“We both love you and no matter what happens between me and your aunt Charlie, we want you to know that. I’ll admit, this is all so new and scary. I hope I’m doing this right.”
That made two of them, she thought. The idea of being Lily’s guardian was an honor, but in reality she was scared to death. Yes, she’d interacted with hundreds of children through her volunteer work at the hospital, but when a child was your sole responsibility, that made being the caregiver so much different.
Charlotte listened to the silence, then the shuffling as Anthony placed the baby in the crib. Within a couple minutes he’d be out here and they’d be all alone. Alone with the ambience of romantic moonlight. Alone with the sexual tension. Alone with her out-of-control hormones, sitting next to her husband…whom she refused to touch. And alone with this secret he deserved to know first.
He also wanted to talk about something, so she’d hear him out.
Footfalls shuffled along the concrete behind her and Charlotte took a deep breath, bracing herself for the next several life-altering moments.
“I looked for the monitor to bring, but I see you have it.” He took a seat in the chaise on the opposite side of the small table between them. “You were listening.”
“Yes.”
“Glad I didn’t open up about all my secrets to Lily.”
Charlotte smiled, just as he’d intended her to, she knew. “Good thing.”
He stared at her and Charlotte shifted her gaze to the moon’s mirrored reflection on the lake. “Beautiful night.”
“Beautiful,” he whispered, still keeping his eyes on her. “Never anything more so.”
“Why the present?” she asked, still not looking his way.
“Why not? It’s something you’ll like and I wanted to show you how much I appreciate all you’re doing with Lily. I couldn’t do this without you.”
She threw him a glance, praying her strength held out. “I hope you’re not just trying to get me back into bed.”
Anthony’s soft chuckle washed over her, sending even more goose bumps dancing over her skin. “You don’t honestly think you can go the whole time we’re here and not make love to me, do you, Charlie? Be realistic. I understand you don’t want me to try to seduce you, but we both know I can. And I will. But first I want to earn back your love.”
Earn back her love. He’d never mentioned or even hinted at this before. Hope flourished even more within her, now that he was tapping into her inner emotions in ways she’d never expected. Thank God he cared enough, wanted her enough.
“If I end up sleeping with you, it still changes nothing.” Okay, so she had to say that as a buffer in case she actually did lose her mind and let her hormones take over. And since when did she put a disclaimer on sex? “I’m still not making any guarantees at the end of the ninety days.”
“What if I’ve become the man you want, the man you deserve? Then what?” he asked.
Charlotte sat up in the chaise, swung her feet to the warm concrete and looked at her husband, all deliciously spread out on the other chair. “If that happens, I’ll be the first to fight for this marriage. But you’re putting a lot on yourself to fix years of problems in a few months. I don’t want you to think I wouldn’t help out with Lily. Is that what you’re afraid of?”
In a flash, he was on his feet, wrapping his strong hands around her arms and pulling her up and against him. “You think I’m worried about making sure I get my weekends and holidays with Lily? I want my wife. My. Wife. I wanted you before Lily came onto the scene. And damn if I’m not taking back what I want.”
His lips crushed hers as his fingers roughly shoved her robe down her arms and tugged at the tie behind her neck. The top of her nightgown fell away, but caught between their bodies. Charlotte didn’t resist. Who was she kidding? He was right. They couldn’t cohabit and not give in to their desire.
“You don’t know how I’ve missed touching you, Charlie. You have no idea.” His mouth met hers briefly. “I swore I wouldn’t make love to you until I knew you were in this with your heart, but you have no idea how much I need you.”
Oh, she had a pretty good clue. She craved him like air in her lungs. But how could her body betray her when she was still so torn about where their relationship stood? Wanting him was never, ever a problem. Keeping her emotions in check certainly was.
She arched into him as he peeled the rest of her gown away, leaving it to slide down her body and puddle at her bare feet. She groaned, stretching her body as he made love to her breasts. She’d always been sensitive there and now that she was pregnant, every touch sent her nerve endings dancing.
Pregnant. She needed to tell him about the previous miscarriage. Isn’t that what she’d come out here to do?
“You’re always so responsive,” he murmured as he moved to the other breast. “So sexy.”
She would talk later. Right now she needed him, ached for him.
Charlotte reached down, sliding her fingertips between his taut abdomen and the elastic of his boxer briefs. He brushed her hands aside and yanked his boxers down.
And sweet mercy, was there anything sexier than a man offering himself to you while standing gloriously naked with the glow from moonlight kissing his bronzed, muscular skin?
Was she actually doing this? Making love to her husband out in the open when she’d sworn she would talk first?
Yes, she was, and she was going to enjoy every minute of pleasure he gave her.
And Anthony knew how to pleasure.
He lifted her up and Charlotte wrapped her legs around his waist.
“You taste so good,” he murmured against her lips as he carried her toward the oversized outdoor sofa. “I need you, Charlie. Need this.”
“Me, too,” she conceded. No point in denying that she wanted him, craved the feel of his body against hers. God, she’d missed his tender touches.
The feel of him between her legs had her moaning, shifting restlessly, silently pleading for more, knowing he’d draw this out and only make her ache longer.
Without breaking the kiss, he laid her on the soft cushions. Both hands trailed up her bare thighs until he found the elastic of her panties. He jerked them down and settled between her legs. Charlotte lifted her hips, locking her ankles around his back.
“Don’t make me wait,” she begged. “I can’t.”
Without a word, he cupped one breast, rubbing his thumb back and forth over her puckered nipple. At the same time his other talented hand roamed all over her heated, aching body. Fingertips slid up her inner thigh, parting her until she cried out with anticipation.
She didn’t have to beg or wait; he slid his fingers into her slowly, then retreated.
“Anthony,” she cried.
“Believe me, I’m in just as much of a hurry.”
He rose to his knees, shifting to ease her legs wider.
Then before she could even let out another moan of frustration, they were connected.
It was always like this. Always that split second where everything between them was perfect. Blissfully and utterly…perfect.
As they moved together, Charlotte dug her fingers into his thick biceps as he leaned down to lavish kisses on her breasts again.
Anthony had never been a selfish lover. This was always the one area in which he most certainly put her needs first. Maybe that’s why they always ended up naked.
“Open your eyes, Charlie.”
She looked up, afraid of what he’d see in her eyes, afraid of what would be staring back at her.
And there it was. Beneath the sheen of perspiration over his brow, desire and love looked back at her.
She closed her eyes again, arching into him on the brink of release, yet not wanting this moment to end.
“That’s it, baby,” he urged. “Just let g
o.”
That’s all it took and Charlotte felt the bubbling anticipation burst as her body tightened, a cry escaping her lips seconds before he captured them.
His tongue darted in and out, mimicking their lovemaking. Within seconds Anthony stiffened and moaned against her lips.
She held on to his body until they both stopped trembling.
And then reality set in.
“Don’t,” he told her, resting his forehead on hers. “Don’t start thinking.”
“How can I not?” she whispered.
He lifted his head and looked down at her. “Can’t we just enjoy this moment? Can we save the regret speech for tomorrow?”
They were still joined in the most intimate way, his eyes were pleading and her body was still humming with delight. What else could she say but “Sure.”
Tomorrow, she vowed. Tomorrow she’d open up about the miscarriage. If she truly wanted him to devote himself to this marriage, then she had to expect the same of herself.
Eight
Anthony was attempting to feed Lily when Charlotte came down the stairs the next morning. She hadn’t spent the night in his bed as he’d hoped, but she had lain with him outside until well after midnight. And that was hours after they’d made love.
He’d take that monumental victory and add it to the others he’d accumulated. Eventually, she would be back where she belonged and they could move forward together as a family.
He never thought he’d enjoy being a father as much as he had this past week with Lily. Work had always been his excuse whenever Charlotte had mentioned children…but, in all honesty, he’d been terrified of being a dad. He’d had a wonderful childhood, but for some reason the thought of a child depending on him had always had him finding excuses to avoid the unknown.
“I didn’t hear her wake,” Charlotte told him. “I’m sorry she disturbed you.”
He studied her face, her shaky hands. “You okay? You look a bit pale.”
She brushed a hand through her bed-wrestled hair. “Oh, I was up late finishing some emails for the dedication of the new wing at the hospital. I’m just a little tired.”
Not fully buying her story, he paused with the spoon in the rice cereal. But when the silence stretched out, he realized that she wasn’t going to comment further.
“I took the monitor from your room this morning so you could rest. I told Lily Bug you needed to sleep because you had a late night.”
A smile tugged at the corners of her mouth, then disappeared. “Thank you for the present. I just opened it this morning.”
Placing another bite in Lily’s mouth, he smiled. “There are no strings attached to it, Charlie. You enjoy art and I saw the charcoal set and thought you might want to make some pictures for Lily. Maybe add some more of your art here, as you have back in L.A.”
Her shoulders sagged a little, her lids lowered. “I just don’t know what to think anymore when you give me a gift for no reason.”
He shrugged. “I didn’t mean for it to be a bribe or anything other than my gratitude for all you’ve done and are doing.”
“You knew exactly what I’d like.”
He nodded. “We’ll be up here two full weeks. I thought Lily and I could give you some time to yourself every now and then. I think she’s getting more used to being around a man.”
Charlotte crossed the island and laid a hand on his bare shoulder. “This means a lot to me. Thank you.”
The look in her eyes, the joyful tone in her voice, told him he should’ve done more from-the-heart gestures in the past instead of just assuming she’d like another facial or spa appointment.
A glob of rice landed on his cheek as he was grinning like a loon up at Charlotte.
“Lily!”
Charlotte laughed as Lily squealed and Anthony couldn’t help but laugh, too. This is what he wanted. Laughter, playfulness. But would Charlotte take this moment, grab hold of it and join him in forging the family she’d always dreamed of, or would she shut it out for fear she’d get her heart broken again?
Knowing his wife, she’d erect that wall back up around her heart again. But he was used to a challenge. He hadn’t made it to the top in Hollywood by sitting back and not taking chances and facing them head-on.
He’d take that wall she kept building around herself and knock the damn thing down. Then he’d show her how they were going to live happily ever after with Lily and a life full of dreams and love.
He couldn’t change his past, but he could sure as hell get control of his future.
“You look beautiful,” he told her. Immediately, he wished he hadn’t said anything. Why couldn’t he just let the moment be?
Her smile vanished, her eyes bored into his.
“I’m sorry,” he told her. “It’s just when you laugh like that, your whole face lights up and I…well, I’ve missed seeing that.”
She took a sip of her juice and didn’t respond. An uncomfortable silence settled around them. Had he been so stingy with his compliments over the years that one had her unsure of how to respond?
“What do you say we go shopping today?” he suggested, trying to break some tension.
“Shopping? You hate to shop.”
He smiled and shrugged, spooning up another bite of rice. “Not with my two favorite girls, I don’t. Besides, we can get Lily some pool toys and we can grab some lunch at that little café you love.”
Charlotte was silent for a moment and Anthony feared she’d say no.
Please, Charlie. Take the olive branch.
Ironic—he was afraid his own wife would turn him down for a date. Could he be more pathetic?
“I’d love to,” she told him. “Let me grab a shower. Just bring her on up when you’re done and I’ll get her ready.”
Once Charlotte was gone, Anthony put down the spoon, grabbed one of Lily’s pudgy hands and mocked a high five.
“Score one for the home team.”
* * *
“I seriously don’t think Lily needed this many pool toys,” Charlotte exclaimed as she watched Anthony blow up the last of ten toys. “She’s only one kid and we’re just here for twelve more days.”
He tossed the inflatable elephant into the pool to lazily float around with the others. “What if she gets bored with one? She needs options.”
“I hope you get this spoiling out of your system.” She laughed.
He stared at her, making her aware they were once again out here alone while Lily took her nap. “Are you feeling okay? You weren’t this morning, but your coloring looks better now.”
Warmth spread through her at his sincerity. “I’m fine. But I do need to talk to you now that we’re alone.”
“Something’s bothering you.”
She nodded. “Yes. I’ve kept something from you for a while. A year actually.”
Anthony placed his hands on his narrow hips. “A year?”
There was no room for guilt now, only the truth. She walked over to a chaise and took a seat. When Anthony sat on the end of the chair, she adjusted her feet to give him more room.
“I had a miscarriage,” she told him. “Last year when you were in Belize filming.”
He sat up a little straighter, eyes wide. “A miscarriage? I didn’t even know you’d been pregnant.”
“I didn’t know either until a few days after you’d left. I took a test and it was positive.” She remembered the excitement, the joy of seeing those two pink lines. “I couldn’t wait until you got home. I didn’t want to tell you over the phone so I planned a surprise. I bought this silly little T-shirt that said #1 Dad.”
Tears welled in her eyes and Anthony rubbed her bare leg. “My God, Charlie. How far along were you when you miscarried?”
“Seven weeks.” She wiped her eyes, trying t
o force out the pain of the previous loss. “I miscarried a week before you came home. I only knew I was pregnant for a couple weeks, but certainly long enough to plan in my head. I had the nursery decorated, I had us on playdates at the park and with other parents. But one morning I woke up to serious cramping and I knew something was wrong.”
Anthony stared at her, his hand still on her leg. He didn’t speak and she could only imagine the anger he held now. She’d lied to him, taken an important part of their marriage and kept it hidden.
“Why are you telling me now?” he asked. “You could’ve kept it to yourself your whole life and I never would’ve known.”
“You’re right,” she agreed. “But I see that you’re trying to work on this marriage and I can’t let this lie hover between us. You deserved to know.” Just like he deserved to know about the baby she was carrying, but she needed to take this one step at a time.
Anthony eased closer, moving her legs up over his lap. “You were angry that I wasn’t there.”
Charlotte bit her lip, forcing the rest of her tears back as she nodded. “Yes,” she whispered.
He reached out, cupped her face and looked into her eyes. “To say I’m sorry is really inadequate now. I’m furious, though.”
Charlotte closed her eyes for a moment then looked back into his. “I know. I knew when I told you that you’d be angry at me.”
“At you?” he asked. “Why the hell should I be angry with you? You discovered a miracle and were excited to tell me and I wasn’t there. Nor was I there when you had to suffer the loss and mourn on your own. My God, Charlie, how could you ever think I’d be angry at you when you’ve obviously been through hell…in private, I might add.”
“You’re upset with yourself?”
Charlotte eased back onto the cushions, relieved he didn’t flat-out hate her or worse…blame her for the loss.
He came to his feet, shoved his hands in his pockets and shook his head. “We both know I haven’t been there for you and this just proves it. I was so out of tune with your feelings that I didn’t even pick up on your sadness when I returned. I don’t recall anything about that time that makes me think you were upset.”
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