The Way to Game the Walk of Shame

by Jenn P. Nguyen

  But this year was different. This year I had a girlfriend—god, that still sounded weird to say—or whatever the hell Taylor and I were. We weren’t exactly dating, but we were way past regular friends. She was fun to hang out with. And one hell of a kisser. I wasn’t lying about that. That girl had the ability to get me hot within seconds. And I took extreme pleasure in making her kiss me in public whenever I could.

  Not to mention, Brandon talked less shit about me when Taylor was around, and Mom seemed happier because of it.

  Either way, I thought I’d surprise her with some flowers when I picked her up for school. Sort of as a thank-you for making my life bearable the past couple of weeks. Taylor was probably more of a pink-roses type of girl then red roses. Pink seemed sweeter.

  When I grabbed my keys from the front table, I accidentally knocked over Mom’s day planner. Little business cards and sticky notes spilled everywhere, littering the ground. Mom was a hoarder when it came to business cards.

  “Damn it.” I started stacking everything together when a letter caught my eye. A card with familiar handwriting on the front. Dad’s handwriting. To Mom.

  What the hell?

  I stared at the creamy yellow envelope, but the jagged handwriting didn’t change. My drawer was filled with loads of letters from him when he was in jail, or what Mom called his “work retreats.” I knew exactly where he was but pretended not to. As long as the letters kept coming. Then Mom married Brandon, and everything stopped completely. I never heard from him again. So why was he writing to Mom? And why didn’t she tell me?

  Even if I was somehow mistaken about the handwriting, his name was right there. James McKinley, 5251 Alba Road, Destin, Florida.

  Why did she say she thought he was “somewhere in Florida”? His address was right there. She knew exactly where he lived, and she never told me. Never mentioned a visit, despite the fact that she knew I missed him.

  My mind raced with unanswered questions, but Mom wasn’t home to answer them. Brandon had taken her away for some fancy spa day. I didn’t know if I wanted to know the answers, anyway. I just—I just needed to get out of here. To get away. I shoved the card back in her bag and stumbled to my feet.

  My head was still in a daze, and my stomach clenched as though I’d been punched in the gut. Repeatedly. But somehow I miraculously made it out the door and into my car. But I didn’t drive. Not yet. I cranked up my radio as loud as I could, not caring what song was on. I didn’t even know what station it was. My breath came out in a steady stream, and all I could do was concentrate on breathing until the noise filled my head and I couldn’t think anymore.

  My ears were still ringing when I finally pulled up to Taylor’s house. She was already sitting on the front steps, waiting. Her left hand tapped a rhythm against her thigh while she muttered something to herself. Probably cursing at me. A frown crossed her face when she spotted me. As ridiculous as it sounds, I was happy to see that frown. To me, that was the most beautiful sight in the world. At least I knew I couldn’t obsess about my dad while she was lecturing me.

  “You’re late,” she said as soon as she opened the door and slid into the passenger seat. Taylor heaved a heavy sigh before dropping her bag at her feet and clicking on her seat belt, all while still not looking at me. “And now so am I.”

  “Sorry.”

  That’s all I said, but her head snapped up to look at me as though I had poured out all my problems in that one word. Her eyes searched my face for answers. Shit. Damn her and her intuition. I gave her a wide smile, but she still didn’t look convinced.

  “It’s okay. It’s not like anything important happens in homeroom, anyway.” She carefully eyed me again before patting the dashboard. “Was Rudy giving you trouble or something?”

  “No.”

  Our conversation died down, and though occasionally Taylor attempted to cheer me up, she couldn’t erase my somber mood. At this point, I didn’t think anything could.

  There was always a tiny part of me that wondered if Dad hadn’t fought for us because he didn’t want us anymore. The fact that he was still in contact with Mom, yet never bothered to call or even write a postcard to me, made me wonder if I was the problem.

  Shit. It was just so much easier to blame Brandon.

  Taylor was concentrating so hard on figuring out what else to say that there were little frown lines on her forehead while she gnawed on her lower lip. Somehow, she managed to look like both a little kid and an old lady at the same time.

  Despite my crappy mood, I couldn’t help smiling at her. Something red poked out beneath her dark hair. What in the world … my fingers gently ruffled through her smooth hair and pulled out a single bright-red rose petal. “What’s this?”

  “What?” She reached behind her head and grasped my hand. The petal crumbled between our fingers. She squinted at it for a moment as though even she didn’t know why it was there. “Oh, Dad asked me to help him with Mom’s Valentine’s Day surprise. We sprinkled rose petals around her while she was sleeping. Until Kimmy stepped on a thorn and started yelling.” With a shake of her head, she laughed and dropped it in the ashtray between us.

  Roses. The grocery store. I smacked my palm against my forehead. “Shit.”

  She stopped fiddling with the radio and glanced over her shoulder. “What’s wrong?”

  “I was going to get you some roses from the store.” I shook my head. “I can’t believe I forgot.”

  “It’s fine. Don’t worry about it.”

  But it wasn’t fine. It only reminded me of why I had forgotten to get the flowers in the first place. My stomach tightened again as I gripped the steering wheel. My knuckles grew taut and pale, and I felt sick. Screw school. “Listen, I’m going to drop you off at the front steps, okay? So no one will see me.”

  “You’re not going to class?”

  I forced myself to loosen my grip and drummed a beat on the steering wheel with one hand instead. “No, I have some things to do. I’ll be back later.”

  “Is it that drug-testing thing again?”

  Although we’d only been “together” a little while, I had finally told her the truth, and she was pissed off on my behalf. Even though I didn’t care anymore, it was nice to have someone on my side for once.

  I could lie and say it was, but knowing Taylor, she’d probably weasel the truth out of me sooner or later. “No, it’s not that. It’s … complicated.”

  “Hmm … does it have something to do with your daddy issues?”

  I nearly slammed on the brakes. “I don’t have daddy issues.”

  “We both do. And yours are written all over your face.” She gave me a teasing smile and shook her head. “Don’t worry. I’m more screwed up than you are. My issues are all over the place.” Her hand motioned up and down her body.

  “Really? I’ll have to check that out someday.”

  She poked a finger in my cheek and pushed my face forward. “The only place you’ll see that is in your dreams. Now, keep your eyes on the traffic.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” I pulled up in the front yard and parked right by the doors. “If you feel the need to make up an excuse for my absence, don’t deny the urge. The more elaborate, the better.”

  “How about I tell people a dragon carried you off to its lair so you could be a nanny for its babies?”

  “As long as it’s a water dragon and not a fire-breathing one, then I’m good with that.”

  Her eyes narrowed, but she didn’t nag me about going to class like I expected her to. She just leaned closer—her forehead was scrunched together with worry—and reached out to touch my arm. “Are you sure you’re okay?”

  As okay as I’ll ever be. I froze for a moment, letting her soft touch calm me. When I felt semirelaxed, I let out a deep sigh and grasped her hand, holding it tightly to my body. “Yeah, I’m fine. Wait for me later. I’ll bring something back for us for lunch.”

  “Okay.” Taylor got out of the car, careful to close her door gently instead of s
lamming it like she usually did. “Text me later.”

  “I will.”

  As I drove away, I glanced down at the petal she left behind in my ashtray. I half wished that I had asked her to go with me. Even though I was pretty sure she wouldn’t, since she had a quiz in history later, she might have skipped if she’d known how much I needed it. How I didn’t want to be alone right now.

  But my pride kept me from turning around.

  * * *

  By the time lunch rolled around, I was back at school and almost back to normal. I didn’t talk to Mom. She hadn’t picked up any of my calls, and I sure as hell wasn’t desperate enough to call Brandon.

  And I was fine. There wasn’t anything I could do, even if I wasn’t. What was I supposed to do? Sit at home and pout and cry like a sissy until Mom came home?

  Instead, I concentrated on my surprise for Taylor. Since I had already dropped the ball and forgot about her flowers this morning, I figured I could get lunch for her at least. And as usual, my brilliance stepped up. Along with Aaron. He even cut fourth period to help me set up the surprise. Although that was probably more because he wanted to avoid our Spanish test than out of best-friend duty.

  I’d never done anything like this for a girl before, but it was kind of fun trying to figure out a way to surprise her.

  As I leaned against the cafeteria doorway to wait for Taylor, a group of junior girls giggled when they passed me. I gave them a wink out of habit, and one of them blushed. It was nice to see that I still had it.

  Finally, Taylor appeared with Carly and Brian. Their arms were all loaded down with art supplies and sketchpads. “’Bout time you showed up.”

  “’Bout time you got to school,” she quipped in response. She looked relieved for a moment until an irritated expression crossed her face. Scowling, she nodded toward my fans, who scattered into the cafeteria at the sight of her. “Friends of yours?”

  “You could say that. Jealous?”

  “Ha! You wish.”

  Despite her snort, I could see the pink-stained cheeks that she tried to hide. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and leaned in to whisper in her ear. “Don’t worry, I still remember the rules of our agreement. No screwing around, remember?” I glanced over her shoulder at Brian, who was pretending not to watch us. “Or is it you who needs the reminder?”

  Taylor rolled her eyes. “Whatever. Come on, I’m starving.”

  My arm shot out to stop her when she started to go in. “Actually, I was thinking we could eat outside.” I shot a look at the other two. “Alone. Sorry, guys.”

  Brian opened his mouth, but Carly just pushed him aside and smiled brightly. “Of course. It is Valentine’s Day.” She juggled her stuff in the crook of one arm and took everything from Taylor. “You guys go ahead.”

  I cocked my head toward her. “I always knew I liked you, Carly.”

  “That’s because I’m so understanding.” She let out a dramatic sigh and flipped her dark hair over her shoulder. “It’s both a blessing and a curse.”

  Brian rolled his eyes and scowled. “Whatever. Come on, I’m starving.”

  Taylor waited until they left before turning back to me. Her left brow arched up. “So why are we eating outside?”

  I wrapped an arm around her shoulders and steered her down the hall. “Because it’s nice.”

  “It’s pouring.”

  “I didn’t say the weather was nice. I just said eating outside was nice,” I said, quickening my step. “Come on.”

  “That makes no sense.” Taylor shook her head and hitched her backpack higher on her shoulders. “What is it with you and nature?”

  “You’ll see.”

  “Gee, you’re being so mysterious and—oh!” Her jaw dropped, and she stopped in her tracks.

  A long piece of clear tarp was draped from branch to branch of the trees outside. And beneath it, right in the center, was the long picnic table that Aaron and I had dragged over from the other end of the yard. It looked like a large tent in the middle of the yard. A large pizza box, along with paper plates and napkins, was right in the middle of the table, weighed down by a large rock I had found. Even the steady stream of rain falling from each corner of the tarp made the little shelter look more intimate and romantic.

  I had to admit, I was pretty proud of myself. Yep, I couldn’t do better if I tried.

  Damn, I was good.

  Ushering her forward, I used my hands to shield the top of her head from the rain. “Come on.” I didn’t know how long the tarp was going to hold, so we had to make it quick.

  Taylor didn’t say anything. She just followed me as though still in a daze. Her head whipped back and forth before she sat down. She didn’t even seem to realize that the end of her ponytail was wet.

  I opened the pizza box with a flourish and bowed like a waiter at a five-star restaurant. “Voilà! Made especially just for you, madam.”

  Her laughter practically filled the yard. She pulled the box toward her, and her eyes shone with tears as she stared inside at the large pizza, piled so high with mushrooms that you could barely see the tomato sauce and cheese. “Exactly how I like it.”

  “This is the first-ever mushroom pizza where there’s more mushrooms than bread.” I handed her a plate. “Everyone gave me a weird look when I ordered this. They made me repeat myself three times to make sure I wasn’t joking. One guy even took a picture of it when they were done.”

  “But this is totally worth it.” Taylor bit into her slice, and bits of mushrooms fell on her plate. She picked up each of them and popped them in her mouth. A look of ecstasy crossed her face. “Yum! It’s like I’ve died and gone to heaven.”

  “You have a pretty weird idea of what heaven is like.”

  “It’s whatever you want it to be.” She shoved another bite in her mouth. “So for you, it’d be a beach filled with girls and Rudy right in the middle.”

  I grinned. She acted like she knew me so well. Although the idea she painted did sound pretty good. “You forgot video games.”

  “Right, the zombies and aliens.”

  For the next few minutes, she was so absorbed in her pizza, it was like she forgot I was even there. I didn’t mind. I just kept watching her as I dug in. And I couldn’t help comparing her to the other girls I’d dated. A lot of them were used to doing what they wanted and played games with me. Like it was a challenge to keep me interested. Which it was. But Taylor … she could be happy with a dandelion or even a few extra pieces of mushrooms. And I never grew bored with her.

  Even though I bought a large pizza, Taylor was able to eat almost as much as I did, despite the fact that she was a third of my weight.

  She let out a satisfied groan and wiped her mouth with a napkin. “I’m dying, and I still want more.”

  “There’s still one slice left.”

  “Jeez, don’t tempt me. I’m this close to having you carry me to class.” She held her thumb and her index finger an inch apart.

  “We could still do that. I mean, now that our relationship’s old news, we have to do something to spice it up again.” I flexed my arms and grinned. “Even with the pizza, I think I can still handle you.”

  Taylor laughed and closed the pizza box. “I thought the point of us being together was to make the gossip die down?”

  Was it? Sometimes I forgot why we were pretending in the first place. Being with her was so natural. It was easy and fun. I almost didn’t miss the lack of bed action these days. Almost.

  “I have something else for you. Sort of,” I said, changing the subject as I pulled the packet of papers from my book bag and waved them in front of her face.

  “More?” She took the papers from me with a confused look. “But these are the applications that I gave to you…”

  “Except now they’re filled out.”

  Her brown eyes widened with shock, and she fumbled through them. “Wait, what?”

  I couldn’t help but grin with pride at her surprise. It was Aaron’s idea. Sort
of. I was going to get flowers with the pizza, but he told me to do something that was important to her. And the college applications just popped in my head. Still, I tried to play it off with a shrug. “I had nothing better to do earlier, so I figured why not?”

  Her eyes shone with excitement. “This is way better than roses. Even better than jewelry!”

  I rolled my eyes and laughed. “You’re really weird, you know that?”

  “I prefer the word special.” Taylor gave me back the applications with a huge smile. “So you’re going to mail these out, right? Like today? Right after school?”

  “Yeah, but that’s it. No promises after that.” I still didn’t know if I wanted to go to college. Hell, maybe Taylor was right and it was already too late. But if it wasn’t … it was kind of nice to have the option. Keep the door open, at least.

  She lifted her legs on the bench and leaned back on her palms. “I can’t believe you did all of this for me.”

  I shrugged and mimicked her stance on the other bench. “It’s not a big deal. It wasn’t that much trouble.”

  Her voice grew so soft that it was hard to hear her over the rain. “No, it is a big deal. It’s a huge deal. I—” She broke off and looked away.

  “What?”

  “Nothing. I just wanted to say thanks.”

  There was more that she wasn’t saying, but I wasn’t going to force it out of her. I doubted that I could. Not only because she was a girl, but because sometimes she could be one of the most stubborn girls I’d ever met.

  “No problem.” I glanced at my watch and frowned. Damn it. It was already almost time to go. How did the hour pass so quickly? “We should get back. Don’t want to be late for class.”

  “Nope, don’t want that.” She laughed to herself.

  “What’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. I just think it’s weird to see you worried about class, that’s all.”

  It was weird. But I wasn’t worried for myself. I was worried for her. I snorted at the irony and tucked the box beneath my arm. “Well, stranger things have happened.”