I cried when I put down the phone because he sounded so lost, but I wasn’t as lost as him because it was happening to me. If that sounds stupid or doesn’t make sense that’s because life doesn’t make sense a lot of the time.
Chapter Thirty-six
Climax
We’d been tipped off that there were going to be photos of Holly in the papers so we took our usual trip to get the early editions. Sure enough, there she was in all her pregnant glory. Pregnancy suited her, her eyes were shining but she was definitely fat. The journalists all attacked her; she’d been rude to them. As she had been rude to me on a number of occasions, that wasn’t hard to believe. Still, the sympathy lay with me, which was all that mattered:
‘She leaves for the hospital without a thought for the father of her child.’
‘Holly shows no remorse for what she is doing.’
‘She sticks two fingers up to the press as she flounces out.’
There was no evidence of her sticking up two fingers to anyone, it was a good story, and good coverage for us. The story was outlasting our expectations.
‘I can’t believe how well we’re doing,’ Cordelia said, as we read the papers from cover to cover.
‘I’m very pleased,’ I agreed. ‘I’m pleased with you.’ I had appeared on several television shows, in a major glossy magazine and had become a celebrity in my own right. This Afternoon were close to giving me a regular slot, there had been discussions and outlines, although nothing was set in stone. Cordelia was confident that we’d be signing a contract soon.
‘But George it isn’t going to last for ever. You might and your career might but this story will soon lose its appeal. When paternity is determined there’s not much left. Although if the baby is yours we can get some more coverage. Aloha! have said they will pay handsomely for the first pictures of the marriage-pact baby.’
‘Holly won’t let that happen.’ I could imagine her reaction to that suggestion. I felt bad at times about Holly and the baby. I hoped that the stress she accused me of putting her under was just her way of trying to warn me off. That was what Cordelia said. But I couldn’t stop pursuing my goal. Holly was trying to make me feel guilty and that wasn’t fair. After all I wasn’t the one who had no idea who the father of her baby was. This wasn’t my fault.
‘Let’s worry about that nearer the time. People love you, that’s what you need to remember and we can use that.’ Her usual exuberance was notably absent.
‘I am not going to let things slip away, we have to keep going.’ Fear of losing what I had was foremost in my thoughts.
‘George, relax, we will. I’m doing my best and so far have I let you down?’
I looked at her, sitting crossed-legged on the floor with all the papers laid out in front of her. She was sexy even when she was doing something as mundane as reading the paper. She hadn’t let me down; she had been responsible for where I was now. But I had to ensure I stayed there. I had kick-started my TV career but it needed developing. I needed more.
The public loved me. I received a huge number of letters of support via the shows and the newspapers. They liked me, not just the story, but me. I was recognised in the street. I’d signed bucket loads of autographs. That made me a celebrity. The thought of losing it all didn’t warrant thinking about. It would be fine. I would be able to build on my fame, but it would help if I was the father of Holly’s baby. That would give me so much more leverage. However, that was something that Cordelia couldn’t fix.
‘She will have to take a test at some point,’ Cordelia said. ‘Which could be good for us or bad.’
‘We’ll deal with it when the time comes.’ I leaned over and kissed her, hard.
‘George, this whole story is about you being in love with her, but are you really?’ She didn’t look at me.
‘What do you mean? Of course I am.’
‘It’s just that you say you love her but you’re sleeping with me.’ She still didn’t look at me.
‘I thought this was a mutually agreeable situation for us.’
‘It is, it’s just I wondered if you were still in love with her.’
‘I’m going to marry her and have a child with her, of course I love her.’ I hadn’t expected this conversation. I could have sworn that Cordelia looked upset, which surprised me.
‘I’ve got an early start, the person who came second in that reality TV show wants to talk to me about representation. I’m going to bed.’
‘Bed sounds like a good idea.’ I put my arms out to her.
‘George I’m tired, I need sleep,’ she snapped.
‘What is this?’ I snapped back. I hadn’t faced rejection from her before and I didn’t expect to.
‘I have feelings George, I’m human. I just wish you appreciated that a bit more.’
‘But I do. This works for us, you know that. You never believed it would be forever. I never gave you any reason to think it would.’
‘No, I didn’t but that doesn’t mean that I like it.’
‘You’ve never complained before.’
‘George, I’m falling in love with you. That’s it.’
Cordelia was necessary to my life for a number of reasons. Sex was but one, love wasn’t an option. I was stunned. Was she crazy?
‘I don’t know what to say.’
‘Then don’t say anything. I work for you and I sleep with you and I do my best for you. OK, so the situation is a little unorthodox. I made you famous on the back of your love for someone else and in the process I fell in love with you. Not something I expected or planned. So tonight, instead of bending me over and giving me one, perhaps you could come to bed with me and hold me.’ I looked at her, aghast. Why did all the women in my life turn out to be a pain in the ass.
‘I need to go, I have some things to do. I’ll call you tomorrow at the office.’ I stood up to leave, and could have sworn that I saw tears in her eyes.
‘Bye,’ she whispered.
‘Bye,’ I said, and left.
It was late and it took me ages to find a cab. I was annoyed because, as always, just as things were going my way, someone, some woman tried to ruin it. Julia, Holly, now Cordelia. What is it with women? Why do they appear to be put on the earth to cause confusion and disruption among men? I’d had enough and vowed that the following day I would sort out Cordelia. I was her star client, she needed me and she would have me, but on my terms.
The following morning I woke in my rented flat, alone, feeling wretched. Loneliness had just been banished, and I didn’t want it back in my life. Ever since I met Cordelia I had woken (even before we slept together) feeling positive and amorous towards the future, but not that morning. I felt flat and empty. I was a star and stars got what they wanted. That was the whole point. The only bloody point. Cordelia had no right to make me feel the way I felt.
I put on a tracksuit and went to my local cafe for a coffee. They knew me in there, although I hadn’t been much recently due to the amount of time I spent at Cordelia’s. There was a girl behind the counter, who had asked me if I was ‘George the marriage-pact man’, the last time I went in.
‘Can I have a large cappuccino and a poppy seed bagel to eat in,’ I asked, smiling through the tiredness I felt.
‘Of course, George,’ she replied. ‘I’ll bring it over, go and sit down.’ I liked that. Everyone else queued up and waited for their food and drink, but I got to sit down and be waited on. A few people looked at me as she said this and I smiled, my most enig-matic smile. Within a few minutes, the girl was at my table.
‘I’m at a slight disadvantage here,’ I said. ‘You know my name but I don’t know yours.’
‘Debbie,’ she replied, almost shyly.
‘Thank you very much Debbie. How much do I owe you?’
‘On the house,’ she replied.
‘Thank you.’ I got freebies, no one else did. It made me feel special. She smiled at me again, and I noticed her pretty eyes. The rest of her wasn’t bad either.
&n
bsp; As I ate and drank I read the Financial Times, then I got up to leave. I had to deal with Cordelia before I could deal with anything else.
‘Bye Debbie,’ I said as I walked out past the counter.
‘Oh, bye George,’ she replied. Very pretty eyes.
Back in my flat I considered how I would handle Cordelia. I didn’t want to end the relationship I was having with her but then if she was going to be difficult about it I had no real option. Without warning I thought of Debbie. How she looked as if I’d made her day by talking to her, just a simple thing of asking her name. That was what was wonderful, that was what intoxicated me. The fact that I was famous meant that I was so important to ordinary people. That was a commodity that no one would want to give up.
‘Cordelia Dickens,’ she answered her private line immediately.
‘It’s George.’
‘Hi.’ I heard her sigh.
‘We need to talk.’
‘The phone hasn’t stopped ringing. Two papers want your comments on Holly and the hospital thing. Another magazine has requested an interview. This Afternoon want you to host a phone-in for men on paternity issues, from a legal point of view, as a prelude to your regular slot. What do you want to do?’
‘Say yes to all of them if my schedule permits. No such thing as overkill is there?’
‘No, there certainly isn’t.’ I heard a bit of the old Cordelia.
‘When should we talk about us?’ I asked.
‘Is that necessary?’ I presumed she was embarrassed about her outburst the previous night. I hoped she was. Things could go back to normal then.
‘After what you said last night I think it is.’
‘Dinner, my flat, tonight?’
‘I’ll be there.’ I had no idea how I was going to win her round but I knew I had to. I had to ensure that she still worked effectively for me, and that was the only thing hanging in the balance. Sure I could get another publicist, but I wanted her, I liked her, I just didn’t love her.
Chapter Thirty-seven
She looked looked amazing when she opened the door. She was wearing a tight red top, a black pencil skirt and her trademark high heels. I was immediately aroused.
‘Hi.’ I kissed her cheek. Then I leaned in and kissed her lips.
‘Come in.’ She seemed a bit nervous, like someone on a first date, although perhaps I was imagining that. I followed her into the sitting room and plonked myself down on the sofa.
‘So what’s for dinner?’ I asked, winking at her.
‘Takeaway. I didn’t have time to shop for anything.’ She left the room and came back with two glasses of red wine and a bunch of takeaway menus.
‘I think Chinese,’ I said, taking the wine.
‘Whatever you want, George.’ I thought I could detect a hint of tiredness in her voice. We ordered food, drank some wine and talked about work while we waited. Then the food turned up and she set the dining table. While we ate we talked about my appearances. It was strictly business. But, I was so turned on by the amount of offers that I’d had, I needed Cordelia.
‘Come here,’ I said, leaning across the table to kiss her gently. She looked a bit taken aback but she didn’t protest. I did my officer and a gentleman impression; I picked her up and carried her to the bedroom. There I slowly peeled off her clothes and she did the same to me. I made love to her for the first time ever.
There was no roughness, no talking dirty, no commands. I moved slowly and she moved slowly with me. As I kissed her I knew I was giving her what she wanted. Which in turn, would give me what I wanted. Afterwards we lay side by side.
‘That was amazing,’ she said, her voice softer than normal.
‘It always is.’
‘But that was different. I love you George.’
As if someone had stuck a pin in my bottom, I sat upright. ‘Pardon?’ I shook my head, I must have been hearing things.
‘Surely that was what that was all about. I told you yesterday how I felt and tonight you show me that you feel the same.’
Fuck. Women.
‘Cordelia, I don’t love you.’ How could she not have known that?
‘What?’ She sounded shocked.
‘I love Holly, I thought you understood.’
‘Fine, then I can’t do us. I can work for you although I think we’ll have to stop seeing so much of each other. But that’s it.’ She was the consummate professional.
‘No sex?’ She looked angry as I asked this. I was the one with the right to anger. Where did she get off?
‘No sex. George, when we first met I fancied you, I never, ever, before in my life have slept with a client. Even though my job turns me on, I have never bedded someone I represent. Until now. And now I know that it’s been all about sex. Sure, great, great sex, but I’m not used to having feelings like this. I don’t know what to do with them.’ She sounded like a stranger, not the woman I knew.
‘You do realise that if we got together properly my career would be over.’
‘Yes, I know. But maybe when your career is established it would be different.’
‘It’s not in either of our interests for this to happen.’
‘Depends if you’re talking professional interests or personal ones.’
‘Cordelia, you know how hard I’ve worked for this. I can’t give it up now.’
‘I knew you’d say that. I can’t sleep with you again.’
‘Which is a shame.’
‘Yes it is, isn’t it.’ She looked pissed off, but had no right to be. I didn’t ask her to fall in love with me. I certainly didn’t encourage it.
‘You’re sure you can still work with me?’
‘Of course, this won’t affect our working relationship at all. George, would you go now?’ I got out of bed and dressed hurriedly.
‘Sophie will be e-mailing you next week’s schedule. I’ve also got some money to pay you from last month. I’ll call you as soon as I have anything else.’ Her voice had hardened, it was cold and unfamiliar.
‘Thank you.’ I left, knowing that my mind wouldn’t change. I couldn’t risk everything for her, especially as I didn’t love her. She must have been mad to think that I did.
I was seething as I hailed a cab and climbed in. I had to force myself to be nice to the driver. He had recognised me and wanted to talk about the problems he had in his marriage. I was relieved when he pulled up outside my flat. I was about to go inside, then decided that I needed a drink. I was frustrated. Cordelia and I had a perfect relationship. We worked well together and I liked waking up next to her. How dare she end it like that? Why did she have to do something stupid like fall in love with me. She didn’t strike me as the soppy type, which was why I liked her. Were they really all the same? Even the ruthless ones?
I went to a nearby off-licence and bought a bottle of whisky. As I handed over my credit card I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around to see Debbie standing behind me.
‘Hello,’ I said, surprised, but pleasantly so.
‘Settling in for the night?’ she asked shyly.
‘It’s been a hellish day.’ I smiled.
‘Tell me about it, my feet are killing me. I was just buying some fags on my way home.’ She sounded more confident since our meeting that morning. She looked lovely.
‘Do you like whisky?’ I asked.
‘I do.’
‘Want to share a glass with me?’ I asked, with an eyebrow raised.
‘That would be lovely.’
I let her into the flat and sat her down while I went to get glasses.
‘I know it’s a bit boring, I’m just renting it.’ I gestured around me.
‘I think it’s great,’ she replied. I handed her a drink and got an ashtray.
‘So, Debbie, tell me about yourself.’
She was twenty-four and worked in the cafe full time. She didn’t seem to be too well-educated, but then I wasn’t after her intellect. She lived round the corner, with a friend, that was pretty much all there was to i
t.
I then told her my story. My sad, sad story.
‘I can’t believe a woman would turn you down,’ she said.
‘Would you?’ I asked, teasing her. She blushed.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Well, would you turn me down now or would you let me kiss you?’ She answered by moving closer to me.
We had sex on the sofa and although it was far gentler than was the norm with Cordelia (Debbie wasn’t the type who liked to be spanked), it was still satisfying. Afterwards we had another drink and another cigarette.
‘I should walk you home,’ I offered. She looked hurt.
‘The press, you know. We have to be careful,’ I explained.
Which wasn’t altogether true. I wasn’t the one being followed by the press, and they only snapped me if they saw me out and about. But I had no further need for her tonight; I wanted to be on my own.
‘Of course, it’s just...will I see you again?’
‘How about your cafe, breakfast, tomorrow morning?’ I kissed her and she grinned.
I checked there was no one around then I walked her home. Her flat was only a five-minute stroll away. Dropping her at her door I pecked her on the cheek and made a hasty retreat.
Chapter Thirty-eight
Combat
It was the day of the scan. And Joe was accompanying me. I felt so nervous, like I used to the morning before I had to take an exam. I had to persuade Joe to be a part of this baby’s life, even now, because when we took the test eventually and it turned out to be his (in my hopeful moments this is what I believed), then I didn’t want him to be resentful because he had missed out on the prenatal experience. Also, if it turned out to be George’s then I would need him more than ever and slowly getting him back in my life was the only thing I could think of to ensure this. I had no control over the outcome, I couldn’t revise for this particular test. I couldn’t be sure if I would pass or fail. Because that’s what it came down to. If Joe was the father, then I’d passed. If George was, I’d failed miserably.
The newspapers were now boring me. I had managed to laugh at the coverage up till now (well some of the time). But I had become more and more detached; it was as if they were talking about someone else. Actually they were. Imogen still got so angry, not upset and hysterical, but angry. She wanted to go down to where they still camped and ‘give them a piece of my mind’. I managed to talk her out of it, by telling her to think of Jack. But now the media circus was being held in a three-man tent. A couple of resilient photographers stayed, according to the loss adjusters, in case anything unforeseen happened. Like me being rushed to hospital, in which case the photos would be worth a lot of money. The loss adjusters were quite friendly with the press now, I think they were going to miss them when they were gone. I was amazed that they stayed as long as they did. I never imagined that they would have maintained such an interest in me.
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