Rainham, like the snivelling toad he was, was visibly shaken by the threat. His eyes widened; his nostrils flared. Instinctively his gaze flicked towards the exit. Ockendon was fuming, but held his tongue. Just as well. Hal was praying for any excuse to punch him. They stared silently at each other for several moments, before Ockendon finally stood and stalked towards the door with the snake scurrying beside him as if his breeches were on fire. As an afterthought, Ockendon turned, walked slowly back towards them and made a great show of pretending Hal did not exist. ‘I am a powerful man. It is in your family’s best interests to talk to me, Lady Elizabeth. Make it sooner rather than later.’
He turned and marched towards the door Rainham had already disappeared out of. Hal started after him, only to be stayed by Lizzie’s tight grip on his arm. ‘Please, Hal, leave it.’
‘Leave it? The audacity of the man makes my blood boil.’
‘They have gone. Just as you asked them to. Thank you for saving me.’
Except she did not look like a woman who had been rescued. ‘Is there a possibility that Ockendon knows something else about you?’
Her mouth moved to answer, then clamped firmly shut. In the end, she ignored his question and unwound her arm from his. ‘I need to speak with my father.’
‘I would prefer you speak to me first. What’s going on, Lizzie?’
The shutters went down. ‘You saw for yourself what is going on. Clearly Lord Ockendon wants to use Rainham’s treachery and the threat of a scandal to press his suit. Let him. Enough years have passed and I no longer care if the truth comes out.’
She was a dreadful liar. Her eyelids fluttered like butterfly’s wings as she tried to hold his gaze. What wasn’t she telling him? For the sake of privacy, he tugged her into a dark corner under the stairs. ‘Is there something else? Only I get the distinct impression there is something else.’
Her eyes widened. Her tongue flicked out to moisten her top lip. ‘Of course there is nothing else.’ She was lying. He knew it in the same way he knew she was petrified. ‘I am merely a little shaken at seeing Rainham again. I shall be my usual self over dinner. You’ll see.’
A typical Lizzie-like pithy response, but her eyes were so troubled, awash with unshed tears, and it undid him. His fingers came up to brush her cheek and she leaned into his palm. Closed her eyes. Sighed softly. A single, fat tear trickled down her cheek, betraying her. Gut-wrenching proof that his suspicions were correct. He gently brushed it away with the pad of his thumb. When she began to pull away Hal brought his other hand up to cup her other cheek, then allowed it to slide down the delicate column of her neck. Her skin was like velvet, but her pulse beat a rapid tattoo beneath his fingers. The outer shell she was trying to portray was as much of a sham as their public romance. ‘Please tell me what’s wrong. I want to help you.’
She stared deeply into his eyes, as if she was searching the inner depths of his soul to see if she could trust him and he recognised the exact moment she decided she couldn’t. He recognised it as it came with a sharp slash of pain, like a knife to the chest. Utter disappointment at not being considered worthy enough. His hands dropped ineffectually back to his sides when she took a decisive step backwards. She did not want either his help or his touch. ‘Please stop worrying about me. There really is no need. My broken heart mended a long time ago.’ Another lie. Another pain jabbed close to his heart.
‘Rainham was a blasted fool to jilt you! Had I been in his shoes, I would have counted the seconds till I put the ring on your finger.’ Where had that come from? His aching heart began to hammer erratically against his ribs. Wherever it had come from it was true.
Good grief.
‘Maybe you should marry me, Lizzie.’
‘W-what?’ Her mouth hung open.
Hal’s head began to spin. He had just proposed. Very badly and out of the blue. Hopefully she would turn him down. He had always avoided commitment and hardly knew this woman yet, horror of horrors, right at this moment this felt right. Even the appeal of sowing his wild oats was apparently waning. A voice in his head was making him question it. Why would you waste time with other women when the only one your heart wants is currently stood right in front of you? Looking at him as if he had just gone completely stark, staring mad. Which clearly he had. Perhaps Lady Danbury’s wassail was off.
‘You are very kind, but—’
‘I am not being kind!’ The annoying voice in his head told him he had to convince her it was the right course of action. ‘We could announce our engagement tonight over dinner. With a special licence, we can be married by Christmas. Then you will no longer have to fear Ockendon or Rainham or the scandal of being jilted because everyone will be gossiping about our wedding.’ Oh, Lord! Nonsense kept spilling willy-nilly from his mouth. He did not want to be shackled to a wife just yet. It was too soon... Far too soon. Thank goodness he hadn’t given her any enticing or romantic sets of reasons to make her want to marry him.
But, the voice said, they are sound and pragmatic ones. Lizzie might respond better to logic than the fact that your heart seems to think you were meant to be together.
The walls tilted. Good grief! What the hell was going on? Soppy romantic ideas about two people who were meant to be together, especially when one of them was him, were ridiculous. He couldn’t possibly think the pair of them were meant to be together.
Could he?
He certainly liked her and desired her. She was fun. Entertaining. Lovely to behold. So what if he had a sudden urge to wake up with her every morning? Spend his days with her. Grow old with her...
Dizziness swamped him. There had to be something in the wassail which did not agree with him, that could be the only explanation. To keep himself upright he grabbed the wall for support and hoped he did not look as blindsided as he felt. If he hadn’t been poisoned, his current behaviour was very worrying.
‘I can’t marry you.’
His knees went then and he sat down shakily on an oak chest. He should be rejoicing the fact she had turned him down. His proposal had been rash to say the least and had literally come out of the blue. Instead, he was crushed. His breathing became laboured because of an acute pain in his chest. ‘At least give it some thought. It’s not really such a terrible idea when you consider the benefits.’ And now, to top it all, apparently, he was not averse to begging.
‘The benefits?’ He saw bemusement and pity on her face. Both made him panic.
‘We rub along well together.’
There is this odd feeling in my heart every time I am with you. It sort of swells and feels content.
‘We are both cynical in nature and find the expectations of society tiresome.’
I want to spend every minute in your company.
‘I do believe we have a mutual attraction to one another, which I doubt most married couples could claim, and it would save us both from the dullards and the hordes.’
Be mine for ever, Lizzie. I have a sneaking suspicion I’m a little bit in love with you.
Good grief!
Was he? How had that happened? He needed to stop speaking. Clamp his wayward jaws shut.
‘I can’t marry you.’
‘Why not?’
‘It would be totally wrong... For so many reasons.’ To soften her words, her fingers came up to rest on his face and she gently brushed back his hair. He wanted to haul her into his arms, beg her to reconsider, but his pride was battered quite enough already and he was so confused by what he had just done he couldn’t think of anything remotely sensible to say. If Hal was being completely honest with himself, he could not think of anything sensible to think either. He watched, as she lowered her body to kneel before him, rejoiced when she closed the distance between them and pressed her lips to his.
Home.
Those were his first thoughts before his body burst into
flames and he did haul her into his arms. He wasn’t sure which one of them deepened the kiss, but all the urgency, all the despair and all the longing he felt came tumbling out as he clung to her. At some point he tugged her on to his lap, let his greedy hands explore the curves of her body while his mouth worshipped her and his heart burst with joy. She wanted him, too. She would marry him.
It was Lizzie who tore herself away and stared up into his face for the longest time. Her fingers began to trace his features. ‘You are sweet, Hal. I never thought I would ever hear myself say such a thing about a man with your reputation, but it is true nevertheless.’ He could hear sympathy in her voice, feel her withdrawing back into herself. Withdrawing from him. From them!
When she stood up, stepped away, putting both physical and emotional distance between them, her expression was inscrutable. That damn drawbridge had been reeled in and she was hiding behind row upon row of battlements again, shutting him out. She did not believe in him enough. Or feel the same way. His poor heart twisted painfully in his chest and he could hear the damn voice in his head howling in protest. Hal jumped up, but before he could move towards her she stayed him with her hand. Shook her head definitively.
She smiled sadly and started towards the stairs, then hesitated and stopped. When she turned around her expression was wistful. ‘Thank you for being there, Hal, and for offering to sacrifice yourself for me. It means the world. Thank you also for all you have done in the last few weeks. You have been a good friend to me and bizarrely at a time when I needed a friend the most. This silly Christmas season has been a pleasure. I will always remember it fondly.’
Chapter Thirteen
Alone in his bedchamber, still reeling from both the earth-shattering surprise of proposing and the despair at being swiftly turned down, Hal paced the floor. Perhaps the wassail had been tainted. With some sort of drug which rendered one stupid and prone to folly. His proposal had certainly been foolhardy. It was undoubtedly ill timed. The poor girl had suddenly been confronted with a man who had broken her heart, another who wanted to use that information against her and Hal had gone and sprung a proposal on her.
A pretty lacklustre and, now he came to think upon it, unconvincing proposal. We rub along well together. As if an intelligent and vivacious woman like Lizzie, who was plagued with dullards and wary of marriage, would be tempted by a declaration quite so bland? For a man renowned for his way with both words and the ladies, that was frankly pathetic. It was a blessing she had turned him down and an even bigger blessing she had thought his proposal was a noble, selfless gesture. It allowed him to save face even though he was feeling quite wretched at the rejection whilst still reeling from his bizarre reaction to their kiss.
Home.
That word kept haunting him. How the blazes could a woman be home? It made no sense, yet it made perfect sense. Perhaps he was going down with something? A fever, perhaps? Fevers made people delirious. That had to be what was wrong. A decent dinner, a soothing draught and a good night’s sleep were probably in order. Tomorrow he would endeavour to get to the bottom of whatever was going on with Ockendon and see if that made a difference to his odd mood. Only then, if the silly voice in his addled head was still plaguing him, would he give the matter of his romantic feelings towards Lizzie some more thought and decide how to proceed with them. The sprig of mistletoe sat on his nightstand and he picked it up. This was meant to be a bit of fun. A harmless wager. Nothing serious. But that kiss had been serious. It had been significant. He plucked off another berry and tossed it into the fire.
Good grief! He was seriously considering a proper romance. What was that if not a Christmas miracle? If he hadn’t been feeling so miserable, he would laugh at the cruel irony. A fortnight ago his vigour was missing and his life lacked something. Now he had plenty of vigour and his addled mind had decided what was lacking. It was Lizzie. She was home. And she didn’t want him. Something he would doubtless get over as soon as he stopped feeling the urge to rescue her. He hoped, at least, that was all that was wrong. With that in mind, he probably should rescue her swiftly.
Hal quickly dressed for dinner and then headed back downstairs in search of Aaron. His friend was holding court at the refreshment table, but quickly excused himself when Hal motioned to him. ‘You don’t look particularly happy. Something I am going to take as a very good sign. I take it you have not made any more progress with the berries.’
‘Forget the berries.’ Hal had. The very last thing on his mind was the Mistletoe Wager when he suspected his heart was a little bit broken. ‘What do you know about the Earl of Ockendon?’
‘I know he smells.’ Aaron’s face wrinkled. ‘And I know I’ve never liked him. Why do you ask?’
‘I think he is trying to blackmail Lizzie.’
‘That’s a pretty serious accusation.’
They might be overly competitive with one another, but aside from his sister Hal trusted no one more. ‘There is a scandal in her past. Rainham jilted her. Ockendon knows it and has brought the snake here to flaunt it under her nose.’
Aaron was silent for a moment, taking the news in in the calm measured way he did when something was important. ‘At best, that news is a minor scandal now. Their engagement was years ago. The gossip will be harsh, as it always is with a titbit so juicy, but quickly forgotten.’
‘That’s what I would have said, but...’ Hal raked his hand through his hair and shook his head. ‘But my gut says there is something more to it. Something much worse. She was frightened. Ockendon was so...certain of his power over her.’
‘Did you ask her?’
‘Of course I asked her. She denied it.’ But Hal had seen her. She had been broken. Had remained broken even as she had climbed the stairs less than an hour ago. The more he thought about it, the more it all bothered him. Which probably accounted for his ridiculous ‘marry me’ outburst. ‘I think she’s in trouble, Aaron.’
‘Then all you can do is keep a close eye on the situation and hope it either comes to naught or she confides in you.’ Not what Hal wanted to hear. Whatever was troubling Lizzie he wanted to fix now and banish the fraught look which tugged on his heartstrings and made him make lacklustre but genuine marriage proposals on the spur of the moment. ‘Unless, of course, she is embroiled in a truly awful scandal...in which case it might be prudent to distance yourself from her.’
‘How can you say that!’ The very thought was preposterous. ‘Would you abandon Connie at the first sign of trouble?’
His friend watched him thoughtfully for several seconds. ‘The last time I checked, Connie was my wife and Lizzie was a wager.’ Hal felt his expression harden, then saw Aaron’s change, too.
Awe and wonder.
Amusement.
An irritating grin crept over his face. ‘Good Lord! I never thought I’d see the day! You’re developing feelings for her?’
Denying it was pointless, because he was. He wasn’t entirely sure what sort of feelings they were, labelling them as anything quantifiable terrified him. Hell—his hasty proposal had terrified him, although not quite as much as her refusal had. And frankly that terrified him more. Hal was starting to think they were meant to be together one day. Not yet, of course, he had far too many wild oats still left to sow. But one day he could see himself quite content with Lizzie, in the not-so-distant future... And there it went again. His addled mind was wandering down paths it had no right wandering down. Like a besotted idiot, he still hadn’t answered his brother-in-law’s question.
By the look on Aaron’s face, any sort of response would be tantamount to an admission of guilt and Hal was certainly not ready for that either. Not when his head was all over the place and his heart hurt. ‘I like her, Aaron. Lizzie is a good sort and I would hate to see her wronged by Ockendon. You have to admit, her former fiancé turning up here with him, after being absent from society for years, is a bit contriv
ed.’
‘It is. That I will grant you. And if Ockendon needs money, your lady-love has a temptingly huge dowry to entice him. I concede that, too. Her father has certainly made her an obvious target for fortune hunters.’ Without telling him of his suspicions, Aaron’s line of thinking was along the same lines as Hal’s. In his head, he could hear his father’s voice repeating his usual mantra. ‘The world runs on coin, Henry. Nothing else matters.’
‘I will do some subtle digging on your behalf tonight, Hal, over dinner. I suggest you concentrate your efforts towards the young lady in question. Use some of that devilish charm to see if you can wheedle any more details out of her.’
With no better plan, Hal would do exactly that.
* * *
Fate, or rather Lizzie, denied him the opportunity. When she and her father failed to materialise, he went off to look for her, only to be informed by Lady Danbury’s butler that the Earl of Upminster’s carriage had left well over an hour before. Standing alone and confused at the bottom of the very staircase he had last seen her on, it dawned on him. Lizzie’s final words to him had not been words of pity or thanks at all.
They had been a goodbye.
* * *
The journey home had been an emotional one. In view of the Earl of Ockendon’s thinly veiled threats and the sudden reappearance of her treacherous fiancé, her father waved away her concerns. Ockendon, he assured her, was all bluster. So what if he knew she had been jilted? There was no way he knew about little Georgie when the boy’s father had no idea he existed. At best, all Ockendon could do was enlighten the ton to gossip now so old it was not worth repeating. Besides, he had argued, he had friends in high places and no newspaper would dare print the story of how she had been abandoned at the altar. He would sort it all out. She wasn’t to concern herself with it. Lizzie had fervently pressed him for details about how he had banished her former fiancé from society and he had patted her hand and said that, too, did not matter. His troubled eyes gave him away even as he denied it. As always, he was excluding her from decisions which would directly affect her in the name of protecting her!
His Mistletoe Wager Page 14