pushed away, dropping her hands. “You don’t play fair.”
He stared at her swollen lips, more than ready to taste them again. “I don’t plan to. I want you back, Charlie. In every sense of the word.”
Stepping back farther, she licked her lips. “I’m going to start packing.”
Selfishly he took comfort in knowing she was running scared. That kiss hadn’t left her unaffected. But he’d let her think she was in control…for now.
“You may want to avoid this,” he said, motioning between them. “But you can’t avoid me when we’re in Tahoe. It’ll just be me, you and Lily. I’ve given the staff paid vacations.”
Charlotte winced as if that were a bad thing. “Not a good idea.”
He couldn’t help but smile. “And why is that?” Leaning back against the marble rail, he crossed his arms over his chest. “Afraid we won’t be able to keep our hands off each other?”
That defiant chin tilted. “That’s not it at all.... I just…”
His smile grew as she stammered for an excuse to cover the lie. He knew she feared being alone with him. Knew he’d break her down, win her back. She worried that her heart would get broken once more. But he refused to let that happen. He’d never willingly hurt her again.
“I’m not going to explain myself,” she finally said. “I’ll be in my room.”
As she spun on her heel, he called out, “Don’t forget to pack that red nightie I bought you last Christmas.”
She marched through the French doors, across the master suite, and slammed the door. A second later Lily sent up a wail.
Ah, yes. This was going to be an interesting vacation.
* * *
Packed and ready to go, Charlotte couldn’t help but feel a spurt of hope for this trip. She knew it was a lot to lay so much pressure on one getaway, but Anthony had never suggested they go away so they could work on things. If he was willing to try, then how could she not?
At the same time, she also had to be realistic. Years of poor communication, when there even was any communication, could not be repaired in a few weeks. But it was a start and that counted for something.
The doctor’s appointment came first, though. This was one of those times she was thankful her name and status moved things along. They were able to squeeze her in for a prenatal appointment. She had told Anthony she had an appointment at the hospital and he’d just assumed she meant the Children’s Hospital. She hadn’t corrected him. She’d simply said she shouldn’t be too long and when she came back they could leave.
/> God, she loathed lying, but, at this stage, how could she open up? Fear of a miscarriage and fear of Anthony not changing drove her to keep the truth to herself…at least for now.
In retrospect, he’d deserved to know about the last baby, but she’d never uttered a word. Selfishly she’d kept that to herself because she’d been so hurt and angry that he hadn’t been there when she needed him most. But her doctor’s appointment had gone well, and now she was heading home to get ready to go away with her family.
But right now she was going to concentrate on Lily and this time with Anthony in Tahoe.
She so loved their Tahoe getaway home—this one more so than the others. The Tahoe home was away from all the hustle and bustle of a big city and provided a nice relaxing escape. Just what they needed.
Countless times she would go away on her own to enjoy the serenity, the beauty. Several occasions when planning a charity event, this tranquil home had provided a nice place to think. Unlike when she worked in Hollywood and their version of beauty was skewed and molded by plastic surgeons and trophy wives.
Charlotte opened the door to her Hollywood Hills home and saw her two pieces of matching luggage sitting by the door. Anthony must’ve brought them down from her room. She reached to pick them up when his voice stopped her.
“If you’re ready I can take your bags.” Charlotte turned to see Anthony descending the grand staircase. “I just wanted to make sure you didn’t have any last-minute items you wanted to pack.”
“No, I’m good to go.” She smiled. “I packed light, since I still have some stuff up there from my last visit.”
He tilted his head. “When was that?”
“Right after I moved out. I knew you were going out of town and I wanted to be alone and surrounded by nothing but nature, instead of glitz and glamour. I was only there for a few days because I had to get back to the hospital.”
The way he studied her face, the muscle ticking in his jaw, had her wondering what he was thinking. But with the way she’d stipulated things between them during this ninety-day period, she didn’t feel as if it was her place to ask.
Wasn’t she the one who wanted this separation to move forward? She couldn’t probe his private thoughts and still expect some distance.
Once upon a time, in the beginning, she wouldn’t have had to ask. But communication had slowly become an issue. Little by little their lives became routine, resulting in bottled-up feelings and hurts that led them here…on the verge of divorce with two babies…one of which was still a secret.
But isn’t that how all marriages ended? Slowly? They never came to an abrupt halt. Bad decisions, no matter how small, piled on top of each other, would break down even the strongest of marriages.
“Lily is playing in her crib if you want to grab her. I’ll meet you in the car,” he told her, reaching for her suitcase. “Her things are already loaded. When I asked my assistant to cancel my appointments, I also asked her to have the staff set up a room with a crib and anything else we’ll need.”
A little piece of her melted as she realized how much thought he’d put into this trip. “Thank you.”
Before she could focus too much on how he was taking care of his family in all the right ways, Charlotte moved past him and headed to get Lily. The cooing from the nursery had her smiling despite the turmoil in her heart. This trip might be strained, and if things didn’t go well it might be the final straw in this marriage, but one thing was certain—Lily would not suffer. Nor would this baby she carried.
But, she vowed to herself, she’d go into this trip and the next several weeks with an open mind. Anthony had asked for ninety days and she was going to see what happened. Because she still loved him, she’d see where this led. But she also had to see a vast turnaround or they would have no foundation to stand on with their new beginning.
Lily’s crib sat on the farside of the room, beneath the colorful painting of the two little girls playing. When Charlotte had painted the image, she’d been hoping one day those would be her girls. She laid a hand over her flat stomach, hoping, wishing.
She looked down at Lily, who was lying on her back, chewing on a pink stuffed elephant without a care in the world. And that’s how Charlotte intended to keep Lily’s life. These babies would not worry about stability…no matter what the end result with Anthony was.
Charlotte’s childhood had never been stable. With her junkie dad and a mother who worked sometimes three jobs to support them, her upbringing was less than a Norman Rockwell painting. Added to that, when her twin sister had gotten sick and passed, Charlotte had been left feeling alone and abandoned. She’d vowed to always make sure her children knew love and stability.
“Hey, sweetheart.” Charlotte leaned in and picked up Lily, bringing the soggy animal with her. “You ready for a trip? Uncle Anthony has a special getaway planned for us.”
She checked the diaper, surprised to find it completely dry…and nearly falling off from the loose fit. Anthony had obviously tried to wrestle Lily into a dry diaper before the trip.
Charlotte suppressed a laugh at the image. He’d yet to master putting the diaper on without Lily screaming and his muttering how hard changing a diaper was.
She laid Lily down on the changing table and adjusted the tabs for a more secure fit.
“There we are, sweetheart,” she said, picking up the baby. “He tried, so we have to give him credit.”
The weight of the baby in her arms had her anxious for her own. She’d be lying if she didn’t admit she was nervous about miscarrying again. But how could she not be excited? Yes, the timing was terrible, and who knew what life this baby would come into, but was there ever a perfect time to become a parent? Considering that life was full of ups, downs and uncertainties, probably not.
When Charlotte met Anthony at the car, he opened her door and motioned. “After you,” he told her, taking Lily. “I’ll strap her in.”
Shocked, Charlotte stared as Anthony pulled Lily from her grasp and eased her into the car seat. He only struggled with the buckles for a minute before figuring it out, and Lily only whimpered for a bit while Anthony had her.
Maybe this trip would be good for all of them. Getting used to a baby was a big step, and time away from the media and the hubbub of their daily lives would be good for Lily.
“I think she’s adjusting well,” Charlotte said once Anthony got in and started the luxury SUV. “She seems happy.”
“She’s too young to know much else. I hate to say it, but she’ll never remember Rachel. And that may be for the best. At least she won’t have that heartache.”
Like the heartache he was feeling. The unspoken words hung in the air.
Tears pricked her eyes at the thought of her sister-in-law never experiencing all the things Lily would face in life.
“It just breaks my heart,” Charlotte whispered. “A child without her mother.”
Anthony’s hand reached toward her, hesitated and moved back onto the steering wheel. Turning her head to look out the window, Charlotte pretended that she hadn’t noticed the gesture. She wished he’d followed through. His touch, so warm, so familiar, was something she missed. Charlotte knew that if she and Anthony were going to have a chance at happiness, they’d have to weave their way carefully through the minefield of emotions.
She also had to steel herself. Being under the same roof with Anthony would test her willpower like nothing else.
For three months she’d lived without him. For three months she’d cried herself to sleep over a marriage she’d tried so hard to hold on to, but her wishes hadn’t been enough to keep it together.
“Hopefully, Lily will stay entertained with her teething book,” he said, cutting into her thoughts. “We can stop for a picnic lunch once we get closer to Tahoe.”
The image lifted her spirits. Charlotte turned back a
round, smiling. “Picnic? What did the cook make us?”
“Actually, I put together some sandwiches and stuff for us.” He threw her a glance and winked. “I have many surprises in store during our trip, and I’m doing it on my own. No staff.”
“I’m impressed,” she told him.
Charlotte was almost afraid to ask what his other surprises entailed. If she knew Anthony, he’d try to “surprise” her back into his bedroom. And heaven knew she’d love to be there, but she just couldn’t give in.
No matter how much her hormones were out of whack.
Five
Once the picnic was over, they headed toward their home in Tahoe. And that’s how Anthony would always think of the six-thousand-square-foot getaway—theirs. They shared everything and would continue to do so because there was no way he would give in to a divorce after these ninety days. Divorce mean quitting, giving up, and he’d never been a fan of either one.
But if he played his cards right, Charlotte wouldn’t even consider leaving. He’d been married to her for so long, he knew what she liked and what he could say to make her smile, laugh…or follow him to bed.
Granted he hadn’t paid that much attention to her over the past few years because he’d been busy, but that passionate, desirable woman was still inside—he had no doubt.
He’d let monotony run his life, assuming Charlotte would always be there while he tended to other things. He’d gotten so caught up with work, then spending time with the Danes. He’d been so concerned with impressing other people that he’d forgotten to keep impressing his wife, to keep her from falling out of love with him.
Had she indeed fallen out of love?
He shook himself. She’d agreed to do this trip, hadn’t she? He refused to believe she’d completely given up.
And he knew she wasn’t totally unaffected by his touch. He hadn’t missed the way the pulse at the base of her throat quickened when he moved in close. And when he’d kissed her, her breath had caught a split second before she leaned into him.
Whatever the Price Page 5