Ten: This kitchen is to be cleaned spotlessly after each meal is severed, including clearing off the dining room table. I will inspect this personally.
Eleven: All these set of laws will applies to those Jew girls of yours as well. Thos little brats had better keep out of my hair, you hear me. If they do not I can always send them off to the concentration camp on their own.
Twelve: You are to be in your room every night by nine pm; unless, I had instructed you to do additional duties for me.”
You hear me well girl, Break any of these rules, including trying to escape, just once. You, as well as those girls of yours will be beaten, and then sent to the concentration camp. Well if you try to escape, the guards will shoot you. Do I make myself perfectly clear?”
I answered her back, looking down towards the ground, in a mousy voice, “Yes Mrs. Hoess!” The exact opposite to what I am. I had to bite my tongue to keep from screaming out!
Thankfully, for me, I did not need to despair, she was more than satisfied with the answer I had given her, “Very good then, this will do for now I suppose. Here is then what I expect you to make for the lunch menu, now get started! Oh look at what time it is! Before you get started, go get in line up with the rest of the staff in the dining room! They have been standing there for a half hour while you have been wasting my time! We conduct this every morning at 6:30.”
We all stood there at attention, as she one by- one looked us over, including to my surprise she had us strip naked. If I had not known any better, I would say she rather enjoyed it! She to me was proving to be an odd soul, the way she was touching me.
Setting somewhat of an exemplar with me, Mrs. Hoess proceeded to slap me across my face, because she had realized my clothing was still slightly damp. The only reason for that is I only had a chance to wash my clothing last night, I had done my best to ring them out, and hung to dry over night, it was bad enough I had to put on damp clothing, I was a bit cold thanks to that. I think the only thing saving me from completely freezing, is she like the house to be on the warm side.
She did not punish me any further, since she had known I had not yet received a second set of clothing. She immediately made sure that I was supplied with additional clothing. She ordered me to go change at once, and hang my damp clothing up. Then she dismissed us, and then ordered us to get back to work.
I went back to the room to change, with only a second to spare, the length of time it took me to change. I checked on the girls,
“Girls I have to get back to work now, I will check on you both later. Now be good for me my loves, I love you both so much. I will give you both a bunch of loving when I have finished my work.”
I knew I had to hurry since the hag was surely waiting for my presence back in the kitchen.
While I began cooking, she was watching me with her eagle eye, not missing a single thing, and her blasted commenting on everything I was going, or her countless questions. It quickly became clear to me that she had no idea how to cook, but wanted her husband to think that she could. That is why she at each meal tried taking much of the credit. I could tell her husband did not believe it for a moment, but chose to just play along. It would seem women like her were actually only good at one thing, and that was not cooking.
Mrs. Hoess had been making me so bloody nervous, I was getting frustrated, she watched me very closely, why I was not exactly sure why. I should not be nervous about this, this is something I had done a thousand different times before, and working in the kitchen was just second nature to me. Suddenly I found I was becoming all flustered, I was so scared. I was thankful the girls were both back up in the room at this point. I could not afford to be distracted even more at this point, now, I needed to perform, and everything was now riding on it.
Thankfully, for me, my cooking passed the old hag’s muster! Though she still terrorized me, not desiring to give me the satisfaction of saying or even demonstrating my food was tasted good to her. I knew I passed the first assessment, because she never threw it away. She then lightened up a smidge.
So there I was, my first day when. I set the table for breakfast in the manner she had not sought, so when she spotted what I had done. She yelled from the dining room for me to come out from the kitchen. Wasting no time, not even given a chance to defend myself, she slapped me across the square of my face, knocking me down to the floor. Turns out, it was the exact opposite way to place the silverware that I was always taught, how was I suppose to know she had expected it this way, she does not bother telling me such things, she had just assumed I would know this.
Mrs. Hoess ordered me to bring out all the food. Once I did, she asked me and other Jewish women who looked to be about ten years older than I to wait. The two of us were met to stand in the corner just in case anyone needed something as the Germans ate - we were to attend to any of their needs. It was incredibly torturous on me, my stomach growled. We were supposed to just stand there as if we had become invisible, or something.
Then when I was done at the end of the day, The Commanders wife had me strip off all my clothes once again, so that I was embarrassed I was completely naked, so she could personally check to make sure I was not sneaking food back to me room. She checked every possible cavity, just to make sure I was not hiding anything. I was very uncomfortable the way that she would touch me.
It seemed everyday she would put me through some manner of her sick tormenting torture. Just when I had thought I had preformed something the way she wanted, then she would come up with something all new. She even went as far as having soldiers rip apart our room where we were staying, randomly. Just to check, making sure we had not stolen anything. Not that I could see we were ever given a chance to.
All this was proving just as difficult on the girls as it was on me - they too were subjected to strip searches conducted sometimes by the soldiers. It was so degrading to all of us, each time this had happened. I wanted to fight back for my darling, for putting their stinking hands on my girls in improper ways. I know they did not like it either. The soldiers in particular were sexually assaulting us, and completely getting away with it. They were coming just short of raping all the women here. They knew we would not dare say a thing, but they did know if they raped us they might get caught, so at least they never did.
I still found ways of sneaking small amounts of food even though it could not be a great deal. I studied her every habit for a couple of days. Paying close attention to her habits, and routines, I knew if I had not attempted retrieved food for my babies, it could certainly spell a slow but surely dawdling painful death to the girls, and I. So as I worked away at the kitchen. If the girls were in the kitchen with me, I would had the girls purposely sitting directly below where I was prepping the food. For two reasons, so they were staying out of the way of the hag. The second reason was, whenever that hag was not observing me, I quickly slid pieces of food directly over the edge of the counter. Then the girls held their hands out to catch it in so she would not hear something dropping on the floor. I had instructed them to eat it as quickly as possible. I would signal them both each time ahead just before I was preparing to drop, by tapping my foot softly twice on the marble floor. The girls waited with very watchful diligent eyes, in case a piece of food was to drop their way. It was never enough to accomplish much, but it was helping at keeping them alive, and for that, I could be ever grateful.
You know before the war had started up. I would had never thought of lying, or stealing. But now this was the only way we could possibly survive under such conditions. I hoped when this was all over, God could forgive my people for the sins we had been forced to commit in order to stay alive. We were all just doing what we could to survive; we should not be faulted for this.
A long grueling week had passed by since coming to this awful house, sure, it was the most beautiful house I had ever stayed in, but the presence of evil seems to linger all around like an all-encompassing fog that wrapped tightly around us all, and did not seem to want to let
go. This place was proving to be more a penitentiary than a house. We were given no freedoms to speak of. I think the only thing that kept me going through the week, enduring so much hardship, was the amazing thought of being able to see my darling husband Abram once more. To have him hold me tightly once more, in his powerful arms. If only for five-minutes - still I could once again feel it, was all going to be ok? I could ever briefly feel safe. I know it is only for five-minutes of course, but when everything had been taken away from you, those five minutes could seem like everything. It certainly represented some of the only hope I had left in me. I knew I had been planning every single second of those five-minutes out all week in my head. I lay in bed at night, and fantasized about how wonderful it would be, what I would say, I imagined what Abram would say to me, I fantasized about our kiss. Then I planned on being able to get through the next week to come the very same way, baby-steps. I had learned the hard way here, you could only live from day to day, never planning to far out. Because so much horrible unpredictable things keeps coming our way.
As the big event of Friday drew near, I overheard the Germans talking of his impending fight over dinner. All the people sitting at the table talked as carefree, and liberal as if we had not even been there in the room with them. It was clear the Germans no longer showed any sort of humanity towards us, thought nothing of us. They said that they were all going to the fight. After they were done with dinner, I tried my best to clean the table and kitchen up as quickly as possible. Therefore, I could get my five minutes when the fight was over. The thought never even crossed my mind that he would not, win; I had complete faith in him. I knew that he could do it.
Then I waited by the sink for my nightly inspection. I stood there for a half hour. She came finally strolled in through the doors, with a huge smirk written on her pert face. She walked over to me, and then what she had said to me, and then what she proceeded to do next, well let us just say shocked the heck out of me. I had felt like I was just slammed in the gut. She showed me her true ruthlessness.
“You filthy stinking Jew, I know you thought you would be seeing your husband tonight.” my heart skipped a beat with the thought. Let me let you in on a secret, you were never going to be allowed to see him, it was all just a ploy to get your husband to put his heart into the fight.”
Catching me completely off guard, since I was distracted by what she had just said, my thoughts took me elsewhere. Just then, she up and slapped me as hard as she could for no reason. Striking me squarely across my face. Her large diamond ring getting caught up on my left cheek. I flew down to the ground, and now had received a cut across my cheek, as the ring ground into my flesh.
“You will be going nowhere tonight; you have to see I do not believe in rewarding a Jew for nothing! The only good Jew is of course a dead Jew. And my handsome husband is doing his best at wiping you off the face of this earth. You are lucky you are even still alive. Therefore, you just put it out of your mind about seeing him; say I will tell you what; you had been working hard all week. You could had the rest of the evening off as a small gesture! But I do not want you taking my kindness for gradient. Now I have to get going to the fight. Here is your menu for tomorrow! Oh, we will be having ten additional people over for dinner, very important people! I want to make a good impression with these people. So it better be taste simply divine!”
Once I heard, the kitchen door shut behind her, I was still lying on the floor I found I was unable to get up, pity was holding me down like heavy weights. I began to cry hard. I just could not believe it. I was missing him so badly - it had been feeling like my heart was being ripped apart. First, my whole family was taken from me, but now it would seem Abram too. I had never felt more alone than I did at that particular moment. I had been constantly been worn down. How could she do this to me anyway? How would she feel if her own husband had been taken from her, and it was she that was not allowed to go see him?
I had been working so hard all week, so I could go to see him. I think deep down, I somehow knew she would have pulled something as wicked as this; it had been my heart telling me otherwise. I could not believe it all the same, I had been pinning everything on this one visit. Then there just was not me to consider. What was this going to do to the poor girls? They had been talking about this all week. Then another person to be considered is my husband, he will surely be devastated when he finds out we were not allowed to come to him. I had my hand covered over my mouth, trying to hold back the dam of emotions now uncontrollably pouring out!
“Why I thought!” I cried out!
Then I gathered myself up, pushed those emotions back down once more. I could not allow myself to feel bad at the moment. I knew there was nothing I could do about going and seeing my darling husband. I still had to try surviving.
Then I just so happen to realize in all her haste to leave for the fight, she actually broke her own protocol, she did not realize she never bothered even examining me. I then thought about what foods I could take from this kitchen without actually sending up alarm bells. I carefully proceeded to gather up as much food as I possibly could to take up to the girls, knowing I would only be able to see all the night skies odd darn it we were going to be feasting if I had anything to say about it, and I did not care. I went ahead and grabbed as much food as I could without wanting to draw noticed that the food was absent. My biggest source was the left over dinner I had been forced to throw in the trash container. There was quite a bit there. I left a quarter of it, just in case she was to come back and check the can later on.
Once I had an arm full of amazingly tasting food, I went to the door, put my ear up and listened to see if I could hear anyone. Knowing the repercussions if I was to get caught, it could spell a death sentence, so when it was all clear; I snuck straight on up to my room, creeping my way up the flight of stairs, bypassing the creaking step altogether. Then carefully observing if anyone was out of their respected rooms. Then not wanting to wait around any longer, quickly I shut the door behind me. I had been fearing the entire time I was going to run into someone else, my knees were shaking.
Soon as the girls saw me, I whispered as a precaution, “Hi Girls I need you not to make a peep, now listen to me.” I held my finger to my mouth so they would know to be quiet. Since there was no locks installed on the bedroom door, for safety I went ahead and sat with my back prompted up against the door. I knew they would be excited when they spotted the food I had brought up with me. With food, we had all become more like vultures - I had become willing to do just about anything to get my hands on it. If we were, going to eat what I managed to get my hands on, then we would had to not waste time and eat it right away. It had turned out to be so good. I pretended it was a lovely picnic. We made a game of it, we pretended we were beside s lovely brook, something Abram and I use to always do before the war.
Whispering I explained the game, we were going to be playing; “Now come here children we need to eat, I was able to sneak this food tonight without being caught. However, we have to hurry along and eat it up, just in case someone surprisingly shows up at the door, and girls listen up, this is very important, we must never tell anyone of this wonderful secret picnic, or we could get in big trouble. I will tell you what; let us make it game girls. ”
I thought it was prudent to break the bad news to the girls only after they had a chance to eat, get food in their tummies! I thought they would take it better if we’re not hungry – amazing what it had come to.
The girls and I had not had this much to eat since the last meal my whole family and I had been together. The girls did not take the news so well. But even though they were sad after receiving such devastating news, all the torment they had been going though had certainly made them both very strong, and numb. After they calmed down, I put them both to bed and because they were both behaving so well, I then rewarded them by telling them their favorite bedtime story, the one Abram would tell them. It was about all I could offer them these days. With the food settling i
n their little tummies, they both became sleepy, in the middle of my story they were both out like a light.
Now asleep, I headed off down to the bathroom. I really needed to be alone by this point. I wanted to take a warm bath, and had a good cry, which I did not want to do in front of the girls. I could not show how much I was hurting in front of them. I was hoping this was going to make me feel better.
There I was soaking in the water, once again my hand placed over my mouth. Knowing I was all alone, I began to wail! I did not want to get out of the water. I was an emotional wreck. I did not know what I was going to do.
Just when I had decided to get out of the tub, the bathroom door shockingly busted wide open on me; I thought it was probably one of the other Jewish women staying here, just having to go the bathroom all the time, but not expecting him to be standing there. I did my best under the circumstances to endeavor at covering myself up, but I was not near a towel, so I was rather helpless, I did not know what to do, a loss for words. I was traumatized to see it was the commander standing there, he was clearly drunk. What was he doing here anyways? Was he bringing me news of my husband? Oh, I hoped so; maybe he changed his mind after all, about allowing me to go see him.
Colonel Hoess then broke the awkward silence, only after staring at my naked wet body for quite some time. His eyes focusing on my naked body. This made me feel uncomfortable. I was thinking how inappropriate this was for him to be looking at me. The Colonel came all the way in the bathroom, and shut the door behind him.
War Torn Love Page 40