by Sadie Savage
“I don’t think you had much of a choice in the matter. People like the pigfucker are sneaky bastards, you know? They win you over with all this charm and pomp, make you feel better than you ever have before. Until they twist it all around on you. It’s not your fault. It’s his. And your dad understood you had to live your life. He was proud of you, in fact, for doing what needed to be done to keep your head above water.”
“I don’t feel like it was enough,” Michelle sighed. “I wish I could have seen him just one last time.”
“Wishing doesn’t help anything,” Blade said dismissively. “I have a thousand wishes, but you know what I get when I waste time on whining about them? A fuckin’ headache.”
Michelle scoffed. “You don’t wish you could talk to him one last time?”
Blade raised an eyebrow. “Your dad and I were best friends because both of us live in the now, Michie. We don’t waste our time on propriety and custom and all the other bullshit that makes hoity-toity people feel like they’ve got some semblance of control over their lives. He and I both knew that we were free, and the only thing that had any power over us was when our time came. And his did. He’s at peace with that and I think we should be too.”
Michelle considered this for a moment, before looking up at Blade with tears shimmering in her eyes.
“Do you think he would be mad at us? For what we’ve done?”
Blade sighed deeply. This feeling thing was just getting worse and worse. Maybe this was why he had never settled down before now.
“I’m not sure. Not mad at you, exactly. Me, probably,” Blade said, laughing softly. Michelle laughed, too, and Blade felt his whole body relax a little bit. Everything was all right in the world if Michelle was smiling.
“Maybe we can just start over,” Michelle said finally, standing up resolutely. “We can be friends and just friends. I think he’d like that.”
“Oh yeah?” Blade said, studying Michelle closely. God, she was beautiful. He’d never met a woman anything like her. it seemed like it was impossible to bring her down. Even after surviving being married to the biggest douche bag on the planet and going through her dead dad’s things, she managed to find the courage to smile. He was in awe, really.
“Yes. What do you think?” Michelle asked.
Blade grinned, relief flooding through him. It was exactly what he had been hoping for. It would give him a chance to redeem himself and prove to the both of them that he wasn’t just a piece of shit who was taking advantage of a vulnerable young woman. He was an honorable man. That’s what he would want Zeke to remember. And if his buddy was looking down on them at any point, he’d want him to be proud, not horrified or ashamed.
“All right,” he said, taking her hand in his and giving it a decisive pump. “Friends.”
***
“Listen up everybody!”
The MC suddenly grew quiet as Jo burst through the doors, a smile stretched across her face from ear to ear.
“I want you to say hello to my cousin Brett. He’s from out of town and will be visiting for a few weeks. I want you all to treat him like one of the family, you got it?”
A slender young man walked into the bar, smiling timidly. He didn’t look quite like he belonged there, but he wasn’t exactly out of place, either. He had defined muscle, that was true, and his clothes were casual, but neat. There was something about him that Blade didn’t like very much, though what it was difficult to place. Maybe he would figure it out once he got to know him more.
“Hi, everybody,” Brett said, his smile going from timid to charming in about half a second flat.
Blade watched, his heart surging with fury, as Brett and Michelle caught eyes. Maybe that’s why he hadn’t liked the guy. He was around Michie’s age. And that meant the possibility of competition.
Blade shook his head. He wasn’t supposed to be thinking of Michelle like that anymore. She wasn’t some woman he could just up and claim like that. She had her own life to live, and it had to be one that she would be able to live with, just like Blade. And that meant not getting involved with an older biker man, and maybe, just maybe, following up on the strange sparks that seemed to be flying as Brett and Michelle fell into an easy conversation.
Blade growled inwardly and left the room, heading upstairs as quickly as he could so that he wouldn’t have to see any more of the MC’s newest playboy in action. Little piece of shit, walking in like he owned the place.
But he was Jo’s family, which meant that, in a way, he was Blade’s family, too. That was just great. He had enough issues with the family he already had.
Blade sighed. It really wasn’t any of his business. He had made a promise to himself, and a deal with Michelle, not to get invested in her any longer. That meant not giving a shit whether or not the pretty boy in the crisp civvies was trying to get into Michelle’s pants or not. What man that age with a single cell in his brain wouldn’t?
It really wasn’t his place to care anymore though. Michelle was an adult and she was going to just have to learn to take care of herself. Even if that meant learning the hard way not to engage in conversation with ill-intentioned pretty boys.
Chapter 13
“Jo has told me a lot about you already,” Brett said, shooting Michelle an apologetic smile. “So please forgive me if I seem presumptuous.”
“What exactly has Jo told you?” Michelle said with a strained laugh. She didn’t want to sound as uncomfortable as the idea made her feel, for Jo’s sake more than for Brett’s, but she couldn’t help it. She really wasn’t ready to date again, and if this was Jo’s attempt at match-making, she was pretty far off.
It wasn’t that Brett was unattractive. On the contrary, he was handsome, charming, and very well-groomed. But those were all qualities that had initially attracted her to Alan, and if she was going to date anybody again in her life, she would know better than to be lured in by those physical things too soon.
“Well, that really might be best discussed another time,” Brett said, smiling sympathetically. Suddenly, Michelle felt foolish. Jo had been blabbing her entire life’s story to this guy. It was painfully obvious.
“So she is trying to set me up,” Michelle said, more to herself than to Brett.
“What?” Brett asked with a delighted chuckle. “No, actually that wouldn’t work.”
“What do you mean?” Michelle asked, suddenly very confused. If it wasn’t a set up, then why had Brett taken such a keen interest in her?
“Actually, I’m already taken,” Brett said. “And my boyfriend wouldn’t like it very much if I decided to follow Jo up on the offer to meet the potential ‘woman of my dreams.’”
“What?!” Michelle exclaimed. “What are you doing here then? These big goons would eat you alive if they knew!”
Brett smiled thinly. “I rather hope they wouldn’t. And if you could just keep this our little secret, then I would surely owe you one.”
“Of course,” Michelle said with a sigh. “So why did Jo want us to talk then? Doesn’t she know you’re gay?”
Brett laughed. “She knew before my parents did. The girl of my dreams thing was just a joke. Actually, there is something rather unfortunate that we have in common. But it might not be appropriate to discuss it in such a…busy…area. Would you like to join me for a walk?”
Blade suddenly appeared on the stairs, giving Brett a death look. Michelle frowned in confusion, and then realized with a sudden jolt of clarity, that Blade was jealous. But it wasn’t a good idea for them to be feeling this way, and if he was still jealous, that meant that he might still have feelings for her. Feelings Michelle just couldn’t deal with right now.
“I would love to go on a walk with you,” Michelle said. It was her least confusing option right now. if she didn’t go, she would have to go back upstairs with Blade again and risk having feelings, or maybe even a conversation that she just shouldn’t be having right now.
“Great!”
Michelle felt a twinge of
guilt as Brett laced his arm in hers and the death look from Blade seemed to burn straight through their backs as they headed out the door. Blade would have no idea that she and Brett were never going to end up together, but if he was already going back on his deal with her, then maybe he deserved to feel a little bit uncomfortable. Right?
“I just love the smell of the fresh air,” Brett said with a grin, taking a glance at the side of the MC. There were two police cars parked there that day, and he looked away quickly. “I haven’t been out to the country in ages.”
“Yeah, it can be a nice little getaway sometimes,” Michelle agreed.
“It feels like just yesterday I was a kid, running up and down mountains like this without having a care in the world. I’d give anything to have that time back again.”
“You make it sound like you’re a hundred years old!” Michelle said, laughing.
Brett grinned at her. “I’m really not, but I do feel a lot older than I am, for a lot of reasons.”
“Like what?” Michelle asked, suddenly intrigued.
“Well, although some of them are personal, I assume that is why Jo wanted us to meet,” Brett said, dancing around the subject.
They rounded the bend and came upon a comfortable hiking trail.
“Would you like to?” Brett asked, offering his hand out.
“Of course,” Michelle said. She had hiked the trail once with Jo before. It was a beautiful, serene little place. It would do her some good to spend some time somewhere peaceful.
“I’m afraid I have been in your position,” Brett said abruptly, once they were a safe distance away from the road.
“What do you mean?” Michelle asked. ”What position?”
“When I first started dating, I guess I didn’t have very good taste in men. The one I did find was very, very cruel. I ended up a victim of domestic abuse for a little over four years.”
“Oh my god,” Michelle gasped. It was almost worse to hear about someone else going through it than it had been to deal with it herself. “Are you all right?”
“I’m fine, now,” Brett said. “But it took some time. I think Jo just wanted to introduce us because she thought it would be good for the two of us to have someone to talk to. Of course, it’s a very difficult thing to talk about, so feel free to keep your silence as well. I don’t want you to feel pressured or anything.”
Michelle sighed. It was a heavy subject, that was for sure.
“I’m not even sure it’s really over,” Michelle admitted. “I keep expecting him to find some other way around the law. Instead of just convincing all of his buddies that I’m a basket case and that he’s the only one who can keep me in line, maybe he would actually manage to get one of them into the MC, or come himself and steal me back to that house…”
Michelle’s voice broke and Brett put his arm around her quickly.
“It doesn’t feel like it’s over yet because in a way it’s not. He’s still trying to torture you the only way he knows how. And he will until somebody puts him in his place.”
“Well nobody here can do that,” Michelle said miserably. “You don’t just beat the shit out of the chief of police without going to jail. Or worse. The police are trying to dig up all the dirt they possibly can so that they could all be convicted, just for helping me get away from that asshole!”
Brett pursed his lips, sighing deeply. “It’s a tricky situation. Jo has filled me in, some. But I promise you, it does get better. And she told me that the vice president of the MC has been in touch with a really good lawyer to fight on your defense. That’s worth something. It really is.”
Michelle nodded. “I just wish it was over already,” she sighed. “It has been dragging on for so long now.”
Brett nodded. “It’s going to be all right.”
A sudden pang of nausea welled up inside of Michelle and she halted abruptly on the trail.
“What is it?” Brett asked. “Are you all right?”
“I think I’m going to be sick,” Michelle said miserably, running a little bit off the trail and bending over into the bushes to vomit.
It was just like what had happened during the picnic for the Fourth of July. Except that this time, she had a witness. When Michelle was finished, she rinsed her mouth out with the bottle of water she had been holding when she left the bar and headed back to find Brett.
“I’m so sorry,” she mumbled when she finally managed her way back onto the trail. “I don’t know what’s gotten into me lately.”
“Maybe you’re pregnant,” Brett joked.
Michelle froze and the smile faded from Brett’s face.
“…which is totally fine if you are! There are a lot of options for you to consider. You can raise the baby, or not, without your husband’s help!”
Michelle shook her head, silencing Brett, who was now terribly flustered.
“Can I tell you a secret? And you have to promise not to tell anybody else. Especially Jo!”
“Of course,” Brett said, frowning seriously.
Michelle studied him, using an old trick that her father had taught her to determine whether or not she would be able to trust him. When she felt comfortable that he was telling the truth, she sighed.
“If I’m pregnant, the baby wouldn’t belong to my husband,” Michelle whispered. “It would belong to Blade.”
***
Michelle spent the rest of the night locked in her bedroom. Brett had promised to take a trip to the pharmacy in town to buy Michelle a pregnancy test, but he wouldn’t be able to bring it until the next day.
She agonized over whether or not she should tell Blade exactly what was going on, but what would it mean to him? If she was just a problem that he was trying to get rid of, then he might not even claim the child as his own. He might think that she was pregnant with Alan’s child or demand a paternity test.
Michelle knew for a fact, though, that she had refused to sleep with Alan for the past six months. He didn’t seem to care all that much and bragged every once in a while about the new forensics officer who had picked him up on his offer of steamy office sex, in the hopes of making her jealous. It was just another way to pick a fight with her, really, but she had learned better by then than to question anything that Alan did.
This time, there was nobody to turn to. Brett was doing what he could for her, but she still didn’t feel quite comfortable telling him everything that was on her mind about it. He was kind, and very helpful, sure, but Michelle liked to deal with her problems on her own. Asking anybody for help had always been a mistake, and her father had raised her to be independent. No, she would have to deal with this situation with Blade by herself. Whether she liked it or not.
Michelle stood up from her bed and walked cautiously out of the room, her hands trembling as she made the trek toward Blade’s door. The truth had a way of coming out and she would just have to try and trust that he would be a man about it.
But when she knocked, there was no answer. She rattled the doorknob, but it was locked, and she leaned against the heavy oak door and sighed. Either he was sleeping or he had left the MC. She would have to talk to him about it later.
There was no chance in hell of catching any sleep any time soon, so Michelle headed to the common room to watch some television. If nothing else, it would distract her from the terrifying events of the night.
She sat down heavily on the couch and suddenly started to cry. It was the first time she had really cried in years. Not since the third or fourth time that Alan had beaten her had she allowed herself to really tap into the pain of the emotions she was dealing with. Now though, it didn’t seem like there would be an end to the tears.
“Shhh.”
Suddenly she was being swept up into the strong arms of a familiar body, and she was overwhelmed by the rugged scent of Blade’s t-shirt against her face.
“It’s going to be all right, beauty. Everything is going to be fine. No matter what’s going on with you, it’s going to be fine.”
The tears continued to spill as Blade shushed her gently, kissing her forehead tenderly until her sobs turned to hiccups and she grew still in his arms.
“There you go,” he said, sitting her up and standing to retrieve some tissues from the bookshelf across the room. He sat down heavily, his muscular body sinking the couch around him so that she fell near him again. Blade caught her easily and smiled down at her. “I was wondering when you’d cry.”
Michelle was offended at first, as if he were somehow implying that she was weak, but quickly realized that there was nothing but concern in Blade’s deep blue eyes. She hid her face, both ashamed of herself for thinking so little of him and for wanting so badly for the comfort he was giving her to last throughout the rest of their lives. It wasn’t the way it was supposed to be though, so why was she trying to force it?
“Thanks for the tissue,” Michelle said dumbly. But what was she supposed to say? Hey Blade, I’m pregnant with your child! Now what?
That would go over well.
“You shouldn’t thank people for stupid little things. Thank them when it matters,” Blade said, nudging her chin with his fist. “Don’t want anyone thinking you’re soft, do you?”
Michelle shook her head but she was cringing inwardly. She was soft. Too soft to tell him the truth.
But she felt a surge of relief when she realized, she might not actually be pregnant. She hadn’t taken the test yet. This agony of truth-telling could actually wait another day.
Michelle stood from the couch, smiling wearily at Blade.
“I’m sorry if I woke you,” she said. “I appreciate you coming out here like that. You didn’t have to.”
“It’s nothing,” Blade said, looking quickly away from her. They shouldn’t be doing this. Michelle knew they shouldn’t. And the longer she stood there with him, the harder it would be not to. For the both of them. Not only that, but the harder it would be to keep her mouth shut. It would be better for them both if she knew for sure whether or not her worst fears were going to be realized. She didn’t even know if Blade liked kids or not!