by Marlowe Blue
Sharon crossed her slim legs, exposing more of her thighs than I cared to see. “You guys knew ‘em, huh? They went to your school.”
“Yeah,” I answered. “They were my best friends.”
Sharon clapped her hands and brought them to her cheeks. “Yes! That’s why your name sounded familiar. You were the survivor.”
People kept calling me that, but I didn’t consider myself a survivor. To me, a survivor was someone who fought with all they had to beat the odds. Me, I hadn’t done anything. I was just lucky enough to have been spared by Neil and his accomplice.
She gave me the same pathetic look everyone else had, but I could tell hers was genuine. “I’m sorry, honey. That’s too bad. I heard they even took you in that night and kept you a long time for questioning. That must have been hard. So, what did you want to ask about my son?”
I turned to Hunter because I wasn’t sure how to bring it up. He leaned forward. “Have you spoken to Shawn lately? Does he send you letters or anything?”
Sharon coughed like she was trying to hack up a hairball. “No. He got his ass sent to a maximum-security prison in California. Got into a fight with another inmate and bashed his face in. He’s in solitary. He doesn’t get no calls, or visits, and he damn sure can’t send no letters—not that he could even write one.”
My cheeks warmed, embarrassed for Shawn. Sharon must have been disappointed in the way he turned out, but the way she talked about him, it was like she couldn’t stand him. I had often disappointed my parents, but it would crush me if they spoke of me in that way. Maybe Shawn would have turned out better if he had someone who believed in him instead of writing him off as a lost cause.
Still she had confirmed something for us and we could cross him off the list. Sending notes written in poetic form didn’t seem to be Shawn’s style anyway and I doubted he was clever enough to come up with that stuff on his own.
I rose from the couch, wanting to get out of there. Something about the place was depressing and hopeless. “Okay, thanks so much, Mrs. Perkins. We won’t take any more of your time.” Really, I wanted to leave before she could ask us why we needed to know these things about Shawn. There was no explanation I could think of that would be acceptable to tell her.
Sharon followed us as we moved toward the door. She patted Hunter on the back as we stepped outside. “You know what?” she asked. “I used to always wish that you were my son instead of Shawn.” Then she looked him up and down and licked her lips. “Then again, with the thoughts I’m having, maybe not.”
“Okay,” I said, taking Hunter by the arm. “Bye, Mrs. Perkins.”
She stood in the doorway, watching us until we pulled off.
“Wow,” I said. “That was . . . interesting.”
“Yes, it was.”
I sank into my seat, smiling. “So, I’m your girlfriend?”
He tilted his head to the side, keeping his eyes on the road. “I only said that to keep her off me, but you know, if you want to be . . . that’s cool.” He tried to suppress a smile but he was doing a horrible job of it.
I gave him a playful shove. What girl would say no to a guy like that? “Of course, I do.”
20
Morgan and I lay stretched across my bed the following day. She was busy painting her nails with my clear polish. “So, it’s not Shawn. Who else could it be?”
The ghost of Officer Downs. I didn’t say that out loud because Morgan was afraid enough as it was.
I hugged my pillow to my chest. “I don’t know. Maybe we need to pay Zander a visit. Maybe he did have something to do with it.”
Morgan’s eyes widened. She looked up from where she worked on her pinky nail. “Really? You would actually face him after what happened.”
“No. Zander and I haven’t had one conversation since his fall. He doesn’t even acknowledge my presence. I can’t just go and talk to him. But you—you didn’t have anything to do with his accident.”
Morgan blew on her nails for a moment. “Yeah, I guess I could but what am I supposed to say? Hey, Zander, were you an accomplice in the most heinous crime to ever touch our town?”
“Think of something a little more tactful than that. Anyway, we don’t have any other suspects.”
Morgan tapped on her chin with her index finger. “That’s not really true.”
“What do you mean?”
She shrugged. “We haven’t talked about Hunter.”
My ears perked up at the mention of his name. “Yeah, what about him?”
She began a second coat; I think just so she wouldn’t have to look at me. “He could have been involved in this. He had a motive. I think it’s strange that he’s getting so close to you all of a sudden when before he wanted nothing to do with you. He’s trying to throw you off his scent. Of course if he can make you fall in love with him, you’ll never suspect him. Not only that, he happens to have been friends with Shawn who knew about Officer Downs? Shawn probably told him and now he’s using it against us.”
I narrowed my eyes at her. “I know Hunter a lot better than you do and he would never hurt anyone, let alone slice them up. And what we did to his father’s business wasn’t enough to provoke someone into murder. Don’t talk about him like that again.”
Morgan wilted and I felt guilty. If it were the other way around, I might have said the same thing she had. “Sorry,” I told her. “But it’s not Hunter. I know it’s not.”
Morgan took my hand. “Okay. Okay. But I don’t want to go see Zander alone. I don’t even know the guy. All this stuff has me kind of freaked out, Lee.”
She was right. It was a lot to ask. I was going to have to put my big girl panties on and finally sit down with my old friend Zander face to face.
Morgan and I sat in the Finley’s driveway for almost twenty minutes. Several times, the curtains in the front window shifted—probably someone wondering what we were doing there.
“We have to get out sometime,” Morgan said. “On the count of three, okay? One . . . two . . . three!”
We both hopped out and slammed the car doors. The walk from the driveway to the front door seemed to be miles. Once we’d made it, Morgan rang the doorbell and chimes rang from inside. I rubbed my sweaty palms on the side of my jeans.
It was ridiculous. I had walked across beams with nothing underneath me but open space. I had crossed a rushing river blindfolded and stood on top of a moving car. Still, none of that was as frightening as the thought of facing Zander.
Mr. Finley came to the door. It had been ages since I’d seen him. He looked exactly the same from what I remembered. He frowned when he saw me and I automatically wondered if Zander had told his parents the truth about how he’d actually ended up in that wheelchair. Did Mr. Finley know we were all there and had abandoned his son?
Thankfully, his face brightened. “Lela, long time, no see. How’ve you been?”
I wasn’t sure how to answer that question any more. “I’ve been better.”
His smile faded a little. “I can imagine. I’m so sorry about the others. I know how close you all were.”
“Yeah.”
The three of us stood awkwardly at the door until Morgan held out her hand. “Hi. I’m Morgan Thorne, Lela’s best friend.”
Mr. Finley shook her hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Morgan. What can I do for you ladies?”
I balled my hands into tight fists because I didn’t know what else to do with all my nervous energy. “I was wondering if we could speak to Zander for a minute. Is he home?”
Mr. Finley faltered as if he were about to make up a lie for his son. He glanced over his shoulder. “Uh, Zander’s studying now. Let me check and see if he’s up for visitors.” He left the door slightly ajar.
I looked at Morgan. “He’s not going to want to see us. I know it.”
Her shoulders drooped. “At least we gave it a try.”
Mr. Finley came back to the door, opening it wide. “Zander says he can take a short break.”
Cautiously I stepped inside the house. Everything looked and smelled the same as it did when Zander and I were friends. The Finley house was spacious and modern and always smelled like cinnamon. I remembered how I had always admired their huge aquarium which was still full of colorful tropical fish.
“Can I get you ladies something to drink?” Mr. Finley asked.
“No, thanks,” Morgan and I replied in unison. I had taken enough from these people. I felt guilty just being there.
“Okay, then. I have to get back to work. You remember where Zander’s room is?”
I nodded. Of course I did.
“Good. I’ll be in my office if you need me.”
“Thanks,” I replied as I turned to the staircase. Those stairs might as well have been leading me up Mt. Everest. That’s what it felt like. My legs held me back like anchors with each step I took. At one point, Morgan had to push me along.
The door to Zander’s bedroom was open. He wasn’t studying or doing anything. He sat there staring at the doorway.
Morgan and I took tiny steps inside. I was about to greet him and introduce Morgan, but he started talking first.
“Lela Dupree and the girl who took my place. To what do I owe the pleasure?”
Morgan hung behind me. I didn’t know what to do with myself so I stood there awkwardly with my hands at my sides. “Hey, Zander. How are you?”
His blonde curls had grown into a huge mop too big for his head. I had the urge to style it for him, but I knew he would never let me.
He sighed. “What do you want?”
I looked around his room. Nothing had changed—the light wood furniture, the hamper in the corner that overflowed with clothes, and the tall floor lamp in the corner shaped like a giraffe. “I wanted to talk to you about something.”
“Really? I thought I made it very clear that I didn’t want anything to do with any of you anymore. Them being dead doesn’t mean you and I are going to be friends now.”
Okay, I hadn’t expected this to be easy. “It was terrible what happened, huh?”
Zander’s face was void of any expression or compassion. “Yeah, it was horrible.”
He wasn’t sorry about what happened to them at all. I tried to put myself in Zander’s shoes and imagined how I would feel if I were in his place, but I couldn’t. I could never be so callous. Coach, Charlotte, Brayden, and AJ didn’t deserve death for leaving Zander behind.
I wanted to tell Zander something I should have told him a long time ago. “Zander, I’m really sorry about what happened to you. I swear, I am. If I could go back and change things, I would. I don’t blame you for hating us.”
Zander clenched his jaw for a few moments. “Hate isn’t even the word. I never told anyone else that you guys were there that night because what happened to me was caused by my own stupidity. No one held a gun to my head. I chose to walk across that beam, drunk at that. I could have said no, but I didn’t. I didn’t want you guys to get in trouble for my decision so I kept my mouth shut.”
My shoulders slouched. He had given us that. If people knew what had really happened, we would have been the town pariahs.
“But,” Zander continued, “I do blame you for what happened after that. What happened after I fell. You just left me there. You didn’t even check to see if I was dead or alive. I could have been dead and all you guys cared about was getting out of there before you got in trouble. I know we all did some wild stupid things, but I thought that at least we were real friends. I would have never abandoned any of you like that.”
He was absolutely right. There was a list of things I hated myself for and leaving him that night was one of them. I wanted to go back. I wanted to check on him, but instead, I let Coach talk me into hopping in his Explorer and driving away. “Zander, I know this doesn’t mean much now, but I’m sorry. I really, really am.”
He looked Morgan up and down. “Then right after that you replaced me with her as if I were never apart of the Hex. Just like that, like I didn’t matter at all. We’d been friends since we were kids, but still, I meant nothing to you guys.”
The more he talked, the more my heart ached. Morgan taking his place had totally been my doing.
She cleared her throat behind me. “Maybe we should just go.”
“What did you come here for?” Zander demanded.
Half of me had wanted to believe Zander had nothing to do with the murders but seeing his justifiable anger up close and personal, I wasn’t so sure.
I summoned up all the courage I had. “Morgan and I have been receiving some strange notes. We wanted to know if you had anything to do with that.”
Zander stared at me blankly for a few moments and then raised his eyebrows. “You want to know if I’ve been sending you notes? What kind of notes? Like love notes? What the hell are you talking about?”
I sat on the edge of his bed even though I hadn’t been invited to sit. My knees suddenly felt weak.
“Neil had an accomplice,” I told him.
Zander’s jaw twitched. “What do you mean? I haven’t heard anything about that.”
“The police have been keeping that under wraps, but trust me when I tell you, it’s the truth.”
Morgan wandered over to a shelf filled with trophies Zander had earned playing baseball. He had been really good at it and the memories of watching him play made my stomach churn.
Zander eyed her suspiciously. “So, Neil had an accomplice. That still doesn’t tell me why you’re here.”
I studied his black-and-white checkered bedspread and said nothing because I knew he was about to figure it out.
His blank expression turned into a grimace. “Wait . . . are you asking me if I had anything to do with this? You really are crazy. Look at me, Lela! I’m a freaking invalid. How the hell would I have done something like that?”
Shame weighed my body down. I felt like a colossal jerk accusing him of such a thing, but I had to know. “Maybe you had someone do it for you.”
Zander gritted his teeth. “Get the hell out of my house right now. I should have known better than to let you in. You’ve never been anything but trouble for me—all of you!”
“Lela,” Morgan said softly. Her back was turned to me as she stared at something on the shelf.
I stood since Zander had just kicked me out. “What?”
“Your name is carved into the wood here.”
I walked over to see what she was talking about. Sure enough, between two of Zander’s golden baseball trophies was my name carved crudely into the wood.
I turned to Zander, whose eyes were now closed. He looked as if he wanted to disappear.
I took a few steps toward him. “Why is my name on that shelf?”
He exhaled deeply through his nose. “I did that when I was like eleven, okay? Yes, back when we were kids I had a little crush on you. No big deal. I damn sure got over that a long time ago.”
That was news to me. Zander had always been nice to me, but I had never gotten the impression that he liked me. Not in that way anyway. “Why didn’t you ever say anything?”
Zander rolled his eyes as if that was a stupid question. “Uh, ever heard of a guy named Coach?”
Morgan stood beside me. “It makes sense. Maybe that’s why he left you alive. Because he’s always had a thing for you.”
Zander grabbed a pencil holder from his desk and flung it against the wall, spilling pens and pencils everywhere. “I told you, I had nothing to do with that. Maybe it wasn’t the saddest day of my life when they were killed, but I didn’t do it. Now get the hell out of my house!”
“Girls, it’s time to go.”
I jumped at the sound of the gruff voice. Mr. Finley stood in the doorway looking worried. There was nothing left to do or say, so we left.
Once we were back in the car, I could breathe again. “That was bad, really bad, but at least we can cross him off the list.”
“No, we can’t.” Morgan reached into her purse and pulled out several pieces of paper fo
lded into hexagons. “I found these underneath one of his trophies. Can we go to the cops now?”
The next day Shana texted me to meet her at her house because everyone was going to hang out at her pool. Morgan would be coming by later because she had a dentist appointment. Ever since our visit with Zander, she had been more on edge than usual and I couldn’t blame her.
I had talked her into not going to the cops. If Zander were involved in this, we were going to need a lot more evidence than a few folded pieces of paper.
Shana, Peyton, and I lay out on pool chairs sipping raspberry iced tea while watching Toby do belly flops in the pool.
I allowed my mind to drift as my skin soaked up the sun. It was one of the few times I’d felt fully relaxed since that awful night.
Shana and Peyton, who were sitting on either side of me, were playing a guessing game—Shana was trying to get Peyton to tell her which cheerleader was pregnant, but I zoned them out.
I had almost drifted off to sleep when Morgan stepped through the sliding glass door in her black and white polka dot bikini. “Hey, girls!”
She ran over and exchanged air kisses with Shana and Peyton. She knew I didn’t do that sort of thing but she wrapped her arms around my neck, pulling me into a hug.
Shana and Peyton skipped inside to make sandwiches for everyone while Morgan sat on the edge of my chair so I could rub sun tan lotion on her back.
I squeezed the cool lotion onto my palm. “I owe you an apology. I thought I would hate hanging out with these guys but it’s pretty nice.”
Morgan turned to me. “Isn’t it? I mean, it’s so cool and relaxed. We just get together and hang out. There’s no worries about possibly killing yourself doing stupid challenges or having to impress anyone.”
That comment stabbed like a knife to my throat. I jumped up so quickly the pool chair almost tipped over from the imbalance. Morgan had to hop up to keep from landing on the ground.
I glared at her. “Seriously? If you didn’t want to hang out with us, you didn’t have to. No one forced you to do anything and you could have quit at any time. You wanted to be a part of us so bad.”