by Leger, Lori
She covered her face and groaned. “It’s nothing to do with what he did to me. It only has to do with what I nearly did. That’s what haunts me.” She lifted her tear-filled gaze to meet his. “I’ve never spoken to anyone about this, Drake. Not even my parents … especially not my parents. And I can’t talk to you about it now.”
Drake ached for her. He could see how badly it haunted her, this past she kept locked away. He nearly decided to let it go, again, until he remembered something her father said.
“Are you sure your parents don’t already know? Your dad mentioned a letter.” The immediate transformation of her facial expression, from haunted to horrified, revealed he’d stumbled onto the key.
“What was in it, Annie?” He approached slowly, pulling her into his arms. “I’m begging you to trust me with this.”
“Oh, dear God. M-my parents knew about the letter?”
He nodded, waiting several moments until she had time to let it soak in before continuing. “Your dad went home one day and found your mother sitting in the middle of your bedroom floor, crying over a letter she’d found. You were already in college. Who wrote you that letter, Annie? Was it T.J.?”
“D-dad didn’t tell you?”
Her face paled to a shade he’d never seen on anyone with a pulse. “No, hon. He said it wasn’t his place to tell me.” He reached out and captured her face gently between his hands. “Please, Annie. I want you to tell me. I’m begging you to trust me with this, to help me to understand.”
Her eyelids drifted shut. Her head fell forward against his chest. He heard the shakiness of her sigh, prayed she’d soften. By the time she lifted her gaze to meet his, he knew he’d won this particular battle.
“It was a bad time for me, Drake. I’d known T.J. all my life and we were best friends when we started dating. After the first year, everyone sort of took it for granted that we’d marry. I know I did, but looking back on it now, maybe he never did want me.”
“He was an idiot if he thought he could ever do better than you.” Drake hovered somewhere between being thankful to the asshole and wanting to smash his face in. “I know he chose UCLA over LSU, where you wanted to go.”
Annie crossed her arms tightly. “He didn’t choose UCLA over LSU, Drake. He chose California over me, and I told him to go. I was young and still believed in the fairytale ending back then. I believed with all my heart that he’d come back to me. Especially after …”
She had to pause, take another breath before she continued. “After two long years of dating him and holding on to my virginity, I finally let go of it after senior prom.” She glanced up when Drake grunted in disapproval, quickly added to her comment. “He didn’t force me, or give me an ultimatum, or anything. I chose to do it.”
She looked away from him then. “I thought if I made that sacrifice, then surely, he wouldn’t want to leave me.” She shrugged, as though she were embarrassed by the whole thing. “I thought it was very nice, but he obviously didn’t enjoy it, because the very next day is when he told me we should split up. It seems our first sexual encounter was his driving influence to choose California over me.”
“Hello, Mr. Sensitivity,” Drake snorted, unable to hide his disgust. “And if all you can say about it is ‘it was very nice’, I guaran-damn-tee he enjoyed it a hell of a lot more than you did.” His jaw clenched at another thought. “Was he aware ahead of time? I mean, your plans for prom night—or did you just kind of spring it on him after the dance?”
“Oh no, we’d discussed it. He’d made reservations at a hotel in a nearby town and everything. We’d planned for it, taken precautions. But the worst part for me was after he left for California a few weeks later. It’s like he cut me out of his life. No letters, no calls, nothing. I lost my best friend and my boyfriend at the same time.”
“So, he waited until you put out on prom night then broke it off with you. Is that the letter your mom found? Is that how he did it? In a crappy letter?”
Her head fell forward. “T.J. didn’t write that letter, Drake. I did.” She faced him again, her cheeks now streaked with tears. “I wrote the letter to my parents.”
Drake shook his head. “Am I missing something? Were you planning to leave town?”
She shook her head. “My dad was right,” she whispered. “I was clinically depressed. T.J. left for California a few weeks after graduation and for two months I couldn’t function. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t talk to anyone about it. What was I going to say? Hey Mom and Dad, I lost my virginity to T.J. and he left me anyway? I couldn’t talk about it.”
Annie shook her head slowly. “I just … shut down. My parents finally had enough. They came to me one day and said how worried they were. I remember it was a Sunday and it was just after lunch. They said if I didn’t snap out of it soon, they’d bring me to a doctor for the help I needed. I asked them to leave me alone for the rest of the day. I promised them I’d be fine by that night.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and took a deep breath before releasing it slowly. “I went into my room and wrote that letter to them. I asked them to forgive me. I put it on my desk where’d they’d be sure to find it, and then locked myself in my bathroom.”
Dread sucked the breath right out of Drake. It washed over him, left him too terrified to utter a single word. All he could do was wait for her to gather her courage and continue. She finally did, her voice low, calm, the only sound in the room.
“I filled a tub with hot water and got inside. I covered myself with a towel so they wouldn’t have to find me completely naked.” She stared down at her hands and continued in a quiet voice. “I stayed in that tub with a razorblade clenched in my fingers. When the water got cold I refilled it with hot water.”
She stood there, twisting the birthstone ring on her finger. Drake thanked God that she hadn’t gone through with taking her own life a dozen years ago. He reached out to cover her hands, stilling them, hoping his touch would give her the strength to continue. He wanted her to put an end to the story, to put all her demons to rest.
“I lost count of how many times I did that,” she whispered. “But once I realized I couldn’t do it, I looked at my watch and it was nearly eight p.m. A fog seemed to suddenly lift from my mind, and I knew I’d be fine. I only cried once more, and not because of T.J. It was when I finally realized what it would have done to my parents if I’d gone through with it. How it would have devastated them to find me like that.”
She placed her hands on her abdomen as though she were nauseous. “All these years later and I still get sick inside thinking about it, Drake. That’s why I hate you calling me Annie Girl. T.J. called me that, so it reminds me of that time in my life.” She met his gaze then. “And now you’re telling me my parents have known all this time.”
He reached out, brushed his hand over her silken curls. “Why’d you keep the letter? Was there was a part of you that wanted them to find it?”
She shook her head. “I should have destroyed it. I only kept it to remind myself of what I was capable of doing. To remind myself not to let anyone ever get that close to me again.”
“But you weren’t capable of it, Annie. You didn’t even attempt it.”
“I did attempt it. I tried my damnedest to do it.”
He reached out for her wrists. “Show me the scars, Babe.” He examined first one wrist, then the other, passing his fingers over the soft, smooth area of her inner wrists. “You can’t show me any scars, because you couldn’t do it. You grieved over your loss for two months, but you finally decided he wasn’t worth taking your own life over. Don’t you see that?”
“I have scars, Drake. Maybe not on my wrists, but they exist.” She pulled her hands from his and placed them over her heart. “Here.” Annie’s gaze clashed with his, the look in her eyes hard with certainty. “And you’re right, Drake. T.J. wasn’t worth it. But I’m afraid you would be. If I could come so close over a high school fling, imagine what I could if I lost you.”
Drake
pulled her into his arms and hugged her tightly. “You wouldn’t lose me, Annie. I swear you wouldn’t. God, if you would just give me one chance to show you how much I love you.” He kissed her eyes, tasting the warm saltiness of fresh tears. “So does that mean you love me?”
Annie’s chest heaved with the sobs she tried to hold back. With a final surge of will power, she pushed away from him. “I couldn’t survive losing you, for any reason. I can’t risk it.”
“How do you feel about me, Annie? I need to hear it.”
She shook her head. “You know how I feel. Don’t make me say it.”
“No chance. I need to hear it from your own beautiful lips.” He leaned in to place a gentle kiss on her lips, smiled at the low, sensual moan that escaped her.
She pushed away from him and tried to turn away. “It won’t do any good to admit anything because nothing can become of it.”
He put both hands on her shoulders, keeping her in place. “So, you’d let something that happened a dozen years ago keep you from being happy for the rest of your life?”
“We might have six good months, maybe a year before you’d realize we’re just too different to be together. Then, once you left, I’d be miserable for the rest of my life.”
“But, you’re miserable now.”
“Only because you’re here. Always in my face, and in my head. That’s why I need to get this situation with J.B. resolved, so that we can both go back to living our lives normally. These feelings are only the results of two people being thrown together. They won’t last.”
“How the hell do you know that? Your parents lasted.”
She lifted her chin. “My parents are a special case. They were meant to be together.”
“So are we.”
“Sexual attraction isn’t love, Drake. You, of all people, should know that.”
“I’m not denying we have the sexual attraction. I’m only denying that’s all it is. I’m in love with you, Annie. I want to marry you, live the rest of my life with you, and raise babies together. I want it all with you.”
“Don’t you think I’ve made those plans before?” Her eyes were wild with frustration. “I had it all planned out with T.J. We’d marry and live in married housing at LSU. In this order,” she said, holding up five fingers and counting them off. “We would get our degrees, set up practices next to each other, build a two story home complete with four bedrooms and white picket fence, child number one, a boy, we’d name Thomas Jared the 3rd after his father and grandfather and finally—child two, a daughter, named Jeri Nicole. They would have been perfect children, and we’d have been the perfect family. I made all those plans, Drake. I dreamed all those dreams, for all the good it did.”
Drake shook his head. “You just dreamed and planned with a boy, hon. Let me show you how to plan a life with a real man.”
“A real man, a real love. All that means is that I’ll lose myself then have a real broken heart when it doesn’t work out.”
Drake lifted her hand and rubbed it gently against his face. “We’ll work out, Annie. I swear it on my life.”
“You don’t know that, and I can’t take the chance.” She pulled her hand back. “That’s my final answer.” She retreated a few steps, obviously to put distance between them.
“I want to work with the police and Nash to set up J.B., to lure him out into the open. I’m tired of hiding away like some scared animal. It’s time for me to go on the offensive and help the cops put him away. As soon as that’s done, you’ll have to leave here, and other than family functions, I don’t want to see you again.”
Drake grabbed at her hand when she turned to walk out. “Annie, you don’t mean that.”
All four foot, eleven or so inches of her pivoted to meet his gaze. “I damn sure do.” She pulled away and walked out, leaving him alone in the room.
Drake stood in the space he called his own for the time being, sick with disappointment, though far from ready to give in and accept defeat. One glance at his king-size bed made him more determined than ever to make her see how good they would be together. He’d settle for no less than a lifetime with her.
He entered the kitchen just in time to catch another snippet of Nash and Annie’s conversation.
“—it should happen at Red’s club. We could make J.B. believe that you and I have had a falling out. I could walk outside alone and he’d probably follow me out there.”
“Or be waiting for you already,” Drake said, his voice icy.
She turned to look at him. “Yes, maybe he’d be waiting for me. Either way, Nash would be there to protect me.”
“Where would I be?” he asked.
“You wouldn’t be around, Drake. You’re not a part of this.”
He smiled and gave her a slow nod. “Like anything you say could keep me away from you.”
Nash cleared his throat, sounding uncomfortable being caught up in their war of wills. “If you’re sure this is what you want to do, I’ll contact the Lake Coburn police to work with us. I think we should plan this for a week or so.”
Drake recognized the look of determination on her face.
“I think we should plan it for this weekend. The sooner we get this over with,” she met Drake’s gaze head on. “The better.”
Drake sat with Annie and Nash at the table the next morning, discussing strategies. This plan was getting too real, too damn close for comfort. Any minute, Red would be there with a set of his club’s floor plans. The sweet aroma of cookies baking in the oven should have been a comfort. It would have been if he didn’t know that Annie only baked when she was nervous.
Liam tapped a felt tipped pen on the pad in front of him. “The Lake Coburn PD, as well as the Sheriff’s office are willing to work with us, but they all agree we should wait a week.”
Drake gave a grunt of minor satisfaction at the delay, already planning a week’s worth of strategies to convince Annie they belonged together. He kept his gaze on her, trying to gauge her tension level. If her constant fidgeting and refusal to make eye contact with him was any indication, it was off the damn charts. When the oven timer went off, she practically dove out of her chair, and then nearly dropped the pan of cookies when the doorbell rang soon after.
Nash answered the door, returning with Red McAllister. As soon as Annie’s big brother entered the room, Lewis began to squawk his name until Red opened the cage door and let him climb onto his shoulder.
“Hey Lewis, old buddy, how’s life treating you?”
“Red’s home!” Lewis cried.
“Yeah, you missed me didn’t you? Who’s the man, Lewis?”
“Drake’s the man.”
“The hell you say!” Red looked at Drake and laughed. “I guess I’ve been replaced.”
Drake grinned at his brother in law. “I had to do it, man. My fragile self-esteem was taking a beating with that whole ‘prick’ thing.”
Annie snorted from her seat at the table. “Your male ego, you mean.”
Red grinned again. “Same thing, ain’t it?” He leaned over to give her a hug. “Hang in there, Sis.” He straightened, and turned to Drake again. “But, really. You haven’t been here that long. Big bird must really approve of you, if you trained him that quickly.”
“We have an understanding, and it helps that I feed him and fat boy, here.” Drake leaned over to pet Martin, who sat at his feet purring loudly.
Annie spoke from her chair. “He cheats, bribes them with food.”
Red grinned at his sister. “Ah, there’s the truth.”
“Yep. He gives them food I don’t allow them to have.”
“I gave Lewis pistachios, once. That does not constitute cheating,” Drake said, on his own behalf.
Red’s brow furrowed, as though he were confused. “I thought Lewis could eat pistachios.”
“He can have plain ones, but Drake sneaks him salted pistachios every chance he gets, when he thinks I’m not watching,” Annie said. “Lewis loves them but the salt isn’t good for
him and now he won’t eat them any other way.” She glared at the offender. “You’ve ruined my bird.”
“Jealous, Annie? I’d spoil you too if you let me.” Drake beamed, pleased at the resulting blush he’d gotten out of her. “Besides, I’m going to miss them when you chase me out of here … if you chase me out of here.” His gaze locked on Annie as she moved around the room making minor adjustments to her never-ending collection of photos.
Red grunted, an amused smirk breaking out over his face. “That’s not all you’ll miss, I bet.”
Drake met his brother-in-law’s gaze. “How’s my sister doing?”
Read beamed at mention of his wife. “She’s doing great, other than the mood swings and morning sickness, which seems to be worse in the evenings. My poor girl is thankful for all those saltines and bottles of ginger-ale I hoarded for her. But, man, she is growing absolutely more beautiful every day.”
Nash’s gaze softened inexplicably. “How far along is she?”
“Barely two months, and I’m looking forward to every minute of it.”
The bodyguard paused, seemed to retreat to some other time, then shook himself out of it. “Your first?”
Red nodded. “Hopefully not the last, though. She’s thirty-six and we want to try for at least one more after this one. The health risks are higher for older women, you know, but she’s healthy and is fanatical about eating right and taking her supplements.”
“It doesn’t hurt that she’s a doctor, either,” Annie added. “Want some coffee and homemade cookies, big brother? I just took a batch out of the oven.”
“Hell yeah.” He examined the plate of cookies that Annie placed on the table. “These aren’t Lewis’s cookies, are they?”
Drake leaned in closer. “No, but his aren’t bad either.”
“Dude! You ate his cookies?”
“I didn’t know they were his cookies at the time. They smelled great and I was hungry. She never did tell me what she puts in them.”