Gudrun Frerichs
Girl From The Tree House
First published by Gudrun Frerichs 2019
Copyright © 2019 by Gudrun Frerichs
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.
This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.
Gudrun Frerichs asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.
Gudrun Frerichs has no responsibility for the persistence or accuracy of URLs for external or third-party Internet Websites referred to in this publication and does not guarantee that any content on such Websites is, or will remain, accurate or appropriate.
First edition
Editing by Ken Staley
Editing by Svea Berling
Cover art by Suzie O'Connel
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Contents
Disclaimer
Dedication
Preface
Chapter One
Chapter Two
Chapter Three
Chapter Four
Chapter Five
Chapter Six
Chapter Seven
Chapter Eight
Chapter Nine
Chapter Ten
Chapter Eleven
Chapter Twelve
Chapter Thirteen
Chapter Fourteen
Chapter Fifteen
Chapter Sixteen
Chapter Seventeen
Chapter Eighteen
Chapter Nineteen
Chapter Twenty
Chapter Twenty-One
Chapter Twenty-Two
Chapter Twenty-Three
Chapter Twenty-Four
Chapter Twenty-Five
Chapter Twenty-Six
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Chapter Thirty
Chapter Thirty-One
Chapter Thirty-Two
Excerpt
Thank You,
Acknowledgments
About the Author
Also by Gudrun Frerichs
Disclaimer
This story may triggers some people. Even though I have abstained from describing experiences of childhood abuse in detail, there are general references to abuse. Survivors who read this book might need to make sure they have access to supportive services and or caring others as reading the book could triggers personal experiences.
Even though I am writing about real problems trauma survivors with DID are experiencing in their lives, this is a novel, a made up story. For the sake of the narrative, my heroine has a high level of functioning. This is not always the case and often requires years of working with supportive health professionals.
Multiples usually have had horrendous childhood experiences that cause them emotional pain, overwhelming fears and anxieties, that may have led to unhelpful coping strategies. At no time is it my intention to minimize the need for compassion, emotional support, and care Multiples require whilst on their journey of recovery
Dedication
To Ken
In memory of a wonderful friend
and fellow writer who generously gave
and was available with his all important
literary support
Preface
For over twenty-five years I’ve worked as a psychotherapist with trauma survivors diagnosed with Dissociative Identity Disorder (DID, previously Multiple Personality Disorder). Most of them thought they were crazy while I didn’t see anything I could label as ‘crazy’.
When you read Elise’s story, you hopefully get a sense of my respect and admiration for people with that diagnosis. Over the years I’ve listened to believers, non-believers, and doubters only to realize that in all that verbal warfare the person at the center of the discussion got left behind. Often the condition is sensationalized and the focus is on the ‘dysfunctional’ behavior. I wanted to show the perspective of the Multiple and the courage and strength required to face one’s traumatic past.
Many Multiples are highly functioning and work successfully in responsible, demanding jobs. In times of stress, being triggered, or suffering additional trauma, Multiples, like any other person, dissociate more and their ability to cope can quickly reach critical limits.
A multiple once told me: The other day I told a friend of many years - he actually has experienced me at my worst when things were really hanging on a thin thread - that I am a Multiple. I couldn’t believe his reaction - he is a health professional and knows about DID - he just didn’t believe me. No way, he said. He even got angry when I insisted…I thought that was quite funny. Here I was, for years plagued by shame, thinking it must be written on my forehead that I am strange and odd - and people didn’t notice anything.
I invite you to walk for a while in the shoes of a Multiple, try them on for size, and hopefully come to see that Multiples are neither green-eyed monsters nor raving lunatics but people who need support and compassion.
Chapter One
Lilly: 17 November 2015, Midday, At The Funeral
I’m sitting in this cold, musty church, giving my best impression of the grieving widow Reid. I’m good at that… getting the job done, like a magician who saws a person in half and puts her together afterward. Only, with me, it’s no trick or illusion. What you see is what you get. That’s me, Lilly. I’m one of many who live in the body of Elizabeth Reid.
The poor girl disappeared a long, long time ago. I believe she’s dead. It’s us, the Tribe, who live in the body now. But nobody knows that.
The smell of incense and sweet graveyard flowers wafts over from the oak coffin sitting only ten feet in front of me, covered with white lilies. Somewhere, in the back of my mind, fear creeps up like a wildcat lying in wait, ready to attack and devour me. My eyes are glued to the lid expecting it to lift any moment and out steps Horace like a Jack-in-the-box.
Of course, I know he’s dead. I touched his waxen, ice-cold face and gagged at the smell of formaldehyde surrounding his body after the funeral people had finished preparing him.
I had to. I needed to know that I was free. Finally!
Am I devastated? I should be. After all, we’d been married for twenty-four years. But I’m not. We know now he tricked us to marry him. Back then we were too innocent, too afraid, and too young.
The death certificate said death by a heart attack. He had a heart? Horace? I never noticed. Neither does Helen. Have a heart, that is. She’s the elegant lady sitting next to me portraying the grieving sister of Horace Reid with a performance worthy of an Oscar.
“…Horace Reid was a wonderful man working tirelessly for the greater good of our community. He will be missed in Waitakere Flats. As managing director of the New Gateway for Young Delinquents, he took a personal interest in the young boys and girls who lost their way. We will miss his wise guidance and philanthropic contributions that helped young people not only here, but also in Auckland and even wider New Zealand.”
The elderly man giving the eulogy reminds me of an old, weathered, dried up pine tree way up in the mountains. He stares at us with intensity, as if he tries to burn his message onto our brain.
I get it. One of Waitakere Flats’ upstanding pillars of society c
ut down in his prime, at the age of seventy-three. Much too early. Everyone agrees.
Everyone except us.
In my head, I hear a whisper, “Don’t trust him.”
Thanks, guys, I’m on to it.
Horace was wonderful? Oh, sure, you would say so.
Took a personal interest? He was a disgusting pedophile like the rest of the NGYD lot. Even just thinking of the Gateway people brings my blood to boiling point. I could tell stories, but nobody listens to me. I’m just the poor, crazy wife who should be grateful that he took a shine to me.
A shine to me?
Horace and his sister Helen were friends with Elizabeth’s parents and became our guardians after they died. We were ten years old when their car went off the road and plunged eighty yards into a gorge.
We call them Elizabeth’s parents because they didn’t give life to us. We don’t know exactly where we came from. We like to think we came from Elizabeth. Nobody noticed when the angels took her away and left us to pick up the pieces.
After the parents died, we celebrated with M&Ms, marshmallows, and pineapple lumps and hoped this would be the end of the abuse. They should burn in that special place in hell reserved for parents who hurt their children. After a few months with Horace and Helen, though, we found out how terribly wrong we were.
They were worse than Elizabeth’s parents.
Horace ended up marrying Elizabeth eight years later, and that was that! It happened after one of the electroconvulsive therapy sessions we had. He gave us the choice of marrying him or being admitted to a mental clinic.
“I’m horrified to see you suffer like this. If you become my wife, I can protect you from being admitted to the hospital for further treatment.” Those were his words. Back then they rang true. Nothing scares us as much as mental hospitals do, not even Horace bloody Reid.
Elise, our front person, had tears of gratitude in her eyes when she said: “I do.” She was eighteen and he was a forty-nine-year-old geezer with a receding hairline. That’s how we got here, staring at the lid, praying it stays down.
Auf wiedersehen, Horace Reid. Geh mit Gott, aber geh! (If German is not your thing, that’s longhand for good riddance H.R.!)
From deep inside me comes the urge to kick the coffin and an even stronger one to escape and get out of here. It’s hard not to succumb and instead stay put. I swallow.
Shush, guys. Not now. I’m on the job.
The service ends. About time too. My insides feel like a pressure cooker ready to explode anytime. They’re playing the last hymn on some hidden cassette player. The church’s organ is at the repair shop. I have to fight back a giggle. Imagine, an organ at the repair shop, like a car with a malfunctioning clutch? I find stuff like that funny.
A stream of mourners files into the church’s foyer, like a snake slithering out of its hiding place. Most of them I’ve never met. Their somber faces from earlier now lean more toward a smile. Some even laugh as they greet each other. The social stuff begins.
Yay!
Helen stands beside me in her black business suit, shaking the hands of the long line of people. Sunglasses are hiding her eyes, and she presses a lace handkerchief to her delicate, chiseled nose. Huh, as if there would be a single tear or a drop of snot.
“I’m so sorry for your loss, Mrs. Reid.”
I only nod and let the next person shake my hand, always making sure I have my back against the large, leafy plant that fills the corner of the foyer. I hope nobody comes up to me from behind. We don’t cope well with surprises. I didn’t need to worry. People are wary of me since the word got out, we destroyed the office of the Sigmund-Freud-wannabe-doctor.
Of course, we didn’t destroy his office. We should have. He called us an abomination of a human being. Our Toby—bless the little guy—poured a glass of water over the doctor’s laptop in return. I thought that was poetic justice: calling us an abomination cost him two thousand bucks for a new laptop.
After thirty years in the mental health system, I’ve heard it all. We are certified crazy. Now, calling a mentally ill person crazy is no longer politically correct. I have my own thoughts about that. Removing the label hasn’t removed people’s attitude toward someone with a mental illness. I, for one, would rather be crazy than mentally ill, because having a label like mental illness is like a death sentence. There is no way back from there. You’ll never get rid of it. It follows you to the grave.
Miss Marple, a therapist we sometimes see when we can sneak away, said we are not mentally ill.
“If someone steps on your toes and you shout “ouch” that’s not a mental illness and doesn’t need medication. It’s a normal response to being hurt. Dissociating after experiences of severe trauma is a normal response.”
We love her for saying stuff like that. Of course, Miss Marple isn’t her real name. We only call her that because she’s such a clever sleuth. Her real name is Dr. Charlotte Macfarlane.
Horace and Helen don’t know we see her. They swear on their specialists. According to them, we need a special leash for our brand of craziness. And let me tell you, it’s a mighty leash, even if it’s invisible. Helen makes sure we never get away from it.
That leash is called Clozapine, Quetiapine, and Risperidone, plus a battery of other white, purple, and blue pills that are part of it. Some make us tired, and others give us the shakes. They are not designed to help or—heaven forbid—cure us. None of the pills do. They only keep us quiet so people can manage and control us better.
Not that any of the idiots at the mental health place Horace dragged us to showed a single original idea about what kind of help we would need. They could have asked us, but doctors don’t ask patients for their opinion in public mental health.
Don’t get me started. Over the last thirty odd years, an army of doctors has diagnosed us. According to them, we are paranoid schizophrenic, bipolar, borderline, a compulsive liar, and then some… They threw the complete book of mental disorders at me. Pick a disorder and I assure you at least one person diagnosed us with it.
Tell me how does one crawl out from underneath that mountain of bullshit.
“My condolences, Mrs. Reid.”
With reluctance, I shake the offered hand. I know this woman. She’s another one of these creepy NGYD ladies. I’ve seen how they treat young people in their care. I’ve seen the bruises and welts. Anger rises inside me.
Have you ever peeled the shell off a rotten egg? Know the feeling of your innards contracting at the stench? Something triggers your gag response and your stomach wants to turn itself inside out. That’s how my body reacts to everything NGYD.
Everything in me wants to shout, “I’m not Mrs. Reid. I never married that bastard.”
As a fact, I distinctly remember voting against that marriage. Back then my voice wasn’t strong enough. We weren’t a Tribe back then, only a disconnected group of souls trying to cope. Horace thought he married Elizabeth Seagar, but it was Elise who tied the knot with him.
Elizabeth, beautiful, sweet Elizabeth had been long gone by then. I think it was around her second birthday when she reached the end of what she could endure and disappeared.
We couldn’t prevent it. We were too young and none of us knew about the others. Elizabeth disappeared and nobody has seen her since. The helpers she’d created when things got unbearable—us, the Tribe—took over. It wasn’t easy to continue as if nothing had happened, but we pulled it off and, over time, got better and better at it.
Miss Marple said Elizabeth couldn’t have died because the body survived. She thinks she will be somewhere.
Well, we looked everywhere. This time, Miss Marple, you missed the mark.
Elise became our front person. Nobody noticed the switch. Elise started with a clean sheet and no memories of what happened. Not that it helped with the abuse. Nothing any of us did pleased the parents.
Trust me, we tried. By the time they died the body was ten years old, broken and scarred, and a small army of parts, the Trib
e, ran the show.
My name Lilly comes from my German great-grandmother Liselotte Schumacher, who came to New Zealand on a boat that landed in Hawkes Bay. She was a tough lady who didn’t take nonsense from anyone. From the moment I read about her in an old family bible, I wanted to be like her.
None of us likes being called Elizabeth. It evokes in us the smell of rotting, damp soil, the metallic taste of blood, the agony of crippling pain, and brings up a past we prefer to forget.
I hope this reception is coming to an end soon. My feet hurt and I struggle to suppress a yawn. My ears ring with all the sympathy people pour over us.
Poor, dear Helen. You seldom find a brother and sister so close and dedicated to each other. His death is so tragic and unexpected, such a good man, what a loss to the community.
It goes on and on like a hamster in a wheel.
And Helen? She nods and dabs imaginary tears from the edges of her eyes.
I, too, produce a few teardrops and let them roll down my face. And for impact, I’m throwing in the occasional bonus sniff. I know, I’m good at what I’m doing.
People feel sorry for me. Their whispers and comments float through the foyer, like the murmuring of the sea as it cradles a rocky shoreline. Such a hardship, widowed at forty-two. Poor thing, on top of being so unwell in the head. He kept her safe, poor Horace. He stood by her. What a man.
What a load of bullshit, too.
Nobody stood by me. People don’t know about Horace’s dark side. Being widowed at forty-two is just the beginning. We aren’t even forty-two. Yes, Elise thinks she is. I’m eighteen, Luke is twenty-two, Toby is five, Phoenix is fifty-six or thereabouts, and Sky? She hasn’t got an age. And that’s only a handful of us. We have a chance to start fresh and I’ll do everything it takes to succeed.
After shaking Helen’s and my hand, everyone is darting over to the tables that groan under masses of finger food and drinks. The air is getting sticky and hot, filled with the sickening, sweet smell of flowers mingled with a plethora of different perfumes. I feel nauseous from the stuffy air, the heat, and the whole shebang. If this doesn’t end soon, I’ll vomit all over the polished marble floor.
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