by Ann Herrick
Keeley and I looked at each other with raised eyebrows.
"Honest." Todd crossed his heart. "What I was, was still totally ticked at Marcy and Brad. Just before I left, I saw them again, writhing on the sofa. I thought they were going to swallow each other's tongues. Anyway, by the time I put on the spare and filled the other flat using Marcy's bicycle pump I had calmed down enough so I wouldn't be careening around full of road rage."
"Too bad that deer wasn't more considerate," Keeley said
"Yeah …." Todd kind of laughed as he shrugged his shoulders. "Sivia. Some of the stuff I did that night … I was … being a major jerk. Sorry."
"Apology accepted," I said. I figured my knee to his nuts and Keeley twisting his arm had been more than enough punishment.
A bunch of kids came up to say hi to Todd. Two notable exceptions were Brad and Marcy, who actually had the decency to look embarrassed as they did an abrupt u-turn the second that they saw him. I don't know if Todd didn't notice them or if he just pretended to not see them, but he didn't react to their near appearance.
After the crowd thinned, Todd said, "See you guys around."
"Yeah. We'll see you this afternoon," Keeley said.
"Huh?"
"When we take you to Keeley's basketball practice." I used that quiet-but-firm voice that my Mom uses when she isn't going to take any crap from Russ or me.
"What?" Todd looked as confused as a lost puppy.
"What she said." Keeley pointed to me. "Basketball practice. We'll meet you at your locker. Right after school."
"I know Lona has cheer practice then," I said. "So don't be late."
"Okay, okay," Todd said. He raised a hand in surrender. "It's not as if my social life is full, anyway."
"Good," Keeley said.
"He means, good that you're coming," I added. "Not good that you don't have a social life."
"Right." Todd did that finger-pistol-pointing thing. "See ya."
"Bye," I said. As Todd met up with Lona and disappeared around the corner, I noticed Brad buzzing around Marcy at her locker. I guess he was officially the new Prince Consort to the Queen Bee. Funny, but it didn't bother me. I said to Keeley, "What a weird day this has been."
"Yeah," he said. "I haven't had two seconds to talk you alone—"
The bell rang.
"Yikes! We'd better go," I said. We zipped along under the watchful eye of Mr. Whipple and made it to class just on time.
It turned out to be cookie day in Holiday Cooking. Keeley and I were put into separate groups; he in Valentine cookies, me in Halloween. His group was still cleaning up as I hurried to my next class.
We had a quiz in U.S. History, so it wasn't until lunch that we caught up with each other again.
"Alone at last." Keeley rubbed his hands together.
"In a room with four hundred other starving people." I inhaled the aroma of my spaghetti and French bread.
"All right," Keeley said. "Technically we're not alone, but—"
"Hi, guys!" Ilana said. Gavin was with her. "Hooray for spaghetti day!"
"Whoopee," Keeley said, looking positively not enthusiastic.
I wondered why. Usually he liked being with Ilana and Gavin. But as they talked on and on about the upcoming dance, how it might make money, how it would look good on their college applications, he looked absolutely ticked. Then it dawned on me. Maybe he didn't want to hear so much about the dance. I almost forgot that he used a wheelchair. Dancing was probably the last thing he'd want to hear about.
"Well, I want to see how the fifth-period art class is doing with the posters for the dance." Gavin wiped a dab of sauce off his chin. "We gotta go."
"So soon?" Keeley said with a tone of sarcasm that Ilana and Gavin didn't notice.
"I've got to hurry too, so I won't be late to my next class." I started to leave, but Keeley placed his hand on my arm.
"Wait a second," he said. "There's something I've been wanting ... trying to ask you all morning."
"Well?" I said impatiently.
"I was wondering ... I mean, do you think ...." He hesitated, which was unusual for him.
The bell rang.
"Yikes! Gotta run!" I said. "See you at Todd's locker after school!"
"Yeah. After school." Keeley said, his face looking kind of drawn and downcast.
I couldn't think what was bothering him, but I didn't have time to find out. I had to get to class.
Chapter Twelve
After school, I hung around my locker waiting for Keeley, but Todd got there first.
"I was gonna ditch our plans," Todd said, "but Lona wouldn't hear of it, so here I am."
I wondered it that was true, or if Todd for some reason, some macho deal or something, wanted to make it look as if he really didn't want to go. What did it matter? He was here. Thing was, where was Keeley?
Keeley wheeled around the corner and almost screeched to a stop. "Sorry I'm late. Whipple caught me, uh, hurrying, and it took me a few minutes to talk him out of writing me up. You guys ready?"
"Yes," I said quickly, before Todd could change his mind. "Let's go."
At first it looked as if Todd might not be able to get into the van. But after some twisting, turning and sliding, he managed to get settled. Maybe since he was willing to put all that energy into it, he was more okay with going to Keeley's practice than he let on.
Once we got to the gym, Todd and I settled ourselves on the front row of the bleachers, because that was easiest for Todd. He did sit turned so his leg would be off to the side and not sticking out onto the court. At first he looked, or tried to look, bored, but after awhile he seemed to get as caught up with the action on the court as I had at Keeley's first practice.
"Man, these guys can play," Todd said.
"Yeah, nothing holds them back." I hoped I didn't sound too didactic.
After one guy hit a shot from mid-court, Todd pumped his fist. "Woo!"
I was really getting caught up in the practice, when suddenly Todd said, "So, you and Keeley hang out, but I'm not sure you've actually hooked up. What's the deal?"
I tried to pretend I couldn't feel my face turning hot. After too long a pause, I said, "Me and Keeley?" My voice came out all squeaky. "We're friends. Just … friends."
Why couldn't I admit to more? Just let me disappear under the bleachers right now!
"Really? Whose idea is that?" Todd's gaze swept from me to Keeley to me again.
"W-what do you mean?"
"Don't you want to hook up with a crip?"
"Don't say that word! And, no! I mean, yes! I mean, that's not it!" Babble, babble! Why couldn't just say I liked Keeley—as more than a friend? "I … like Keeley … I do. It's just—"
"It's just that he has no legs." Todd didn't look angry. It was more like … like he was challenging me.
"That's not it!" The blood in back of my eyes pounded. "We're just friends," I barely whispered. What was the matter with me? Why did I say that? Hadn't I told myself to think about how I felt with Keeley when it was just the two of us, and not be afraid to feel the same way when other people were around? What was I afraid of? Why was I still holding back?
"Whatever," Todd said. "Keeley's a good guy. He deserves …." Todd looked as if he was going to continue, but then he just shrugged.
What was he going to say? Keeley deserves … more? Better? A girl who isn't afraid to be seen as being really with him? What?
"I wonder if Lona wants to be 'just friends' with me," Todd said, as if he was just wondering out loud.
Ouch!
"Maybe she's just being 'nice.' Maybe she just feels sorry for me."
"No! She really—" I started to say. Then I realized what Todd was doing. He was really talking about me. Maybe this was why he agreed to come to the practice—to find out if I'd put my advice-giving money where my big, fat mouth was. Sweat popped out on my upper lip. How could I explain my feelings for Keeley when I was still trying to understand them myself?
Suddenly,
a whistle blew and practice was over.
Keeley wheeled over to us, wiping his face with a towel. "What'd you think?"
"I'm impressed," Todd said, just as cool as if he and I had never had our little, uh, discussion. "You guys are tough."
"Yeah, lots of upper body strength." Keeley grinned as he held up both arms and flexed. "Seriously, even before you get your cast off, you could work out at the gym. I like the crank bike. It's like an exercise bike for your arms."
"I'll have to check it out," Todd said.
Todd and Keeley went on about various machines at the gym as we headed out to the parking lot. I just sort of hung back and tried to be invisible.
When we got in the van, I was glad Keeley played the Radical Conflict full blast. I really wasn't up to small talk. I felt a wave of embarrassment over the way Todd called me out about my feelings for Keeley. Then I thought—wait. What I should have said to Todd was that I didn't really know him, Todd, all that well, so I didn't want to share my personal feelings about Keeley with him. Yeah, that was it. It was none of his business!
So when we dropped Todd off at his house, I tried not to feel guilty when Todd's eyes met mine for a moment and he flashed me a look of challenge. Don't try to convince me of anything unless you can be honest, I could almost hear him saying. About yourself. About your true feelings for Keeley.
But all he really said was, "See ya."
We waited until Todd made it safely inside his front door, then Keeley pulled away from the curb. A couple drops of rain hit the windshield. Keeley stopped the Radical Conflict music and replaced it with soft music. "Alone at last," he said in a joking tone.
Only it didn't totally seem as if he was joking.
Suddenly, it started pouring like a fountain. Keeley turned on the wipers. The sound of the steady slap-slap filled the van.
Up ahead I saw Russ. He was running, holding his skateboard over his head in a hopeless effort to stay dry.
Keeley cleared his throat. "Um, I've been meaning to ask you—"
"It's Russ!" I pointed to my brother. "Stop! He needs a ride!"
For a second, all I heard was the slap-slap of the wipers.
Keeley sighed. He pulled over, rolled down the window a crack and called to Russ, who quickly hopped into the back of the van.
"Thanks, guys!" Russ said. "You saved my life. I thought I was gonna drown out there."
Keeley said something to Russ about not wanting him to drown, but between the rain, the wipers and the internal rambling in my head, I didn't hear exactly what.
Keeley pulled into our driveway, as close to the back door as possible so that Russ and I could make a quick dash for it.
"Bye!" I shouted as we ran for the door.
"See you tomorrow!" Keeley called after me.
The second Mom saw Russ, she told him to take a shower.
"But I'm already wet!"
"Cold and wet," Mom said. "Now go shower!"
"Need any help with dinner?" I asked.
Mom shook her head. "It's all in the oven, just has to finish cooking. It'll be ready in about fifteen minutes."
"Okay, I'm going to dump my stuff upstairs, then I'll be right down." I went to my room, dropped my book bag on my bed, and called Dad. Once again I got voice mail. Either he really was super busy or he was avoiding me. This time I didn't chicken out. I asked him to meet me at The Shelf Paper after school. I didn't explain. I figured he'd know I wanted to talk about softball. I just hoped he wasn't still so ticked off at me that he wouldn't show up.
Right after dinner I hit the books, so by the time I went to bed I hadn't thought much about what Todd said. When my head hit the pillow, however, it was all I could think about. How could I convince Todd that life without one leg, if it should possibly come to that, would not make a difference when it came to the important stuff, such as someone liking him that way, if I couldn't let the world know that I liked Keeley that way?
You do like Keeley, I told myself, and as more than "just a friend." Or you would, if you'd just let yourself. So grow up and just do it and let the whole world see it. Easier said than done, yeah, but so was talking straight to my Dad, and I was going to do that—thanks at least in part to Keeley. I fell asleep promising myself I would be open about my feelings to Keeley, and hoping that this time I would keep that promise.
* * *
The next morning when I answered Dad's knock at the door, I found him dripping wet from what was now a light morning rain. He jogged in place as he held a half-eaten energy bar in one hand.
"Hi," he said, sounding a little out of breath. "I've got to get in early at work for a departmental meeting, but I just wanted to stop by first." His eyes kind of narrowed. Was he angry or was it the water sliding down his forehead into his eyes?
"Come on in," I said, opening the door all the way.
"Can't. Just had a minute and wanted to say hi." With that, he bit into his energy bar and started jogging away.
"See you at The Shelf Paper?" I called after him.
He said something, but it was so garbled from talking and chewing at the same time that I couldn't understand him. I hoped that he said yes, because surely he would've stopped and taken the time to explain if the answer was no.
Even though Dad took off early, leaving me plenty of time to get ready for school, I ended up falling behind schedule. I got two blocks from home when I realized I'd forgotten my math book—with my homework in it. Even though I ran back, including all the way up the stairs to my room, and then ran most of the way to school, I was almost late. I didn't have time to stop at my locker. The rest of the morning was completely hectic. On the way to lunch, Keeley caught up with me.
"Hey, slow down."
"What? Oh." I realized I was almost running, so I slowed to a fast walk.
"We haven't had a chance to say two words today," Keeley said. "Have you been avoiding me or something? I mean, I did gargle this morning, so I know it's not 'morning breath.'"
I let out a small laugh. "Sorry," I said. "It's just that I started off almost being late for school, and I've been trying to catch up ever since." By then we'd reached the food line and the hunt for an edible lunch began.
In the cafeteria it was almost a relief to just sit and catch my breath as I listened to Ilana and Gavin babble on and on about the dance. By the time they decided they had to hurry off to check on how the art students were coming on the posters, I had pretty much gotten my breath back after my frantic morning.
"Alone at last." Keeley wriggled his eyebrows.
I had to laugh. Ilana and Gavin did have a talent for filling up most of the air space when they started talking about one of their projects.
Keeley placed his hand over mine. "Not that I want to hold you captive or anything, but I've been trying to ask you something for a couple of days now."
"So ask," I said, though I was distracted by the electricity of his touch. This was good, I thought. I'm sitting here in the lunchroom, with Keeley's hand on mine, and I'm … I'm okay with that. My bed-time promise-making was apparently working.
Keeley gave my hand a small squeeze. "Want to go to the dance with me?"
"The ... the d-dance?" I sputtered. I didn't know what to say. I took a deep breath. "I ... I—"
"Hey, it was just a thought," Keeley said quickly, brushing off the idea as if he were swatting a fly. But disappointment flickered in his eyes as he took his hand off of mine.
Crap! I was blowing it! I swallowed hard and tried to find my voice. "Look, Keeley, I—"
"You know, we do need to finish our paper for Holiday Cooking," he said right over my words. "I have to stay after school to finish some titrations in chemistry lab. But if you don't mind waiting a few minutes, maybe we could—"
"After school? I can't." My mind raced. I had to meet Dad, and to do that I had to catch the downtown bus the second school got out. "Look, maybe—"
The warning bell rang.
"If you can't meet me ...." Keeley shrugged, but
a glazed look spread across his face. He spun around and disappeared into the swarm of students clogging the halls before I could say another word.
Almost late to class now, I had to take off in the opposite direction to make it on time. My stomach churned. I promised myself I'd try to catch up with Keeley between classes and explain why I couldn't meet him after school. I'd also try to figure out what, if anything, I should say about the dance. It should be yes, I know.
It should be.
But would it?
Chapter Thirteen
I never did find Keeley before school let out. I didn't know if it was poor timing, or if he'd been avoiding me. I didn't have time to look for him. I had to run for the bus. I so hoped Dad would show up.
I totally was nervous about meeting him, but I sort of felt good about it too. I mean, for once, I was going to take charge of a conversation. I'd decided what I would say and I hoped that Dad would accept it.
For the whole ride, I rehearsed my little "speech." Maybe meeting in a public place would keep us on track and prevent our usual round of outbursts.
When I got to The Shelf Paper, there was no sign of Dad. I ordered a soda, grabbed a booth and tried to look busy fiddling with my straw. If I'd missed out on meeting Keeley after school only to have Dad stand me up, I'd—
"Hello, Sivia." Dad slipped into the seat across from me. He crossed his arms in front of his chest. He seemed to be waiting for me to say something.
"Uh, hi, Dad." Waves of acid welled up in my stomach, but I took a deep breath and plunged ahead. "First of all, you've got it all wrong about Keeley. He races, he plays wheelchair basketball. He's very much an athlete."
"Oh?" Dad shifted in his seat and raised an eyebrow.
"Yeah. So he wouldn't try to talk me out of playing softball."
"I see."
"And … and he's a nice guy."
"I'm sorry." Dad offered me an apologetic half-smile. "I should've remembered that you know how to pick your friends." He paused, then said, "Sorry I didn't return your call last night, but you didn't ask me to and, well, I didn't want to give you a chance to back out. Guess I should've had more faith in you."