I anxiously have been waiting for the day of both Abram’s Bar mitzvahs, as well as my Bat mitzvahs. It was not normally customary to hold them both jointly together, but Abram’s and mines were going to be held this coming Sabbath after all. I prayed hard for it, every single night. I loved parties, being around others, the food, the music, and dancing, the atmosphere it creates. Having my Bat mitzvah on the same day, Sabbath only of course came about after I had lodged a one-girl campaign-begged, and ultimately pleaded my case with my dear un-expecting parents, and of course our Rabbi. I won dad over by hitting him through craftily appealing to his natural thriftiness, when I simply pointed it out, “Poppa you could save some of the cost associated with this big party. You could accomplish this by splitting the cost of the whole thing with Abram’s father, and I’m sure he would also be keen to save money too.” Against that, I guess he felt he had no choice.
I of course had ulterior - maybe even selfish motives…well there was no maybe about it. I was really shoving for making such a move. Due to my heart making me resort to such desperate diplomacy, I was using all of my charm. See I was thinking, hoping that at our Bar mitzvahs, I would finally receive my first kiss. Though I do wonder how Abram who has never stepped up to the plate, and shown me how he truly felt about me. Neither of us had come close to raising the subject - regarding our hearts, what I mean to say, if he even thought of me romantically. I knew how I felt about him, ha!!!!!
I guess I was making a lot of assumptions at this time, all in my favor, who knows what going through that boys mind. I never allowed myself to consider a completely different outcome. After all, not for one second did I think that he did not like me.
I am the type of person that once I set my mind to something, I do not take no for an answer. And And for a while, I felt happy with myself - that is until I realized that we both might end up kissing. I grew edgily nervous when this finally stuck inside my mind. I had never kissed someone romantically before family doesn’t really count. I used my vanity mirror in my bedroom, to practice on every night. There I was, I made good and sure, that no one saw me during my practice sections. Thankfully, now that my sisters were married I had the room all to myself. And so, I tried to imagine what it was going to be like.
As it grew nearer to my big day, I found myself growing panicky. I was losing sleep over it, as I worried about the minutest of details - was my dress going to fit, and how was I going to look in it. Was my hair going to look good and what about that kiss, and how about the dancing, would Abram want to dance with me? The only soul I dare to tell of what I was calling, “Operations get Abram to fall for me, once and for all my plans to receive my kiss - was of course my big Sissy. I could trust her, and she had experience in such matters. I knew she would have all the answers - by then she has been married six whole months.
She - to my delight - was blissfully happy for me. And, after all, she’d already predicted it a while ago. Good thing that she and I had once again become good friends I could really talk to her, without any reservations. She was the grandest of listeners, and we - had several hearts to hearts on the subject of my beloved Abram. In fact, she was kind enough in helping me to prepare for my day I - knew that I would be the center of attention today; startlingly I find I’m happy about that. On the morning of my big day, we did my hair all up - as a princess would wear it, and that was all Sissies’ work.
Momma decided on this one special occasion, she would permit me to wear a small amount of her makeup, which both Mom and Sissy took the time to apply, since I had no idea how to put on. Momma pressed the dress I was going to be wearing. It was amazing. Momma, bless her heart, had been hand sewing it for me for the last month. Then Poppa stunned me the day before when he bought me home a pair of brand new black low heel dress shoes.
On the way there, I could barely breathe - I do not know why I was so worried. Momma helped me in combating this bad case of panic by telling me to take deep breaths, and then slowly let it out which helped some. Then seeing Abram all dressed up made my heart skip a beat, or two, he really cleaned up well.
After Abram and I happily concluded our religious portion of our Bar mitzvahs flawlessly and the fun portion of ceremony had arrived, the time to party.
The band began playing music as the guess started pouring into the large ballroom, situated in the Synagogue’s banquet hall. If people think that Jewish people do not know how to party, then they would sadly be mistaken, and misjudging us. As you walked into the room there were decorations hung everywhere. On the far side of the room, the band was set up and then the dance floor. Then just off the door a table for gifts, which was filling up rapidly, to my excitement. Then several tables of food. And then between the tables of food and the dance floor, there was several tables were people could sit and eat. Abram being such a gentleman - bless his heart - went over and formally approached my father, who at the time was drinking, as well as smoking a cigar, talking to a couple of men, laughing. Momma was off helping serve food so Poppa was off on his own. Without Momma there, he was being pretty brave. Abram was formally there to ask for his permission to dance with me. Holding back my tears, fingers crossed I looked on as he gave his blessing, I saw Momma witness what was happening, she walked over and nudged him in his arm. Hating to admit his little girl was growing up, right before his eyes, my Poppa looked over at me one last time. I was sitting at a separate table with my sister and her lovely husband, trying to remain as calm as I could under such stressful circumstances. I had reserved the chair next to me for Abram. Noticing that Abram was slightly pale after leaving his conversation he had had with Poppa, my heart skipped a beat as he began to walk towards me. I knew that he was coming to solicit me for a dance. My heart skipped a beat or two upon the thought. I nervously squeezed Sissy’s hand, as he grew close. I don’t know why at this precious moment, because he had approached me a thousand different times, over the years. Oh, he looked so handsome in his new suite. I knew how uncomfortable he felt in it. He absolutely hated having to get dressed up. But he did look good.
Sissy bent over and then whispered in my ear, “Sweetie this is your moment to shine, this is what you have been dreaming of isn’t it? Now listen sweetie I promised you, it is going to be ok, I give you my word. Just try being yourself, relax, and breathe. It is your moment - the moment every girl dreams of, just go out there and seize the moment. Oh, sweetie he looks quite handsome, I have to be honest I am a little jealous. But I got to tell you, I would say he looks as nervous as you are!”
“Really you do?”
“Yes Hana. I don’t think that I’ve ever seen him look as nervous as he does now, that’s a good sign.”
Curious, I said, “Why is that a good sign?”
“Because that means he really wants to come over and dance with you - he’s just nervous about actually coming and asking you. So, do not think you should at least look over at him it would be rude otherwise. It’s about time you learn that sometimes the female has to not so much as make the first move, but sometimes we need to egg our men on a bit, without them actually catching on to our tactics, now that is where the real art is, tricking them into thinking it was their idea. First of all, why don’t you smile at him and give him a little wave.”
I realized that she was absolutely right, so I glanced over at him as he was approaching, smiled - it was as though I was seeing him for the very first time. I saw him in a completely new light. It was as if time was slowing down as he approached me. Then why was I finding myself starting to get cold feet when out of his mouth came, “Hello ladies," He paused, a flush of red creeping up his neck and blossoming into his cheeks. Then he continued, “Hana, if you don’t mind me saying so, you look positively beautiful in that dress. I have never seen you look as pretty as you do at this very moment. I shall never forget how you look now I will cherish it, I don’t know what’s so different, but you’re stunningly beautiful!”
I had to wipe the tears from my eyes – happiness suddenly overwh
elmed me. I smiled, “Thank you, and might I say how handsome you look in that suit. Oh and I like your haircut.”
He smiled back, the light bounced off his baby blue eyes.
“Thank you, oh before I forget to give this to you, here Hana. I got you a gift I picked it out myself. Promise me you won’t open it up in front of other people.”
I could tell just how happy he was to be giving me this gift - his whole face lit up.
“Abram, you didn’t have to get me anything - it’s your day too, and just as much as it’s mine, but since you have, and well tell me what is it?”
“No! Ok then, I know how you get, go ahead just open it up would you silly; I know how much you like opening up presents, I don’t want to spoil the surprise.”
“Ok!” Gingerly, I opened the carefully wrapped package, before gasping – “It is a necklace!”
He beamed and I continued “Oh, it is beautiful, Abram! Would you mind too terribly much putting it on me? I simply have to wear it now - I want to show it off to everyone, I shall never take it off. No one has given me something as beautiful as this before. “I then gave him a hug and a quick kiss on his cheek to show my gratitude.
“You really like it; you’re not just saying that to not hurt my feelings?”
“No, no I absolutely love it.” That put a smile on his face.
He reached around and put on the necklace, and I went ahead and assisted him by pulling back my long hair. His hands were trembling as he put the locket around my neck, and attempted to open up the tiny clasp was giving him a bit of trouble. I was delighted he was having a difficult time, because as he was doing this, his body was drawn in close to mine, whether it was an intentional or not. The longer I had him close to me the better, I could not help smelling him, I loved his scent, and he was wearing some of his father’s cologne, just for me.
Excitedly, as he pulled away, he grabbed onto the locket, to show me that it opened up, “Hana look the locket heart opens up - please look inside! It is a picture of you and me. I hope you like the picture I put in of us?”
“Hey, Abram, I remember that day! I love this picture, now as long as I wearing this, I’ll always have you close to my heart.” He stared at me, owl-eyed, and then smiled.
“I just knew you would, it was a great day!”
Not sure, he had meant to say it, I think his feelings slipped out. He blushed, though was still wrapped up in the moment.
Then he really surprised me, “Of course everyday with you Hana is a great day.”
I looked into his eyes, as he began talking again - he pulled a piece of paper out from his slacks pocket. He had something written down. He cleared his throat a couple of times - I could tell he was quite nervous. The piece of paper was shaking.
“Listen up would you Hana? I’m not so good at this sort of thing - expressing my true feelings. Now I know were both best friends, and the last thing in the world I would want to do is lose you as my best friend, after what I’m about to say. But I got to come out and say it anyways, if I don’t I may never say it, then that would be the biggest regret in my life. I just have to get this off my chest - I have been trying to muster up the nerves to say this all day. Ok here it goes." He paused, taking a deep breath, before hurrying on.
"I really like you Hana! I think you are the most beautiful girl I have ever met, you're fun to be around, and you are easy to talk to, well except trying to tell you that I really like you. I know we have been best friend since we were little. You always have been there to cheer me up, since the very first moment we met. I know it may seem weird to think of me as more than just friends, but we're not little kids any longer, you are turning into a beautiful woman Hana. I would hate to think of you with anyone else but me, as strange as this may sound, but since the very first moment I saw you, I knew I wanted to make it my goal to be you very best friend”
I interrupted him - I just could not hold my tongue any longer. “Well I like you too Abram, I knew the moment I saw you that we would be good friends, thanks for letting me know.” I was such an idiot - I should have let him finish, I was just as nervous.
“No Hana that didn’t come out right. What I am trying to say, is I have not been just thinking of you as a friend to hang out with. Oh, God please, give me the strength I need to just come out and say it, ok what I am trying to say, is I cannot seem to stop thinking about you. You are so incredibly beautiful; all I want to do is hug you - dare I say kiss you. I had hoped that tonight we would have our first kiss. Listen if you don’t feel the same way about me, I would completely understand. I would understand if you desired to have another boy to come calling. Anyone that did would be so fortunate to win your attention, and ultimately your heart. If this is the case, then just please if you would, be so good to disregard what I just said. If I could not have you as my girlfriend - then at the very least - I would wish for us to remain friends. I wouldn’t be able to bear the thought of losing you all together because of what I had just said.”
Holding back the tears, not believing what I just heard, because that is exactly what I had wanted, what I have been praying for, and here it was coming true. “Wait - you think I’m beautiful? And you want me to be your girlfriend? But does it bother you that I’m not the tomboy that I was when we first met?”
“Yes of course I think you’re beautiful, and no, it doesn’t bother me you’re not a tomboy, because I love the women you’re turning into!”
“I can’t believe I’m actually saying this to you. Abram you have always had my heart, there has never been anyone else but you that I wanted,” I had tears of joy!
as he was saying this to me, “I wanted to say that from you for a very long time.” Oh, I cannot believe I had just said that aloud.
He smiled back at me - obviously happy by this answer. It was odd, when I realized it was not a dream, and the two of us were both choosing to cross completely new boundaries in our friendship.
“Hana would you do me the honor of dancing with me, I already asked your father, and he gave his permission? And I’ve practiced a little with mother.”
“You did that for me? You really asked my father, and he really said it was ok?”
“Yes I did, I really wanted to dance with you, and he said he would be honored if I would make his daughter happy.”
I looked over towards Sissy who by this time was surprisingly was crying, wiping the tears away in her hanker-chief - now we were both crying. Surely my makeup was running. I was wondering what to do - this was proving to be completely new territory for me. She signaled for me to go ahead and dance with Abram. I looked over at Poppa. He looked back at me and just smiled, and whispered through the air that he loved me, he also said now go on. I whispered back that I loved him too, and I thanked him. I turned back gazing into Abram’s baby blue eyes, I had to give him his answer. I didn’t want to keep him waiting, not a second longer, or he just might think that I hadn’t wanted to dance with him, after all that he had done for me on this special night. “Abram, I would love to dance with you. You know the only other man I have ever danced with is my Poppa.”
I held out my hand, the exact way Sissy had taught me. I felt just like Cinderella. He gently reached out for me, and grabbed softly onto my right hand, holding back on his strength not to prove anything. Gently leading me out to the waiting dance floor. As one, our hands held tightly onto one another, suddenly they began to sweat - it was a strange yet excitingly new impression. But I knew I didn’t want to pull away from him. Sissy had said that this sometimes tends to happen, when a couple is both nervous - and more importantly in love. Just thinking of that put a huge smile on my face. I did not bother mentioning that to Abram.
The Vienna Waltz played as we both glanced around the large decorated ballroom - they had done a fantastic job. It was decorated so prettily. As we headed out to the dance floor, suddenly the once loud room was completely silent. The band-stopped playing right in the middle of the song they had been playing. With all eyes in th
e room now cast firmly upon the two of us, the room crystallized - I didn’t care, it was as though it was just the two of us in that room. I looked deep into Abram’s eyes. They all clapped for us. Then my dear sweet father told the band to please start playing once more.
Awkwardly Abram attempted to take the lead. I could tell how nervous he was, attempting to dance, he looked down at his feet. I think he was counting softly his steps 1234-1234. Almost immediately, he accidently stepped upon my tender unprotected poor little toes a couple times. I did not mind at all, I pretended he had not. Because I was simply on cloud nine, I did not want to make him feel bad. Sissy and I had been secretly practicing on how to dance for weeks, so I could understand that Abram was making a few mistakes. For some strange reason, we were both afraid to look into each other’s eyes as we danced. Now that it was out in the open, on how we both felt about one another. So, we looked every other which way but into each other’s eyes. Then…the song was over. We stopped dancing, and everyone else began to cheer for us.
Then quickly several other couples were heading out to join us on the dance floor, and then Poppa and Momma joined us on the floor. Taking charge, Poppa once again asked, “Band please play!”
War Torn Love Page 6