"I will see you in the morning, Auren. I hope you will consider being more cooperative. I would hate to have to do this again."
He left me strapped to the table and shut off the light as he closed the door behind him, leaving me alone in the dark.
*****
I spent the night drifting in and out of sleep. If it wasn't the pain waking me, it was spasming muscles protesting the lack of movement on the cold, hard table. By the time Makari returned, I was exhausted and certainly not ready to undergo another round of his torture. I wouldn’t survive it, even with the Danam healing my flesh.
Makari walked forward and placed a few bags on the tray next to me. "Broth is not going to be enough to sustain you,” he said. “But you will find eating difficult, so I will install a feeding tube."
"Why not just stop?" My throat was raw, so my voice came out in a whisper.
"Tell me where the Coalition is hiding, and I will."
I closed my eyes in defeat, ignoring the tear running down my cheek. Makari tightened the strap around my head before he began feeding the tube through my sinuses. It wasn’t necessary to bind me. I was too weak to fight. I barely even flinched throughout the entire process.
That done, he removed all the straps and helped me to my feet. Pain shot through my legs the instant I put weight on them. Had he flayed the soles of my feet too? I couldn't remember.
"I know walking is hard," he said when I stumbled, "but we need to do this every day."
He guided me through several laps of the room, which took a long time. At least it felt like an eternity to me. Every movement hurt, until all I wanted to do was get back onto the table. I risked a glance at my skin, surprised to find it was healing well. It was slightly pink as though it had been a couple of weeks since the layers of skin had been removed. By tomorrow there would be no evidence of what I had endured. Of course, then I would be flayed again. A bucket had been brought in so I could relieve myself, a fact which would have humiliated me if my brain wasn’t so muddled.
I was strapped to the table on my front this time. Makari lifted my shirt so my back was exposed.
"I'm going to give you one more chance to tell me where they are before I begin."
I remained silent. There was no point trying to reason with him anymore. I had no choice but to endure the torture. So, I braced myself when I felt the cold metal press into my shoulder. The pain was worse than before, because I knew what was coming. My throat was so raw all I could do was whimper when Makari began to methodically work on my back. Every once in a while, he forced my eyes open, gazing into them. I didn’t know what he was looking for, but I didn’t give him what he wanted.
He left me alone again that night, after feeding me through the tube. When he returned we began the whole thing again, day after day. I barely slept, kept awake by the pain and my tears. I just wanted it to end. I begged the shadow people to have pity and take me. I considered entering the shadow world and refusing to leave. If I angered a demon it would kill me, and I would be free. Before such thoughts could fully form, my mind grew hazy and I dozed, only to wake a few minutes later, tired and disorientated.
Makari's behavior made everything worse. The weaker I became, the more attentive and caring he seemed to be. When I could no longer walk, he massaged my limbs. Sometimes, at the end of a session, he would talk to me until I fell asleep. His presence became a comfort, and eventually I stopped associating him with the pain. He was like a balm—my escape. The sound of his voice carried me to a warm, safe place where I could forget my suffering. At least for a little while.
Sometimes I thought I could hear him speaking to me, but it was hard to separate my dream-like state from reality. I would cling to his words, wondering if they were simply the broken fragments of my hope, or if he really was beginning to question his father’s influence.
"You were right about me being afraid," Makari said, his voice drifting to me through the darkness.
I answered with a moan, desperate to know if he was really with me or if it was all in my mind.
"I see more than my father thinks. He's never confirmed it, but I know the moment I hand you over, he will have me killed. I've often thought of killing him first, but he has too many people guarding him. His room is protected against attack from shadow stalkers, and he spends most of his time there. When I’m with him I feel disoriented, confused, so I'd likely be killed before I could raise a hand against him."
His words trailed off as I felt a searing pain along my leg. I couldn’t tell where the sessions ended or where they began, and I tried to claw my way back to consciousness. When the pain ebbed I waited, hoping I would hear him speak again.
"I know you think I'm a monster. Sometimes I feel like one. What I’m doing, it repulses me, Auren. I know you won’t believe that, but I don’t know what else to do. Allowing you to go free would just endanger the people of the Serpent Isles, and turning you in would likely mean death for both of us. I’m tired of being used as a tool for my father, and yet I have to think of our people.”
“Then focus on them, and stop worrying about pleasing your father.” The words formed in my head, but I couldn’t be sure I spoke them aloud.
Then Makari sighed and covered my forehead with his hand. My heart accelerated. Did this mean it was real?
"I’m trying to do the right thing. This connection between us, it confuses me…it frightens me. I don't know what it means. I hear your thoughts, and I don't understand them. I feel myself growing weaker the longer we’re together, just as my father said I would."
He sounded like a scared little boy, trapped in a man's body. His conditioning was so absolute, he couldn't see the truth staring him in the face. How could I compete with that? He had been created to stop me, and he knew nothing else.
These thoughts would send me spiraling into the abyss of darkness, and it felt like an eternity before I heard his words again. The pain in them, the defeat, made me want to rage at the injustice of it all. By torturing me, he was hurting the very people his instincts told him to protect.
"I see the truth, Auren. I’ve fought against it for weeks, trying to prove you’re not the delohi-saqu, but as much as I hate my father, everything he said about your abilities is true."
I laughed, or at least the echo of it reverberated in my head. He thought I was holding out on him to resist the conditioning. That my ultimate goal was to hurt people. Our connection, rather than bringing us together, was forcing us apart, because he didn’t trust it. I began to doubt I would ever change that, and soon, with our conversations playing on an endless loop—real and yet not real—I forgot why I was even there.
I was supposed to tell him something, my mind whispered, but I couldn’t find the missing piece. Then I remembered, and I felt so elated I almost screamed it.
"They're in the southwestern valley of the Appolian Mountains."
The moment the words escaped my lips, I knew what I had done. A blood-curdling scream pierced my eardrums, and I wished I was free so I could cover my ears. Then I realized I was the one screaming. Makari was stroking my head and whispering soothing words, but I couldn't understand what he said. All I knew was I had just signed Deakan's death warrant. I had killed him and so many others because I couldn't keep my mouth shut.
Drevin was right. I was doomed to bring suffering to the people of the Serpent Isles. Maybe I wasn't meant to enslave them. My existence was all that was needed.
"Please, kill me," I begged.
Chapter 4
"No, Auren, I won't do that," Makari said, softly. Beads of sweat forming on his brow despite the coolness of the room.
"Then give me to your father. He'll kill me. You got what you wanted." I closed my eyes, blinking away the tears. "Just let me go, please. I don't deserve to live. I've killed them all. I don't deserve to live."
Makari stood watching me, his face a mask of confusion and horror. He should have been happy. I had given him the location of the Coalition. He could go to his father
and win his approval just like he wanted.
"Please, don't leave me like this," I begged him.
He was frozen, his mouth slightly parted as the color drained from his face. "Why do their lives matter to you?"
Did he really need to ask? They had always mattered. Didn't he see that? Then it hit me. All this time he had been so wrapped up in his beliefs and fears, my words had never penetrated, but something had changed.
"They're innocent people, Makari. They just want to live their lives in peace. I knew some of them. I grew up with them, and now they're going to die because of me. How cou—" I gasped for a breath.
Makari was at my side in an instant. "It's okay, Auren. Just take slow deep breaths."
I followed his instructions until I could breathe normally again, but it still wasn't okay. It would never be okay again, and I didn't deserve his pity. I was as responsible for his suffering as I was for everyone else in the Serpent Isles. His father had brought him into this world just to hunt me down. If Drevin had prevented my birth, or killed me as a baby, that never would have happened.
"So many have died already because of me…because my father and Kado tried to protect me. Babies and little children. They'll never know what it's like to really live. They'll never get a chance. I killed them all."
I was crying so hard I was barely coherent, but as I spoke, more color seemed to drain from Makari's face. His confusion reflected in his eyes, but I couldn’t understand it. Didn't he know he held all the power? The lives of those people were in his hands. He could choose to help them, or he could choose to destroy them.
"Save them, Makari. Please, let them live."
His eyes refocused as they locked on my face. "They wouldn't kill the children, Auren. They go to the academies."
"To be tortured and brainwashed, and for what?" Was he really trying to reassure me? "Even if I am the delohi-saqu, how could I hurt them now? There's no reason for anyone else to suffer, Makari. All you have to do is kill me and it's over."
He began pacing, running his hands through his hair.
"Please. Just end it all now. I don't want anyone else to die."
Makari growled and kicked the tray table, scattering its contents across the floor. "I can't kill you."
It didn’t make sense. All he had to do was go to his father. If that wasn’t his intention, then why had we been through all this? Even when I knew he hadn’t wanted to hurt me, I understood I hadn’t given him a choice because he believed in what he was doing. Yet now he appeared lost and confused. A frustrated cry broke from my lips. I just wanted it all to end.
Makari sat next to me, stroking my forehead. "I'm so sorry, Auren. I should have listened to you. I wish…I'm so sorry."
My breath caught in my throat. He was sorry? For what? Hurting me, or for what he was about to do to my friends and all those innocent people?
"You were right about my father. You were right about everything, and I didn't listen. You're not the one who deserves to die." He kissed my forehead. "I don't know what to do."
I had nothing left. My heart and mind were completely numb. I was an empty, hulled out shell. I couldn’t even feel the pain anymore. I wondered, fleetingly, if I was dying. But no veil appeared to take me. All I saw was the sterile white room. This wasn't death.
Makari dropped clumsily into a chair, putting his head into his hands. "What have I done?"
"I'm already dead, Makari. I'm dead in my spirit and my heart. Please free me and kill my body."
He looked at me, his face rigid. "No. You are not dead. Stop that, now. I will not kill you!"
"Why?"
He was next to me an instant later, his face buried in my hair. "Because it would kill me to do it, Auren." He looked up and met my eyes. His expression clearer now.
"I don't understand."
"I love you. I loved you the first time I saw you, but I thought it was a trick. It scared me. I thought you were controlling my mind, but now I know it wasn't you. You're not the delohi-saqu. I was wrong. My father was wrong."
I felt his words tug at my heart, but I shoved the feeling away. It didn't matter anymore. I couldn't live with the knowledge of what I had done. I didn't deserve his love. He watched me for a moment, but when he saw the conviction in my eyes he buried his head in his hands. His shoulders shook, and though he never made a sound I knew he was crying.
"If you were the delohi-saqu, you wouldn't have cared about the people of the Serpent Isles. You would have cared only for yourself. But you're willing to give your life, and you have suffered greatly just to protect them. I should have seen it before.” Makari stood and removed the straps binding me to the table.
“Don’t worry, Auren. Your secret is safe with me." He kissed my forehead, stroking a thumb down the side of my face. There was such clarity in his eyes I knew he was telling the truth. "I know I don't deserve your forgiveness, but somehow I will make this right. I will spend the rest of my life making it up to you."
I didn't know what to say or how to feel. I knew I should be relieved knowing my friends and the Coalition were still safe, but I didn’t feel anything. Nothing could pierce the numb shell I had become, so all I could do was stare at him.
Makari pressed his forehead to mine, his eyes closed. "Please, Auren, come back to me."
What did he mean? "I'm here."
"No, you're not. Not completely." He tipped back on his heels, his face a mask of frustration.
I reached forward to run my fingers over the wrinkles on his forehead, smoothing them. I wanted to do as he asked, but I didn’t know if I could. I felt broken, in mind and spirit. Perhaps nothing could make me whole again.
Makari leaned towards me. "Just let me in."
I didn't know what he meant.
Chapter 5
Makari carried me back to my cell. I expected him to leave me in darkness as he had done before, but instead he walked to a panel I hadn’t known was there. A few seconds later, warm light flooded the room. Gently, he lowered himself to the floor and positioned me so my head was in his lap.
"Sleep," he said, smoothing a hand down my hair. “I’ll keep you safe."
My eyes closed against my will and I drifted for a while. When I opened them again, Makari was gone. I sat up too quickly and pain shot through me, bringing me to the floor again. The earlier numbness had led me into a false sense of security. I hadn't completely healed, and my body's protests reminded me of that fact. Instead of lying motionless, or trying to get up again, I rolled until I was on all fours and began to crawl towards the door. If I could find the secret panel, maybe I could find my way out. I had to find Makari.
I paused at the thought. No, my mind insisted. Not Makari. I needed my father. I could still help the Coalition and the shadow stalkers if I could save my father. I sat back with a rush of breath, smacking my head against the wall. I would never find my father like this. The guards would stop me before I made it to the end of the corridor. Yet I had to try.
Tentatively, I touched the bottom of my foot. It felt unnaturally smooth and raw, so I knew standing would be difficult. I used the wall for balance and forced myself back onto my knees. After taking a breath, I put my weight on one foot. The pain had me gasping for air as I pushed myself upright, but in an odd way the pain felt good. It didn’t pierce the emotional numbness, but it grounded me. It was a reminder of why I was here and what I had to do.
I began to search for the panel, but came up empty. Had I imagined it, I wondered. The room still held a soft glow, and yet I felt no controls. I froze when the door slid open. Makari halted too, gasping when he saw me on my feet.
"Auren, what are you doing? You should be lying down."
"I need to find my father."
He lifted me into his arms, carrying me to a spot further from the door. "What you need is rest, so you can heal."
"No, that doesn't matter. The shadow stalkers need their Foramar. The Coalition needs the shadow stalkers. I have to help them," I said, trying to sit up aga
in.
Makari pinned me to the floor. "Auren, I will take you to the cleansing room and keep you strapped to the table until you've healed if you don't stop this."
I stopped struggling. It didn't matter anyway. When I was fully healed I would find my father. Makari pulled me into his arms and lifted a spoon to my mouth. I turned my head away, having no interest in what he offered. I wasn't hungry.
"You need to regain your strength, Auren. Please. You can either eat this or I'll feed you through the tube."
I reached up to touch my face. I hadn't even realized it was still there. When he brought the spoon to my mouth again, I smacked it away. I didn't want to eat. If I refused food by body would slowly die, but I would free my father before that happened. If he was safely back among the shadow stalkers, my life wouldn't matter anymore.
"Fine." Makari groaned loudly as he got to his feet. "I'll be right back."
I knew where he was going, so I ripped off the medical tape fastening the tube to my face and pulled. There was a short, sharp pain as the tube came out, but it was worth it. I wasn't going to let him keep me alive this way.
When Makari returned, he knelt by my side. His eyes searched my face, and then he covered my cheek with his hand. "Why are you doing this?"
"Because it's over for me. I just need to see my father."
"No, Auren. You need to stop this." He scooped me into his arms and strode across the room, out into the corridor.
I squirmed when I realized where he was taking me, ignoring the stabs of pain. But he only held on more firmly. As soon as we entered the cleansing room, he laid me on the table and began fastening the straps to my arms and legs.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I sobbed.
"Because I'm not going to allow you to starve yourself to death." He opened the packaging and pulled out another tube.
Closing my eyes in defeat, I took a deep breath. He was going to get his way regardless and I didn’t relish the thought of another feeding tube. "Okay, you win. I'll eat."
Shadow Stalker Part 2 (Episodes 7 - 12) Page 7