Andy Squared

by Jennifer Lavoie

  “That’s a relief to hear.”

  “Just go easy on her. This hasn’t been easy for her. I know,” he said, holding up his hand to cut Andrew off. “I know it’s not easy for you, either. And I’m aware it’s not right what she did. But think of how your sister feels too, okay? Just think about it. Dinner will be ready soon.”

  He left a moment later and Andrew sat down on the edge of his bed, alone. The heater in the bedroom had been turned on, so it was comfortably warm, but not as warm as Ryder’s had been, and he missed it already. He stood to turn up the thermostat and then sat back down again. A minute later he tore through his bag, sorting clothes to wash. Restless energy filled him. Andrea was just down the hall and he needed to talk to her, but he stalled for time as he tried to collect his thoughts. He wanted to talk before dinner, but he knew waiting until afterward would be better in the long run. But what would he say to her?

  *

  Andrea came out of her room after their father’s third call up to her. While Mom pulled the roast out of the oven and cut it, the two of them sat in awkward silence: Andrew tapping his fingers on the table, Andrea fidgeting nervously.

  By the time the roast was cut and ready to eat, Andrew felt sick. He poked idly at his food, only taking a few bites. Andrea barely touched hers as well. The normal banter that filled the dinner table was absent and a pervasive silence filled the air.

  “I’m sorry,” Andrew and Andrea said, suddenly and simultaneously, both trying to break the tension. They stared at each other from across the table for a moment and then burst out laughing. It took only that second for the tension to dissipate, and their parents smiled with relief.

  The two of them ate quickly and cleared their plates. Without saying a word to each other, they both put on their boots, jackets, and gloves and went outside.

  The sun had already set, but the moon in the cloudless sky reflected off the snow, making it bright enough to see. They trudged up the hill through the drifts, heading toward the quiet of the barn. The only sound Andrew could hear came from their boots tramping down a path and the soft puffs of their breath. Everything else was muffled from the snow.

  Andrew stopped in front of the pond and looked at the covered surface. Ice had frozen it over and the snow built up on top of it. There were a few spots where animals must have stepped on it and broken through because nothing obstructed the view of the black, frigid water. The trees were completely bare and offered a clear view of the sky above them. When the twins walked to the other edge of the pond, they stopped and stared at the pile of lumber lying beneath a tree. Most of it had been buried under drifts of snow, but pieces of it were poking through.

  “It came down,” Andrew said, surprise and disappointment in his voice.

  “Yeah. Dad thinks it was the storm on New Year’s Eve that did it,” she said, digging a hole in the snow with her boot. “We thought we heard something outside but he didn’t bother to check until he came up a few days later to get something out of the barn.”

  “Oh. I always hoped we’d fix it up, you know?” Andrew said softly.

  “Yeah, but we outgrew that a long time ago. We don’t have time for games like that anymore. Even if we had fixed it and made it stronger, it wouldn’t have been big enough for the two of us.”

  “Funny, it seemed bigger than that when we were kids.”

  “Everything seems bigger when you’re a kid,” Andrea said quietly. They stared at the pile for a length of time, standing in silence. Andrew remembered how they had wanted to sleep out there one time when they were nine, and their mother said no. Their father talked her into it, saying they would be fine in the tree. The twins hadn’t made it more than five minutes before they scrambled down and begged to come back inside. Andrew smiled at the memory and laughed softly.

  “What?” Andrea asked, turning to look at him.

  Andrew recalled the memory to Andrea and asked, “Do you think Dad said yes because he knew we wouldn’t last out here by ourselves?”

  Andrea thought about it for a moment, looking up at the sky. “Hmm…you know, you’re probably right.”

  They shared a laugh and then turned to find the log they often used as a bench. The snow covered it and Andrew had to brush it off before they sat down. It was cold even through his jeans, and Andrea huddled against him to keep warmer.

  “So…you’re really serious about Ryder?” Andrea finally asked as they stared down at their house.

  Andrew could see the lights on in nearly every room downstairs and the glow from the fire. Smoke poured out of the chimney, curling up into the sky before it dissipated. “Yeah, I am.”

  “And you like him a lot?”

  Andrew nodded. “A lot.”

  “And…he likes you, too?”

  “Of course.”

  “The same amount?” she asked.

  “Andrea…”

  “Just answer the question.”

  Andrew sighed, exasperated, and answered, “Yes, the same amount.”

  “What’s it like? Being with him? How did you know?”

  “I don’t know,” Andrew replied. “It just happened. I guess when I started hanging out with him more. I just felt…different around him. And every time I looked at him I got all nervous and jittery. When he came out to me, it didn’t seem so bad. Then one day…” Andrew shrugged, not sure of how much to tell her or how she would react to it. It felt weird to have gone from fighting to talking about personal details.

  “One day what?”

  “One day he asked me if I’d ever kissed a guy before, and when I said no, he kissed me. I wasn’t disgusted at all. It felt…right. I don’t know how else to say it. It just felt like something that was supposed to happen.”

  “So what, you were dating right after that?” Andrea asked.

  Andrew chuckled. “God, no. I had to think about it for a while. It was good, yeah, but I was scared as hell. Look, Andrea, it’s not like I wanted to be gay. No one in their right mind would want to face what I have. But I am. I realize that now. I can’t change that. And I guess…I don’t want to change that. I like the person I’ve become.”

  “Couldn’t you like…try? You know, just to see?”

  “Andrea,” he said, looking at her with a warning in his eyes.

  She sighed. “All right, I know. I won’t say it again. I just wanted to check.”

  “I really like Ryder, and he likes me, too. And I’m happy for once. I don’t have to fake anything because of who I’m dating. Nothing is fake with Ryder, and that’s what I love the most. I don’t have to pretend anymore. I get to be myself, and so can he.”

  “When you put it that way, it’s hard not to be happy for you,” she said softly, reaching down to draw idly in the snow with a gloved hand. Andrew smiled.

  “Thanks.”

  “You’re welcome.”

  “Can I ask you something?” Andrew asked. Andrea nodded and he continued. “In the cafeteria yesterday. What made you stand up to Charlie?”

  Andrea reached down and grabbed a handful of snow, and compacted it into a ball before crushing it. “Going after you like that, there, was wrong. I never meant for it to get that bad. When I saw him with Nathaniel, and then heard him, I knew there was going to be trouble. And I couldn’t let him do that to you. I’m sorry I even let it get that far.”

  “I appreciate what you did. Really.” He smiled at her and gave her a small nudge. “I think we work better as a team.”

  Andrea smiled and murmured her agreement.

  “And with that out of the way…” Andrew started, looking pointedly at his sister.

  She bit her lip and looked down the hill toward the house. “Do we need to have the college conversation?”

  “Yes.”

  Andrea sighed and brushed snow off her gloves. “I’m sorry I forged your application to UConn. I know it wasn’t the right thing to do, but we’ve always said we would go to the same college.”

  “Things change. UConn isn’t what I want.�
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  “Don’t you like soccer anymore?”

  “I do,” Andrew replied softly. “But it’s not what I want to do for the rest of my life. I want to concentrate on my education, not sports.”

  “Don’t you want to go to school together?”

  Andrew hesitated and contemplated the question. “It’s not like I chose another school to get away from you. They offer more of what I’m looking for. And it’s not like we’re always going to be together, you know?”

  “I thought we always would,” she admitted.

  “Andrea, we’ll always be siblings,” he said, nudging her gently with his shoulder. “Nothing’s going to change that. We’ll always be close. But…I think it’s time we start finding our own ways.”

  “I wish we’d wait until after college. Going to UConn without you…is going to be hard. I’ll miss you,” she admitted and wiped a glove across her eyes. She sniffed, and Andrew wasn’t sure if it came from the cold or tears. He reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

  “Hey, college is supposed to be an adventure, right? Think about how much we’ll have to tell each other when we’re on break. And it’s not like we’re going to be across the country! We can visit each other on weekends if we really want to.”

  “You think?”

  “I know it.”

  Andrea sighed softly and leaned into his arm. He gave her a small hug and rested his head against her soft hair. It would be strange to be at school without her. But it was better for both of them.

  “I’ll call UConn tomorrow and withdraw my application,” Andrew said.

  “Shouldn’t I call?”

  “And what, tell them you forged it? No way. They’d probably take away your scholarship. Don’t worry about it. I’ll take care of it.”

  A short silence ensued.

  “I’m glad you have Ryder.”

  Andrew’s breath stilled. It was more than he’d hoped for. A boyfriend he loved, and a sister who understood. “You mean it?”

  “Yeah, I do.”

  “Well, I’m glad, too.” He squeezed her a little harder. “And I’m glad I have you again.”

  Andrea sighed. “Do you think Ryder will ever forgive me?”

  “I’m sure he will.” Andrew smiled. “Love you, Andy.”

  “Love you, too, Andy.”

  The two of them sat until the cold snow got to be too much on their backsides. They stood and brushed the snow off themselves and trudged back down the hill. When Andrew walked back inside with his sister, they were laughing with each other like they had a few weeks ago. They raced each other to the rear of the house, past their parents watching television in the living room, and ran up the stairs. Rather than going into their separate rooms, Andrea joined her brother in his.

  About the Author

  Jennifer Lavoie lives in Connecticut in the same city she grew up in. While growing up, she always wanted to be a writer or a teacher and briefly debated a career in marine biology. The only problem with that was she’s deathly afraid of deep water. Starting during a holiday season as temporary help, she worked in a bookstore for six years and made it all the way up to assistant manager before she left to take a job teaching. Jennifer has her bachelor’s degree in secondary English education and found a job in her town teaching middle school students. Along with another teacher and a handful of students, Jennifer started the first Gay-Straight Alliance at the school. She is also active in other student clubs and enjoys pairing students with books that make them love to read.

  Andy Squared is her first novel.

  Soliloquy Titles From Bold Strokes Books

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  Andy Squared by Jennifer Lavoie. Andrew never thought anyone could come between him and his twin sister, Andrea… until Ryder rode into town. (978-1-60282-743-1)

  Sara by Greg Herren. A mysterious and beautiful new student at Southern Heights High School stirs things up when students start dying. (978-1-60282-674-8)

  Boys of Summer, edited by Steve Berman. Stories of young love and adventure, when the sky’s ceiling is a bright blue marvel, when another boy’s laughter at the beach can distract from dull summer jobs. (978-1-60282-663-2)

  Street Dreams by Tama Wise. Tyson Rua has more than his fair share of problems growing up in New Zealand—he’s gay, he’s falling in love, and he’s run afoul of the local hip-hop crew leader just as he’s trying to make it as a graffiti artist. (978-1- 60282-650-2)

  me@you.com by K.E. Payne. Is it possible to fall in love with someone you’ve never met? Imogen Summers thinks so because it’s happened to her. (978-1-60282-592-5)

  Swimming to Chicago by David-Matthew Barnes. As the lives of the adults around them unravel, high school students Alex and Robby form an unbreakable bond, vowing to do anything to stay together—even if it means leaving everything behind. (978-1-60282-572-7)

  Speaking Out edited by Steve Berman. Inspiring stories written for and about LGBT and Q teens of overcoming adversity (against intolerance and homophobia) and experiencing life after “coming out.” (978-1-60282-566-6)

  365 Days by K.E. Payne. Life sucks when you’re seventeen years old and confused about your sexuality, and the girl of your dreams doesn’t even know you exist. Then in walks sexy new emo girl, Hannah Harrison. Clemmie Atkins has exactly 365 days to discover herself, and she’s going to have a blast doing it! (978-1-60282-540-6)

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  Sleeping Angel by Greg Herren. Eric Matthews survives a terrible car accident only to find out everyone in town thinks he’s a murderer—and he has to clear his name even though he has no memories of what happened. (978-1-60282-214-6)

  Mesmerized by David-Matthew Barnes. Through her close friendship with Brodie and Lance, Serena Albright learns about the many forms of love and finds comfort for the grief and guilt she feels over the brutal death of her older brother, the victim of a hate crime. (978-1-60282-191-0)

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  Father Knows Best by Lynda Sandoval. High school juniors and best friends Lila Moreno, Meryl Morganstern, and Caressa Thibodoux plan to make the most of the summer before senior year. What they discover that amazing summer about girl power, growing up, and trusting friends and family more than prepares them to tackle that all-important senior year! (978-1-60282-147-7)