Secrets and Sacrifice: A Christian Romance (The Shadows Trilogy Book 4)

by Juliette Duncan

"Yes, but I wish you'd told me." Tears welled in the corners of her eyes.

  Grace stood and hugged her. "I'm so sorry, Bibi. Please believe me."

  "If only we hadn't gone to Aunt Hilda's." Brianna's voice caught in her throat and tears streamed down her cheeks.

  Grace closed the gap between them and hugged her. "Everything would have been different, but we can't change what's happened, and I'm prepared to face the consequences of what I did. And you know what this means?"

  Brianna pulled away and shook her head.

  "Aunt Hilda won't have anything over me anymore, and we can report those boys for what they did to you."

  Bibi's bottom lip trembled. "I… I'll have to think about that. I don't know if I want to go through it all again now I'm moving on."

  Grace squeezed her shoulder. "Just think about it?"

  Bibi nodded and then looked up. "Will you really be sent to prison?"

  Grace drew a breath. "Unless Niall can get me off. But I did it, so that's where I deserve to be."

  Tears streamed down Brianna's cheeks again. "I can't believe it, Grace."

  "I know. It seems like another life, but I can't live with it anymore. I have to hand myself in."

  "I'll be praying for you."

  Grace choked. To hear those words come out of Bibi's mouth was too much. The tables had been turned. God had changed her little sister so much.

  "I think we all need to pray." Ryan slipped his hand onto Grace's shoulder.

  "Good idea," Danny agreed.

  Everyone gathered around Grace and took it in turns to pray for her, even Brianna. Grace knew she was doing the right thing, and peace settled in her heart, slowly replacing the anguish that had threatened to overwhelm her. Whatever happened, God would be with her.

  Niall boarded the plane for the flight from Belfast to Inverness with a degree of hope. If he was able to help Grace, maybe she'd agree to marry him after all. He didn't really care what people thought, or if being associated with her damaged his career. He loved her, and that was all there was to it. Besides, with the information he'd gathered, he felt confident he could get her off. He couldn't get there soon enough.

  Grace and Daniel had agreed to meet him at the airport, and they'd go on from there to the Police Station.

  He still couldn't believe that Grace had been involved with terrorist activity. What was she thinking? And then to hide it all these years? And then to take the oath as a barrister? He shook his head as he gazed out the tiny window. What made her decide to hand herself in now? She'd obviously been hiding it well… in fact, she probably could have gotten away with it forever… if she'd done it, that is. He opened his folder and pulled out his notes. There was certainly room for doubt. He'd make it difficult for any jury to convict her, if it got that far.

  Before he could finish his cup of tea, the plane began its descent into the small city of Inverness. He should have been looking at the magnificent scenery, but only one thing held his interest, and that thing was meeting up with Grace O'Connor.

  Holding his chin up, Niall stepped into the Arrivals Hall and scanned the waiting crowd. He felt a little overdressed in his dark, tailored suit, but impressions were everything. He was meeting Grace as a client for the first time.

  Grace stood with a man he assumed was Daniel. As she lifted her hand in a wave, a ripple of excitement flowed through him. Grace needed him, even if she wouldn't admit it. As he stepped closer, his gaze travelled over her face and then searched her eyes. His heart went out to her. She was different. Gone was the confident barrister. Her face was pale, and dark circles sat under her eyes. She mustn't have been sleeping. Not surprising, really.

  Placing his brief-case on the ground, he reached out his arms and drew her close. His heart warmed when she returned his hug. "Good to see you, Grace. And don't worry… I'm going to get you off."

  Pulling away, she gave him a warm but slightly shaky smile. "Thanks for coming, Niall." Turning to the man beside her, she extended her arm. "This is my brother, Daniel."

  Niall took Daniel's hand and shook it. "Good to finally meet you. I've heard a lot about you."

  "All good, I hope." Daniel let out a small chuckle, lighting up his eyes which were the same as Grace's, mesmerizing.

  "Of course." Niall tried to be jolly, but he just wanted to hold Grace and talk with her, not with her brother. He returned his focus to Grace. "Are you sure you want to go ahead with this?"

  "Yes, I am."

  "Okay. We need to go through some things first. Can we grab a coffee while we chat?"

  "Yes, but not in here, it's too noisy. Let's find somewhere quieter."

  "Good idea."

  "I know a place," Daniel said.

  "Okay. You lead the way."

  Niall walked beside Grace as they followed Daniel to the car park. Niall raised his brow as they stopped beside an old van with 'Elim Community Centre' plastered over it.

  Daniel chuckled. "It's not quite a sports car… sorry…"

  Niall chastised himself. "It's fine, Daniel. I've been in worse."

  Grace drew her eyebrows together. "Have you? When?"

  It was Niall's turn to chuckle. "You don't know everything about me, Grace."

  "I guess I don't." Grace's expression sobered. "You'll have to tell me some day."

  "It's a deal."

  Daniel unlocked the van and held the passenger door open. "We can all fit in the front if you like."

  Niall motioned for Grace to go in ahead of him. He climbed in beside her. He longed to put a protective arm around her. There was something fragile about her, something vulnerable, and he just wanted to be there for her. Instead, he asked her about Brianna.

  "She's doing well, thanks to Danny and the others." Grace's voice lifted.

  "So it was a good move?"

  "Absolutely. She's a different person."

  He smiled. "I'm pleased to hear it."

  Danny pulled up outside a row of shops, one of which was Aggie's Bakery. A few people sat inside, but it was much quieter than the airport café. They ordered a coffee each, and Daniel insisted on getting some pastries.

  Once seated at a table away from the other customers, Niall pulled out his folder and opened it. "Grace, I need you to tell me everything. Right from how you got involved until when the bomb went off. The more you can tell me, the more prepared I'll be."

  She drew a slow breath and gave him a nod. "Okay, I'll start at the beginning…"

  Relaying the whole sordid story to Niall was hard, but Grace had to do it. She also had to tell him about Ryan. She'd seen the look of hope in Niall's face when their eyes met at the airport. The way his gaze travelled over her face… but her heart now belonged to another, and she'd have to break that news to him sooner rather than later. After she finished telling him what she'd done.

  She felt ill relaying it all in minute detail, especially with Danny listening. The meeting with Fergus, the elation she'd felt when she'd been accepted into the group. The challenge and secrecy of the bomb making classes, the sinking feeling when she realized what she'd gotten herself into. The nerves she felt when she decided to leave a wire loose. Vomiting into the toilet on her way to the bus stop to plant the bomb. Planting it… and then watching in horror as it exploded. It shouldn't have gone off. How had it happened?

  "There was another bomb, Grace. Somehow we have to prove that yours wasn't the one that went off. You need to give me every minute detail about it. And you need to be prepared to disclose the details about Fergus and anyone else who was involved."

  Grace gulped. She'd expected to be going to prison, why hadn't she thought about the implications? Could she betray Sammy, wherever she might be? And would Fergus come after her if she testified against him? Probably, but wasn't she a barrister, and hadn't she lived with the possibility of that happening with every case she prosecuted? Niall had done his homework. He'd raised her hopes… maybe she hadn't been responsible for all those deaths after all.

  "Okay, I think I've g
ot enough to make a start." Niall closed his notepad and drained the last of his coffee. "Are you ready to do this, Grace?" His voice was gentle, and his gaze as soft as a caress.

  Grace drew a long, slow breath and nodded. Now the moment had come, she just wanted to get it over with. To face whatever was before her. But she still had to tell Niall about Ryan. The longer she left it, the harder it would become. She could see the longing in Niall's eyes, and she felt so sorry for him. If he decided not to represent her, she wouldn't blame him.

  She put out her hand and touched his wrist lightly. "Niall, there's something else I need to tell you before we go."

  He angled his head. "What is it, Grace?"

  She swallowed hard. "I don't know how to tell you, so I guess I should just come out with it…" She swallowed again. "I… I've been seeing someone."

  The colour drained from Niall's face.

  Pain squeezed Grace's heart as a muscle clenched along his jaw. "I'm sorry, Niall, I really am. If you decide not to help me, I won't blame you."

  "I don't understand, Grace. If you couldn't be with me because of this, how can you be seeing someone else?" The hurt in his voice tore her apart.

  "It just happened, Niall, I'm sorry… I told him it'd be best if we weren't together with all of this happening, but he wouldn't listen. It won't hurt his career like it would have hurt yours."

  His eyes narrowed. "Shouldn't you have let me decide that?"

  Grace gulped as tears stung her eyes. He was right. She'd decided for him. She hadn't even told him why she couldn't marry him. Maybe if she had, he would have stuck by her, just like Ryan was. What kind of person would do that? It was all such a mess. Her chest heaved as her breathing grew more laboured. It was too late for them… she couldn't turn the clock back. Guilt and sorrow flowed through her. "I'm so sorry, Niall. You're right. I should have trusted you."

  "Yes, you should have." His voice was short and filled with pain.

  She squeezed his wrist. "If you decide to leave, I'll understand."

  He shook his head. "I'm man enough to see it through, Grace. But I have to say I'm disappointed."

  "I know. I'm sorry."

  He lifted his chin. "So, who is this person you're seeing?"

  Grace glanced at Danny. He hadn't said a word, which was unusual for him, but as he caught her glance, he sat forward and gave her a supportive smile.

  Grace shifted her gaze back to Niall. How she hated hurting him. He didn't deserve this. "He's… he's one of the leaders at the centre. He used to be in the army… and he was actually in Londonderry when all this happened. He was the one who said we needed to find out more."

  Niall straightened, his eyes narrowing further. "So you told him, but you wouldn't tell me?"

  "It was different, Niall. I had to tell him… I couldn't go through the same thing I went through with you." She squeezed back her tears. "You don't know how hard it was. I wanted to marry you, to say yes, but I couldn't. I just couldn't do it to you."

  He let out a heavy sigh. "I guess it's too late?"

  She nodded slowly. "Yes. I'm sorry."

  "Okay. We'll do this professionally, and I'll treat you like any other client." He reached for his brief case and stood. "Shall we go?"

  "Yes." Standing, she met his gaze and then reached up and placed a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I'm sorry, Niall."

  His eyes moistened. "And so am I. Let's go." Placing his hand on the small of her back, he followed behind her as she weaved through the tables now bustling with lunch time diners, to the door and then outside to face whatever lay ahead.

  Chapter Thirty

  The desk sergeant's eyes widened as Niall told him that Grace wanted to confess to a serious crime that had occurred fifteen years ago in Londonderry. He made a phone call and then ushered Grace and Niall into an interview room. Danny was asked to wait outside.

  It was like many a room Grace had been in—they were all much the same, cold and impersonal, but it was the first time she'd been the one being interviewed. The interviewing officer quizzed her and she answered all his questions. Niall had told her to be cautious with what she said, but she'd told him she just needed to be honest. She didn't want to hide anything. After hours of interrogation, she was charged with being involved in an act of terrorism and was remanded in custody. A bail hearing was scheduled for the following morning.

  Sitting in her cell after Niall and Danny left, Grace determined to be strong, but the reality of what she'd done sat heavily in her stomach, making her feel ill. What if Niall couldn't get her off? Could she survive in a cell like this for perhaps the next twenty years? Bile rose from her stomach and she vomited into the toilet. Wiping her mouth, she fell onto the floor and sobbed. It was too much… what had she been thinking? How could she survive in a tiny cell like this?

  Her panic slowly subsided, and she pulled herself up off the floor and sat on the hard, narrow bed. She'd known this would happen, but the stark reality of it was worse than she'd ever imagined. Inhaling slowly, she closed her eyes. Right now she needed to hear from God, to know that He was with her. What had Lizzy said? Learn to listen… be still before God.

  She bowed her head, resting her forehead on her upturned hands. Okay God, I'm here, and I'm listening. Please help me get through this, and help me trust You, regardless of the outcome. As she hummed the songs she could remember from the Sunday service, peace slowly filled her spirit, and although she didn't hear God's physical voice, she sensed His presence. He truly was close in times of trouble, when everything else was stripped away, and there was nothing else, just her and God. Nothing to get in the way. No television, no one to talk to. She was used to being on her own, but at least at home she had books to read, a television to watch, music to listen to. The silence of her tiny cell would drive her crazy if God hadn't been there with her.

  The night passed. She barely slept. Not surprising, really. The guards came for her an hour before the bail hearing and placed handcuffs on her. Not that she was a threat, but they didn't know that. Dressed in drab prison clothes, Grace walked between them down the hallway and to the waiting van.

  As she was taken into the court room and placed in the dock, for the first time ever she knew what all those men and women she'd prosecuted over the years felt like… and it wasn't good. There was nothing good about this. She scanned the court room for Niall. Her mouth went dry. Maybe he'd changed his mind. But Danny and Lizzy weren't there either. Nor was Ryan. Had they all deserted her? Her chest tightened. No, they wouldn't do that. Something must have happened.

  The clerk stood and walked forward, whispering something to the judge. If only she could hear.

  Moments passed. She'd be returned to prison shortly if Niall didn't appear. It was most unlike him. He was always on time or early. Never late. And then she recalled the verse Lizzy had suggested she memorise… "Cast all your care on Him because He cares for You." Okay, God, I'm casting my care onto You. I'm really struggling here… please help me to trust You. I'm sorry for panicking.

  Moments later, heads turned towards the door and Grace breathed a sigh of relief as Niall entered, looking very professional once again in his smart, dark suit. She caught his eye, but he didn't smile. He just met her gaze and nodded his head before he stood in front of the judge and apologised for being late.

  Danny, Lizzy and Brianna followed him in. Grace met each of their glances briefly, but she really only had eyes for Ryan, who brought up the rear. As she met Ryan's gaze, she pushed back tears of embarrassment. How terrible that he should see her like this. Her bottom lip quivered, and her breath stuck in her throat. But his eyes told her what she desperately needed to know. He was there for her.

  The four of them took their seats towards the back. The judge called the prosecutor to state his case. It was all so familiar, but so surreal… like an out of body experience, as if it was happening to someone else, not to Grace O'Connor, Barrister. And then it was Niall's turn. Grace's heart fluttered as he adjusted the buttons on h
is suit jacket. How many times had she seen him do that? He looked so smart, and as he addressed the judge, his voice was strong and confident. If anyone could get her off, it was Niall.

  Niall's argument for bail was strong. She wasn't a flight risk… she'd handed herself in. She was a lawyer, and she knew the penalties for breaking the terms of bail. Plus, there was reasonable doubt that she hadn't actually placed the bomb that had gone off.

  She got bail—Ryan put up the security. She left the court a free woman, but only for two months when her case would be heard in Belfast. What a spectacle that would be. Grace O'Connor, Barrister for the Department of Public Prosecutions, being prosecuted by her own department. No doubt she'd be relieved of her position as soon as she told them.

  Ryan walked on one side of her, with his arm lightly around her waist, and Danny, Lizzy and Brianna flanked her other side as they all followed Niall out of the court house to face the waiting media. Niall was the spokesperson, and he firmly stated his belief that Grace was innocent, even though she'd handed herself in. Microphones were flung in front of Niall's face as reporters bombarded him with questions, all the while, Ryan, Danny, Lizzy and Brianna huddled around Grace, protecting her from the gazillion cameras flashing in the crowd.

  Danny slipped away to get the van, and finally Niall was able to convince the media that he had no more for them. With his long arms, he shepherded Grace and her protectors away from the crowd and towards the car park exit where Danny was waiting with the van running.

  Everyone, including, Niall, climbed in, and Danny took off. He'd very smartly covered the Elim Community sign, so at least the world wouldn't know where she was, for a while, at least.

  Danny turned the van onto the road leading to the airport. Of course, Niall needed to return to Belfast—he had work to do. Work for her. Should she go back as well and help? But how could she leave Ryan? She leaned closer into him and gazed up into his blue eyes. No, she'd stay here with Ryan unless Niall needed her to go. Niall would do his job, and she'd pay him. It wasn't what he wanted, but it's all she could offer him.